A Very Sexy Collection of Drabbles

Dab me up? Hitoya Amaguni x Rei Amayado

Characters from Hypnosis Mic. Tried to find art of these 2 together and it's all DILF yaoi. God save us all.

Hitoya was bored. Sitting in his office all day doing things he couldn't exactly care for and talking to people he didn't exactly care about. Not to mention, his intern had fucked up his coffee this morning, which had made him infinitely more miserable. He tapped aimlessly at his cmoputer, sending emails and making and moving appointments around whilst humming to the faint tune of his  jazz record in the background.

An obnoxiously loud ring from his phone seemed to attract his attention. The contact name "Puff Daddy" immediately let him know who was calling, much to Hitoya's annoyance.

He begrudgingly held up the phone to his ear after hitting the green 'accept' button, a tick mark almost visible on the man's head.

"Good morning, Hitoya~"

"REI MOTHERFUCKING AMAYADO." Hitoya hollered into his phone from his lawyer's office, scaring his assistants and alarming his interns, who immediately returned to work, noting to never cross their boss when he was mad.

"Hmm?" The older man hummed through the phone, somehow remaining entirely calm despite the situation.

The two had known each other for a decently long time, yet these sorts of incidents happened more often than they should. Well, it wasn't entirely surprising, considering the relationship was between Nagoya's (and possibly Japan's) finest lawyer and some old ass man who considered his occupation to be 'conman'.

"You called me. In the middle of a work day. I could have been doing so many important things. There are 2 things I don't like:  1, When interns fuck up my morning coffee and 2, When some lousy conman calls me at 9 in the morning for no apparent reason." Hitoya scoffed through the phone, rolling his eyes and taking a sip of his abnormally shitty coffee.

"You wound me! Lousy? Boo. Anyway, I did call for a reason, you know?" Rei replied, holding his hand to his chest for effect, even though Hitoya wouldn't have been able to see it anyway.

"Rei Amayado. Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. What have you done. I can just tell you have done something." Hitoya spoke sharply through the phone.

Hitoya trusted his lawyer instincts entirely- they had never failed him, both in and out of work. What he did not trust, however, was the words of the man speaking to him through his phone. He quirked his eyebrow questioningly, moving to pick up his pen to fill in some paperwork while the conman talked in the background. At least that's what he had been hoping for.

Rei could hear him shuffling papers through the other end of the phone. He let out a small huff of air, followed by a raspy chuckle. "I thought I told you this before?~ I committed tax fraud~!"

What. What the fuck.

Hitoya was shocked, to say the least. His pen dropped as he started pounding his fist on the table and yelling.

"TAX FRAUD? YOU COMMITTED TAX FRAUD? AND YOU'RE TELLING THIS TO ME?"  Hitoya yelled into his mobile phone, making his assistants jump in their chairs. He couldn't believe his ears, but this was also not the first time Rei had called him and confessed to a crime he may or may not have actually done.

"Surpriiiiiise~! Tax fraud, tax evasion, the whole kit and caboodle, I've been a busy guy, you know?" Rei chuckled. For a man nearing 50, Rei somehow still got almost childish satisfaction and enjoyment from seeing Hitoya snap under his constant bugging.

"Oh my god. Oh my dear god. Why? Why would you do that and why would you call me about it?" Hitoya spoke, a frustrated puff of air leaving his nose as he stood from his desk. He sighed, speaking into the phone again. "You know what? Just stay at home. I'm coming back and watching you pay those taxes. Fucking hell." Hitoya hung up the phone, slamming open the door to his office and speaking to his employees.

"Cancel my appointments for today and move them to tomorrow. I've got some...affairs to take care of at home." His workers nodded quickly out of fear and immediately moved to click away at their keyboards.

Hitoya grabbed his leather jacket and his helmet form his desk, and waited impatiently as numbers on the lift ticked down. He had never felt time move so slow, and it was beginning to get on his nerves.

The railing on the lift was cold. Not so cold he couldn't touch it- his hands were cold naturally. The wallpapers were slightly displeasing to his eye, mismatched on one wall- something he would have to bring up to the building owners later.

10...
9...
8...
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...!

He exited the lift and ignored the confused-looking faces of his coworkers, briskly walking towards his motorbike parked outside of the office building. Strapping his helmet over his pompadour, Hitoya drove off towards him and Rei's shared penthouse (which Rei most likely swindled, if he wanted to think about it, which he really does not).

He parks in the designated lot in the apartment, hopping off and walking away towards the door. Hitoya adjusted his hair after removing his helmet, fumbling with his keys as he is met with yet another lift.

Hitoya looked into the mirrors in the lift's interior, further fixing his hair as the numbers ticked upwards. The carpets felt soft under his shoes

When he opened the penthouse door, he immediately met eyes with the man he had been speaking to over the phone earlier. Still dressed as obnoxiously as ever, the man's fur coat hung up on the rack near the door.

"Welcome home. How was work? Do you want dinner? Or a bath? Or...me?" Rei spoke, eyebrows wiggling with his tone as he smirked. Hitoya was having none of it and, despite the height difference, with Rei towering at 190cm over Hitoya's 178, Hitoya was still able to drag Rei to the table with ease. Hitoya sat down at the table, eyebrows furrowed as he pulled out a pen and a variety of papers and envelopes.

"So."

Rei groaned, rolling his eyes. He was trying to figure out at what point he was going to tell Hitoya that no, he had not committed tax fraud, it was but a lighthearted joke, but he felt it wasn't his place to speak as Hitoya began a lecture on the importance of taxes.

"As citizens of this country, it is our duty to pay tax in order to fund the things that people, including us, use. Not paying tax because you don't want to is immoral and illegal. Do you even know how to pay taxes?"

Hitoya hit Rei over the head with the Oxford English Dictionary (a big fucking book).

Rei died lmao

"Noooooooo! Rei!!! I didn't even get to tell you that...that I love you!!!"

A faint sound resonates from above.

"...I run this shit  b r u h"

A manifestation...A figure...An entity...

"Rei?!"

Rei takes off his funny fedora hat

"lmao i tricked God 😂😂😂"

he gets hit over the head with Hitoya's sexy man hands

the end