★𝐽𝑜𝐽𝑜'𝑠 𝐵𝑖𝑧𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑒 𝐴𝑑𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑂𝑛𝑒𝑆ℎ𝑜𝑡𝑠★

Dio x Reader

It was a pleasant day at the Joestar manor, you and Danny had been outside playing, your brother Jonathan probably doin some gay shi like he always do. And Dio, you didn't know where he was, probably also doin some sort of gay shi, fucken cat eyed, ugly motherfucker. You still could never forgive him for kicking Danny, Danny was too sweet of a dog and did not deserve that kind of treatment, so, here you were, playing around the fountain with your favorite Great Dane, when he ran off, of course, you being the stupid fuck you are, went right after him, calling out his name, he lead you deep into the woods behind the Joestar manor, prolly to fucken kill yo gay ass, he stopped under a tree, and that was where you sat with him, scolding the dog for running away from you like that, were you truly angry? No, not at all, you could never be angry with Danny. And let's be honest, could you really blame him from running away from your gay ass, nah, you probably don't even wear socks under your trousers you homofuckual. You sat under the tree running your hands through Danny's soft fur, his head was in your lap and you were quickly lulling him to sleep with your gentle caresses along his face. His large brown eyes were droopy and closing at random times, and opening again when you moved onto the next spot, only for the same thing to happen again. 

You couldn't help but smile at the dog, chuckling slightly, he looked up confused and you only smiled wider.

"Ah sorry, Danny, I didn't mean to wake you." You said apologizing to the dog. 

"Shut your fucken ugly ass, crusty ass, dandruff havin ass, bitch ass, wrinkly ass, depression havin ass the fuck up." Danny replied.

"Good golly Danny! YOU CAN TALK- SINCE WHEN?! And watch your tongue."

"Bark bark bark bark bark."

"Shut the fuck up my mom is calling me."

"Yo mom dead."

B

"Dead as hell. What shoes she got on?"

b

"What shoes she got on in the casket?"

"Danny shut the fuck up befoe I put yo gay ass sockless havin ass in the crate and burn you three days early." A new voice said.

"Who tf said that?"

"You fucken stupid or sum shi? It was I, Dio."

"Ew don't look now Danny, it's crusty musty ass."

"Don't talk about my boyfren like that bitch."

"BOYFREN- THAT MF KICKED YOU JUST THE OTHER DAY."

"Little did I know at the time, that's his main turn on uwu owo."

"Yea we fucked just the other day, same day he kicked me actually. *lip bite*"

"Dio I knew yo gay ass was a gay ass the second I laid eyes on yo gay ass, with yo gay ass clothes."

"At least my taste is better than yours."

"At least I don't look like a gay man's asscrack."

"Le gasp."

"Why do you say Le gasp instead of just gasping in a French accent?" 

"Is that even humanly possible?"

"Yea give me a second to switch to French." you said before pulling a baguette out of your ass and a beret out from between your toes. "Le halètement~" you said with the ugliest French accent you could. 

"The fuck was that, I've heard pigeons that speak French better than yo ass."

"You think you could do better?"

"Yea I bet I fucken could."

"Bet."

"Bet."

"Ladies please, you're both ugly ass hell." Danny said.

"Shut the fuck up Danny." You and Dio said at the same time. The two of you instantly turned to each other eyes wide and surprised looks on both of your faces. You two then leaned in before passionately making out, tongue and everything. A rat came by and threw up it was so hot, Danny even sharted himself he thought it was so hot. You felt a mad shit making its way out of your bum while the two of you kissed.

"Did we just shat at the same time?" Dio asked. You nodded, he then grabbed the shit and aggressively consumed it. You grabbed his and did the same.

"Disgusting, why would you think you should do that. I am only aloud to eat your shit. You hath made a mistake you uncultured wench." He slapped you across the face and you were instantly knocked out. 

You woke up in a dark place and looked around confused.

"This don't look like my bed..my bed look gay as hell."

"Gay as fuck." 

"Not as gay as you."

"No u." you then heard aggressive and passionate noises of a make-out session, some drool leaked into the space you were in, and your parched gay throat needed liquid so you instinctively slurped the drool like a vacuum. You spat it out cause it tasted like drool. Which was weird, cause it was drool and it usually doesn't taste like drool but it usually tastes like butt cheeks dipped in butt juice and vinegar. You slapped against the walls of the space and realized you were in a crate.

"Hey, how long have I been asleep?"

"Yes." you heard Dio say.

"Perhaps." You heard Danny say. 

"Ok, so I've been in here for three days. Wait weren't you gunna throw Danny into the furnace today Dio?"

"Well yes, but after I throw you in."

"Wait what." You and Danny said in unison, you bit your lip knowing you and Danny would be making out if you weren't in this crate. 

"Yes," Dio said.

"K."

"Seen at 11:45." 

"Danny why yo ass leavin me on seen every day?"

"I'm breaking up with you."

"WHY WOULD YOU BREAK UP WITH ME?! WE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE THE UGLIEST FUCKING KIDS!"

"Because I have a confession to make."

"Your confession is?"

"..I ate Y/n's shat."

"YOU MONSTER! YOU FUCKBOY!"

"What is going on out here?" You now heard Jonathan's voice. 

"Hello brother."

"Y/n? Why are you in the crate?" You went to answer before you were roughly thrown into a place you didn't know, you slammed against the wall of the crate with an 'oof'. 

"Dio? What are you doing now?" You heard the sound of a match being flicked against the rough end of the box before feeling a strange heat erupt from beneath you. You then burned alive, somehow in seconds because logic does not exist. Jonathan, Dio and Danny then began to fortnite dance around the furnace. You saw them as you went down your strip pole to hell, and you couldn't help but fortnite dance with them going down the pole. You almost died but you're dead anyways so it don't matter.

The end