Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Part 6 "In my blood...."

"You are already in my bloodstream and woven into the marrow of my bones."

Yusuf snuggled between them on the bed and kept talking all the time, being a salvation for awkwardness of the moment. Seher relaxed and joked with the boy. She would look at Yaman from time to time and realized she doesn't feel weird that much anymore. It actually felt right, them cuddling in bed, smiling, feeling careless for the first time in a long time.

- Auntie...- Yusuf put his head on her arm.

- Yes, honey.

- Can we have toast with jam for breakfast? And eggs!

- Breakfast! - she sat up - we should get up.

Seher got up and quickly put on her bathrobe. She could get dressed but both her gentlemen were comfortably lying in bed and had no intention of getting up. She felt her cheeks getting red under Yaman's look and she left the bedroom.

The smell of food brought them to the kitchen and they loudly enjoyed the meal. Seher was standing at the counter, preparing tea with honey when suddenly she felt Yaman's hand on her hip.

- Excuse me - he bent over her shoulder to reach the cabinet. She could swear her heart stopped. He tried to see her face but her hair didn't allow him. So he put his chin on her shoulder and whispered softly - "Smells wonderful". Then he came back to the table. It took her a while before she could take the knife to her hand and not cut any of her fingers off.

**********

It was not a fairy tale story..... It wasn't as easy as to wake up one day and have everything forgotten and like it used to be. Seher felt deep sadness for the the things that happened and didn't let her feel free to trust him again. He was kind and gentle, he would give her the sky and stars if only she asked him to but still there was this invisible barrier between them. He tried to come close both physically and emotionally. He played on her strings being the best father figure for Yusuf, he learnt every moment how to deserve her trust and heart. But Seher still could hear his words from that night. She didn't want to be his game again.

He could see her eyes, first laughing and then suddenly darkness would creep in and take her far away from him. He already understood what caused that, he noticed she would fade when Yusuf was not around. She had looked at him playing and Yaman clearly saw tears coming into her eyes. Yes, she did react to him and he longed for her more and more each day. But he knew there was a long way home ahead of him.

*******

- Since we can go back home tomorrow after breakfast, I thought we could go hiking. Not far from here, look for animal tracks, take some photos. What do you think? - Yaman put clean plates into the cabinets. Seher and Yusuf looked at each other and nodded simultaneously.

- All right then. Let's get dressed. Put on some warm clothes.

Seher prepared Yusuf and let him outside and reached for her clothes. They took a backpack, small sleigh for Yusuf and went out.

********

Riding down the hill using the sleigh, their own clothes and a plastic bag was the best idea that day. Racing up the hill and down like crazy, just to catch the apple they picked as an award, Yusuf cheated and he was rolling down like a small noisy avalanche.

Yaman and Seher sat together on the sleigh and swooshed down but they slipped on the plastic and sleigh took a sudden turn ending upside down. Both riders laughing landed in a pile of soft snow. Seher was lying on her back, looking at the sky and Yaman couldn't help staring at her happy face. He crawled to her through the snow and hung over her face. She was beautiful, all aglow, her face had a rosy shade and pink lips invitingly parted. She breathed rapidly and looked at him amused. Leaning on the elbows, Yaman lowered his head, feeling it harder and harder to restrain himself.

- I love you... - he whispered. When his warm lips touched hers, she held her breath. She closed her eyes and let it happen. Three seconds later a snow ball hit Yaman on his back and he unwillingly broke away from her. He gave one last look and got up. She sat down feeling dizzy.

- Auntie! Let's race again!

********

After late lunch at the cabin, they lied down wherever there was a comfortable space to relax and rest. Yusuf played a videogame for a while and finally gave up to the power of sleep. He slept on the sofa.

Yaman and Seher drank their coffees and lazily sat by the fireplace.

- I am so tired. - Seher stretched out her legs in jeans. - She laid back on a pile of cushions and reached for a grape displayed on a large tray. Yaman observed her every move. He laid next to her, creating a pile for himself. They kept still and quiet for a while, enjoying the moment.

- I can't imagine my life without you - he started in a calm voice. He didn't move or look at her. - I regret every word I said to you in anger, every brutal and violent gesture I made. I beg for your forgiveness because living apart kills me every day. I will wait at your door like a dog because that' s what I feel you think of me right now. You brought the good and love to me and I threw it all away. I had your trust and faith in me. I punish myself for it but please.... please...- he turned his head to her - Don't take hope from me. Let me hope that one day I will see something else in your eyes than fear and reluctance.

Seher turned herself on one side and faced him. He did too. She gave him a very long, peaceful look. She followed every line and wrinkle on his face, thick eyebrows, incredibly long eyelashes and darkened brown eyes. Lips hidden under his moustache....

- I am afraid. - she said quietly. - I still hear you in my head. I'm afraid that your promises and kind words are only a joke, afraid that a little thing can just start another storm and that I will not survive. When I came to your house I was always the one to blame, sentence and punish, my words never meant anything for you. I had to fight my way to you and when I did, you made me believe that it was all gone. All distrust, suspicions, you made me feel needed and wanted. I fell for you and then in a split of a second you took it all. You buried me again deep in darkness where I didn't deserve to be. You took my air, you took your heart. Right now the most difficult thing to do is to look at you without looking back.

He took her hand and pressed it onto his lips.

- If I could turn back time, I would. I am disgusted with myself for treating you brutaly, for it was me who was angry and scared and I tried to make you feel scared. I ask you to forgive me, I will ask you every day to give me again what I burnt down.

They were looking at each other in silence. Yaman held her hand and unconciously caressed it. She straightened her finger and touched his beard.

- I miss you....- she said softly.

He kissed her finger and closed his eyes. His heart was filled with emotions and he knew he couldn't express them the way he wanted. He was touched and tense for she closed the door before him but never locked it.

**********

Early in the morning they went back home and everyone could see they were different. All of them, as if the time they spent away gave them small but snappy wings......