Leave It Behind

Prologue

It was a clear night, one that allowed the stars to shine brightly down. The air felt cool after the hot June day that had just ended. I sighed as Paul passed the joint over to me. We were sitting in the field that was halfway between our houses as we did every Friday night. "What was the sigh for?" he asked as I took the last puff of the joint and extinguished it in the grass.

He laid down in the grass and stared up at the stars. I smiled at his regular carefree nature and laid beside him lacing my fingers with his. "Ever wonder what it would be like to start over again?"

He looked over at me but I didn't look back instead I continued to star into the sky.

Paul's my boyfriend of two year. We started dating at the beginning of last year and now graduation was approaching. Both of our families were dysfunctional to say the least which made it especially easy for us to fall in with the wrong crowd the year before. Our friends had managed to get themselves into pretty big trouble with the law last summer. We were lucky enough to come out of the whole situation unscathed. That was when we decided to separate from the friend group. We started this school year with high spirits but, we had a reputation and it was not easy making new friends.

Paul was still staring at me waiting for a reply. "I mean, do you ever think about what it would be like to move to a city where nobody knows you? Where you can just start again and nobody would know your history?"

I was feeling the high and the open night sky reminded me of the expanse of the world. Graduation was at the end of the month and then we were supposed to be starting our lives. Instead, we were both going to be going to a local university where our reputations would undoubtedly follow.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Paul's smile. "Let's hope a train after graduation. Who cares where it's going?" Paul's lighthearted personality oozed out of him with every word. "We'll ride the train as far as we want, far enough away that nobody will know us. We can get jobs and a little apartment and start over." He continued to play the game of make believe. "How far do you think we should go? I mean we can't stop in Quebec neither of us know French and if we're going to run away why don't we all the way the British Columbia."

I smiled and shook my head at his ability to roll with any situation. "Can you even hope a train anymore Paul? We're not still living in the 80's you know?"

With that the conversation drifted into different topics. The world felt still around us as we laid in the grass staring at the stars talking about nothing important. All the noises that normally were present seemed to fade away that night and all that was left was me and Paul in that field.

We were brought back to reality when his phone pinged with a text. It was his sister freaking out panicking about something and he had to go and handle it. He left me with a quick kiss in the field before rushing off home.

I lazily stood up from my spot in the field. Before leaving I looked down seeing the flattened grass of where we had been, making imprints of our bodies side by side.

My feet began to propel me in the direction of my house but my mind was wandering. My thoughts were taking me on journeys of a lifetime in a place away from here - a different city. Stories of what could be away from here whizzed through my mind. All of them were different. I was on a farm, in a city, by the mountains, or next to the ocean. All the stories were different but had one thing in common - nobody knew who I was or who I had been.

Soon enough I found myself standing in front of my house. All the lights were turned off. I unlocked the door and walked in closing it shut quietly behind me. As usual my Father was asleep in his reclining chair. The smell of alcohol was strong in the air, beer cans were sitting on the table beside him and as I looked over, I saw a bottle of rum open on the kitchen counter. I sighed and turned to the stairs and descended. I was disappointed in the sight knowing I shouldn't be. Mom had left five years ago to "find herself" although, my older brothers said she had joined a cult. I was the youngest of four and the only girl. Michael and Robert were twins who were 25 now and had both already been out of the house when Mom left. Dawson was 20 now almost 21 and had left as soon as he turned 18.

Even before Mom left Michael and Robert basically raised me. Somehow, they made sure everything was taken care of for me and Dawson when they were 16. Mom and Dad would come home late and drunk if they came home at all. I'm not sure when it started or who took care of Michael and Robert when they were young. Maybe Mom and Dad were good parents at the beginning but, I would never know.

I turned on the shower in my bathroom and turned on my music knowing nothing would wake my father at this point.

I let the water and music drown out the rest of the world. I was done showering long before the water began to turn cold but had stayed in letting the steam fill the bathroom and the water beat down on my skin.

I climb under my covers. My high was wearing off at this point and sleep was overcoming me. I melted into the warmth of my blankets. The last thought I remember before falling asleep was Paul and my outline that had been marked temporarily in the grass.