𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓣𝓸𝓾𝓬𝓱, 𝓜𝔂 𝓒𝓾𝓻𝓮 《 𝓜𝓮𝔀𝓖𝓾𝓵𝓯 》

『 Chapter 7 』

-------------------------Mew's POV------------------------

Everything that has been happening feels like a dream to me, I can't believe that I'm already at this stage where I can talk and even play with the kids, there is even times when I wake up feeling scared that it was really a dream and I find myself hurrying to see if Gulf and the kids were really there, the moment I see them a wave of relief fill me up

Somehow I'm grateful for the landlord who forced me to live with them, my life completely changed and I'm feeling refreshed and more and more hopeful, I can even tell that the bad memories that lived with me all those years are fading away each passing day and I'm really enjoying my current life with them, yet lately the urge of wanting to touch Gulf is getting higher each time I talk to him

Like when he looks sad when he remembers his sister, I really wanted to pat on his shoulder and comfort him, or when he got sick, I wanted to help him and I really hated my phobia back then seeing him struggling to get into the car, I want to help him cooking in the kitchen but I couldn't because we will surely end up touching since the kitchen is a bit small, touching Gulf is enough for me and I wish I could do it

Well, I was shocked when he told me he is gay, he though he made me feel disgusted but I didn't feel that at all and it didn't change my mind, on the contrary, it made me want to get closer to him after hearing his story and looking sorrowful because of his ex-boyfriend betrayal... the war inside my head between my phobia and the urge to touch Gulf is both tiring me and driving me nuts

"do you want to try?" Gulf suddenly asked while we were working in the office

"try what?" I asked being confused

"touching me" my eyes went wide as I stared at him speechless, did he feel my strong desire to touch him?

"touching?" I didn't know how to react to what he just said

"I think you are ready to try and touch other people, I mean adults, you are already so relaxed and fine with the kids and your personality changed toward others too, oh wait, you should start by touching your father since he is your family" he said with an encouraging smile and excited eyes

"it doesn't matter if it's you or my father or anyone else, personally, I want to start with touching you and keep it a secret from my father in case I may get sick again, he already went through the shock of seeing me so sick and faint and I don't want him to go through that again" I explained

"in that case, I agree, of course I don't want you to force yourself, just do it whenever you feel ready, before that may I ask, were you born with it or did you get it because of a bad experience?" he asked looking worried, I sighed remembering my psychiatric words

"... the first step to be cured is to open up about your trauma, accept it as a part of your past and move on" so I guess to be able to touch someone I should first get everything out of my chest about that accident, I know that Gulf would be understanding and will listen seriously to me, he will surely find the right words to comfort me like before

"it happened almost 15 years ago, I was in my second year of middle school..." I told Gulf what happened back then as he watched me stunned not uttering a word, he was looked very sad and even guilty

"I really loved my mother, she was very close to me and taught me everything, she encouraged me and was there for me when I was sick, sad, happy unlike my father who had to work most of the time, her touch always made me feel calm and better, but after seeing her touching another man so lovingly, all my love for her turned to complete hate, I hated her so much and her touch made me at that time made me feel so disgusted to the pointed I feared to be touched by her and everyone else" I said with an emotional voice remembering everything that happened