Black Swan

2.

When Jae woke up, he tried to get out of bed. But he couldn't. There was a box around his heart, it seemed, and it was just getting tighter by the second. He was just lying there, looking into the dim lid room. The loss of his daughter would never go away, would it? As he was listening to the ticks of his alarm clock, he thought of how it would be if she was still alive. Would she be okay? Or would she have a lifelong injury? If she did, would she still be her happy self? She probably wouldn't. She would be sad. Sad that she now had an injury that withheld her from the things she wanted to do. But Jae would be there for her. He would make her happy, search for things she wanted to do in life. And search for things that would make her happier. Jae would cheer her up when she was sad, and if Rose was there...- But Rose wasn't.

Jae groaned and dropped his face in his pillow. Why wasn't Liv here to cheer him up... It was all because of the chauffeur that day. He hit her, it was his fault, everything was his fault, from Liv's death to Jae's feelings right now. Jae wished that he could make him feel like he felt now. Then he wouldn't be so happy. Then he wouldn't have walked out of the court with that smile on his face, no. Then he would know that the consequences had yet to come. But Jae couldn't do that, unfortunately.

He decided to prepare for work, something which felt like a pure chore to do. He got up, showered, changed into formal clothing and walked downstairs. He wasn't really hungry, so he skipped breakfast. He grabbed his stuff, locked the door behind him and walked to his car. As he drove through the streets, his eyes were darting around his surroundings. There were a lot of kids walking with his parents, probably all on the way to school. Jae turned every corner carefully and drove with such a speed that was fine for the other road users and what was slow enough to suddenly stop if someone would run up the road.

He got to work without any incidents. He parked his car on the spot reserved for him and got out. When he walked in, he got greeted by many. They were saying things like "Good morning Jae!", "Hey, Jae, how are you?", or "Where have you been these days?". Jae doubted that someone at work didn't know what had been going on in his life lately, just wanting to hear his part of the story. But Jae just replied kindly; 'Good morning', 'I'm fine, thank you', 'Just personal business'. When he walked into his office, he got greeted by a cheerful yell.

'You are back!', Quinn shouted happily, jumping up from his seat to walk to his friend and give him a quick embrace. 'How are you? You know...- After yesterday. But! You don't have to answer if you're uncomfortable doing so, I just thought, I should check up on you and-ahh...' Jae chuckled at the younger's behavior.

'I'm fine, Quinn.', Jae smiled. 'I just- don't really want to talk about it.'

'Oh, that's fine.', Quinn said, shrugging. Jae smiled at him and walked to his desk. 'But you can talk to me if you want!', he added quickly, returning to his own desk.

Jae sat down with a sigh, running his hand through his hair. He booted up his computer and threw his coat over the back of his chair. That was when he realized there was a small note in the middle of his desk. He took it and it read;

'We will all be supporting you through this time, Jae. We're sorry for your loss.'

And with that, all the names of the ones working on the station. Despite Jae's sadness about Liv, he couldn't help but smile that all his colleagues thought of him. Of course, Mavi's and Kane's names weren't there, but Jae couldn't say he was surprised. Mavi was - of course the two didn't like each other, that was kind of obvious. Kane was a colleague of Jae as well, also working as a detective. Most of the time he teamed up with Mavi, whereas Jae teamed up with Quinn. Kane and Jae had never gotten along very well. Kane was incredibly impatient, loud and obnoxious - so Jae thought. And Jae knew that Kane didn't thought as nice over him as well. They were kind to each other, but that was it. Jae also disliked him, because he gave him the feelings of a "bad cop".