Bared to You

A Letter in A Bottle

Serkan sat on the stool that he had in front of the sea, listening to the waves crash and waiting for the right words that accurately describe his feelings to pour out of him so he can write them on the paper in front of him. He thought that by doing that he'd get some sense of closure after Eda left, he couldn't blame her, or himself when it came to that. Their relationship went through too many things for it to have a pure foundation anymore, it was filled with toxicity ever since the first hurdle, and he knew that a lot of that was due to their lack of communication which is why he was trying to become better now. Which is why he is trying to write this letter, even though he'd throw it to the sea and there was no way of knowing if anyone would ever read it; but at least he would've said it. With these thoughts, his chest constricts, again showing him how his emotional pain manifests as physical when it's about Eda because she burrowed in every corner of his being.

My love Eda,

Every time I feel like the world is closing down on me, I look up at the sky looking for you, losing myself among the stars, knowing your star is there provides me with a sense of comfort; even though recently I seem to have lost my ability to find it. You don't know how much I miss you, or love you, and even if these emotions were to spill out of me, I doubt the sky would be able to contain it. I always knew I'd accept any pain that comes from loving you, because I always knew I'd never love after you or I'd never love anyone like you. I miss you so much, I try to hide it you know? My eyes betray me every time, they tell everyone how sad I am without you, how difficult every breath is without you. They even betray me to myself, they show me how lifeless I found myself to be without you. Ironically, the things I miss most about you were the things that got on my nerves the most, I miss your stubbornness, your recklessness, everything really. My heart is filled with missing you, and whenever it seems like it gets slightly lighter, my veins fill it with more sense of loss; it's as if I'm incapable of other emotions. So I guess I'm an evolved robot now, a heartbroken one. I don't blame you for leaving, I don't think there are two people in this world who love each other more than we do; but none of what we went through was simple or fair to you especially. I wake up some days thinking that your absence is a nightmare which I can wake up from. Sometimes, I think did you find someone else? Was he able to make you forget me? If yes, how did he manage to make you forget our love? Our legendary love.. I'll let you on a little secret, I'm still waiting for you, I know that sounds crazy since I pushed you away; but, your absence makes my chest tighten so I have no choice but to hope. To hope that you'll come back to me, that you'll allow me to be a part of your world again. This hope is baseless but it's my only thread to life at this point, I told you before you I was a machine; but what am I after you is something unknown even to me.

I'd even be happy to just be able to see you again even from a far, you're my breath, my world, Eda.

Yours only,

Serkan

The only other signature he left on that letter was a tear drop.