Alive ~BokuAka

Until you disappear [8]

"Until you disappear from me, until that day I will follow you."

I saw his expression change to a surprised one as I said those words, looking him in the eye directly.

His eyes were so beautiful, they always amazed me. That blue, more green blue reminded me of the depth of an ocean, where the most diverse fishes swam and the most beautiful corals grew. It reminded me of freedom, strength, but also of profundity. His green and blue eyes made me question myself so many times, yet they took away all the insecurity, they gave me courage, the feeling I could to it. His eyes spoke volumes, they spoke more than he did himself.

"That sounded pretty, and pretty romantic, too, Bokuto-san," he chuckled.

Yes, he chuckled and that made me feel the urge to start to cry and kiss his cheek, his forehead, I want to kiss his whole face. Sometimes he was too cute, my heart couldn't take it.

"I know, I know, but I just told you the truth. Anyway, wanna watch a movie?"
"You sure that's a good idea? Last time we watch a movie together, you know, when we watched Terrifier, we both fell asleep on the sofa."

Yes, we did, and we were cuddling, okay, more like I was cuddling him. Still, this was one of the best things I had ever done. And even though my back hurt extremely the day after, I wouldn't think twice about doing it again. I mean, I felt him, his cheek pressed against my chest, the whole night. And I could pat his back, brush through his hair as much as I wanted to. I had listened to his soft breath the whole night, until my eyes closed, too.

"You said your back didn't hurt the next day," I protested, trying to persuade him.
"But yours did."
"So? I don't care, I really don't."

Please, Akaashi, please say yes and please fall asleep again. You look so cute while sleeping.

I mean, needless to say he also looked adorable, when he was awake. But I could stare at his peaceful face for hours when he was asleep...

„Fine, Bokuto-san, what movie do you want to watch?"

"How about Me Before You?"

Me Before You. I had heard the title before, once or twice, but I have never seen the movie. I knew it was about a woman who fell in love with a bodily disabled guy, but that's all. Yet this would change, because Akaashi gave me a nod.

I started the movie and sat closer to him on the couch, our arms were touching and I could feel his cold hand. It felt like winter, like the snow itself. And it made me think of a rainy night, how the rain would splash to the ground, just like teardrops, when the clouds would hide the starry sky, and with the darkness would come the coldness, surrounding your body, your heart, your soul, making you shiver, freeze.

The film started with a young man, called Will, who had gotten in an accident and as a result he was paralyzed from his neck down and had to sit in a wheelchair. A woman, Louisa Clark I think, was hired as a companion for him. At the beginning, Will initially treated her with contempt, yet this changed. First they became good friends and then...

To be honest, I didn't really pay that much attention to the movie, but to Akaashi. I softly caressed his hand, still it felt bitter cold, almost as if he was dead, as if this hand was lifeless...

I watched him, his arm, his neck, his face carefully. He didn't shiver, he didn't shiver at all, and he had no goosebumps, too. He showed no signs that he was cold, still I stood up and looked for some extra blankets.

"What are you doing, Bokuto-san?"

His body was cold, yet his voice was so warm, every time he spoke up, he made my heart melt again. Feeling the warmth surrounding it made me light up, his words made me beam.

"I'm getting you some blankets, your hand was so cold, it almost made me shiver," I told him, before I sat down next to him again, wrapping him up in a big, warm blanket. He responded with a flushed face, a small "thank you" left his dry lips as he was looking at the screen of the TV.

Quietly I snuggled up to him, feeling his presence beside me, I wrap my arm around him carefully, staring at his features with a gaze full of love. His dark turquoise eyes always cast a spell on me. I was drowning in his world again, yeah, you could say that's what it felt like.

I tried to concentrate on the movie again, yet my hands couldn't stop to pet his head, sometimes touching his forehead in a slight way, making me feel the cool skin beneath my warm fingers.

An hour later the movie ended. I sensed a familiar stingy feeling and how my eyes got teary, until I couldn't stop some tears anymore. As soon as I noticed, I looked away, I tried to prevent the chance Akaashi could see me like that, yet I failed.

"B-Bokuto-san," his voice came out as a whisper, almost too quiet to hear. I started to apologize, told him the end of the movie was so heartbreaking, but I lied. I thought about the accident he had almost two months and the possibility we both could have found an end like that. It made my heart crack when I had to think about him, laying there in the bed of the hospital. When the doctors said he wouldn't make it and I had to watch my world shatter right in front of my eyes. Or the heartache that wouldn't go away and how all of this had stolen my sleep, until... until he sat there, right in front of my eyes, preventing me from killing myself to get back to my Akaashi.

Suddenly I sensed something breathing against my cheek, until a pair of lips was placed on them carefully. My pulse shot up, I felt the blood rush through my body more than twice as fast as it did before. My eyes widened, yet I couldn't move, I was frozen on the spot I laid down before, and I just took a mental picture of this moment. This could be the last thing I ever feel. I could die happily right now. Feeling Akaashi's lips placed on my cheek definitely was the highlight in my life. I guess it even felt like I arrived in my paradise right then and there. My heart stopped beating and my skin started to crawl. I felt warm, so comfortably warm, as if an angel had wrapped its wings around me, protecting me from the cold.

The feeling faded away soon. Too soon. He moved away, hands hiding his red face, yet I could still see his ears glowing from that blush.

"I'm sorry-" he started apologizing, yet I interrupted him.

"Thank you, thank you Akaashi."
Even though you don't even know what you do to me.