Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
When I was young, me and my mama had beef Seventeen years old, kicked out on the streets Though back at the time I never thought I'd see her face Ain't a woman alive that could take my mama's place Suspended from school, and scared to go home, I was a fool With the big boys breakin' all the rules
I shed tears with my baby sister, over the years We was poorer than the other little kids And even though we had different daddies, the same drama When things went wrong we'd blame Mama I reminisce on the stress I caused, it was hell Huggin' on my mama from a jail cell
And who'd think in elementary, hey I'd see the penitentiary one day? And runnin' from the police, that's right Mama catch me, put a whoopin' to my backside And even as a crack fiend, Mama You always was a black queen, Mama I finally understand For a woman it ain't easy tryin' to raise a man
You always was committed A poor single mother on welfare, tell me how you did it There's no way I can pay you back But the plan is to show you that I understand You are appreciated
Lady, don't you know we love you? (Dear Mama) Sweet lady, place no one above you (You are appreciated) Sweet lady, don't you know we love you?
Now, ain't nobody tell us it was fair No love from my daddy, 'cause the coward wasn't there He passed away and I didn't cry, 'cause my anger Wouldn't let me feel for a stranger They say I'm wrong and I'm heartless, but all along I was lookin' for a father, he was gone
"What are you doing here?" I asked my mother who I have not seen since before my father passed away.
"Can I come in?" She asked smiling softly at me.
"Sure" I moved aside letting her in closing the door.
I noticed she had a suitcase with her, "Again what are you doing here?"
"I am moving back to New York"
"Do you want a party or something" I shrugged folding my arms
"Ladybug" I stopped her right there
"Don't ever call me that, Joyce"
"Joanna I am still your mother-"
"The same mother that left for work & never came back!" I yelled.
"I cried for you every damn day & where the hell were you no where be found, I knew you & daddy weren't together but why leave me!" She bit her lip in nervousness.
"Jo, you have no idea what happened between your dad & I, He didn't want to work or anything he was a abusive drunk & drug user" I shook my head as tears came to my eyes.
"At least he stayed & took care of me when I need him"
"Look I didn't come here for this" She put her hands up.
"Then why did you come you expect me to welcome you with open arms like everything is good"
The front door opened again & my wife & daughter walked in.
"Hey mommy" Lani ran over hugging my legs.
"Hi sweetie" My mother looked down at my little girl
"Babe who is this?" My wife asked stepping a little closer to us.
Joyce & I looked between each other seeing who was going to talk first.
"Hi, I am Joyce McCall" She put her hand out & Jesse hesitated but she shook it anyway.
"I am Joanna's Mother"
"I have a grandma" Jaylani said with excitement
"No baby" I picked her up.
"J, dont say that come on Pumpkin I just about to make dinner" My wife said grabbing Jaylani from me then walked in the kitchen.
"So now what?" My mom asked
"I dont know at this point, But you can at least stay for dinner"
She nodded heading to the kitchen, I stood there for a second sighing loudly & looking up at the sealing.
Jesse made spaghetti & meatballs for dinner, it was weird having my mother sitting across from me.
"Mommy I finish" Lani said.
"Okay sweetie" I said pulling her chair back & let her get down & she ran to her room.
"The food was great Jesse" Joyce said wiping the corner's of her mouth.
"Thank you Ms. McCall, you know it's funny Joanna never told me about you"
"Really?" She asked staring at me slowly.
"Why would I tell her about you when you left me without even a goodbye"
"Babe-" I cut my wife off
"No Jesse she needs to hear this"
"Yeah Daddy wasn't perfect but at least he didn't walk out on me & not give a damn about me, After you left I spiraled out of control."
My mother started tearing up, "I got on drugs really bad, there were many nights I cried myself to sleep wondering how I fucked my life up"
"I am going to check on Lani" Jesse said leaving us, I knew me talking about when we were on drugs was very hard for her to deal with.
"I did not know that Joanna" Joyce wiped her tears
"I needed you & you weren't there for me" I cried out she came around to my side of the table & hugged me tightly.
As much as I want to hate her I can't, My mom hurt me so much but at this point in my life I have to let it go but it definitely is not going to be a easy road to go down.
My mom decided it would be best if she stayed at a hotel & Jesse felt some type of way about how I handled the situation but she just doesn't get it.
"Can we please not talk about this anymore" I said taking my bra off then walked in the bathroom to take a shower but of course she wanted to keep arguing.
"I just feel like you need to give her another chance maybe she different than before"
"Babe I really dont want to talk about this no more just give me some space" I said closing the bathroom door in her face.
