When We Were Young (A Supernatural Fanfic)

Chapter 5

You opened your eyes slowly, panicking when you didn't realize where you were. Your body went into fight or flight mode, but you breathed in deeply to calm yourself and smelt whiskey, leather, and vanilla. Dean, you thought to yourself smiling and letting out the breath you were holding, when the night returned to you all at once. Every word you confessed to Dean flashed through your memory, like a "previously on..." TV opener.

You told him everything...

Suddenly you felt sick and leaned over his bed afraid you might vomit. Your mind was going a million miles an hour, spiraling again thinking the complete worst. What did he think of you? He must be disgusted by what you did. Horrified and couldn't wait for you to do the right thing and leave the brothers again.

Your thoughts were propelling you out of bed and into a standing position, swaying back and forth a little with the lack of oxygen to your brain. It was as if your thoughts were completely taking over and your body acted on autopilot. You were to your room with your one bag packed quickly, pulling on a sweatshirt over your shirt and sweat pants, not caring how you presented yourself at the moment. It was almost 1:00pm and you figured you could make it to at least Utah by the end of the day if you sped. The boys had plenty of random vehicles in the garage, they wouldn't miss one, right?

You were still lost in your thoughts as you rushed down the hallway and into the war room, gripping the cold staircase railing when you heard shuffling behind you. You hadn't noticed that Sam was sitting at the war room table shuffling through some papers that he quickly hid in a folder when you breezed past him.

"Y/N?" He questioned, taking in your packed bag and your hand on the railing. Your cursed to yourself under your breath, certain that you could have gotten away undetected had you been more clear-headed. Smarter. What kind of hunter were you even? You hadn't meant it necessarily, but your irrational thoughts were working much faster than your brain was, and you answered your own rhetorical question with a resounding, I'm not one. You hadn't been a hunter for a long time and it was undeniable the longer you attempted to face your past. And if you weren't a hunter you were definitely useless to the Winchesters.

Sam had long ago risen to his feet waiting for any kind of motion from you, but he noticed you seemed to be muttering to yourself softly, and it worried him. After confessing to him in the bathroom, Dean had recounted Y/N's story to his brother, leaving out some of the more private things they spoke about last night. But Sam got the gist of the conversation, and being a researcher first and foremost, was up early printing out pages on trauma survivors, hoping something would help. One of the first articles he was skimming when you rushed in reminded the reader that survivors would try to return to the safety of what they considered "normal," especially after confiding in a loved one about their trauma. The bag and Y/N's tense shoulders made sense. She was running from what happened last night and Sam didn't blame her. It was hard enough keeping Dean relatively calm this morning and convincing him to not run away from what he was feeling. He only hoped you were able to accept Dean and his help.

"Y/N..." Sam repeated, wipeing his palms on his jeans lightly, full of nervous energy. He wasn't scared of what you might say or do, but he was scared of messing up and pushing you further away. He had to reel you back in a little so that you knew you didn't have to run away.

You still weren't looking at him, but stood stiffly on the stairs leading up to the bunker exit. It wouldn't take more than 12 steps and you could be gone. Just move your feet! But they wouldn't cooperate, and instead you were completely frozen.

"Y/N, listen." Sam continued, staring at your back. "You don't have to run. Dean and I," you glanced back and saw him looking around for his brother and you wondered the same thing. Was Dean trying to escape you too?