Wish You Were Here

Chapter 13

Derek continues to look around the halls of Seattle Grace for five minutes before he runs into one of the last people he wants to see right now.

Voice: So, you screwed up again.

Derek sighs as he turns to face a very pissed off looking Cristina Yang. He runs his hand through his hair.

Derek: Yeah, I guess I did.

Cristina: You guess? If you just guessed you wouldn't be looking like someone just killed your puppy.

Derek groans as he leans back against a nearby wall. Cristina waves her finger at him.

Cristina: Oh no, that isn't going to work on me.

Derek looks at Cristina completely confused.

Derek: What?

Cristina: The leaning thing. It may work on Meredith and it may work on the other women who tend to ogle you, but that sure as hell isn't going to work on me.

If Derek was in the situation, he would chuckle at this comment, but he doesn't. He doesn't chuckle because he is in no mood to chuckle, no place to chuckle, and he needs Cristina to tell him where Meredith is. He pushes himself off of the wall with his elbows.

Derek: Do you know where she is?

Cristina: Of course I know where she is. I am her person.

Derek: Well, where is she?

Cristina makes a noise that is somewhere between a snort and a laugh.

Cristina: Like I'm going to tell you. You are an ass.

Derek sighs and runs his hand through his hair again before looking at Cristina with pleading eyes. Cristina waves her finger at him again.

Cristina: And that won't work either.

Derek: Please, Cristina. I know I'm an ass. I get that. I do. But please, please tell me where my fiance and my children are. I am begging you.

Cristina looks at Derek amused. Who would have thought that the Head of Neurosurgery would be begging her for favors? He does look miserable, but her loyalty is to Meredith, not to Derek, and Meredith made her swear not to say anything. Yet, she can't help but feel a bit bad for him.

Cristina: Sorry, Dr. Shepherd, but Meredith is my person.

Cristina turns and starts to walk away. Derek runs his hands over his face and leans back against the wall. Cristina's voice startles him when she next speaks.

Cristina: Just give her some time to collect herself. She is freaking out right now, but I happen to know that tonight Izzie is cooking a big dinner to celebrate the twin's being one month old.

Derek sighs in relief as his body relaxes a bit.

Derek: Thank you, Dr. Yang.

Cristina looks at him pointedly.

Cristina: Don't thank me. I didn't do anything.

Derek straightens up as he realizes that she is telling him not to mention this conversation, ever.

Derek: Of course not. I was just thanking you for giving me your best intern the other day.

Cristina: That's what I thought.

Cristina turns and starts to walk away.

Derek: Good day, Dr. Yang.

Cristina turns back to Derek right as she is about to turn the corner.

Cristina: Good luck, Dr. Shepherd. You are going to need it.

Cristina disappears, leaving Derek alone and leaning up against the wall of the hospital.

Derek (to himself): I know I am.

Derek closes his eyes and begins to formulate a plan for how he can make this better. He has to make this better. He wants to make this better. He needs to make this better. A sharp voice cuts through his thoughts.

Voice: Derek Michael Shepherd!

Derek jerks his head up and meets the eyes of an angry Addison Montgomery.

Derek (in a tired voice): Addison...

Addison: No, you listen to me.

Addison walks towards Derek until she is standing right in front of him. She pokes him in the chest as she speaks to emphasize her points.

Addison: How dare you spring something like this on her!! She has been through hell and back this past year and you spring this on her.

Derek: Addi..I..

Addison: Shut up and listen to me Derek, and you listen good. I was here and I saw how Meredith fell apart after you left. I was the one who had to prescribe medication for blood pressure, I was the one who cut the cord for the twins. Me! Derek! Me! Your ex-wife. I was there. I was there when you should have been and Meredith may have forgiven you, but she still hasn't healed. She still hasn't healed and she still fears that you will leave. She is afraid that your family will show up and they won't like her and that you will leave her again.

Derek: But that's...

