My alarm set me back into a reality I wish I could escape forever. It felt as though that the night I finally felt free was just a dream. I just hoped it wasn't just a dream. I looked up at my popcorn ceiling awaiting the same day as before. I hopped out of bed unenthusiastically and walked to my bathroom. I stared in the mirror and suddenly felt nauseated as I saw myself. I look like that? The thought repeated in my head. A tear dripped down my face. I quickly wiped my tear off my soft cheek. I took the hair tie out of my hair and put it on my bathroom counter. I closed the door and began to lock it. I turned my shower on to the hottest temperature. I took my shirt off and my tiny little volleyball shorts. I looked back into the mirror and saw someone I didn't even recognize. More tears dripped down my face. My mirror began fogging up and I walked over to my shower. I pulled the blue curtains away and stepped in.
Oh how my skin burned. How I just didn't care. I liked the pain. The pain comforted me. I felt that if I stood there long enough it would all go away. The the constant sadness. The feeling of not wanting to get out of my own bed. It hurt so bad. I just couldn't help it. I didn't want to sit around all day and do nothing. I didn't want to push people out of my life. It just happened. I never meant for it to happen. It made me do things that I never wanted to do. It changed me. And not for the better. I wish I wasn't numb all the time, but I just don't have a choice.
I walked into class and found an open seat in the back row. I sat down and put my books on my desk. I then began to remember the constant loop. Sitting down, zoning out, leaving to go home, and then doing it all again. And then the loop began. I began to zone out and do my daily escape. Except it was different this time. A boy. He came up to me. With his shaggy dirty blonde hair. "You got any paper?" he said. "Of course." I replied. I opened my blue binder and took out a sheet of paper. He took the paper out of my hand and cracked a smile. "Thanks m'lady." he whispered. My heart started beating faster than its normal pace. "Anytime." I stuttered. He gently walked away and I looked back at him. He sat down in the back row across from me. He took a glance at me and then back down at the paper. He was writing so fast like I had never seen someone do before. He tapped on his desk once he was done. I glanced over. He handed me the paper back. On the piece of paper there were about twenty questions.
Favorite color and why? Light brown, it is just a warm color. Favorite movie and why? Breakfast Club, I like it because it deals with a group of people who don't fit in and all have there own personal struggles. Favorite book? Girl in pieces. Favorite holiday? Halloween. And why that holiday? You can be anyone else for a day, my absolute dream. Name? Sarah. I looked up at him and he was staring at me. As I wrote down all the answers to his interesting questions. I handed the paper back to him without hesitation. I looked at him reading the answers. He smiled and looked at me. "Now Sarah, why the glum face?" he said curiously. "Why all the questions?" I said defensively. "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." he said with general concern. I looked at him then back at the front of the classroom. He continued to look at me with concern on his face.
The bell rang and the day was over. "Sarah, Sarah! Sarah I know you can hear me." he said. "Yes of course I can hear you, but I'm choosing to ignore you." I said. He walked right beside me. "C'mon Sarah I'm sorry." he said. "I don't care. You barely even know me. I don't even know you. I should've kept it that way." I said with a blank expression. "Well now you get to know me. Hi, my name is Cody Beltovia, I go to the same school as you, and I do know you." he said. "And how do you know me, Cody?" I said looking at him. "I see you everyday. Escaping. Unhappy. I see you." he said looking into my eyes. "Glad to know I have a stalker." I said laughing. "That's not what I'm saying Sarah." he said so seriously. "Well maybe someday you can tell me what you are saying. Because I've got to go, you know escape." I replied. I walked right past him and then out the door.
I finally got home. Where the day seemed to take longer to end. I laid in my bed and then shut my eyes. Nothing. I mean what did I expect? The night sky? I guess it wasn't a dream then. I quickly looked at my window. I rolled out of my bed and then stood in front of my window. I closed my eyes and slowly opened the curtains. I opened my eyes and there she was again. It wasn't a dream. My heart beat with excitement. I began to open my window and she saw me. Her eyes made contact with mine. I hopped out of my window and let down the fire escape. I laid down and shortly she was there right beside me. And there we were again looking up at the night sky. Pointing at constellations and the brightest stars. Is this what it felt like? Was this what it felt like, being happy? I hadn't felt the feeling for so long I forgot what it felt like. Or was it love?
