elite [h.s]

CHAPTER 51

HARRY STYLES
-March 2022-

Vulnerability is a word that is often misused. We never take the time to reflect on its true meaning. We never take the time to unravel its definition, to truly know what it feels like to be vulnerable. To truly know what it implies. Usually, we use it to diminish someone, to make them appear inferior. We often use it to describe something that is frail, fragile. We use the word 'vulnerable' to describe a prey that is about to be hunted down. To describe someone who wears their heart out on their sleeves. To describe someone who shows the wounds, the scars that life left on their body and mind. To describe someone who isn't trying to prove their strength, to put on a facade.
We label someone as vulnerable when they decide to be open and share their thoughts, their emotions with other people. We label someone as vulnerable when they seem to be unable to build walls around their secrets, not hiding them away like everyone else. We label someone as vulnerable when they decide to put themselves in an uncertain situation, in a situation where they no longer control.
But we don't see that vulnerability isn't just about being weak. It is the greatest dilemma of all, the greatest paradox. It can be qualified as a weakness or a strength, depending on the situation. While we tend to think of vulnerability as something that needs to be hidden away, that needs to be kept in the dark, it can also be a proof a strength. After all, by being vulnerable, you put your faith into someone else's hands. You agree to show them the ugliest parts of you, never knowing how they will react. You agree to let them see into the depths of your soul, past all of the futile pretending, past the masks you put on in society. You agree to give them the power to crush you or to stitch you back together. You agree to trust them, to show them your wounds, never knowing if they will decide to tear them open again. Vulnerability opens your heart and can make you start caring for others. You start to realize that not everyone is as strong as they appear to be and that, in the end, we all need to pour our hearts out, to say what's on our mind.
Personally, I've always hated vulnerability. It brings back old memories, hurtful feelings that I don't want to remember. It digs up things that I had buried deep in my mind. It makes me feel emotionally naked and absolutely defenseless. Also, there is no place for such thing in the world that I live in. I can't be anything other than cold. I can't be seen as anything other than heartless. I can't show them my vulnerable side, otherwise I'll loose everything. Everyone is this world is a raptor, waiting to snatch the opportunity out of my hands. They're all greedy and cruel, not giving a single shit about your past and your emotions. That's why I hate vulnerability: hating it makes it easier to push it down.

Like everything in my life, Daisy was the exception. She was the one that made me admire vulnerability, that made me see it under a different angle.

"Come on, let's get you out of here." I whispered in her ear, forcing her to fight the desire to fall asleep on me.

I could sense her exhaustion: I had noticed the way her breathing had slowed down, resembling the slow rhythm I've heard many times as I slept next to her. I had noticed the way her body slumped forward, using my own as a pillar, as a support. I had noticed the way her eyelids fluttered shut before opening back again, her bloodshot eyes disappearing behind them for a few seconds. I had noticed the way her red lips had parted, welcoming more air into her lungs. I had noticed the way her tears had stopped, nothing left but faint traces on her swollen and reddened skin. I had noticed the way the crease between her brows had disappeared, skin softening and smoothing out. I had noticed the way her grip on my hand was become less and less tight as she drifted off somewhere no one could hurt her anymore.

Where I wouldn't be able to hurt her.

She was snapped out of her daze at my words, slowly lifting her head from my shoulder and nodding as she rubbed her eyes. I was slowly dragging her back to reality, making her realize we were still in her bathroom, cuddling in her freezing bathtub.