I wake to one of the maids opening my drapes. My head pounds. My throat is dry, calling for water. My pillow wet with what I can assume are my tears, although I don't remember crying them.
"Is there any water?" I ask politely. Jenessa nods and pours water from a bright blue pitcher into a clear glass. She walks over and hands it to me.
"Thank you," I say with a smile. Jenessa shows a smile in return. I quickly remember the night before and realize why I have a headache. I cried in his arms. I cried in HIS arms and to make it worse, I went to my meadow in the dark and in the middle of the night with him and stayed until the sun was peeking up. The enemy. Guilt takes over my gut. I feel nauseous. I push the thoughts out of my head.
"So what's first to do today?" I ask
"Well first you can eat breakfast, I brought it up for you. Then another bath, then we have to get you dressed. After, I'll do your hair and then you will have about an hour or so before the wedding." She says with a giggle at the end.
"Well, that is a lot," I say with a smile, "Shall we get started?" I say with a laugh.
She walks over to the bathroom that's connected to my room and starts to draw a bath. I start to eat my breakfast: fruit and a chocolate banana muffin. Before I know it, Jenessa is tapping on my shoulder.
"Your bath is ready" I follow her to the bath, undress, and get into the tub. I start scrubbing at my dirty limbs whereas she focuses on my hair. We make our usual small talk till the bath is done. I dry off and Jenessa helps me get dressed in my wedding gown.
"There is one thing your father instructed me to talk to you about." She says, her voice is soft and gentle.
"What is it?" I ask although I think I know what's coming, she's talking about consummating the marriage. I don't fear many things but exposing yourself like that to another person scares me.
It really is beautiful. Jenessa does a braided crown that wraps around my whole head with little pieces of hair falling to frame my face. Once that was done she added in some flowers that I recognised from my meadow.
"Thank-you"
I know it seems silly but the smell of the flowers is oddly calming. It's giving me a part of my meadow to bring with me to the wedding. Jenessa painted a rose-red colour on my lips.
"All we need is shoes, and we are all done!" she says with a tinge of excitement.
I try to match her excitement with a smile but I can't help feeling scared, but know that I can complete my father's task. I have to focus on that. Deep down I wonder what would happen if I couldn't do as father had trained me. I quickly push the thought from my mind and focus on putting on the shoes. Once I have the shoes on I take off. Running for the one place inside the castle that I feel safe. The library. It was a way for me to escape the life I had no say in.
My feet knew where I was going but my mind didn't. It seems crazy to think that if something small had or hadn't happened it would change the entire course of our known history. One small mistake, something said, a secret shared. Something so small and insignificant could change everything. My head always fills with these types of thoughts, ones that make my brain wander deeper and deeper into the intricate webbing of my thoughts, I don't know where they come from. Before I know it I'm standing at the entrance to the library.
I walk to the tallest bookshelf on the right. I run my hands over all the covers of the books before I see a hand reaching for my favourite botany book. The one thing in the castle that could calm me down, my father would just make me more nervous and Jenessa would say that I have no need to be worried, which seems partially true. I quickly grab the other side of my book. The other person lets go and I stumble back. Just as quick as he let go Jonah appeared from the other side of the bookshelf, his eyes grew and then he slapped his hands over his eyes.
I can't help but laugh, its a stupid superstition that the groom can't see the bride in the wedding dress or else it would be bad luck, but our marriage is already full of that.
"What is so funny?" he asks his hands still covering his mossy green eyes
"Noting. You do know it's just a silly superstition right?" I say with a laugh
"I still don't want any chances of this going bad."
I can't help but feel an overload of guilt, it was my fault. My fault that he was going to die.
"I'll go on the other side of the bookshelf so you don't have to keep your eyes covered."
"Oh it's fine, I don't really believe in that stuff anyway, besides I sorta already saw your dress."
"Oh," I say with a laugh
He removes his hands from his eyes and just stares at me for a few seconds. It starts to make me uncomfortable and he notices.
"Sorry I- it- it looks lovely."
I feel my face heating up.
"Thank you." I say trying not to stutter over my words as he did.
We stood awkwardly there for a few seconds until I bent down to get my book from the floor where I had dropped it.
"Oh, sorry I completely forgot about that. Last night you talked about the plants that you studied with such passion so I thought I would come to see the books you were talking about" He says.
"Yeah, this is actually my favourite out of the ones here." I say with a laugh. He's so at ease right now I could bash his head onto the floor and be done with him but I restrain myself from doing exactly that. I am marrying him for one reason and one reason only. To kill him and his wretched family.
"Should I walk you out?"
"No, that would most likely not be the best idea. Thank you for the offer though." I say, trying to make my voice sound as soft as silk.
I bow and leave to room. Walking to fathers study. I assume He will be in there and would want to go over the plan one more time before I leave to go live with Prince Jonah. I walk through the halls tracing my finger along with the tapestries and bricks on the walls of the castle that I am forced to leave for three months or perhaps more. It may not be much but it is my home and it still breaks my heart to have to leave.
