FOREVER. newt

eighteen. point of retreat

Newt never got nervous.

Sure, there would be times in his life where he got nervous for Minho and Jisung whenever it took a bit longer for them to run out of the maze before the walls closed, or when a Greenie would go batshit crazy before calming down. He got nervous when he introduced himself to the first girl he's ever known just a few months ago — and luckily, it didn't show at all. He got nervous when he thought that the only girl he ever cared about was dead— so nervous in fact, that he had a full on mental meltdown and went to talk to Jisung and Minho while he struggled to stop himself from crying. The trip to the Last City made him nervous— and the fact that he found out that Nini had god bitten midway wasn't good for him or his nerves.

Those were all the times that Newt could think of him being nervous. Up till now, as he holds Nini's hand— the same nervousness pops up when it stops shaking, and slips from his, dropping on the hard concrete.

Nini was dead.

He wasn't nervous about leaving Nini— he knew that she would be fine on her own, especially since she was the only brains of their small group, and that she was highly skilled in anything she did and quickly adopts to everything, but he was afraid that he was gonna end up dead, unhinged, like the Cranks that were always after them. Newt thought that he might end up doing something that will scar her forever while he's in the mindless state, but the boy had never expected for this to happen.

Within that instant, the ringing pain in his body was nothing compared to what he was feeling— it was like a blade was stabbed into his heart, not only breaking it, but shattering it into fragments more numerous than the stars.

"Nini?" he wheezes through widening eyes, ignoring the pain the serum was causing him. This hurt more; way more.

"NINI!" he screams, shaking her even more. "NINI WAKE UP! COME ON!"

Her body lies still on the ground.

Newt shakes his head frantically, and one by one, his defenses come crumbling down like a brick wall. He felt those tears resurge when all he saw were the dull grey walls of the institute. He yearned for the comfort of Nini's words while she squeezed his hand, he wanted to see the comforting smile of the person he loved the most, he needed Nini there, beside him. Alive.

"NINI! WAKE UP!" he yells, the words coming out slurred as he tries to shake her again, as if the mere action would wake her up. "DON'T YOU BLOODY DARE!"

And so as he realized that Nini wasn't gonna wake up any soon, the tears began to resurface, coating his eyes. He felt empty inside, like there was this piece missing that could only be complete when he has Nini. He started to sob as the first tears began to trickle down his cheeks. "WAKE UP, NINI! COME ON!"

The flames coming from the burning building near their bodies rose higher into the sky, seemingly touching the stars as embers rained down. Another explosion burst through the already damaged window panes; the glass had already been destroyed. Newt didn't care about any of that, all he wanted to do was have her alive. It wasn't too much to ask for— all he wanted to do was for her to somehow be saved, still believing that her young life could be saved.

Nini could not be dead.

She was not dead.

Not yet.

"Nini," it sounded more of a whine than a plead, shaking her body, his fingers wrapped so tightly around her arms that he's scared would hurt her, but he's to distraught to actually care. "Nini, come on. Please. Nini."

Body jolting with every sob, he lifts his head just enough to see Jisung, who's shoulders were rising and falling due to every sob that was coming out of his mouth, the two vials gripped on his right hand tightly.