I would have missed you | Merluca

Chapter 10

A few days later

The past few days they had tried to find a new routine with being back at work again and now staying at Andrew's place since they still had to quarantine away from their families. Meredith had stayed on the couch, even though Andrew tried to offer her to sleep in his bed and he would take the couch instead. And he knew that even though they were able to bring down all these walls and fears step by step, there was that one thing that held Meredith back from allowing herself to let herself go in what they have completely. And he had a suspicion what it could be, but he wished she would talk to him to know what exactly scared her, to know if he could do something against it or just try to find a way together. But she had asked for time and he wanted to give that to her.

But today he noticed that she was more distant again, and as much as he wanted to give her time, he wanted to help if he could because she wasn't alone anymore if she didn't want to be.

They had just gotten home. Meredith was in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of water when he saw her with her thoughts in her own world again.

"You're very quiet today..." Andrew started softly, trying not to startle her while he went over to her, stopping next to her.

"Hm?" She turned her head around at his voice.

"Mer, what's going on?" He took a step closer, encircling her waist to bring her in his half embrace.

"Nothing. I need to call my kids."

He tilted his head, giving her to notice that he knew that something was wrong, asking her to tell him more, while he put a strand of hair behind her ear and then let his hand rest there.

"I... I lost two patients today." She stopped for a moment, seeing the confusion on Andrew's face and then added "One because of Covid and one... He had a severe abdominal wound... And... It made me realize once again how different everything could have gone for you." Her voice got a little unsteady towards the end while she turned her head away to avoid his eyes.

Andrew slowly let his thump travel to her chin making her look at him, giving her a small smile before he embraced her completely, pulling her a little closer to him, feeling her hugging him back, her hands on his back trying to keep him close while she let her head rest against him.

He was holding her in his arms until he felt her taking a deep breath before she loosened her grip slightly.

"Now go and call your kids, they are probably already waiting." He whispered, letting her out of his embrace.

"We'll talk later?" Meredith looked up at him.

"Yes." Andrew put a short kiss into her hair before she left to talk to her kids and he prepared some dinner for them.

...

Some moments later Andrew had prepared some snacks for them and put them on the table in front of the couch, bringing them each a glass of wine. They ate and enjoyed their dinner while Meredith told him about the kids and what they had experienced the past few days. After they finished their dinner, Andrew put the plates back in the kitchen and joined Meredith on the couch in silence for some time until he heard her speak.

"I was scared to lose you." She said quietly.

Andrew looked up at her, trying to find her eyes, wanting to give her some reassurance, but he knew all too well how it must have been for her. He had been so scared about her, too. And then he looked down for a moment, taking her hand in his.

"I was scared to lose you, too." He started slowly "I know Bailey likes to tease me for it." He put on a small smile "But every evening I went to check your stats... Because... I couldn't sleep not knowing if you were really okay..." He trailed off with his thought, the memories still hurting him.