I still love you

Please hear me out

Jahoon: Alright! What should we make tonight?

I grabbed a basket and began to stuff different kinds of random groceries into the basket. I turned around the corner and met eyes with someone I wished to never see again.

Jinsoul: Jahoon?!

I quickly turned on my feet but wasn't available to get further away when Jinsoul grabbed my wrist and turned me back around to face her.

Jahoon: What do you want?

I said and looked at her coldly. She looked at me surprised and pulled a bit away, letting go of my wrist. She looked down at the floor and fidgeted with her fingers.

Jinsoul: I have something, I want to talk with you about.

Jahoon: Then talk.

I felt a sharp pain in my heart. I didn't want to talk to her like that but my big mouth just talked on its own. I tried my best to hide all of my feelings for her but I couldn't help myself to feel that I want to hug her at any time. I realized that I still have some feelings for her. No Jahoon!! You are married to Jungeun now! You shouldn't have feelings for any other person than your wife and especially someone, who had cheated on you in the past.

Jinsoul: Can we.... Can we go elsewhere? Maybe in the park?

I thought about her words. One part of me didn't want to talk with her about it since I already have a feeling about what she is going to talk about but on the others side, I wanted to talk with her to let her explain herself. I sighed and nodded.

Jahoon: But let me first buy my groceries.

Jinsoul nodded and we both walked together to buy the rest of the stuff, that we needed. Afterward, we then walked out of the store and the mall and then made our way to the park nearby. We found a bench and sat down at it. We both looked forward, no one daring to speak first or look at each other. The air was awkward.

Jahoon & Jinsoul: So...

We both said at the same time. We looked at each other with wide eyes in surprise before turning away from each other and looking forward again. I gestured for her to begin first.

Jahoon: Ladies first.

Jinsoul giggled at me and punched my shoulder lightly, as she used one hand to cover her mouth. I smiled a small smile at the sight and I could feel a warm feeling inside of me.

Jinsoul: You are a lady too but alright! If you insist!

Then it was all quiet again and it was like we were back to square one. I could hear Jinsoul taking a deep breath before shifting in her seat. I looked at her to see, that she had turned to face me. She reached out to take my hand and stared at it for a while before looking up to meet my eyes.

Jinsoul: Before you say anything, please hear me out. I... what.... What happened that day.....

She then quiets down. I could almost hear the wheels inside of her head spinning but I kept quiet, letting her talk.

Jinsoul: What happened that day was something I have regret all up until now. I didn't want it to happen.... I don't know what when over me that day...

Jahoon: It didn't sound or seemed like that.

I remarked back, making Jinsoul wince a bit. She pulled a bit away from me and looked down at her hands, which were now fidgeting with each other.

Jinsoul: I know you won't trust me but please listen to what happened that day. Sooyoung came over to me that day because she had a fight with Chuu, that day and it made her very upset. She came to me to talk about it but suddenly she moved closer to me and began to kiss me and.... the rest you know....

I looked back forward and watched the children, who were playing nearby. The wheels were running in my head, as I thought over her words. I sighed and shook my head.

Jahoon: But even if it were Sooyoung, who pushed herself on you, why didn't you do anything to stop it? You knew that it was wrong but you didn't do anything to stop it.

I could feel my tears pressing to fall and a knot forming in my neck but I suppressed it by taking a deep breath.

Jinsoul: I wanted to stop it.... I really wanted.... I just.... I just don't know what happened to me at the time.... my body just didn't want to listen to me....

I leaned back in my seat and leaned my head upwards towards the sky. I took a deep breath and bit the inside of my cheek. It felt like my tears would fall down at any giving moment.

Jinsoul: Jahoon.... I know that I hurt your feeling.... but could you give me a chance?

I looked at her to see if she was meaning it or not but I could see that she was truly meaning it through her eyes. Her eyes were shining with hope, so much hope that I didn't want to break it but I have no other choice. I stood up and tried to look elsewhere than her.

Jahoon: I'm sorry Jinsoul..... but I can't give you a chance. First of all, you have hurt my heart to the point where I can't forgive you and I'm also married now with someone that I love and someone who loves me back. I'm sorry to break it to you like this but please try to stop loving me. I know that you will soon find someone who loves you. Goodbye.

I walked away from her with my groceries. I walked away before even hearing her response. I didn't turn back one single time and just made a one-way to home. To Jungeun.

Jahoon: Honey! I'm home!

I said in the entrance of the door, meanwhile taking off my shoes. Jungeun walked over to me with a smile and gave me a kiss on my lips.

Jungeun: Here. Let me help you with some of the bags.

Jungeun took a few of the shopping bags from me and walked to the kitchen where she put them on the counter. I followed her actions.

Jungeun: By the way, why did you take so long to shop? Were there many people at the mall?

I shook my head and gave her a small smile.

Jahoon: I just happen to meet an old friend at the mall and we just happen to talk a bit too much.

Jungeun: Thought you cheated me.... just kidding!

Jungeun punched me lightly in the stomach and gave me a big smile. I looked at her. I could feel the knot beginning to form again. I suddenly pulled Jungeun into a hug, which caught her by surprise but soon after hugged me back.

Jahoon: Jungeun.... I love you, you know that right?

Jungeun kissed my temple and rubbed my back. I pulled her closer to me and held to her like she was going to vanish at any giving time.

Jungeun: Of course I know that and I love you too. What is wrong, honey? Is there anything or anyone troubling you?

I shook my head and kept my head at the crook of her neck, sniffing in her scent. The scent that I have grown to love. The scent that I would fall asleep to at night.

Jahoon: Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I just want you to know that I love you and only you. I would never leave or divorce you unless you choose to do it first. I would never leave you for anyone else. Thank you for loving me Jungeun. I love you.