It's five o clock in the morning. My dad is wide awake yelling about some unreasonable shit. I hate him. He's such a cruel person. I live in my house with my mum and him. It feels as if the only thing he wants us around for is to let out his anger on us. He's always been like this, he tried taking anger management after the neighbours called the police but he ended up leaving. I don't know what I did to deserve this life, or my mum. But it's just life, I have to deal with it.
My parents married a year ago, I have my suspicions that it was forceful. As if he made her get married. She's never happy with him, she never leaves the house. She's trapped there by my father, soon it'll be me.
I get up. I look down at my shirt, it had holes and dirt all over it. It was gross. I look back up into the mirror and look at myself. Then, I remember what happened last night. My dad had punched me in the eye out of frustration. My eye was mostly white and it was a trouble to properly see. I don't know how I forgot, I think I sculled pain killers.. we have them in the cupboard all the time so my dad doesn't have to hear us complain when he gets his hands on us. I remember passing out from overusing the drug, must be the reason I only now realise. They were gross but it was better than feeling the stinging pain. I pull out the drawer below my mirror. I had ran out of bandages. People at school would see it. I sigh. I would do anything to leave this family , but I know no matter what happens, I would get beat.
I hear footsteps walk up the stairs , they were fast but light. My heart stopped pounding, it was my mum. As much as I'd want to talk to her I know she wouldn't answer. I know she just wants to keep me safe but I care about her. She's mistreated, to be fair so am I.
I choose to keep the clothes I slept in on, I couldn't stand my dads voice any longer and didn't want to stay in my house. I left through my bathroom window, I have bruises and scratches from jumping out that window, but it was worth it so I could leave. It led to my front yard onto the driveway, from there I'd walk on the concrete pavement.
It was still dark so the street lights lit up the place. It was cold and I was shivering. I just wanted to feel the warmth of a hug, for some reason my mind couldn't grasp the fact that'll never happen. I kick the rocks and sticks out of my path, it was the only thing to give me some kind of entertainment. I pass a park and see two people sitting in it. One of them was Larry, I hate him. I hate everyone he hangs out with too. But there was someone else there who I couldn't recognise, it was a girl. She had two pigtails dyed blue. And she wore a mask. She's probably weird but I found her pretty. She also seemed quite nice. I'd walk up to her but she's probably friends with Larry and his friends which is upsetting.
I ignore them and continue the path, I was best off just heading to school, there's nothing else to do. It wasn't too far away, which was good. My legs started hurting.
I finally arrived at Nockfell at around 6:50.AM. It was nearly empty. There were people sitting near their lockers on their phones and talking. Once I walked through further everyone's eyes locked onto me and my eye. It was embarrassing but they should be respecting me, but I don't care. I decided to sit in front of my classroom and fell asleep.
I hear a concerned voice call my name. I slowly open my eyes, the light shocked me considering it was so sudden. The guys voice sounded comforting and smooth but once my eyes stopped blurring I saw who it was.
"Travis?? Travis are you alright?" His smooth voice whispered as he grabbed my shoulders.
"DON'T TOUCH ME.." I was shocked.
Although I didn't like it, his hands were warm and made me feel comfortable. I then realised who it was. The girl from before.. but this wasn't a girl, it was a guy..
"Oh, I'm sorry.. I-I should introduce myself, I'm uhm sal, Larry told me to your name." He looked down twiddling his fingers.
He was so kind, and he was so attractive.. but then it hit me like a bullet.. if I like him.. that means I'm a faggot.. this isn't right.. that's so.. sick.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I-I was making sure you were alright, that's all.." he seemed somewhat shy and upset.
"I'm fine!? You're just a FREAK! You hang out with Larry and all the other homos, leave me the fuck alone, you're against god.. You're against CHRISTIANITY.." I screamed.
I didn't know what was coming out of my mouth, I just blurted it out. I- I felt like my father.
"I'm sorry, I'll leave. But class is on,, uh, by the way."
I looked at him in his ocean blue eyes. They were so pretty, and I felt bad. He got up. He seemed somewhat upset although his face being under the mask.
"Why the fuck do you have a mask on, you creep."
"It's.. it's a prosthetic." He stammered
"Hmph"
Every part of me wanted to apologise but it was wrong. His lifestyle is wrong! Why would he choose this, he could have so much ahead of him but- but he chooses to sin! I kept thinking about the fact he was creepy but I liked him. No! No I didn't. I don't like him, that's wrong. It's disgusting, why choose that for yourself.
I got up and went into class, it was mostly boring. I couldn't help myself to look back at him. He was so focused , he was cute, but no.. that's wrong, that's so fucking wrong.. but him, he seemed so innocent, maybe he didn't deserve what I said.. but maybe he did...?
School took a while to finish but at the same time it was so fast. I- I feel so gross.. I couldn't help myself but I was looking at him all day.. into his pretty eyes.. it's so wrong but feels so right.
I followed him, to his way back home. Every step I followed, I wanted to see where he lived, not because I like him but.. I don't know.. but he lives at Addison appartments, I was told by my dad not to go near there so I didn't go inside. It was strange how they lived in the same place my dad told me not to go to but it didn't bother me too much.
I ended up walking home a longer way this time, so I could avoid the screams of my father. Although I did feel bad leaving my mum by herself I was just worrying about myself in the moment. It sounded selfish but I was scared. What if my dad found out I liked some guy in my class.. I'm so don't with dealing with issues.
When I got inside it was surprisingly quiet, my dad was passed out on the couch with the television turned on. I felt so much relief. I went to my room quickly locking the door immediately. I went to my bed and collapsed, passing out.
I woke up while it was still dark, I check my clock to see the time; 2:00AM. I couldn't hear anything downstairs so I walked into the bathroom and jumped out the window. I retraced my steps and walked to Addison apartments. I remember them talking and telling some kid the room they were in so I climbed up to the window there, I soon found Sals window. I look inside hoping to see his face but his prosthetic or whatever was still on. The window was still open and my hand slipped nearly causing me to fall, I then grabbed onto the top of the window causing it to slam shut making a loud thud noise. I was dangling off the edge of the window and tried to balance myself out, I then see sal at his window facing directly at me, we stared for a couple of seconds.
"T-Travis?" He mumbled, sleepy.
I then slipped down and fell onto the concrete, blood was gushing from my knees and they hurt seriously bad.
"TRAVIS? ARE YOU OKAY?" I hear sal yell.
I then ran, limping to get out of his sight. I hoped he would think it was a dream. I stopped at a nearby street light and used my shirt to clean it off. My shirt was already dirty, I took it off and threw it into a nearby bush. It was freezing and I had bruises over my torso. I ran back quickly due to the cold and climbed back into the window.
I grabbed a purple jumper and put it on, it felt warmer and I went back to bed.
I woke up in the morning.. my dad was yelling once again and I decided to wear longer shorts to cover the scratches on my knees.. I started to miss the feeling of sals hands...
