My 50,000 word novel

My entire novel

How exactly does one get pussy while living at the white house as a teenage boy? The secret service always cock blocking you. when you're trying to run game on some foreign prime ministers daughter the news media catches you smiling at her and immediately blows shit out if proportion speculating that you are somehow breaking international law with your awkward teenage flirting, so you have to testify before congress that you didn't give away any top secret documents to her and are made to admit live on C-SPAN that you've never even kissed a girl . Then you get blue balls from some hot conservative girl winking at you and flashing her panties under her skirt and making sexy faces and blow job motions to you while you were going through some airport or public event, and when you passed by and shook her hand she leans in whispering she is going to diddle her clit thinking about you tonight and how much she wants to suck your dick off, just to fuck with you. Then you try to look up some porn when you get home just to relieve the tension but you just know the CIA is monitoring and 3 other govornment agencies are watching you beat off. Then you finally break down and Jack off in the shower which sets off some fucking biohazard drain alarm and the entire place is on lock down until they can find the source of the specimen and you end up getting debriefed by the joint chiefs of staff about your masturbatory habits and how you almost created a national security issue with your dick. Then wikileaks leaks your search history showing you looked up penis enlargement techniques when it was actually just some click bait you'd accidentally clicked and TYT spends all next week talking about your supposed micro penis. So you end up squirming a little since you are so wound up and being judged constantly and now people are saying you look like a fucking mental patient and you start to think you'll never get any pussy.Edit: Wow, this really blew up!Many people always ask me how I was able to get into Harvard as a 16 year old who skipped 3 grades of high school. They think I got in because of my scholarly records, but no the key is the interview.As I sat in the Harvard Dean's office in front of the board of reviewers for my application, the Dean asks me "Why should you be a good candidate for this school?" They seemed bored but I replied "Well I was born a child prodigy, placed 1st in my state spelling bee for three consecutive years, I can speak eight different languages not counting Latin, play four different instruments, I skipped grades 4 through 6, and graduated my high school as valedictorian at the age of 14. I then worked as an intern at both Telsa, and NASA." Suddenly the room burst into laughter and many of board instantly started scribbling down "No" near the application check marks. The Dean says "Sorry but you are just not the type we are looking for." But then I said "Excuse me but I wasn't finished... I watch Rick and Morty" The Dean looked at me like an idiot and said "So....?" Then I replied with a smile "And I understand all the references and subtle jokes" An audible gasp let out by the board was so loud the secretary had to come in. You could hear a pin drop and then suddenly all at once the entire board clicked their pens on the "Approved Box" and I was instantly handed a diploma and now I'm teaching advanced physicals there. I guess you can say I'm pretty smart. :)My teacher said to my I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything.I scoffed at him.Shocked, my teacher asked what's so funny, my future is on the line."Well...you see professor" I say as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. "I watch Rick and Morty." The class is shocked, they merely watch pleb shows like the big bang theory to feign intelligence, not grasping the humor. "...how? I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety." "Well you see...WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!" One line student laughs in the back, I turn to see a who this fellow genius is.It's none other than Albert Einstein.The thing I really like about Planes is that we learn that WWII happened in the Cars universe. Which means there was a Cars Hitler, a Cars holocaust, a Cars Pacific War, a Cars D-Day, a Cars nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a Cars Rape of Nanking, a Cars Battle of Iwo Jima...This leads to so many important questions, like: were the Cars Little Boy and Fat Man nukes sentient? Was it a suicide mission? Are ALL Cars nuclear weapons sentient? Did Tsar Bomba have a personality?What kind of car was Car Hitler? A VW? A forklift?Was there a Cars 9/11? Were the planes hijacked, or were the planes themselves radicalized?I could go onEdit: I just realized a Cars 9/11 gives a whole new layer of meaning to the phrase "let's roll"my dad owns a companyi make more money in 1 min than you do in your life loli walk into the hq and people stop typing and clapfuck you for being to selfish to help meand i was going to pay you lol2 bad nowi guess you dont get any of ur precous moneySourceTyped out by me in one of the threads.EDIT: Turns out this is the realest source.I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale.It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other.But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum.All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse.We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.Here's why:Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.I'm Harambe, and this is my zoo enclosure. I work here with my zoo keeper and my friend, cecil the lion. Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I've learned after 21 years - you never know WHO is gonna come over that fence."Niggerfaggot" is ok to say because a negative times a negative is a positive. It's just basic math dude. Go back to 7th grade if you don't understand it but I'm going to keep bringing positivity and tolerance to the world with this word.Hey, Vsauce, Michael here! Down here. But which way is down? And how much does down weigh? Well, down weighs about 1/100 of a g/cm3 . It is light, and airy, which makes it a great source of insulation and buoyancy for waterbirds. But if you let go of down, it falls down. So that's which way down is, it's the direction that gravity is pulling everything. Now for someone on the other side of the Earth, my down is their up, but where are falling things going? Why do things fall? Are they being pushed or pulled? Or, is it because of TIME TRAVEL.If I had a dollar for every gender, I'd only have 2 bucks and millions of illegal counterfeit dollar bills that only bring sadness and disappointment in the human race and are a scar on the face of earth, ruining and vandalising every-fucking-thing the human race has strived for.Hey guys I'm not gay, I play football. I accidentally clicked this thread because I thought my mouse was hovered over the hot girls thread. Well, since I'm here I had a question let's say hypothetically I had gay thoughts (lol yea right) and I found my close friend attractive (ew gross) and one day we had sex in the back of my car after football practice (I would puke...the only thing I bang is chicks with big tits you know what I'm saying lol) but we didn't kiss. Would that be gay? We were wasted and while we were banging we kept calling each other fags. It's almost like a parody of when we bang chicks (remember this didn't happen). So that wouldn't make me gay right? Just a jokester?You know what? I'll have you know that when I'm at max strength, I can break a bone in your body with ONE PUNCH. Seriously, ask my brother.All right, so if instead of an "additionally calculated" Destroy Dick December (which means 1 nuts + 2 nuts + 3 nuts, etc.), we did a "factorially calculated" one (that I will officially refer to as Mutilate Member Month), it would be "1! + 2! + 3! + 4! + 5! + 6! + 7! + 8! + 9! + 10! + 11! + 12! + 13! + 14! + 15! + 16! + 17! + 18! + 19! + 20! + 21! + 22! + 23! + 24! + 25! + 26! + 27! + 28! + 29! + 30! + 31!".This means that the total amount of nutting you would need to do during the Mutilate Member Month is 8,497,249,472,648,064,951,935,266,660,940,313 nuts.31 days equals to 2,678,400,000 milliseconds, so you would need to bust 3,172,509,510,397,276,341,074,995 fat nuts every millisecond to properly complete the challenge in time.Actually, futa can be made less gay than straight porn. You see, straight porn has one guy and one girl. Because you're fapping to something with one guy in it, that's 50% gay. If you watch futa fuck a girl, that's one girl and a half girl, thus only 25% gay. You could make it 0% gay with two girls but the problem is, that makes them lesbian, which wraps back to being 100% gay.It simply is not true? I know, butterflies, more important than 300 deaths which are based on the number of high school, I have peace.Monkeys trained to fight, and I'm not a military sniper. You anything, but it was not. We wanted to determine the sex. I mean, I see the face of the earth.If you think you can find something on the Internet? Evo cars. Be prepared for hidden spy network in the United States to attack the larvae of intellectual property rights, I must say better. The storm destroyed painful memories. Half of the children died. You can do it anywhere and I can already killed hundreds of hands.This is wrong, but smaller oil reserves, like an old man "that some phones Navy to play ugly."But now we can not pay ridiculous prices. I do not want to disrupt their wounds.Half of the children died.What you guys have no Szechuan sauce? I WANT SZECHUAN SAUCE! WHERE'S MY SZECHUAN SAUCE??!! I'M PICKLE RICK!!!!!!!! WUBBALUBBADUBDUB!!!!!! I'M PICKLE RICK!!!! REEEEEEEEE!!!! REEEEE!!!! REEEEE!!!! IM PICKLE REEEEEEEEE!!!! REEEEEE!!!!! REEEEE!!!!!!i am a gay man and i accidentally masturbated to straight porn. i was browsing a gay porn site, so you know, i figured there wouldn't be any women in my gay porn. i found one video whose thumbnail looked promising so i clicked on it and it started mid-sex. the bottom was facedown into the bed in some black lace dress. that should have been a big warning sign, but i assumed it was some sissy fetish thing. not my cup of tea, but the top was hot and really going to town on her so i stuck around. after the guy (and i) finished, the girl sat up and that's when i saw it... her tits. you should have seen my face. a visage