☀︎𝙹𝙹 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 ☀︎

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞

It was just another day on the boat with the pogues. Beside it was hot as Satans asshole.

I laid on the side of the boat with a cold beer can pressed to my head.

"It's fucking hot as hell out here," John b groaned from the other side of the boat.

"I know, we should go back to the Chateau where the AC is," JJ explained.

"The AC hasn't worked in weeks dumbass and it doesn't work in the van either," John b rolled his eyes.

"What about the water? It's gotta be cold right?" JJ shrugged, standing up from beside of me and looking down into the water.

"Yeah, but the suns beating down on it. It can't be that cold" I said, shaking my head.

"Oh come on! it's better than sitting in this heat." JJ exclaims.

"He's actually right for once it's probably cooler in the water" John b says as he stands up and pulls off his shirt.

The two boys jump off the boat splashing the water on me and I wasn't gonna complain cause it felt good. I stood up and pulled off my shirt but instantly regret it, looking down at my stomach.

Memories started coming back from my years in high school. Kids calling me names like cow, fatty, pig and other insults about my weight. I never liked myself. I was ugly and fat.

I looked back up at the two boys splashing each other in the water.
I really wanted to join in but I didn't want them to see me. What if JJ saw the real me and didn't like what he saw? What if he leaves me? I wasn't gonna take that risk.

I pulled my shirt back over my head and sat on the edge of the boat and cracked open a beer taking a swig of it.

"Hey, you coming or not?" JJ shouted from the water.

I looked over at him and smiled. "No, I'm good,"

I must have gave him a weak smile cause he's face dropped before swimming over and pulling himself onto the boat. He sits beside of me and just stares at me for a few seconds. "What's the matter?" He finally asks.

"Nothing," I shrug my shoulder, taking a sip of my drink.

"Something up. It's hotter than fucking hell and you're not getting in the water with me," JJ states, kissing my temple.

"I don't feel like getting in the water," I abruptly said, looking up to met his blue eyes.

"You're missing out," JJ stood up from beside me.

"Nah"

"Mhmm," He hummed. "You can tell me anything ya know?"

"I know," I said softly.

"Good," JJ nods before leaning down and kissing my lips sweetly.

I smile up at him as he walks to the nose of the boat and does a backflip off of edge.

I rolled my eyes. "Show off"

~~~~

It's been about a month since then and I finally went on a diet. Well, a very strict diet. Okay, fine it wasn't a diet. I'm basically staring myself. I have gone days without any food. And when I did eat it would be a small salad.
I made sure none of my friends or boyfriend would find out. I always tell them I'm not hungry cause I had something early but it was getting harder and harder to keep it a secret. Especially when JJ wanted to take me out to eat the other night. I feel like I hurt his feeling but telling I wasn't up for it. But I had to do what I had to do right? I need to lose weight.

I was laying on my bed watching TV beside JJ when he grabbed me by the waist, making me shove his hand off cause I didn't want him touching me in places I felt insecure about. He furrowed his eyebrows at me.

"What was that about?" He asks.

"Oh, look, this is the best part!" I try to change the subject by pointing at the TV.

JJ didn't even look at the TV. His eyes burned into my side profile before he sighed and pulled me into him by my shoulder which I liked a whole lot better than pulling me by the waist.

After finishing the movie JJ turned off the TV and rolled over on his stomach then laid his head on my stomach and I flinched. Shit. I scolded myself. Why the fuck did I do that?

"Baby," JJ looked up at me. "Are you eating properly?"

I ran a hand through my hair. Oh no. He had finally figured it out.

"Yeah, why you ask that?" I ask, trying to play it off.

"I can feel your ribs," JJ sat up and crosses his legs looking at me with sad eyes.

I sighed as tears brimmed at my eyes.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. I told myself. But I couldn't help but let my tears fall.

"Princess," JJ cooed,!his hands shooting to caress my face as I sat up.

"I'm sorry," I choked out as sobs started escaping my mouth and I leaned into his chest and he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me,squeezing me tightly. "Shhhh," he whispered.

"I wanted to be pretty," I cried. "For you."

"You are beautiful, Y/N," JJ soothed, kissing the top of my head. "Absolutely stunning"

"No I'm not," I croaked, gripping onto his broad shoulders. "I'm ugly."

"No no," JJ grabbed my face making me look at him. "I don't wanna ever hear those lies fall out of your mouth again, understood?"

I nod in responds.

"Now, come on, let's go out to dinner. Get you something to eat for once" JJ stood up and held his hand out for me.

And I took ahold of it.

A/N (Author note):

Finally posted something!!

Suggested by 1-800-fuckoffplease

Word count: 994