Better Off Dead (Kellin's Daughter)

Chapter 1

I go into the doctor's with Mom. It's the end of May and I finally got a doctor's appointment about my knee. The doctor suggested if it was really causing me a lot of pain to begin using crutches. So here I am, walking into the doctor's office on crutches.

I sit down and fill in the paper. I get brought back and I bring it with some difficulty. My mom stays in the waiting room which I am glad about. Eventually, I'm in the room. A doctor comes in. "Hey honey, how is your knee feeling?" I shrug.

"Definitely not as bad today as it was a couple weeks ago." She nods. "Go ahead and sit down on the table." I do as she says and she puts the crutches against the wall. I watch her take off the knee brace. "I'm going to do some tests but I need you to not tense up, otherwise I won't get proper results."

I nod and lay down. She does a few tests and then she lightly pushes my kneecap and I feel it pop out of place. "That dislocated extremely easily. I need to relocate it. I can do it without anesthesia or with local anesthesia."

"Without." She nods and I watch her do it. I whimper a little as it pops back into place. "C'mon, let's get you to the MRI machine." She takes a MRI and then we go back to the room. I watch her pull it up.

"It appears your MPFL, MCL, and ACL are severely damaged. You'll definitely need surgery." I nod. I get back onto the bed and she begins the normal checkup. She puts a different knee brace on me. "This one will prevent your knee from moving."

I watch her do the normal checkup and she sees my arm. "Honey, can I ask you why you don't go to a therapist anymore?" "I didn't like going when I first was. After it stopped, it took me about 6 months to fully recognize I needed it. I had no way of going back without my mom finding out I was cutting again and I lost literally all my freedom the first time, I don't want to do that again."

"What if you just told your mom you were anxious?" I shrug. She finishes that. "Okay, I need to do a vaccine and a blood draw. The blood draw will be first." I hold out my arm. I'm shaking some already. She wipes my inner elbow and then I feel the pinch of the needle.

"Is there anything else you are concerned about or want to talk about?" "My nose and eyes are itchy pretty much every time I leave my bedroom." "That sounds like allergies. I can do some allergy testing, but I can't give you an antihistamine after unless you are having a severe reaction otherwise it will interact with the vaccine."

I nod. "Go ahead and lie on your stomach." I do as she says. "I'm going to do a few panels, a total of 20 allergens in addition to a positive and a negative. I'll be back in a few minutes with what I need."

I see a post on Twitter from Kellin. "Who would have ever guessed I have a biological 16-year-old daughter? Her mom is giving her up so I'm now driving up to Washington to retrieve her." I smile and reply. "Have fun! Maybe bring your family up and visit a few Washington sights in the meantime. School in Washington goes on for another few weeks anyways although most of the schools are still hybrid."

The doctor comes back in and I set down my phone. "I'll draw on your skin, put a little of the allergen on your skin and then I'll go back through with a lancet and prick each spot. Your back is liable to become itchy depending on how many of the spots you react to." I nod.

I feel her do it. "Okay, I'll be back in 15 minutes." She leaves and I go back onto my phone. I see a DM from Kellin. "Hey, do you have the same username on Instagram?" I reply. "No. On there it is Rachelg2421. Why?" A reply comes through a few minutes later.

"Your mom's surname is Commorato, isn't it?" I furrow my brows in confusion. "Yeah?" "Can you send me a selfie?" "Sure. It'll be at an odd angle though because I'm getting allergy testing." I take  a selfies and send it to him.

"Your back is red." "I see that. It is very itchy as well." "I can imagine. Also, I don't really have an easy way to tell you this, but you are my daughter." My eyes widen and I send back a quick response. "Really?" "Yeah. My family and I'll be up there in a day. We are doing a huge summer vacation. We each are choosing our 12 favorite locations in the US, Canada, and Mexico and we're making a big trip out of it."

"Okay. Just so you know, I am stuck on crutches for probably at least 2 months. I'll be back in a few minutes, the doctor came back." I send him my phone number and then set down my phone. "You have clear allergies to dogs, bumblebees, yellow jackets, tree pollen, and cow's milk. You're gonna get prescribed EpiPens. I discussed it with your mom and you'll have surgery tomorrow on your knee. She said your biological dad will pick you up afterwards."

I nod. "I'm going to put some cream on your back. It will help calm the reactions." I nod. I feel some cold cream and eventually she stops. "Okay, now I just have to do the vaccine." I nod and close my eyes.

I leave after it. I go back to texting Kellin. "I think luck might be on my side that I have never had a severe severe reaction to drinking milk. Granted, I won't drink it plain, but apparently I'm actually allergic to it." "What else?" "Bumblebees, yellow jackets, dogs, and tree pollen."

"I have dogs. What do you want me to do?" "I'll be fine. I can take antihistamines if I need to and I have lived with dogs all my life." "Okay. Could I call you?" "Give me about half an hour to an hour."

He calls directly when I get into my room. It's a video call. I slip off my jacket, knowing he's bound to see them at some point this summer. I answer. "Hi Kellin." "Hey honey, interesting wall." I look behind me and see I'm sitting right in front of my Sleeping With Sirens poster.

"Okay, I swear I didn't do that purposely. I just sat down on the edge of my bed." I show him the rest of my wall. He laughs. I see him look at my arm and I get really self conscious. I rub it some. "Honey, it's okay."

I stop and slowly let my hand down. "See, I'm not judging you." I look at him sadly. "Have you been getting help?" I shake my head. I listen to make sure my mom has the TV on and I hear her upstairs.

"I had no way of getting help without her knowing and the first time she found out I lost all of my freedom." He nods. "Are you okay, you look on edge?" "Yeah, just worried she heard me." He nods.

"So what did you do to your knee?" "I tore my MPFL, MCL, and ACL." I point to about where each of them is. "I have surgery tomorrow morning." He nods. "Do you want our activities to be accommodating of the fact you'll be on crutches?"

I shake my head. "I'll sit out if I need to, but I can accommodate for myself what I need to." He nods. "The only thing I know for sure anyways is I can't put any weight on my knee and I won't be able to submerge it in water." He nods.