of true terror. i just sat there in shock, contemplating what i had just done. when i broke free of my stupor, i whispered "no hetero" but i fear it wasn't enoughHi I'm 13 and I just started watching Rick and Morty and I can tell you for a fact it's my favorite show!!. Lik the one time Ricky said said there's probably like no good !!!! i was agreeing so much I'am smarter then you're average fidget spinner teen at middle school to even though I have one. I may be young but I'm smarter then every theist on earth basically the show is also really deep when they said like no one was born for a reason I was so blown away as they must have big balls to say that on tv so I told my friends on minecraft and they agree too. LOL once when my mom took me to McDonald's I asked for the Mulan dipping sauce and the dumb bitch didn't even get the reference XD One time in class i evan shouted "I'm PICKLE RIIIICK!" and Mrs.Janice told me to go outside i fucking hate that cunt school is for dumb ppl just like what Rick said, i m too smart for such imbicells. But yeah I love Rick and Morty and I'm actually smart enough to get it to.It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out. If I don't update this again please send help."I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I'll tell you.First of all the number 2, by the way I love the number 2. It's probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number. You know what, it's probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a zero that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy but he's like, "10101000101", on and on, like that. He's like a computer! You know what I mean? He's like a computer. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn't believe it. That I can tell you. So, we're gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me. OK? Alright."We gonna knock the hell out of ISIS, believe me," Thank You, Thank you, Thank you.Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.When you step into the Rick and Morty fandom realm, you're not going any old place. You're coming to the underground fight club of intellect. Prepare to be mentally battered. But don't worry, after you've spent your newbie time being cognitively pummeled, you'll have joined the ranks of the mental elite. Then you'll see the world for what it truly is. All those people going around without a thought in their head. You'll hate it. You'll become just like him. And you'll start loving it. The power of intelligence, of absolute intellectual superiority. It'll become a high you chase, constantly learning and experimenting. You'll finally be a Rick. Dear notchMINECRAFT Sugestions Silver tools plus armor spikes and mIner dimension with random ores spread everywhere portal made the same same as nether portal but with coal Ore also add herobrian without moding plus giant boss and wood stone iron gold Dimond and leather shield add walls around NPC villages add Enders staff crafted with 2 blaze rods same as fishing pole but with eye of Enders on the top left /top right Enders staff does 6 hearts add natruly generated village ruins with random stone.spikes do 1 heart per second.add disappearingBlocks that disappear upon preasure.add ruby tools add better NPC trading.add NPC villagers fight upon being provoked. Add bobwire fencing for animalsAnd players doesone heart per second.fix bug where all monsters freeze. Add nether dragon instead of red dragon.add strongholds with herobrian in the portal room. Add Enders eggs and Enders crystals in creativeInventory.iron golems attack not just zombies. Add key doors with sprucewood allAround a gold ingot keys made with three gold ingots straight up the middle add nuke(TNT filling up the crafting table) pumkins spawn more commonly add mars dimension. With mars dragon portal made same as nether but with netherackMars has limited air. (minecaft is awesome ) P.S please forgiveMy typical bad TypingEDIT: This huge chunk of text (found below) used to have weird number and text errors. This edit fixes this, however cummy won't change it. If you need me to paste it in the comments, request it and I will pass asap (as soon as I can). We at Americans For Purity hope that you never have to deal with the tragic heartbreak of a child who Masturbates. But the sad fact is, Masturbation is rampant among today's youth. The first step towards dealing with a problem is to recognize that the problem exists. Here are some of the most common warning signs that your child may be Masturbating.Does your teenager have acne? Masturbation often leads to excessive hormone production, which is the cause of acne. Very few teenagers who don't Masturbate have acne.Is your teenager depressed? If a teenager acts sullen, withdrawn or unhappy the most likely cause is Chronic Masturbation.Does your child lock his or her bedroom door? It is not healthy for a teen to want privacy. Chances are he or she is in there Masturbating!Does your child listen to "Rock And Roll" music? If a teenager has rebelled against God far enough to listen to the Devil's music, then he or she has almost certainly rebelled enough to try Masturbation.Are there semen stains on your son's bed sheets or underwear? There's only one