BSD Oneshots, Headcanons, And Scenarios 💞

Osamu Dazai Headcanons 💙

》Randomized. Mafia Dazai will most likely be added soon enough!~《
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♡ Dazai is the type of boyfriend who would play with the magnets that's on the fridge whenever he's bored.

♡ Everyone knows that Dazai is always slacking off, lying on the couch with his headphones on, singing along to the tune of a song. However, whenever you try and walk past him, he grabs your arm and pulls you on top of him; cuddling you as he hums softly.

♡ "Osamuuu, I need to get back to work."

♡ *chuckles* "No."

♡ Naturally, he's concerned whenever you're injured. However, for some reason, he's always excited whenever he tends to your wounds and wraps bandages around them.

♡ Turns out he's just excited that you get to match with him.

♡ He has a high tolerance for alchohol, but whenever he does get drunk, he becomes even more flirty than he already is.

♡ "You are absolutely stunning. Would you please give me the honor of committing a lover's-suicide with m-"

♡ "No."

♡ "Then, would such a mesmerizing beauty like you care to be my girlfriend?"

♡ "We're dating. "

♡ "Already? Well, I guess I'm just that good~"

♡ Dazai originally did not plan on establishing a serious relationship with anyone. Despite being touch-starved and his need for affection, he's constantly distancing himself so that no one gets hurt.

♡ He's already lost both of his only friends. He can't lose someone else so important to him.

♡ In addition, he doesn't want to be loved and cherished by someone; only to shatter their heart if he ever succeeds in ending his life.

♡ You were the one to initiate the first kiss, as his conflicting feelings got in the way of showing his affection to such a degree.

♡ It was a bittersweet moment; a silent proclamation of both endless love and dedication, as well as overcoming a vast amount of fear.

♡ He would not hesitate to embarrass you in public.

♡ You: [on your way to check out your groceries]

♡ Dazai: [zooms by on a shopping cart] "ONWARD MY NOBLE STEED!"

♡ He loves to hold your hand. However, he likes to tease you by moving his out of the way whenever you try to grab it.

♡ Whenever you do finally manage to get ahold of it, he squeezes yours tightly with a loving smile on his face.

♡ Sometimes you get to piggyback ride on him, whether it was when you were alone or out in public on your way to work. You both have too much fun to give a care.

♡ You usually burst into the Agency while on his back as he exclaims: "THE KING HAS ARRIVED."

♡ Normally, your dates are random and can vary, as Dazai is an unpredictable man.

♡ It's either spending a romantic evening on the rooftop watching the stars, or taking you to that sketchy ramen place around the corner.

♡ [Dazai staring at the bowl of ramen] "You're so delicately beautiful." *slorp*

♡ Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not let him drive.

♡ He'd either wreck the car or drive straight into a pond; there is no in between.

♡ He is 100% the big spoon. He also likes to play with your hair whenever you're sound asleep, whether it's childishly curling it around his finger or "braiding" it.

♡ "Ta-da! I did your hair for you! Thank me later~"

♡ [You looking in the mirror] "...Never touch my hair again."

♡ Sometimes he gives you random kisses out of nowhere. He doesn't care if anyone stares; if he wants a kiss then he's gonna get it.

♡ He likes to tease you and poke your cheek whenever you're angry.

♡ Don't let him cook for you. His cooking needs to be censored, and he'd most likely burn down the kitchen.

♡ "Would you mind cooking dinner? I'll be at work later than usual tonight."

♡ "Of course, love!"

♡ [proceeds to put frozen chicken in the microwave]

♡ Sometimes, he'll come home completely disheveled, his facade broken. He doesn't say a word, he just looks for you seeking comfort. You're the only person that he can show his vulnerability to.

♡ As stated above, Dazai's goofy personality is mainly a facade. One of his biggest flaws is that he lies about his emotions way too much. He often drinks away his sorrows at the bar that he visited regularly back when he was in the mafia.

♡ Whenever you're at your desk working, he'll wrap his arms around you and rest his chin on top of your head.

♡ Dazai is incredibly smart and the master of deception. He was the mafia's lead strategist, after all. So whenever you try to hide something from him, you fail. Miserably.

♡ He's already an affectionate man; but whenever you're feeling depressed, he gives you 10x the attention.

♡ He doesn't get jealous easily, as he trusts that you wouldn't betray him. However, he can be a little paranoid here and there due to past experiences.

♡ Usually pulls you closer to him whenever he feels that way.

♡ But normally he eggs on the person who's trying to flirt with you.

♡ [Whispering] "Great job! Now, say: 'You and I are like nachos with jalapeños. I'm super cheesy, you're super hot, and therefore, we belong together.' Works every time!~"

♡ As flirty as he is, you're the only one that he will speak to in such a manner.

♡ If someone else tries to flirt with him, he'd have the most disgusted expression written on his face.

♡ "Sorry, but this delectable dessert is off the market."

♡ You're always late to work because he simply won't stop cuddling you in the morning.

♡ "fIvE mOrE mInUtEs."

♡ [Ten minutes later]

♡ "tWo mOrE mInUtEs."