Technoblade Oneshots

Police

Phil sighed, pulling up at the police station / department / whatever you people refer to it as. Techno had gotten into trouble, although the police officer on the call hadn't specified why. As he got out of the car, he twisted around to face Wilbur and Tommy who were sitting in the backseats. Tommy looked like he was trying not to laugh despite the serious situation, while Wilbur wasn't even trying not to. The brunette was in fits of laughter, half bent over as he clutched his waist. 

"Wil, this isn't funny. Your brother has literally been arrested," Phil scolded him. The brunette either didn't hear Phil, or chose to ignore him. He continued laughing, causing Tommy to burst out into laughter as well. 

"Boys! Stop laughing, this is serious. Are you coming into the building or not?"  
"Yeah, fuck yeah, I want to see what the pink bitch did," Tommy smiled. Something you wouldn't expect him to do in this situation. 
"Sure, sure," Wilbur nodded, and the three of them got out of the car. Walking towards the building, they heard yelling and arguing. 

Phil peered nervously around the door to the building, before walking in. The inside was swarming with police and staff, people rushing around with papers stacked high or hunched over computers as they typed.

"Ah, who are you?" A young police officer asked as Phil and the two boys approached him.
"I'm Philza, I- uh, I got a call saying my son had been arrested?" Phil said, his voice curling up into a questioning tone.
"What might his name be?" 
"Techno, or Technoblade."
"Ah, yes, we- uh, we had to put him into solitary confinement," The young man chuckled nervously.
"I-" Phil paused.

Oh god, Techno, what did you do now..

"May I ask why?" Phil hesitated before questioning the man more.
"I'll just tell you the full story, but I think you best come with me so we don't block the passage here," The man smiled warmly, before leading the three of them into an office.
"I'm Tom, by the way," Tom introduced himself quickly.
 The office was pretty bare, so the man must have just moved into it. There was a desk with a mug on it, a computer, with a bookshelf with a few books in the corner. He sat down in a chair on one side of the desk and gestured to them to sit down on the other.

"Alright, so, we had received a call from the orphanage-" he started.

Wilbur and Tommy burst out laughing.

Phil hissed at them to shut up, frantically apologizing to the police who had a quizzical expression.
"It's fine, don't worry. A lot of children tend to find things amusing," Tom said. 
"I AM NOT A FUCKING-"
"Anyway, the reason your son was put into confinement was-"
"DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME YOU-"
"Tommy!" Phil hissed.
"It's fine, again, don't worry," Tom chuckled.
"It's not, he needs to learn manners. Wilbur, could you take him back to the car- here are the keys. You know the rules, don't drive without permission, and so on," Phil tossed the keys to Wilbur, who caught them, and dragged the screaming blonde out of the police station.

"Alright, sorry about that Tom."
"It's fine. So, the reason your son was put into confinement. We received a call from the orphanage a few miles away that they were being attacked, someone with an axe. We sent people over immediately to find your son stabbing and injuring the people inside said orphanage. Just before we got him under control, he set fire to a large part of the building. Thankfully there were no fatalities, but, there were a lot of injured children and staff. So, if you wish to bail out your son, it'll cost around 1,200 to 2,300 dollars," Tom chuckled awkwardly. Phil sighed.
"Alright, thank you Tom. Could you show me to where Techno is?" Phil asked. Tom nodded, standing up, and walking out the door. 
"He's been put into solitary confinement, as he tried to attack multiple officers and along with that stabbed two," Tom chuckled, "they'll be alright, though."
"I hope so.. God, Techno's going to be in a world of trouble when we get back.." the winged man muttered.
"Yeah, I'd think so. Anyways, here we are," Tom opened the door. Phil glanced at him before stepping inside, hearing the door shut behind him. 

He looked forwards, seeing the back of a familiar pinkette.

"Techno! The hell were you thinking!?" Phil yelled, approaching him. Techno didn't turn around, he just kept facing the wall.
"Phil, I have my reasons," Techno responded simply.
"Techno, I'm about to spent about 2,000 dollars to get you out of here, and I want an answer."
"Phil."
"Techno."

The pinkette went silent again, then he raised his head and turned around to face Phil. His face was battered and bruised, cuts and blood scattered around his head. Although, most of the blood didn't seem to be his. 

"Tech, c'mon.." the blonde sat down next to his son, stretching a wing around the boy. Techno leaned into him quietly, burying his head into the elders shoulder.
"The voices, Phil, they demanded blood," the pinkette eventually responded.
"..you haven't had the voices talk to you in almost a year, Techno, why would they start up again now?" 
"..I was near an orphanage."
"I know, they told me. That doesn't-"
"Orphans killed my parents."
"..okay, it makes a little more sense-"
"So I pledged to kill off all orphans."
"Okay, that's-.. Techno, no."
"Techno, yes."
"You can't just kill orphans whenever you feel like it," Phil said, looking down at the boy.
"I didn't, to be fair, the voices told me to."
"We are not discussing if you can kill orphans or not."
"Yes we are. I have a right."
"And that right is to shut up until I can bail you out, got it?"
"Not what I meant, but sure. Where are Tommy and Wilbur?" Techno looked up at him, their eyes meeting.
"They're- well, I told them to go back to the car but they've probably gone elsewhere, knowing them. Have you calmed down now?" 

Techno nodded.

"Alright, c'mon then. I'll bail you out this once, but next time you're staying in here for as long as your jail sentence would be."
"Fine, fine. Although you gotta admit, Phil, I'd be controllin' the prison in less than a-"
"Techno."
"Fine."

After another few hours of signing papers and making Techno apologize to the group of officers, Phil had finally paid the bail and both were allowed outside. They were immediately greeted by Tommy and Wilbur crashing into Techno.

"BLADE!" Tommy screeched.
"WAHAHAH- WHAT DID YOU DO, TECHNO-!?" Wilbur burst out into a fit of laughter after seeing Techno's bruises.
"He's messed up, that's what he's done," Phil answered. Techno then looked down, although he was unable to hide the smirk on his face.
"PWAHAHA-" Tommy snorted.
"I kinda attacked an orphanage, nothin' much though," Techno said.
"NOTHING MUCH?! Techno, I just had to pay 2,000 dollars to get you out of there-"
"Sorry 'bout that Philza."
"I swear to god, Techno, you're going to be in a load of trouble when we get home.."

And so he was. Techno was grounded indefinitely.

Not that he listened.