Addison: Don't even finish that sentence. I know you aren't going anywhere, Derek, but you need to prove it to her. You need to prove it to her with your actions, because words can only do so much. So you better fix this. You better calm her down and you better damn well make sure that she fits in with your family, because we all know what a bitch Nancy can be.

Derek: But they will love her...I know they will...

Addison sighs in frustration.

Derek: What?

Addison: You really don't get it do you?

Derek: I..

Addison: No. You don't. So, don't even pretend like you do. Nothing is more important to Meredith than building a happy family and she wants to build that family with you.

Derek: I just...I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Addison: That's the problem. You didn't think. So, now you need to think. You need to think hard and you need to figure out a way to fix this mess and you need to fix it fast.

Addison doesn't wait for Derek to respond before she turns on her very expensive heels and walks away, leaving Derek once again alone to figure out how to dig himself out of the massive hole he has dug for himself.
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Meredith leaves Derek alone in Addison's office. She is not happy. She is not happy at all. In fact, she is pissed. She can't believe that he didn't tell her that they were coming the day after tomorrow. How did he expect her to react?

Meredith(to herself): Seriously?!

She walks down the hall and back to the exam room where Addison is watching their children. She just can't believe that he didn't tell her. He had told her that they wanted to come, but he never told her when. The day after tomorrow. That is too soon. Too soon. She can't meet them the day after tomorrow. That is barely giving her any time at all. What about the house? She won't have time to clean it and take care of the twins. What in the hell was he thinking? What an ass!

She jerks open the door to the exam room and immediately receives a sympathetic look from Addison.

Meredith: He can be so brainless sometimes!!

Addison smiles warmly at Meredith.

Addison: What are you so afraid of?

Meredith jerks her head to look at Addison.

Meredith: What are you talking about?

Addison: Why are you so scared of meeting Derek's family?

Meredith sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

Meredith: Because I need them to like me.

Addison arches an eyebrow.

Addison: Why?

Meredith: Because I've never really had a family. Because I want a family. I want a family with Derek and I'm afraid...

Meredith stops speaking and looks down at the ground. Addison walks over and places a comforting hand on Meredith's arm.

Addison: What are you afraid of?

Meredith (barely above a whisper): That he will leave us if they don't like me...

Addison gasps in surprise.

Addison (sighing): Oh, Meredith. He would never leave you...

Meredith (whispering): But he already has....twice...

Addison: Can't you see, Meredith? He never really left you.

Meredith looks up and her tear-filled eyes meet Addison's sincere ones.

Meredith: What do you mean?

Addison sighs.

Addison: Even when he was with me, he wasn't really with me. You've always had his heart Meredith. I think you've had his heart from the first night you met him in the bar. So, he's never really left you. You have always had him.

Meredith now has tears streaming down her face. She quickly straightens up.

Meredith: I have to go. I can't see him right now.

Addison: Okay.

Meredith smiles weakly at Addison:

Meredith: Thanks.

Addison: No problem.

Meredith leaves Addison alone in the exam room as she pushes the stroller out into the hall of Seattle Grace. Meredith makes her way out of the hospital while Addison suddenly becomes determined to find Derek.

Meredith doesn't make it far until she runs into Cristina. Cristina notices that Meredith looks upset.

Cristina: What did McDreamy do now?

Meredith: His McFamily is coming and he forgot to McTell me.

Cristina's mouth falls slightly agape.

Cristina: Seriously??

Meredith looks pointedly at Cristina:

Meredith: Do you really think that is something I would joke about?

Cristina opens her mouth to speak, but instead she bursts out laughing.

Meredith: Cristina!! You are supposed to be my person!

Cristina(laughing): I ....just....McDreamy...screwed up....again...

Meredith crosses her arms and looks at Cristina.

Meredith: You are not being supportive. You are being a crappy person right now.

Cristina finally looks at Meredith and sees that she is visibly upset and she finally becomes seriousy.

Cristina: I'm going to kick his ass.

Cristina turns and walks away, ignoring the shouts coming from Meredith. Meredith sighs as she watches her person turn the corner and disappear.

