Dear Lovely Oh Me

I'm in pain.

Why can't I stay a little baby and not learn anything? I love being the smartest but I also love a little bit of attention. I'm losing them and its gaining on me. The second I figured this out I started failing.

I'm the "nice, etiquette tall girl" but I want to be more than that. I wanna be the bitch who could fucking step on you mole rats. I'm not soft. Don't ever call me soft. I'm in pain. Yeah, I'll be honest I'm writing down all my thoughts. I need to change. For the better instead of being this cringe kid who makes sure others see her as perfect. I am a God. A lost God. I need to find myself through everyone and everything. I need to look the mirror in the eyes and say, "yea, they like to hang out with other people they can relate to and yeah you are every different. But thats a good thing. Those stretch marks and that muffintop shows you are mature and brave."

I want to kill myself. I can't. I need to find my path to hell. I can't. I have friends who only need me when they're sad or when they need help. I can't. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to lose them. I can't. I'm done with this life. They don't need me. I can go. They only care until I say something but whenever I don't say anything about them they go talk about me behind my back. I'm scared. I want to hold her so much. I hear this little voice in my head everywhere I go saying, "They only are friends with you because someone else is your friend. Just wait until you leave, they'll stop holding their breath to not yell at you to leave. They don't want you here. They don't need you here. They'd be perfectly fine without you.

Writing is my escape from the real world. I could write for hours about anything just to keep my tears.

To brighten the mood here's Take Me Yo Church x WAP