Loosing The Grip Of Love

Kabanata 15

Kabanata 15

Worth

I went home like I'm a mess. Walang buhay akong natawa sa aking sarili at saka pagod na humiga sa aking kama pagkatapos kong mag-shower.

Kelan ba ako umuwi ng bahay na hindi ganito ang pakiramdam. I grew up asking myself if there will be a person who will treat me the way I wanted to be treated. I can never tell nor demand people. I can never tell them why I feel hurt because no one will understand how it feels.

Or it was just me who finds comfort I lost a long time ago. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin makalimutan ang aking ina. I always asked her through my mind. I never blame her but it just so unfortunate to think that she flees me. I have so much 'if's running in my head if she's just only here for me, these things won't happen.

If she's just here I never felt like I was always left alone because I have her. If she's just here I never experience being pestiferous. If she just takes me away with her, I think all of this would never be happen. But then, this was all my if's that would never be meant to come about.

Tumagilid ako ng higa at mahigpit na niyakap ang isang unan na nasa aking tabi. Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata at mahinang bumuntong-hininga.

Rhaegar...

He treated me differently. I never expect him to offer me something that I always dream of. He's different. A cold-hearted, snob, arrogant, and ruthless person I know. I shouldn't be surprised if one day he fired me and throw me out of his office.

Faye's words leave a mark. Yna warned me and they are all exactly correct. Rhaegar is a man who only wants to release when he feels it. And at the moment I'm the one he needs to do it.

Let's change the phrase into 'she can have any woman he wanted without lifting a finger because it's Rhaegar Sullivan. A bachelor and known wealthy human living. He has everything, and it will be a waste of time spending it on me in a very serious manner.

From Sofi:

Yeah, sure! You know that I'm always down whenever you asked me to.

Ako:

That's great, thank you. See you there,

I typed in and sent my reply. Hindi ako makatulog at binabagabag ako ng aking mga isipin tungkol kay Rhaegar.

I wear my champagne off-shoulder fitted mini dress and have my tiny purse in my hand as I walked through my car.

I'm heading to a club at BGC like what I planned to do at this hour. I need to party to off this in my head. I need to get him out of my thoughts. He's taking all my senses every time he's around but this time I won't.

Bakit ngayon ko lang ba 'to napagtanto. Do I really think that he's different from all the men who I have in a relationship in the past? He's no different, the truth is, he's more than worst to them.

He's not my boyfriend but he takes my virginity like I'm some his property that night. Oh well, I let him because I was drunk. And he took that as an advantage. We're not in a relationship but he has already sex with me. So unlikely to my exes that I never gave myself.

I meet Sofi outside the club. Pumasok ako na kasabay siya na nasa aking tabi at hindi ko maiwasang tingnan ng masama ang mga taong nakakasalubong namin dahil sa aking mga iniisip tungkol kay Rhaegar.

"Wait, Ria, are you fine?" Pigil sa akin ni Sofi na nakahawak sa aking braso.

I gaze at her. "Yeah, don't mind me. Let's get booze tonight, alright?" I said and smiled at her to assure her that everything is fine.