Therefore I am Yours | Billie Eilish - Watty Awards 2022

85. I'M SO SORRY, NOW YOU KNOW

Jordan POV

I suddenly awake from my peaceful little nap due to some soft shaking on my left arm.

"Hm?" I ask with my eyes still shut, trying to figure out what Pamela needs.

"Jordan. Billie tried to call you a couple times, I thought I'd wake you since she hit you up more than once." Pamela informs me.

"I don't care." I mumble, trying to fall back asleep.

"Jordan." She asks me again.
"You need to give her a chance to explain herself."

Okay, whatever.

I stretch my arm out to her - still not completely
awake - and take the phone while sitting up.

Before looking into my recent calls, I look at my Instagram notifications and see that my latest post kind of blew up... Like a lot.
And besides that, Billie commented.

Yawning, I squint my eyes, trying to find Billie's contact. Once I have it, I take a deep breath and click 'call back'

It only rings twice before I hear her angelic voice ring through the speakers.
God, I've missed this more than I actually like to admit.

"Hi." She simply says, making me stare at the wall before me blankly.

"Hi." I say back, my voice breaking. Fuck this, I didn't want her to know I got emotional.

"Baby, are you crying?"

"No." I lie, brushing away the tear that sat on my cheek.

"You sure?-"

"Yes, Billie. Stop worrying about me. What's up?"

"Jordan. I am going to worry about you for as long as I want, okay?" Billie insists.

"Whatever. Why did you call me so fucking many times?"

"Because I am your girlfriend and because things are still not fine between us."

"Okay, go on."

I hear her sigh and begin to talk.

"I wanted to hear your voice and get things straight. Yes, Tyson kissed me. And No, I didn't want it and neither did I return it. I love you, Bunny. I would never. And especially not with this Bozo. I simply went to his house to get my mind off all the fucking pressure. To have a civilized talk about life. The fuck else would I wanna do?" She stops a second to take a breath, me listening carefully.
"Okay... I'm gonna be completely honest with you, Baby. He is fine and all but you know me. As soon as I see you, I'm fucking fainting. No Human being on this planet could top that. Ever. And let me remind you about Coachella-"

"Stop, Bil. We're not digging in the past." I say, cutting her off mid sentence. This would've only went downhill.

"You're right. I'm sorry..."

Silence. Her and my breathing is the only thing that's heard.

"I am yours. Okay?"

"Okay." I breathe, my words consisting of air.

"I don't know what else to say."

"You don't need to say anything else."

"I appreciate you, Baby."

The fact that even during and after an argument, Billie still decides to call me pet names means Love to me. Purity.

"I hope you can forgive me."

"Yes, B. I can" I tell her, feeling a big ass smile crash onto my once tear stained face.

"Yes! No more sleepless nights." She happily yells, making me shake my head at her foolishness.

I need to tell her about the job I found, though.

"Oh, Billie?" I ask, feeling the nervousness rise by the second.

"Hm?"

"Theres another thing I'd like to talk to you about..." I quietly inform her.

"Go on, Mamas. I'm listening." Billie speaks softly.

"Because you are away for so long and I literally never do anything besides our activities - which, don't get me wrong, are everything to me - I thought it was best for me to look for something else to spend my time on..."

"Oh, yeah. What do you have in mind?" She asks. I can hear the tone of her voice change slightly into worry or maybe even fear.

"Well, I already applied for a job I found today."

"Okay... what job?"

"To model."

"Seriously? Oh my gawd, how did not see it coming?" My girlfriend laughs to herself.
"That's like perfect for you, J. I'm happy you found something that suits you." She speaks proudly.

"Thanks, Billie. I am happy too..."

"What's all that nervousness about, Baby?"

"Well... I don't know. What if they find someone better than me?"

I've been thinking about that all day.

"They won't, bruh. Look at you! The fuck? Only looking at one of your Instagram posts, they would be blown away." Billie says loudly, wanting me to believe in myself.

I smile.

"Let's see what comes, right?"

"Let's see what comes." Billie repeats.
"Okay, Baby. I'm gonna go to sleep now If that's okay with you. You should too since I woke you up for this."

"How did you know I slept earlier?" I laugh confusedly.

"Oh, As if I didn't know the voice of my girl when she's tired." She chuckles cutely.

"Right." I join.

"Anyways. Hear you tomorrow?"

"Sure." I agree.

"Okay, Princess. I love you. And please don't think about the model thing too much. Later you're gonna hate yourself for wasting all that time in your head."

"Yes, You're right. That's why I didn't hear you call me, Pam took my phone." I laugh.
"Anyways... Love you too. Goodnight, B."

"Goodnight, J." She whispers, hanging up.

I'm honestly so glad we had this talk. I would've been way too stressed for any kind of job interview if I didn't hear her say these words today.

I hope she knows how hard it was for me to just forgive her like that but Pamela was right. I needed to give her a chance.

Billie gives me so much and I am more than lucky to be having what I have with her. Upon so many girls she chose me and she's trying really hard to make everything fit into our little world.

I just hope everything will stay this way, now that both of us are going to be working on things.

Hopefully our relationship will never need a break...

♛

unchecked, please excuse me.