Stronger than All Other Loves

𝔽𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘

          You were ultimately sad when you woke the next morning to find that the call had ended. Not from someone hanging up no it was since you had stupidly forgotten to plug your phone in. You weren't used to having to plug in your phone. Hell, you weren't used to having a phone at all. Even though you had had it for nearly 2 years doesn't mean you get used to it. For one strange reason or another you remember hearing Bucky's name somewhere and you remember his sharp features from somewhere but you weren't sure. Where ever it was from you couldn't help the feeling that something in the past loomed over him, such as yourself. Shuddering at the thought of what you had done in the past.

         This was also the first night you had almost slept through. You had only had one nightmare. You remember the dream vividly. You had been walking around the street casually when out of nowhere a voice spoke your trigger words. Ice. Drain. Petal. Becoming. Yellow. Sixteen. Lilac. Rusted. Book. Perfection. You were activated, your mission to kill the Avengers. You had been successful in infiltrating the tower and moved quickly to Natasha's room strangling her, then moving to Wanda and Vision's room. As you were just about to kill Wanda you woke up screaming. You hadn't woken any of the other Avengers (soundproof walls), but you had awakened Bucky. He called out your name on the other end of the line. His calm voice soothing you slowly back into sleep.

        You felt bad so you felt you had to apologize to him. So you plug in your phone and fix yourself breakfast. Which just so happens today it's going to be coffee and a single grape because that's all you could stomach. You enter your room once again and decide it's time to allow actual light into your usual dark space. Your room is filled with a single bed placed off to the side and a dresser. It was designed after your cell you were placed in at HYDRA. Even after 3 and a half years at the compound it never felt like home. You had some great friends like Steve, Wanda, and Bruce but no matter how hard you tried to customize your room it always resulted in the same thing. A bed off in the corner and a dresser half full. It must have been your agent training always to keep minimal things and always be able and ready to move at all times.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a small knock on the door frame. Turning to face the sound you notice Steve standing there.

"I figured you probably hadn't eaten yet so I made some pancakes if you wanted to come to eat some." his voice warm and inviting.

"Actually I have already eaten I should be good,"  you reply with a certain coldness in your voice that you didn't mean to be there yet it was.

"What did you eat because I am willing to bet it is not enough?" Steves concern is touching.

"I had some coffee and a grape. That's all I could eat Steve." you look to meet his eyes hoping he won't push you to eat more but he does.

"You need to eat at least one pancake if not for yourself for me." his eyes begged.

"Fine," you say as you remove the hoodie you had on revealing the scars on your arms that had been reopened a couple of nights ago. They catch Steve's eye.

"Darling did you start cutting again."

        Ashamed you hide the cuts that cascade up and down your arms. Steve walks over towards you. "I have a friend who went through something similar to what you went through. I'm gonna call him. See if he can't help you. Maybe even help with the nightmares." He brushed his hand against your cheek as he leaned down to kiss your head.

        It was a simple gesture but there was something so domestic about it. Which made you hate it even more. Domesticity was not something you welcomed lightly into your life the last time that happened you ended up getting hurt. You wished you hadn't winced or cringed away as hard you did because the look on Steve's face was hurt.