(This is an opinion of an individual, which may not coincide with the masses. The individual's taste, thinking, and way of perception will definitely be different)
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Cover: 8/10!
I can see a lot of blood and I hope it has some connection with the story. It's okayish in my opinion, there can be a lot of things to be added, like the soldier and the 'peasant' in your story.
Title: 9/10!
It's very ambiguous at first glance but as I read through the chapters, I feel we are getting to a point and a meaning behind this title.
Blurb/Description: 9/10!
Compelling at the first glance! But you can shorten it a little and recheck for grammatical mistakes like punctuations, long sentences that can be trimmed or can be rephrased, and wrong tenses.
Creativity and originality: 10/10!
Now, I am not familiar with the premise you are writing fanfiction on but I am very intrigued with your storyline. It is definitely something that I haven't heard or read before.
Plot and Flow: 18/20!
The story is at its baby stage so I don't really want to judge it this soon. But every chapter just leaves me craving for more. There is this perfect connection between your chapters and I don't feel left out.
I am looking forward to how Claire will deal with everything as her memory is gone, and what will happen once it is back. ( I hope it comes back – that will be a new twist).
I feel that you can also have a mystery as a sub-genre, especially with how shady Lee sounds to me.
Character Development: 8/10!
There is a lot left to explore about all the characters. I love storylines where one of the characters is a mystery to us, and we are exploring them along with the protagonist.
One thing that I usually dislike (and this is just my opinion), is of author's putting descriptions and peculiarities of their characters beforehand. I like to discover the characters of a story as the plot moves ahead, as they face situations, as they deal with their emotions, and dislike being spoon-fed peculiarities about the character. It takes away a lot from the story.
I am not, in any way, undermining the efforts you have out to find the fan arts. I think they would suffice, given the aesthetic part of the plot. But what you could do away with is the character descriptions, what they like and what they don't, and their past or their relationships with their kin. There is no mystery of animosity or a mystery of why the characters behave a certain way because you gave it away to the readers. Putting a list of characters is not wrong, but let readers explore them in the story itself.
Writing style, Grammar, spellings, etc.: 8/10!
There are few things that I noticed, that need to be edited and corrected.
- Wrong tenses
- You use the word 'as' a lot.
- Long, run-on sentences that can be rephrased or trimmed.
- Punctuation mistakes
- Missing verbs
- Misplaced words, or words not fitting in that context
- Typos
Other than this, I feel I little distraught over lack of emotions, or they not being described. The actions of all the characters are described perfectly, what they are doing, in what manner, I can picturize it perfectly, but there is a void of emotions. I would like you to explore that a bit.
The dialogues feel very formal and it just adds to the plot – I can feel the nervousness Claire must be feeling with staying with a man she barely knows (she is getting to know about his past from other people) and has to obey him.
Genre relevance: 9/10!
I am not very familiar with the fandom, so I don't think I would be a great judge of this point. But, I can assure you that this is a good mystery plot. I haven't seen much of adventure yet, but again, this is a baby story and I feel it's on its way.
Reader enjoyment and Communication with the readers: 8/10!
With only minor bumps on the road, this is a good and refreshing read.
Overall: 87/100
I once again praise you for all the efforts you have put in to beautify and make it eye-pleasing to the readers. From banners to the fan arts to the songs, a good sense of aesthetics. It is definitely something I am looking forward to reading.
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