Past Hope

Job Offer

The woman who shows up at the door is far too polished to be someone that lives in the area. She smiles and nods as you invite her in.

"I'm Peggy, Peggy Carter. I understand you're friends with Steve Rogers?"

"Has something-" Peggy nods slowly explaining the plane and the ice. You bite down on your lip till is bleeds and try to smile at her when she asks if you're all right. You nod wiping at your face and you catch the grimace, as she sees the ring.

"Oh we weren't, it wasn't. I'm just holding onto it is all. Safe keeping." You try to smile again but Peggy pulls you into a slightly stiff hug.

"Y/N, I came here for another reason as well. To offer you a job. If you want."

"What sort of job?"

"To work for me as-"

"I'd love to."

"Really? You haven't heard anything about it yet."

"I don't have much here I want to stay with." Peggy nods in understanding and hustles you out into a car after she helps you pack a few things. You keep Steve's sketchbook against your chest refusing to open it for now.

You've been Peggy's assistant and secretary for months when she slides a folder towards you. You tilt your head at the file within, details about Project Insight and half of a serum recipe.

"You in Y/N?" You frown looking up and watching her as she explains.

"We'll give you a serum like his, if it doesn't work, nothing will change about you. But if it does; you'll be as the scientists call it an 'unrivaled asset'" Peggy beams when you say yes.
The machine they hook you up too is nothing more than a very intense looking IV drip. The chair however looks straight out of a horror movie, clamps and thick leather bands ready to restrain you. You're assured its for your safety and as your strapped in you cant help the fear you feel as the scientist straps some sort of mask over your face.

"Just in case. Now start the infusion." You just feel warm for a second, and spike of heat in your arm as the serum trickles in. You can't feel it coursing through your blood stream but you feel a sense of dread settling in your stomach. You leg starts to cramp a slow ache that builds up until all your limbs are convulsing and you're howling in pain. The pain dulls as they remove the restraints and clamps and as you sit up, you can feel something twisting in your stomach before you vomit onto the floor. You look up groggily and Peggy offers a sheepish smile.

"Guess it didn't work then." You shake your head. You realize this is an opportunity to tell Peggy about your powers. You ask to talk to her in her office.

"You sure it didn't work?"

"Yes I just, I had, well have powers, before what just happened."

"Oh? What can you do?" Peggy leans forward.

"I can heal myself faster than normal, and I don't think I can die."

"Don't think?"

"Haven't been in many near death experiences." You shrug, shuffling the handful of papers you hold.

"Yet. How would you feel about becoming an agent?" Peggy writes you into the founding of SHIELD after that. You're not sure how she manages but it seems everyone who works there does not question your involvement in almost every part of the business. Of course as SHEILD gains more departments you settle on working the information and filing systems. Keeping yourself busy and as anonymous as you can as the other agents change in front of your eyes. You cry when Peggy steps down. The man who takes over for her calls you into his office.

"Ms. Carter has informed me of your unique situation. Rest assured I wouldn't let it get out to anyone, as far as the others can tell you're just a damn good secretary, unless you'd prefer another position?" You shake your head and he smiles dismissing you.

You settle working back in the filing system keeping your head down and barely talking to any of the other agents. When Nick Fury steps up and a few years later you meet Maria and Phil you talk more to them. This is due to them being nosy more than you wanting to talk, as time goes on you open yourself up more, still the thought of outliving them never far from your mind.

"Did you hear about Captain America?" Phil's excitedly moving around the office. Maria rolls her eyes but you can tell she's excited as well.

"Yes! Do you think he'll agree to the suit though? It's a massive responsibility and a huge adjustment, what with being thrown into the public eye and all. Not to mention everything he'd have to learn. Oh god can you imagine the history he'd have to catch up on." You ignore the talk, you try to avoid thinking of Steve, and how they had never found his body. You push the thought back and settle back into your next report review.

"I still can't believe they've convinced someone to play Cap again. Pretty big shoes to fill!" You chirp on your way to get coffee. Hoping it'll be enough to avoid talking about it anymore.

"Y/N that's not what-" You rush off ignoring the shout Coulson gives. You get back to your desk; both Maria and Phil are gone, having returned to their positions. You glance at Phil's report from his trip to the artifact recovery sector, you don't bother reading it, just checking the date he signed it, pushing it into your finished pile. You never had to correct any of his documents anyways.

"Y/N, we still on for drinks?' Sharon leans over your desk; you look past her blonde hair envisioning brown curls.

"Course Carter, its tradition after so many years." You leave out the tradition you started with her aunt and instead let her talk about the new Captain America. You try not to say anything, your hands twisting the ring around your finger nervously. You can still remember Steve's voice; Peggy hadn't given you any letters he'd written when she took you on, awkwardly confirming he hadn't received most if any of your letters. Peggy had insisted he had written and it had probably gotten scrambled in the mail during he war. After she stepped down you'd found the box of his letters, stamped, ready to be sent but unsealed.

You still haven't opened them; they sit under your bed in a waterproof box. You'd though about donating them to a museum pretending to be an anonymous donor. You'd wonder what they'd have said about how well preserved they were. You'd been so good about not letting your powers slip, so instead you kept them safe under your bed, along with his sketchbook. You'd only looked through the first few pages, sketches of his mother, a few pieces of fruit, and Bucky looking either bored or angry filled the pages.

"So what do you think about it? Pretty wild huh? They said they found the actual shield he used. Which is crazy. I mean the whole thing is crazy right?" You nod, pretending to be amazed by whatever it is she had said. You shake your head trying to clear your thoughts of Steve. He's dead and gone, somewhere in the arctic frozen and alone.

Phil calls you into Fury's office first. They both sit, watching you as you settle in the chair.

"Phil has been informed, we've opened your file and we need to fill in some missing information. Ms. Carter, Peggy that is, has written here you have a connection to Steve Rogers. Is that true?"

"Yes sir. We knew each other back before he was Captain America, before the war, I lived next door to him."

"Good, you can help him adjust to the new world then. Fill him in on everything he's missed."

"Sir, I knew Steve Rogers, not whoever this fake Captain America is." You hear the door open and Phil smiles, turning as Fury coughs slightly.

"When you say knew him?" Fury prompts. You squeeze your eyes shut sighing and looking back up, you know you're probably about to cry but you shrug it off.

"He never knew I was in love with him if that's what you want."

"Well at least you'll get another shot at that."

You can't help the laugh that spills from your mouth.

"What?"

"You really think I'll get with the fake Captain you have? I fell in love with Steve Rogers, not his suit."

"Real glad to know your feelings on that matter."

"You even sound like him, I bet-" You turn around breath catching in your throat looking at Steve standing in the room.