Play For My Heart

[PFMH] Seven

                I wake up in my room, tucked under my quilt and still dressed in yesterday's clothes. There's a crease on my cheek from my wrinkled pillowcase. It's damp from all the tears I cried last night.

When I try to sit up, a wave of dizziness pushes me back. I wait for the room to stop spinning, and then- hesitantly- I reach for my phone. In all honestly, I'm scared of what I might see. What will today's challenge be?

          I look at my screen. Then I blink. Hard. And then I blink again.

            No texts.

            No calls.

            No... Nothing.

             Where's the challenge? And I would think Justin would've texted me at least once. What about Aaron? Doesn't he have to text me good-night?

                Hands shaking, I move to the window on an odd stroke of inspiration. Slowly, I inch my curtains to the side and peek out.

                I almost scream.

                Jaxter's truck is parked on the side of the street outside my house. It's right there.

I can see him in the driver's seat. He's staring straight ahead, at nothing in particular, fingertips dancing on the steering wheel. Squealing, I jump back from the window and start pacing. What the hell is Jaxter doing here?

              For the next hour, I sneak looks out my window every 5 seconds. Then, while I watch, Aaron gets a phone call. After just a minute of talking, he turns his key in the ignition and races off. I breathe a sigh of relief, and then bite my lip.

               What was that...? PANG in my stomach? Disappointment? No. There is no WAY I'm disappointed that Jaxter has stopped stalking me.

                Is there?

                But then there's that relief, thankfully smothering my stupid "disappointment." Justin's recent comment about Jaxter threatening me has crawled under my skin and taken root. Before, I blew it off. But now... I'm scared. Just what could Aaron Jaxter do to me? But, wait! I'm Jess Hardin! Independent. Stubborn. Sassy. I take dares, I never fall in love or get too attached, and no one knows me.

                At least, that's who I was. But... who am I now? And... Is there any going back? Besides, if I COULD go back to my old self… would I want to?

•••

                I sit around over-thinking everything for a while longer, and then I make myself snap out of it. In a blind rush, I pull on a tank top and skinny jeans. Not bothering with make-up, I shove my feet into a pair of worn sneakers and slip out the door. I'm out of the house so much my mom has stopped trying to complain. She's at work most of the time anyways.

                No one's around when I close the door behind me. In fact, it sounds almost TOO quiet...

My engine roars and I speed off, eager to get away from the eerie silence and at the same time completely unsure where I'm going.

                I end up at the park where I first met Justin. It's completely empty, which suits me just fine. I stumble over to the swings like a drunk and plop down. The birds are singing, a breeze is keeping my hair off my shoulders, and it smells like summer, even though it isn't. Usually, I'd be out painting or running on a day like this. Instead, I'm swinging in a park for 5-year-olds and throwing myself a pity party- with no guests invited.

                What I want now, is a friend. Not Justin. I don't know what to feel when it comes to him... not yet. I can't expect Jaxter to come to my rescue either- "boyfriend" or not- and I wouldn't want him to.

               No, what I need... is a GIRL friend. And the first person even partially under that genre is Aubrey. So I call her. I can hear Lexi in the background, asking who it is, but Aubrey ignores her. Huh. Maybe she isn't that bad. Ignoring Lexi puts someone pretty high up on my list.

                I explain part of what's going on to Lexi before she cuts me off and tells me she'll be there in 10 minutes. I breathe a sigh of relief, and then hang up.

                While the ten minutes drag by, I think. What has happened to me? I've never depended on ANYONE before. Not even my own parents. Not after my dad left my mom and me for someone he met online.

                After that happened (I was 11), I vowed to never be like him. I wouldn't be gullible, or dependent on anyone. And I wouldn't let anyone else determine who I was, like my mom did. Without my dad, she became a nobody. I wouldn't become that.

                So, when I was eleven years old, I became a whole new person. And I never looked back.

Until today.

               I've never told anyone about my dad and how he changed me. I never needed to. And I never had anyone to tell. But when Aubrey comes sprinting over to me, I end up sobbing on her shoulder and telling her my life story. I whimper about my mixed feelings about Justin AND Aaron. In between bits of hyperventilating (I haven't cried this much since my dad left...), I ask for her help over and over again. I feel absolutely pathetic.

                Finally, I sink to the ground and try to breathe. Aubrey starts to comfort me. While she's rubbing my back, I hear a twig crack somewhere nearby, but I don't bother to look up. I honestly don't care who hears me now.

•••

Aaron's POV

              I silently climb back into the driver's seat of my car. My hands are shaking and I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. Did I really just hear everything I thought I heard?

            Slowly, I start the car and drive away. I don't know where I'm going until I get there. "There" ends up being an old abandoned basketball court in the middle of a decade-old park.

             It's perfect outside, but I barely notice. My head is swarming with the things Jess said. She really likes this Justin guy... And yet, she said, I'm somehow holding her back. And not because of the dare. Jess is confused and a little scared that I'll hurt her (would I do that? It scares ME that I have to think about it...) because I might get mad about Justin.

              And then there's everything she said about her dad... I guess it really explains why she is the way she is.

                But what do I do now?

             I pace around for a while and finally get up the guts to call my girlfriend. I'm not sure what I'll say- not yet- but I will. (And it's crazy to think that just this morning I was planning on using another girl to make her jealous...)

              Slowly, I dial her number.

               "Aaron?" She says.

             "Jess. I need to talk to you. Can you meet me somewhere?"

               "Name the place. I... I need to talk to you too."

               With my heart in my throat, I ask her to wait for me at the park- the park I know she's been at once today. When she agrees, I hang up before I can say something stupid. And then, I jump in my car and race off.