Walk With Me

Chapter 3: So tonight?

April 2022

I looked at my laptop for the longest time. More confused than I was when I started the research. How does it feel to lose a lover?

From what I read so far, It felt differently for different people. But all of them had one thing in common. The lack of motivation and purpose to continue on with life. And from what it looked like, the longer the relationship the worse the situation.

They were together for 3 and half years. And I know first hand that they were really close to each other. I know for a fact how crazy Ik was over her. And she too, from the times I saw them together was all over him as well.

How do I help her get out of this state? How do you get over losing a loved one?

Again a lot of stories came up. I read every single one of them. One of the lines stuck out to me. I am surrounded by those who love me but yet alone. I no longer have the will to feel pleasure. It sounded like what Ij said one of the times I talked to her.

For me, I was hurting as well. But I've learned early, to channel my emotions to other areas of life. I think about it every now and then, but I don't allow myself to dwell so much.

How do I help her. I can't bear watching someone I care for going through so much pain and not being able to do anything for her.

I reached for a ring on my table and rolled it between my fingers. While deep in thoughts. The shrill sound of my alarm snapped me out of my thoughts. 4:30. I should start going.

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"You're early. I wished you wouldn't come." She said immediately the door opened. "No offense." She added quickly.

"What a way to welcome a friend. It's nice seeing you too." I said. "Shall we go?" She sighed and muttered something under her breath before going back in. I stood out there and waited for her.

She came back holding a pair of slipper. "Let's go."

"You sound cheerful this evening." I said and she gave me a side eye, locked up and started walking ahead of me.

I walked beside her when I caught up. My head was still swarming with all the information I gathered. Listen more than talk. Let her cry. Don't try to replace just be there for her.

Yeah. Easier said than done.

"You're quiet today." She finally said.

"I'm thinking of what direction to veer our conversation today."

That and the fact that she seemed down again. I thought that today, we'd start off from where we stopped yesterday but I couldn't find a trace of the Ijeoma that laughed so much yesterday. It's as if we're starting afresh.

"Have you considered living with someone?" I asked and she turned to look at me.

"Are you about to suggest I move in with you?" She asked and chuckled. It wouldn't be a bad idea.

"I'm being serious." I said instead.

"I did think of it. But right now, I'm not the best housemate to have." She said. "I'm cranky and moody. Sometimes I'm straight up depressed. I don't even think I'll want someone around me right now."

I wouldn't mind. It was on the tip of my tongue to say. But what grounds do I have to offer that. But sincerely, I don't care what her mood was. I wanted her close to me. How else would I keep an eye on her.

"What of your mum?" I asked instead of saying what I had in mind.

"She did offer to come. And she also suggested I come back home. But like I said earlier, I'm not the best of company to have."