Meredith (to herself): Oh well, maybe he deserves to get his ass kicked.

Meredith smirks to herself before getting on the elevator and making her way out of Seattle Grace Hospital. She is going to let him sweat this one out. She can't help but smile as she steps off of the elevator and walks out of the front doors of Seattle Grace, her plan already taking form in her mind.
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Derek approaches the front foor to Meredith's house. He has to make this better. He has to. Christmas is in a few weeks and he really wants them to spend it as a family. That is why his family is coming in. They want to convince him to bring his family to New York for Christmas. He wants to tell Meredith this. He wants to, if only she will let him. He hopes that she will forgive him. He realizes that he made an ass of himself and now he wants desperately to make it up to her.

He knocks on the door, a swarm of butterflies inhabiting his stomach. He usually isn't nervous, but Meredith makes him that way. She gives him the butterflies in his stomach. She makes him completely nervous sometimes.

He sees Izzie approaching through the glass in the door. He smiles weakly at her. Izzie tries to return the smile, but he can tell that there is something wrong. Suddenly the swarm of butterflies turns into knots.

Izzie opens the door and he finally understands the look on her face, sympathy.

Derek: What is it?

Izzie sighs.

Izzie: She isn't here.

Derek's mouth falls open. She wouldn't leave would she? Would she leave him with their children for such a stupid mistake?

Derek: Where is she?

Izzie: I don't know. She won't tell me. Don't worry. She is still in Seattle.

He hears the cry of an infant coming from the living room. He furrows his brow and looks at Izzie.

Izzie: She doesn't want to punish the kids for your stupidity so she left them here so that you could enjoy dinner with them.

Derek is confused and hurt and Izzie sees this.

Izzie: This isn't easy for Meredith. She has never been away from them. She has been calling every thirty minutes to check on them.

Derek: But then why isn't she here?

Izzie smiles at Derek.

Izzie: She said something about you using that McDreamy smile on her and making everything okay and she needs some time to be mad at you and for you to worry.

Izzie moves aside so that Derek can step inside, which he quickly does.

Derek: You really don't know where she is?

Izzie shakes her head.

Izzie: All I know is that she is in a hotel and that she is really upset.

Derek runs his hand through his hair.

Derek: I really screwed up.

Izzie: Yeah. You did.

Derek: Thanks for the support.

Izzie: Seriously, Derek?? You have put all of us through hell these past nine months. We were the ones who were there for everything. We were there when you weren't. You are lucky that she took you back so quickly. She was thrilled that she was getting to spend the twins first Christmas with you and that you all could be a real family. She was thrilled and now she is freaking out.

Derek sighs as he sits down on the couch.

Derek: I don't know what to do to make it better. I have to make it better. I know I screwed up.

Izzie snorts.

Izzie: You screwed up majorly. You basically shoved your family down her throat when she has never really had a family. I think that your family hating her and thinking she is just a slutty intern is her second biggest fear.

Derek looks at Izzie.

Derek: What's her first?

Izzie looks Derek directly in the eyes.

Izzie: Losing you again.

Derek feels the tears begin to build in his eyes. He never meant to hurt her. He never meant to break her. And now he had done it again. Well, she wasn't going to lose him again. He could guarantee that. She would never lose him again. He would be there to an annoying level. He has to find her. He needs to find her to let her know that he isn't walking away, that he isn't giving up, that he isn't running and that he isn't going to let her run.

Izzie sees his eyes begin to tear up and she knows that he never meant to hurt Meredith. She begins to feel a small amount of sympathy for him , the same sympathy that caused her to invite him to the dinner.

Izzie: So, what are you going to do?

Derek sighs as he runs his hand through his hair and stands up.

Derek: I'm going to find her. I'm going to find her and I'm going to show her that I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to show her that she is the love of my life and the most important person in my life.

Derek doesn't wait for Izzie to respond as he walks out of the house, pulling his blackberry out and immediately beginning his search for the love of his life.