the dreamies | nct dream

14

"ah shit, where am i?" jisung groaned as he sat up in bed.

"my house." mark commented as he walked into the room looking at the shirtless boy dissatisfied, jisung had stripped himself of most of his clothes (excuse his pants.) the night before, before he allowed mark to put him in bed.

"why am i here? i should be at lele and mine's?" jisung asked, not really caring about the fact he was shirtless.

"i found you on the sidewalk last night, rolling on molly." mark explained, throwing a random shirt at jisung.

"oh...chenle's mad isn't he?" jisung mumbled, throwing on the shirt, and  standing up.

"mad is an understatement. he is absolutely livid, and to be quite honest i am too." the elder scolded as they walked to the kitchen.

"you have overdosed on coke twice, and have almost overdosed on ecstasy multiple times, but you still go out and do these drugs!  jisung, i have never met a druggie as lucky as you, you've survived an overdose twice! on fucking cocaine, i know kids who've died by one accidental overdose! you survived two, you have gotten so fucking lucky every time you overdose, it's not gonna happen again, jisung. we didn't think it would happen a second time and i did, but that doesn't fucking mean you're body is okay, that its perfectly fine for you to take drugs again, EVER! nonetheless fucking what a month? two months after your overdose! i don't want to fucking lose you, park jisung! you are not leaving me like yeonjun did! you are not going to leave me or anyone!" mark yelled, he was livid, jisung was ruining himself.

"do you think, i wanted to be lucky with the overdoses, mark? do you think i wanted to survive them?" jisung said coldly, and mark didn't see the 21 year old jisung, he saw that 17 year old jisung he met at nct mental hospital.

"jisung..."

"no, listen to me, do you think that i wanted to survive after my best friend was murdered and my mind was haunted with memories of him? the good haunting the things that never are going to happen! and the bad haunting every fucking part of my life, of course i turned to drugs, mark! do you think i would've give up on my life to the point i overdosed, because i wanted to survive it!" jisung was practically screaming, how did mark not understand.

"do you still want to die, jisung-ah? do you want to leave us all behind, do you want us to tell jonghyun stories about you and how much he would've loved you if you were still here? do you want chenle to cry that the love of his life killed himself every night for the next twenty years? i'm not saying this to guilt you jisung, i'm just trying to understand why you would still continue, i know why you overdosed, i need to know why you want to do it again." mark stated calmly, he remembered when johnny asked him something similar a long long time ago.

"i don't want to leave chenle! i don't want jonghyun to only see me in pictures! but-but-"

"but what, jisung? you know where this  will end if you keep using drugs, in the hospital. so tell me, why?" mark asked, and before jisung could respond, chenle stepped out from where he was listening in the doorway, unknown too mark and jisung.

"yeah, sungie, why?" he asked softly.

"because i miss him." jisung sobbed out, he missed him so much, he wanted jingyi back, more than anything.

"what about me? would you miss me if you saw jingyi again? i know that i would miss you if you left me." chenle interrogated, he was frustrated with the male.

"of course i'd miss you...it's just...it's just the-the drugs give me both! jingyi comes back when i take ecstasy or lsd, or anything! and then-then i can have both!" jisung shouted, they didn't understand.

"you cant have both without losing yourself, park jisung. stay with mark-hyung again tonight, and get back to me when you decide." chenle said, turning around and walking out the door.

"oh jisung...let's eat. i didn't know he was here, i just wanted to understand you before we took you home." mark sighed, wrapping his arms around jisung, and for the first time since that day he patted chenle's head.

he flinched at mark's touch.

mark understood chenle's reasoning, his anger, but he was going to have to have a talk with him. because this wasn't the 21 year old jisung who made some mistakes and was trying to get better, who was happy with his boyfriend and job.

this was the jisung they met that day, the one who was angry and tired.

the one who wanted to die.