"-so then we started running away from the store because we didn't want to die and I didn't notice where I was going and I guess uh, other me followed and I was using my uh quirk so I was running ahead and I guess I led us to UA but well I kinda, sorta didn'tknowthathedidn'thaveapasstogetthroughthegatesandittriggeredthealarmasdthegatesshutonusI'msosorrypleasedon'tkillmesensei-"
Aizawa Shota is left kneading the bridge of his nose by the time the Problem Child not holding a gun("....And why do you have a gun angsty Problem Child?!" "Why don't you tell Present Mic about your feelings?" "...touche bitch. How did you know?" "I have a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you....and I took a calculated risk." "Goddammit.")finishes his explanation as to why the universe decided one Midoriya wasn't already enough of a̶n̶ ̶a̶n̶e̶u̶r̶y̶s̶m̶ a headache to kickstart the apocalypse.
Shota turns towards the other Midoriya, who looks at him as if deciding whether or not he has rabies(last time Shota checked he was up to date on all his shots, thank you very much.)and looks at him with an equally warry glare."Would you like to add anything else problem child #2?"
"I knew something was going to go wrong today when I realized the fridge didn't have pickles. Nothing good ever happens when I'm out of pickles."
"Ha ha-Is that why you're so-ha haha!-sour?" Problem child #1 tries to ask through his giggles. "I'm sorry-ha- I had to ask!"
"No that's the childhood trauma."
The bridge of Shota's nose is going to break if he doesn't stop kneading it.
"Okay." He sighs, with the aura of a zombie who craves death. "So, in conclusion, no one has any idea whatsoever what the fuck is going on-"
"SENSEI! IT IS IRRESPONSIBLE OF YOU TO ENGAGE IN SUCH FOUL LANGUAGE AS A PRO HERO AND REPRESENTATIVE OF UA-" comes Iida's voice from the other side of the gates.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP SHITTY FOUR EYES SONIC KNOCK-OFF!" Bakugo's voice interrupts.
"BAKUGOU IT IS RUDE TO-"
Shota ignores them because that's the only way to survive the Hell Class and he doesn't want to think about why they aren't inside the dorms during a possible attack on the school.
When he'd been forced out of his peaceful nap to respond to a possible threat at the gates he expected a headache. Upon seeing not one, but two identical problem children he'd been tempted to finally resign from his teaching position at UA.
Somehow, this is Hizashi's fault.
"Sho! What's the situation!" Speak of the devil(but why?! He didn't say it aloud!)... "I heard the alarm and all the Little Listeners were gathering around the gate-!" Hizashi cuts himself off as he looks at Midoriya. "Oh, hey little listener and...." Shota sighs and presses his hands to his ears to futilely prepare for the inevitable as Hizashi lays his eyes upon the bastard cat version of the sunshine child(which, in his opinion, breaks several universal laws by existing). "...little listener....SHO WHY THE FUCK DO YOUR KIDS GET INTO SO MUCH SHIT??!"
"HOLY SHIT CAN YOU TURN DOWN YOUR FUCKING VOLUME??!!"
"SHO MIDORIYA IS SWEARING THE APOCALYPSE IS HERE!!" Screams the blonde as he climbs Shota like he's a cat tree and Hizashi is the biggest fucking cat on earth(Shota disagrees, Hizashi is more of a cockatoo).
"'ZASHI GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!"
____
Omake:
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I Should Be In Church(But I'm Raging On A Sunday)
Fanfiction"Yeah right, and I'm a duck, quack quack bitch," the doppelganger snarks back, "you don't seem to have heard my question, though last I checked we both speak fluent Japanese, so I'll repeat myself for your shitty ass ears: Who the fuck are you and w...
