Me Working Through It

So Fucking Casual

24/05/2021

Our barely existent story is odd.
I met you through a friend and first we bonded over books.
Then we had to write a national anthem for a stupid assignment and I fell in love with your voice.
As we got closer you would hang out with me sometimes so I asked what you thought your sexuality was, casually, so fucking casual.
You told me you're pretty sure you're straight.
A month later you sent me a message inferring that you were bi.
A week later you asked me how I came out to my parents.
I was falling for you more everyday.
You had no idea.
You helped me after I had a mental breakdown in the bathroom.
Today you told me the other girl you like.

Now I'm that girl
The one jealous about the other girl.
The straight girl.
You call straight people poles.
I call gay people spirals.
So after I found out about the other girl I had to sit there and listen to you talk to me about how poles can't fall for spirals.
I was too broken
I gave up my filter
"Apparently spirals can't fall for spirals either,"
Like I said,
So
Fucking
Casual.
You said what quietly but I think you realised.

And today I woke up feeling like shit
So I put my hair in a messy ponytail and threw on some clothes.
I decided that today was the day I'd ask you out.
Look how that turned out.
Now I can't even admire you from a distance because I'm that girl.
And I thought I'd ask you out.
Fuck me.

(A/N: hey, I've never actually done an author's note but I just wanted to thank you guys. I started this at the end of March and here I am, not even 2 months later, already with 1k reads. I have no idea how this happened but it did, thank you. I have also started adding dates to my poems so you and I can see how I've progressed, I don't change the dates after edits. Also I'm Australian so with our dates we have day of the month, then the month, that made no sense and I don care.)