My Worst Nightmare

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I once read that the only way for me to save myself from heartbreak is to imagine my worst nightmare possible.

It is to imagine you finally being with her. It's probably ridiculous, but if I would imagine you being with her over and over again in my head, then someday I might just get used to it, grow numb, and I won't have to deal with the heartbreak anymore once you actually end up with someone else.

A good solution, I thought. I could replay my worst nightmare over and over again, make friends with it even, just to turn my heart stone cold and bulletproof of you.

But, how can I ever bring myself to do it? It kills me the most to think that there is someone else for you out there. It kills me the most to think that one day, you'll come home to someone else, and eventually forget everything that we were.

It kills me the most to not be able to have you.

So, how can I possibly imagine you being with her in my head just so that I can get over you? I already can't have you in reality, so why can't I also have you in my imagination? In my head, at least, you will still be mine, and I don't want to replace that with my worst nightmare possible.

I can't.

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