𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗕𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀

1

"Fuck!" I mutter. Butchered another note. The lack of focus and the fact that my guitar was slightly out of tune made me more irritable than usual. Music has always been my true passion, I figured I would move to LA and everything would just work out for me somehow. Hollywood isn't anywhere as glamorous as it is beyond all the smoke and mirrors you see in the movies.

My job combined with nonexistent success has been stressing me out lately and it's starting to affect my musical abilities in a way that I'm not sure how to handle. Any and all things musical always came so easily to me.

"Give yourself a break, Julie. You need one." My best friend Tiffany places a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

Tiffany is easily the most important person in my life, she has been for a long time. We met when we were 6 years old and our friendship is still going strong 12 years later. We were 8 year olds playing in the sandbox at the park three blocks down from our houses when I told her we should start a band. She was instantly onboard. Naturally, the next step was to move out to Los Angeles and get an apartment together. That part was a little more difficult than just speaking my idea into existence, mostly because we were just kids and we weren't even allowed to cross the street by ourselves. We made a promise to each other, right then and there, that we were going to make it happen and stick together, no matter what life threw at us.

We kept our promise and, despite my parents protests, we moved into a cheap (and well...shitty) two bedroom apartment right in the middle of West Hollywood. Finding band members was easier than we thought it would be. Of course there's a lot of talent out there but there's just as many oddballs. We wanted serious musicians and that's exactly what we got. But everything after that point had been completely stagnant.

Of course, we knew being an all-girl rock band wouldn't be easy. It's 1985 and women aren't exactly taken seriously in most capacities, but especially among rockstars. If you're not fucking them, why should they even give you a second thought? It's fucked up but that's just the way things are nowadays.

I let that discourage me for about a month or two, then I remembered who I am and why I'm doing this.

I couldn't give less of a fuck what Gene Simmons or Vince Neil thinks about women or their place in rock music. Madonna didn't get where she is today by giving a fuck about what men thought of her. She had influences sure, but she ultimately paved her own way.

I was determined to do the same, even if it killed me.

Coming up with a band name was surprisingly difficult, you'd think between four creative individuals we'd figure it out pretty quickly but it took quite some time. We came up with Theodora and knew immediately it was perfect. Theodora was an empress from the Byzantine Empire. She was one of the first empresses to draw attention to women's rights and it felt right to name our band after her. 

"I'm going out with Victor tonight, so you'll have the place to yourself. Don't have too much fun."

I could practically see the sarcasm radiating off of Tiffany when she said that last part. It's no secret that I don't date. I've just never had the time to go out with anyone. In school, I was always too busy overachieving and pursuing music  to acknowledge any romantic feelings. Now, my job and my band keep me occupied.

That doesn't mean that I don't want to date. I doubt I'd get very far, though. I'm pretty shy around people outside of my bandmates and I'm not exactly the most interesting person on the planet. But I'd say I'm pretty content for the most part. I don't think I should be adding more potential stress to my life right now anyway.

When Tiffany closes the door, I place my guitar against the wall and plop down on the couch. Being under stress isn't ideal for writing songs, in my experience. Since I don't have any plans, I take a moment to decide if I should watch some television or just go to bed. Considering I have to work tomorrow, sleeping would be the most logical option.

So of course I opted to watch TV as if there was anything worth watching. I mostly use the television as background noise these days. Being left alone with the silence of our apartment only led to negative thoughts and I had no room for them.