The queen of the Horn - A suspian fanfic

A dream of a dream

I stared into the soft brown eyes of the gorgeous king, struggling to force the words past the enormous lump in my throat. Caspian stared back into my eyes, his face twisted in pain and his dark eyes clouded with grief. Determined to be as strong as possible when his heart was breaking, he forced himself closer to the girl he had to leave forever. Angry tears burned in his chocolate brown eyes. No, Aslan would not be so cruel. He couldn't help repeating to himself although he knew it wouldn't make her stay.

"I wish we had more time together," he whispered, his voice cracking. I gave a weak smile, too upset to respond. I grasped his big scarred hands in my own and slowly turned back, the pain reflected in every muscle in my body. The king lowered his head, determined to hide the hot tears threatening to spill over his cheeks. Nothing could ever compare to this kind of pain. It was like my heart was on fire, writhing and breaking in my chest, seeing him like this.
Caspian opened his mouth to say something, but I was quicker and I put my hands against his face and pressed my lips to his soft ones. He was shocked, I could tell.  But still he wrapped his arm around my waist and his other on the small of my back. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever even imagined I would ever kiss him. Sure,

Caspian breathed in, as he held me tight and pressed me against his heart. After what seemed just a few moments I pulled back and looked at him, I knew my face was wet with tears. I buried my head in his chest and threw my arms around Caspian's waist. I was grateful that he hugged me so tightly because his strong arms were the only things keeping me from falling apart. I held my breath, wondering if it was possible for my heart to physically break. The Telmarine King dipped his head and softly kissed my shoulder blade. "Stay," he pleaded, his deep voice shaking...

"Su, Su wake up, Susan,'' Peter whispers urgently, shaking me awake. "Susan, Susan, stop, wake up!" he pleads frantically. Startled, I jolt awake to see the sad worried faces of my brothers leaning over my bed. I look questioningly at my brothers, angry at them for waking me from my dream.

"You were calling his name again," Edmund says quietly after a long pause. I lower my head in shame, too embarrassed to look at my overprotective older brother. Another long pause. Peter sighs and sits down on the bed next to me, cautiously, he reaches for my hand. "You have to let him go Su. It's been a year. All you do is sit in that train station crying. No matter how long you sit there he isn't just going to walk off one of the trains. I know you liked him Su but you have to move on. You can't live like this anymore, it's not healthy. You have to stop," Peter says.

Anger flashes through my mind as Peter speaks. He didn't understand. He didn't understand how close I and Caspian had gotten during our short month together. He didn't understand how it took every fiber of my being to walk away from Caspian forever. He didn't understand the incredible pain and suffering I constantly felt; as if my heart was constantly on fire, burning away into didn't understand how much it hurt to think about him and see boys who looked like him every day. He didn't understand me.

Without another word Peter stands up and goes back to bed, when I follow him, leaving my room. He is shaking his head. I lean my head against the wall and start to sob, the tears soaking into my brown curls. I constantly felt like my heart was being torn out of her chest every second of every day. And I have tried. I had tried so, so hard to move on, to let go of Caspian. To everyone else, I was told that I looked like the average beautiful, shy, sweet, logical girl she had always been. My parents had even been fooled by my fake smiles and forced laughter before they went to America for my father's job after the war. But those who knew the real me saw the heartache and pain I tried so desperately to hide. I draw my knees up to my aching chest and cry out my continual sorrow into my pajama pants.

"S-Su? Susan?'' Edmund suddenly stutterers nervously. Startled, I look up at my little brother. I notice that Edmund cringes at my tear-stained, red face and my probably puffy eyes. "What. What Ed? "I said expectantly between sobs. "I'm so, so sorry sis,so sorry" he chokes out lamely, taking a small step towards me. Fresh tears slid down my face and new sobs renewed in my chest. Edmund forgets his awkwardness and immediately walks across the floor and perches himself on the edge of my bed; I need him. He wipes a tear away with his thumb and brushes a tangled curl out of my red face. I look up at him with my tear-filled eyes and throw myself into his arms. I bury my head into his chest, clenching my fists in his shirt and let myself cry uncontrollably.

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Edmund wraps his arms around his sister and rests his cheek on the top of her head. He squeezes his big sister lovingly and strokes her hair just like he had all those years in Calormen... He could feel the hot tears soaking into his shirt as he whispers comforting words in her ears, desperately trying to calm her down. He had never seen her so ... broken. Well, except after Rabadash. He growls and holds her tighter at the horrible memory. Just thinking of that arrogant creep and what he tried to do to his sister made his blood boil and his vision blur with red. Without a hint of embarrassment he gently settles them on the bed and pulls the covers over them, tucking the soft quilts under Susan's chin and carefully shifting her onto his shoulder. He locks his arms around her and wipes away her tears and kisses her hair until her breathing slows down and she eventually stops crying ." I love you so much Susan," he whispers softly as she finally drifts off to sleep in his arms after hours of crying.