Phantom thief scenarios

The Adventures of PJ and Friends p.3

Shadow, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don't really think heels are for me

Joker, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

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Queen: You kill people for money?!

Shadow: I can explain!

Joker: And all this time I've been doing it for free like a chump!

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PaperJam when they realized they did something even more stupid than Joker: Well, well, well... if it isn't my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.

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PaperJam when they slept at 5:00 am: Schrödinger's cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that's both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

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Shadow: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand.

*Lightning strikes Shadow*

Shadow: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

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PaperJam: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

PaperJam: *punches wall*

PaperJam:

PaperJam: Take me to the hospital.

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Zack: *transforms to look like PaperJam*

PaperJam: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way like 5' 4. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

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Shadow: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven't decided yet' is typically a good response.

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Shadow: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?

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*PaperJam and Shadow are doing something absurdly dangerous*
Shadow: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
PaperJam, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

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Cocoa: WHAT'S YOUR TYPE

PaperJam: Shadow, I'm asexual you know that

Cocoa, desperately, as PaperJam bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE

PaperJam: Oh! B positive.

Cocoa: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

PaperJam:

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PaperJam: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just incase.

Cocoa: PaperJam, that's a coma.

PaperJam: Sounds festive.

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PaperJam: I can explain.

Shadow: Can you?

PaperJam: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

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PaperJam: I relate to Belle because she loves books and likes people for who they are!
Aura: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies

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Shadow: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Aura: Please never become a surgeon

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PaperJam, betrayed: You tricked me!
Shadow: No, I merely deceived you. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship which we do not.

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Joker: Things have actually been going really well with PJ. Our friendship is in a really good place.
Joker: Last week I said, "Did you know the weiner dog is neither a weiner nor a dog?" Instead of saying, "Shut up, Joker," she said, "Okay."