Disruption. | Bucky Barnes

Chapter 33.

Peter stands and leaves the room and honestly I can't blame him, he doesn't say a word to any of us before he goes.

We all look after him and then the attention is on me, "Eden.."

I shake my head, "no, nothing you could say right now will make me feel better about this. I've ruined his life."

May bites her lip, "no-" she says it quietly, knowing she has absolutely no defense for me, and why should she? Peter's already lost so much, now i've made him lose the one piece of freedom he had that he really loved.

I get up, trying to resist the tears threatening my eyes as I push myself away from Bucky, past my father. I know going after Peter would be useless, i'm the last person he probably wants to see or hear from right now.

Bucky shouts after me but I hear my father tell him to leave me alone for a while. A sudden anger fills my entire body, how dare he tell the closest person to me to leave me alone, Bucky knows me far better than my father ever has or ever could. I don't have the energy to go back and fight about it though, not right now.

I get to my room and wrap myself in my blankets like i'm a human burrito, if Bucky leaves me alone that's fine, but I also would love for him to just come in here and cuddle me.

Nothing is stopping me from crying, especially not when i'm in here alone, no one can judge me for it, I don't need to feel embarrassed at all like I normally do when I cry.

Why are they insisting on ruining my life by hurting the people around me?

It hits me like a ton of bricks, and I feel stupid for not realising it sooner, this isn't about me, this is about Bucky. It's always been about Bucky.

As if right on cue he enters my room, his face sullen.

Crossing the floor and holding me in his arms he starts apologising to me, and then I understand why, he think's i'm mad at him.

"Buck, none of this is your fault, it affects you too. I'm sorry they're doing all this to you."

He shakes his head no, "No! No! For once, just don't be so understanding." His anger takes me by surprise, he stands and holds his face in his hands, "you are always so okay with the fucked up things that happen because of me."

I unwrap myself from my blankets and stand in front of him, I attempt to hold his face but he doesn't allow it, brushing my hands away from him.

"They do it because of you, that doesn't make it your fault."

He shakes his head and an uncomfortable laugh escapes him, "that's exactly why it's my fault. Maybe I just need to leave, go back to them.."

His words sting, like, really fucking sting.

I step back and sit on my bed, looking up at him, "you don't mean that?" I ask in disbelief, surely he can't be serious.

Bucky looks down at me, he closes his eyes tightly and then grabs my face and kneels in front of me, "no. No, baby I would never."

He leans up and kisses me, "I'm just angry.. They're doing this to the person they know means more to me than anyone in the world."

I shake my head, "don't be silly. That's not me."

Bucky laughs at me quietly and looks over my face and then into my eyes, he looks like he's hesitating before he speaks, thinking over what he wants to say in his head. "You're more important to me than you'll ever know."

He gives me an odd, uncomfortable smile, "the feelings mutual." I reply and he kisses me again, leaning back onto his heels, his knees between my feet on the floor.