somebody ; minsung

IX ; nobody

Jisung is telling me to run but my body is frozen. All I can do is sit and stare and think — no. This can't be real. I don't want to believe it. I'm nearly shaking, with shock or anger or sadness I don't know.

He brings his fist down on the table. "Minho! Camouflage and get out — now!"

"Where... where do I go?"

"I don't know! Anywhere! Find a boat, cross an ocean, go north till you reach the top — just go!"

"But... what about you?"

"What? What about me?

"What will they do to you?"

He scoffs, incredulous. "Why do you care? I ruined your life, you should hate me."

"I don't even know you — how could I hate you?"

"Weren't you listening before?"

"Of course I was. The guy you knew isn't me. I don't know, maybe once I can remember more of my past... our past..."

His eyes tighten, his fists clench. "Your memories have been erased. You won't get them back. The procedure isn't reversible."

I almost laugh, at a loss. "No... no, that's not right. I'll remember more over time, right? Jisung, say it, say I'm right."

"No. Minho is dead."

"Don't say that!"

He shoots to his feet, knocking his chair over backward. "Accept it! You're dead, you're gone, you're nothing and it's my fucking fault!"

His eyes are hard on mine. I try not to cry but I can't keep it inside. I hold my face in my hands, letting the tears fall.

"Just leave," he murmurs. "You can't stay here."

"What the fuck?" I try to growl, to fight the waver in my voice. "Why are you so damn cold?"

His eyes soften. He picks the chair back up. "Sorry. If I didn't tell you to leave, I... I'd be begging you to stay."

I rub my hands over my face. My plan always was to run. But now that I know I had roots here, I can't imagine leaving, starting anew, pretending he never existed.

"How long do I have?" I whisper.

"I... don't know. There's no way to tell."

"Can I just... think for a bit?"

He's looking at me with an expression I can't decipher, love and regret and resentment bleeding into one. "Fine. But Minho, you can't think with your heart. Protect yourself. Don't be here tomorrow morning."

I nod, eyes down. He gets up and walks away.

I slump forward onto the table, face in my arms. I know my story now but I feel more lost than ever. My memories are gone. The person I was is dead. The life I'm living is an error. The reason I'm here isn't heroic or honourable, my death wasn't for the greater good. It was just a big fucked up mistake.

I feel like I'm grieving someone I've never met. Judging by the pictures, by Jisung's story — my life was full. I had love, purpose, I knew who I was. How could we be so damn childish? How could we betray each other, throw everything away like it all meant nothing?

Most of all, I feel... anger. Rage and hate searing like the core of a fire. Oracle Laboratories ruined my life. Ruined both our lives.

I look at Jisung. He's lying under a blanket on the fold-out couch. Even asleep, motionless, eyes closed, he looks broken. The one he loved is gone and all that remains is me — a shell, a stranger. A nobody.

The blanket doesn't cover his feet. I get up and look around. There's a few in the closet — I take one and lay it over him.

I hear a quiet "thank you." He's looking up at me, squinting through the dark. "I can't sleep."

I know he doesn't mean it as an invitation, but I sit on the edge of the couch anyway.

"I'm sorry," I murmur. "I'm sorry that happened to us... you and Minho, I guess."

"Don't. It's not your fault. I'm sorry for... everything. Sorry for yelling earlier."

I shrug. "Yeah. You didn't answer my question. What will happen to you?"

He sighs. "I don't know. I tried to cover my tracks, but at some point they're gonna find something I overlooked. When they do... prison probably. Or maybe they'll just have me killed, like they did with you."

It takes me a second to respond. "What?"

"I don't think I can hide from the lab much longer. I'm not the only computer nerd they have."

"You haven't even committed a crime."

"Adrantine costs millions of dollars, I wasted resources by saving you. Not only that, attempting to sabotage the project amounts to treason — I'm sheltering a criminal right now. I tampered with Oracle's database too. My fingerprints must be all over the system."

He says it so casually. As if it's inevitable, as if it's just. How many lives has Oracle destroyed? How many more before they're held accountable?

"Is there any way I can help you?" I say.

"No. I brought this on myself."

"You can't really believe that."

"Don't put yourself on the line for me. I just want you to be safe."

"The me you knew probably wanted the same for you."

"It doesn't really matter what he wanted now, does it?"

We stare at each other. Eventually he looks away, shrinking into his pillow. I stay by his side even after he dozes off. If I leave now, he's alone. He's a sitting target. I don't want to leave him here without protection.

I won't. I owe it to the person I used to be.