And so, there sat Jacob upon the carpet in their dorm, side by side to Kevin. Although he has probably watched it over 16 times, he still insisted on 'Black Is King.' Seeing as Jacob had still avoided it somehow he agreed for Kevin's sake and curiosity to what it was about. But as the angelically powerful voice of Beyoncé pounded at Jacob's head, it struggled to infiltrate his mind for the thoughts of Kevin were all too powerful. Jacob couldn't help but watch the boys lips as they parted slightly, his eyes stayed entranced by the screen, a slight glint of joy shining through every now and then. Seeing Kevin clearly holding back the urge to bust out in song due to his strange rule of not singing Beyoncé songs, saying they were "Untouchable" made Jacob mirror Kevin's expressions. If only Jacob could see that same glossy eyed look staring back at him, or perhaps seeing them closed would be more pleasing? Jacob jumped out of his imagination, disgusted for daring to think things out in the open, next to the person he wished to destroy. Jacob could see Kevin's frail hand lifting to the keyboard, he paused the film. Kevin looked over, smiling sweetly, all soft and calm, like Jacob was the only thing he could see, Jacob then remembered it wasn't, he's just a friendly guy. At the same time, Jacob panicked, what if Kevin randomly gave a pop quiz to check if he listened.
Kevin tilted his head at Jacob's mess of a face before whispering,
"Stretch break, I'm going to the washroom real quick." Jacob watched as the younger turned the corner and left, footsteps faint. Jacob sighed, unsure of whether it was because Kevin leaving made him feel like he could breathe again or if he wanted the other back here.
"Why did I accept? Why am I such an idiot? Why did it have to be Kevin! I don't know what to do, can I really act normal, have I been acting normal enough? What if Kevin has caught on, what if he knows and is also trying to act calm but actually despises me? No, no, I'm just being dramatic, right? What kind of friend am I?" Jacob sighed aloud,
"I really like Kevin." Jacob paused, something felt off. He's always said that he loved Kevin, Kevin was his friend, they'd joke about being married to each other, nothing was off about loving a friend. Yet when he said it aloud something twisted inside, the same bubbling when one needs to puke, a heart stopping and full body experience. Something itched at the back of Jaocb's mind, like the words he spoke were wrong, untruthful. But he does like Kevin, he knows he does, the word still feels incorrect. Jacob mumbled the word over and over,
"I like Kevin, I like him, I like, like, like?"
"Like." That was the word, if not like then what did he feel? Jacob had had too many wet dreams of his friend to say he hated the man, but if not hate or care then what other emotions could be churning within. It came out in a silenced gasp,
"Love, I love Kevin."
"Not as a friend, no, yes? He's my friend that I love, I love his jokes, his teasing attitude, that flirtatious smirk. Everything he does, art pieces and music, I don't get why people love my voice but I understand the interest in Kevin's. It's smooth like honey, sweetening one's drink without causing diabetes. A warm cup of tea as the snow falls gently outside, all you need. He's all I need." Jacob's brain had finally shut down, completely fried at the conclusion. He didn't just want to have a one time thing with his friend, he wanted this to last forever.
Kevin had been physically slapping himself for suggesting a movie as his cover up, but smiling through with the knowledge Jacob would still give up on sleep to make Kevin happy, that also made him feel a bit guilty on the other hand. This mental battle along with physical slapping lasted for longer than it should have and so Kevin quickly walked back to Jacob sitting still and quiet, staring into the distance lazily. He gave a quick internal chuckle before snapping his fingers a few times.
"Jacob, Jacob bae, Jacob, Jacob," Kevin changed to a slightly hushed voice, remembering that it was 2 in the morning, he also quit snapping. "Jacob, Jacob Bae, Bae Joon-Young, Jacob, Jacob Bae." Kevin took a sigh in defeat just as Jacob jumped a little startled, looking over to Kevin, feeling the others warmth radiate over to his already heated body, blushing furiously.
"Oh, sorry, kind of been spacing out recently."
Kevin chuckled a little, feeling his shoulders relax, "I could tell. What's been on your mind? Talk to me." Kevin grabbed his glasses that he had left on the small table before pretending to write on a notepad. "I did plan on working in music therapy," he smirked.
"For one day, you went to university for one day."
"What a day that was." Kevin looked up as though experiencing an actual flashback.
Jacob punched Kevin on the shoulder as he chuckled giddily. "Alright wise guy, do you want to know?"
Kevin sat normally and looked at Jacob with his doe eyes attentive. Suddenly Jacob felt the pressure and realized he couldn't quite tell the boy what was on his mind, because he was the thing on his mind. Jacob's palms started to feel sweaty as his throat closed up. Kevin still waited patiently, watching with hopeful eyes.
"I've just," Jacob glanced around, hoping to catch his breath but every time he looked back Kevin still knocked the wind straight out of him. "It's, it's nothing, let's just finish the film." Jacob smiled only to be responded with a sad pout. Quickly Kevin covered it with a smile, and the two continued to watch in silence, both worrying in their heads, neither paying attention to the movie anymore.
"Why won't he tell me? Am I untrustworthy? No, he might just not be ready to talk, I have to respect that, but . . . Jacob," Kevin took a quick peek over to where Jacob sat. "What's going on? Please, know that I'm here for you."
"He, he looked so sad. Stupid, idiot, why can't I do anything right. I'm hurting the person I love most, I don't mean to but I am. Kevin, what are you thinking? What should I do?" Jacob lets his eyes glance over to Kevin to only notice that he was already staring at him. Kevin whipped his head quickly back to the film, neither said a word. "Was he just looking at me?"
"Shoot, did he catch me, what if he knows! Keep your eyes to yourself they said, never realized how important that advice was!"
Once again, neither dared to open his mouth, thinking the other brushed it off when the reality was neither could stop thinking of it.
The movie was nearing its end as credits rolled. Jacob turned back to Kevin. The man was slouched down, eyes closed as he softly breathed out. By impulse Jacob whispered out in a daze,
"Cute." A smile crept along the tips of Jacob's lips as he sighed at the younger. Jacob picked the maroon with ease as he walked towards Kevin's room. Jacob didn't stop to ponder too much but held a question of where Q possibly was. He placed the resting boy gently on his bed before grinning once again. The white light of the moon was lusterless as it feebly sprinkled through the blinds of the window, dusting the pale body with it's ethereal glow. Kevin continued to lay motionless, giving a magical aura and looking gorgeous doing nothing. Rather than the fuchsia Jacob had seen in his dreams Kevin's lips were light pink, standing like a gem against the snow white smooth skin. His hair shined perfectly. It was like having an anime boy in real life, Mulan had taken a break and rested, a fairies divine powers all right there.
"I really do love him," Jacob spoke out into the night just for him and Kevin who was fast asleep. He was gentle as the door clicked shut.
Kevin shot his eyes open, feeling his heart explode.
"He loves," the final words trailing off in Kevin's mind, now more confused than ever.
YOU ARE READING
F*ck Up The Friendship || The Boyz Moonbae
Fanfiction'All those damned whispers of confession, the staggering breathes, screams of delight, hands that gripped at his back, the scent and taste that lingered in his mouth in the morning, It was all *****. It was his band member. It was his best friend.' ...
