Seeking Comfort

IV

Erwin had his flask out again. He sat on his small kitchen chair, his other arm resting on the table. He still had on his shirt, now damp with Levi's blood. Lifting the bottle, he took another swig, the harsh liquor burning his throat as it went down. Erwin kicked himself. Over and over. He respected Levi, and Levi looked up to him. Pushing the chair back so hard he knocked it over as he got up, he started to pace in circles again. As big as the room would allow.

Why the hell had he spoken to him like that?

He pulled at his hair. Erwin wasn't wrong though. He did care about the lives that were lost outside the walls. He especially cared about the ones lost inside. The deaths hit him hard. They took a toll on him.

Drinking from the flask once more he exhaled.

   "Fuck."

Levi is the scout's best soldier.

   "FUCK!" He lashed out, kicking the chair across the room which splintered when it crashed against the wall. Its legs snapped off and scattered but he paid no attention. Instead he spun around, catching his feet on pieces of glass that Levi had broken in anger. He didn't even notice.

Who am I kidding. He's hurting, I need to be there for him. I need to apologize.

He rushed to the door, smashing it against the wall as he pulled it open and headed towards Levi's room down the corridor, but as soon as he passed through the doorway he came to a stop. Only a few steps away Levi knelt, one hand on the ground the other braced against the wall, his whole body shaking so violently. Erwin could hear his shallow breathing. Could see the sheen on his body that was coated in sweat.

   "Shit, Levi what-" Erwin came around to face Levi and dropped down to one knee, lowering himself to his level.

   "I can't breathe." Levi choked. "I can't breathe." He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping them in his arms and began to rock forward and back. Forward and back. Again and again.

   "Levi." Erwin gently clasped Levi's shoulders in both hands, steadying him.

   "Why can't I-? What's happening to me-" Levi looked up amid shaky breaths and Erwin could feel Levi shiver. He felt the movement up his arms as he held Levi still. The vibrations passing from one person to the next. Erwin looked down into Levi's eyes. They portrayed only panic and confusion and if Levi was asking for help, his eyes were pleading for it.

   "Hey, hey, look at me." He said, shuffling closer to Levi, cupping both hands around his burning face. "Keep your eyes on me." Erwin felt the warmth from Levi's breath stroke the delicate skin on the inside of his wrists; the hot tears trickling onto his hands as we wiped them off Levi's face with his thumbs.

   "Count with me Levi. Count to ten with me, come on."
Levi Nodded.

   "Alright now one."

   "One"

   "Two"

   "Erwin I-" he panted in between breaths.

   "Two, Levi."

   "Two"

   "Three. Come on say it with me."

   "Erwin." Levi leant into him, resting his forehead against Erwin's chest, who gingerly placed his hands on the back of Levi's head. Erwin felt his pulse and little by little, it began to drop, starting to return to its regular rhythm.