𝘃𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗮 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴; renmin

t•wo

─────── • ❥ • ───────

jaemin shifted against the sheets enveloping his toned frame. everything about him was angelic, most would've agreed, even though he himself had many insecurities. those very reservations probably stemmed from the fact that the one person he loved dearly didn't feel the same...but there wasn't much that could be done in that respect.

a small, dreamy and nonsensical phrase slipped from his lips before he rolled onto his side and threw his arm out. the feeling of utter emptiness and space shocked him every time, yet it was never a real surprise. more than anything, it always jolted him awake, and there he lay...staring at the unoccupied side of the bed. it always was when he arose, because renjun never stuck around for cuddles or morning chats.

"you awake?!" the older's voice hollered from outside the bedroom. the ravenette had it in his right mind to not respond and simply flop back to sleep. but like every saturday morning, his dazed eyes blinked wearily and his chapped lips called back the same thing as always.

"yeah!"

a silence followed, and so the naked boy sat up and allowed the blankets to slide down his body and pool at his waist. everything seemed to be in order, from the bedroom walls covered in random paintings that would probably need to be covered if renjun moved, to the floorboards with a few flecks of unwanted colour where the occupant hadn't been careful. the wardrobe to the side had its door hanging open and all the clothes within on show — some of which were his, and the desk and chair were messily covered in textbooks.

"guess i need to get up," the college student groaned under his breath and slid his pale legs over the side of the mattress to drop his feet against the cold floor. his toes curled in initially at the sensation, but it was nothing he couldn't handle.

"nana? are you moving yet?"

"yes, yes," he sighed and sauntered over to the said wardrobe to yank out a pair of grey sweatpants. the ground tended to creak under his not-so-heavy weight, so the artist in the living area took that as a sign that he was indeed alive. jaemin yawned as he pulled the pants up around his hips and let them settle on his semi-prominent hipbones, rubbing his flat tummy with the inklings of abs self-consciously.

"you know," the dark-haired boy hummed while trailing on into the easel-infested room which was connected to the kitchen on the other side, "you could always lie in with me on saturdays. it's more fun than you'd give it credit for."

"no, not my thing," renjun replied softly as he continued to potter around the place. he seemed to have a frying pan with eggs in it on the stove as well as stuff in the microwave. "and i do hang back in the mornings sometimes."

"only for morning sex. it isn't the same," the younger pouted and sat up to the peninsula jutting out from the rest of the food-prep area. he watched eagerly as the boy of his dreams went about his business. jaemin was by far the better cook and baker of the two since he'd been trained from a young age by his family...but he always enjoyed when this person made him food. it gave him the crushing, false interpretation he wanted that they were dating. boyfriend things.

"one egg or two?" the smaller enquired.

"mhm...one."

renjun sighed and leaned against the countertop quizzically. "are you sure? you seem to cut back what you eat every time you come over. either you don't like my cooking, or you're doing that annoying diet thing again."

"what do you mean 'annoying diet thing'? i'm just trying to stay in shape."

"nana, you're perfect for fuck's sake. stop doing that."

as much as those words sent a rush of heat to flood through the younger's cheeks and chest, he couldn't take them seriously anyway. there were two people on the planet who always made a point of telling the adult how lovely he was...but that was just it; they were two people who cared about him. did others who didn't know him find him cute or handsome? weren't his friends just being nice?

"when are you heading home tomorrow?" the older eventually changed the topic due to the instantly tense atmosphere he always managed to avoid somehow. he ran from his responsibilities like a coward, but jaemin never faulted him on that.

"actually, i should go today. the bakery is down a staff member...so..."

"oh..." renjun nodded absentmindedly and didn't make eye contact, actually cracking a second egg for jaemin into the pan and blinking away the steam. "that's fine. i'll see you next weekend, i suppose."

"i can come by during the week."

"no need. you make it sound like we have to live in each other's pockets," the small adult murmured and used the flip to poke at the frying food covered in oil. the sound of it cooking grew louder, causing them to raise their voices a bit. "next friday is fine, jaemin."

of course it is, the younger thought defeatedly and slumped in his seat. his skin shuddered against the tendrils of condensation landing on it and creating a sheen, black hair falling over his eyes while he thought. sometimes he just wanted this person to say 'no, stay here with me another day' or 'why can't you prioritise me over your job?'. was it so difficult to admit he was lonely and wanted someone up here with him? even if only for sex?

yet as much as he thought these things and tended to concoct various scenarios in his head in which he said 'no' and made renjun come to him instead of the other way around...he couldn't enact them in real life. he loved the guy too much and that male loved him too little.

"here, eat up," the chinese gushed and pushed a plate of eggs, butter on toast and bacon in front of him. usually when the ravenette cooked breakfast, it was more extravagant and plentiful since it was his way of practicing...but simplistic was the only way one could describe huang renjun. everything about him. "what time will you head off, then?"

"oh," he murmured, pulling the dish closer and picking up a fork instead of his usual chopsticks. "whenever. as long as i can cover the afternoon rush hour, then i should be fine."

"then i suppose you have a bit of time." the shorter wandered out from behind the kitchen and started collecting up paintbrushes from the floor that he'd most likely discarded during his project last night. the canvas was looking amazing so far, with images of waterfalls and forestry all over it. the focal point was yet to be added though, and jaemin couldn't wait to find out what it would be.

"if you want me out of your hair, i can go."

"no, you're fine," renjun yawned and stood up straight to stretch his arms over his head with all his brushes. "i don't have college today. can we play for a while before you go?"

"ah, sure," the taller hesitated, watching his incredibly sexy partner playfully tug at the sweater he had yet to remove since last night. it fell off his shoulder on one side tantalisingly, so the chinese male crept his long nails over the exposed skin with a sly smile.

"better eat quickly then, you'll need the energy."

he'll be the death of me, jaemin knew. he knew that this boy would absolutely rip his heart out, throw it into the depths of hell and fish it back out to crush it in his hands before he'd ever return these awful unrequited feelings. but somehow, he still tortured himself with this.

without the older admitting it directly, nana was aware that renjun slept with other guys from time to time when he wasn't available. their belongings or remnants would sometimes be left in obvious spaces, just asking to be found. but he still added himself to the list of suckers who couldn't deny or reject the artist.

how could someone turn away from a god in a human's body like the very being wandering towards him now?

─────── • ❥ • ───────