WangXian Forever 4

Chapter 10 Answers

They searched for XiChen in the Swords Hall, in the library, the training ground, even the kitchen. He seemed to have disappeared.

"There's one place left." Wei Ying remembered. "Come on."

He took them to the Ancestors room. Sure enough, he saw the outline of a man kneeling on the other side of the screen door.

They bowed to Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu, and Shijie. Wei Ying turned to sit next to his XiChen-Ge, pulling Lan Zhan to sit down too.

XiChen looked miserable. Tears had streaked down his face, and his eyes were closed.

"XiChen-Ge?" Wei Ying said softly. He tugged his sleeve.

"I failed him." XiChen opened his eyes and glanced at them before looking at the ground.

"Why do you think that?" Wei Ying put his arm around him, holding him close.

"I let him get poisoned. I let someone get close enough to him, to poison him. And now, I can't find the person who did it." More tears left his eyes.

Lan Zhan got up and sat on his other side. He wiped his tears away.

"It's not too late." He said.

"Lan Zhan's right." Wei Ying reiterated. "It's not your fault, you know. As clan leader, these sorts of things happen."

XiChen shook his head.

"Listen to me. XiChen-Ge, the best thing you can do for Jiang Cheng is be with him. He's missing you."

"I don't deserve to be with him." The words were whispered, full of pain.

Wei Ying caught Lan Zhan's eyes.

"He wants to be with you." Wei Ying said, sympathetically. "By staying away, you're only hurting him and yourself."

"But how can I face him?"

"You have to. Besides, I don't see what the problem is."

"Wei Ying is right, Brother." Lan Zhan took his hand.

"I can't. I don't know what to say."

"Do you love my brother?" Wei Ying asked him, seriously.

"More than anything." Just a flicker of hope flashed in his eyes.

"Then come on." Wei Ying pulled him up with Lan Zhan's help.

They led him back to the infirmary. Jiang Cheng was trying to get out of bed. XiChen had paused by the door, but when he saw the other getting ready to walk, he rushed up to him.

"What are you doing?" He cried. "You have to stay in bed. The healers said so."

He tried to push him down but Jiang Cheng folded his arms around him.

"W-what are you doing?" But XiChen let him stay there.

"I'm holding my husband. In case I'm still sleeping and this is just a dream."

Wei Ying pulled Lan Zhan out of the room.

His arms weren't even holding him tightly, but XiChen felt so much better.

"I'm sorry." He sobbed. "I let you down."

"You should be." Jiang Cheng bit out harshly. "I needed you. You should've been here, with me."

"I know... I'm sorry. I made a mistake."

Jiang Cheng couldn't wait anymore. He grabbed his face and kissed him deeply. He touched their foreheads together, when they broke apart.

"How are you going to make it up to me?" His eyes were smouldering.

XiChen blushed. "You need to rest."

"Only if you stay with me. It's boring by myself." Jiang Cheng smiled. "Tell me what's on your mind, Huan."

They sat down on the bed. Jiang Cheng intertwined their fingers. Despite his bravado, he really thought XiChen would leave as soon as he could.

"I...all this...it just reminded me." He began to say.

"Of what?"

"I can't seem to trust anyone. Except you."

Jiang Cheng smiled kindly at him. "That's a start."

"I think...that I'm afraid." XiChen wouldn't look at him.

"You can tell me anything." His voice was soft with understanding.

"Jin GyuangYao." The name came out, stuttered and with difficulty.

Jiang Cheng let him speak at his own pace.

"I trusted him more than my own brother. WangJi tried to warn me, Brother Wei tried to warn me, but I thought, no. How could such a sincere man, so loyal to our cause, to our brotherhood, to me, be unfaithful to us? He had my complete confidence, trust, affection, everything. And look what happened?" He wiped away a tear. "When I realized that he had utterly duped me, that he had been lying through his teeth all that time, I felt so...so angry! I couldn't believe it. He only played along because our agendas matched, but of course, at the end, he was found out. I thought...I thought I was over him, what he did to me. But I'm just the same."

"No." It was a hard tone.

"W-what?"

"You're not the same. Huan, I know what you're going through. I felt it too, but against my own brother. Look at what I did! I punished him for things he had no control over, I blamed him for my parents' deaths." He patted his hands. "We've both made mistakes, but if there's one thing I finally understand, it's that it's not too late."

XiChen lifted his tear filled eyes up to meet his.

"You have to forgive yourself first. That's the first step. Everyone makes mistakes."

"Okay."

"It's not like it's going to happen overnight. You have to be patient with yourself too." Jiang Cheng turned his face towards him and kissed him sweetly. "You don't have to worry. I'm here. We can deal with it together."

"You'll help me?"

He looked so vulnerable, Jiang Cheng's heart melted.

"Is that even a question? And you have plenty to make amends for!"

XiChen smiled for the first time.

"I want you to promise me something." Jiang Cheng said, feeling tired now.

"Anything."

"Come and talk to me, especially if these are the kind of things going on in your mind. You are not to leave me alone like this again. Do you understand?"

XiChen nodded.

"You have to do as I say until I'm better. You owe me that much at least."

"Whatever you want."

"Then I want to sleep now."

"Okay."

"With you."

XiChen blushed.

"I know what you're thinking, but no, that's not what I meant." Jiang Cheng moved the blanket and put his feet on the bed, tugging at his husband weakly. "I just want you to hold me. Please."

XiChen immediately joined him.

When Wei Ying and Lan Zhan came to check on them later, they found them fast asleep holding each other.