way they could have gotten there! Line up all of your sons at least twice a day for a family Prayer Meeting and Underwear Check!Does your teenager have Liberal political opinions? The weakness of mind brought on by Self-Abuse often leads to left-wing sympathies.Does your child wear fashionable clothing or hairstyles? If your child can't resist the peer pressure to look a certain way, he or she probably can't resist the peer pressure to Masturbate, either.Does your child look guilty or deny Masturbating? Very few teenagers will openly admit to Masturbating!Have you caught your child Masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down holding his erect penis, he's probably Masturbating.Preventing and Treating Teen MasturbationIf your child Masturbates, there are steps you can take to stop the problem. If your child doesn't Masturbate, there are things you can do to prevent it.1. Remove your child's bedroom door. Privacy is one of the leading causes of Masturbation.2. Monitor your family's use of the restroom. Not only will this prevent Masturbation, it will prepare your teens for today's workplace, where corporations are stepping up their surveillance of employees' bathroom usage.3. Kill your television. There is absolutely nothing of value on television. Everyone should be reading their Bibles or working, not watching filth like Baywatch or Star Trek.4. Control your child's reading material. Screen everything your child brings into the house. Do not allow anything even remotely stimulating. Get up early in the morning and go through the newspaper cutting out all of the pictures in the Underwear ads. Burn them before your teenager wakes up.5. Be sensible about the music your child listens to. There is hardly any music in existence that is really suitable, because anything with a "Rock," "Country" or "Gospel" beat to it (even if it is labeled "Christian!") is designed to incite sexual desire and summon demons from the Pit of Hell straight into your nice little Suburban home! (We have documentation on file for those of you who don't believe this.) Practically all music CDs, tapes or MP3 files in your child's possession must be destroyed, especially if they are by pornographic "Rap" artists such as Garth Brooks, Britney Spears or 'NSync. If you collaborate with your fellow Church-goers on this, the event can turn into a huge, festive Bonfire and prayer meeting!6. Use corporal punishment. Spare the rod and spoil the child! Although outlawed by Socialists in many places, a good, sound thrashing has always been the best cure for the unruly child.7. Buy and use commercially available Anti-Masturbation devices. You can get one for your Boys by clicking here. President Bush has made it one of the goals of his Faith-Based Initiative to fund private Christian companies to develop an effective anti-Masturbation device for Girls.8. Understand your child's language. There are dozens of slang terms for Masturbation in use by today's teenagers. You should be familiar with them. Click here for a list. There are many other lists available on the Web. Don't use these slang terms around your children! If you must refer to Masturbation, use the term "Self-Abuse."9. Scientifically test your children for signs of Masturbation. The same Liberal naysayers who insist we can't build a Missile Shield scoffed until they were bleeding when I revealed that Scientists were hard at work on an aerosol spray that would reveal signs of Masturbation in your children, but it's here! CheckMate scientifically detects a protein Enzyme produced by the male Prostate Gland to reveal traces of semen on clothing, sheets, ceilings, keyboards, etc. It apparently won't detect Masturbation in girls (my Scientific consultants assure me that females have no prostate glands, although the Bible suggests otherwise), but will uncover sexual activity in your daughters by detecting traces of semen in Panties, hair, etc. For additional security, you may easily buy a $10.00 microscope from Toys R Us and a $500.00 centrifuge from Fisher Scientific that will enable you (MALE CHRISTIAN PARENTS ONLY!!!!) to examine your sons' urine for signs of the Sin of Onan. The slightest decline in a boy's Urinary Spermatozoa Count should be met with instant and total humiliation (and hospitalization if possible).10. Make your daughters grow their fingernails as long as possible. Many Christian parents will measure their daughters' fingernails every week and pay them an allowance based on the combined length. The reason for this is that long fingernails interfere not only with female masturbation, but with Lesbian sexual activity. They will also facilitate the "sniff test" for those of you who use it to monitor your daughter's sexual activities.11. Put boxing gloves on your children's hands at bedtime. Boxing gloves are pretty hard to take off without someone's help. If you do this you can sleep soundly, knowing that your children aren't touching themselves in an impure way.Why is everyone criticising EA? I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.($5 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).credit @/u/magicboy02wait, wait, wait.... hold your horses... uhm... YOU'RE A GIRL GAMER?!!?! O_O Not to be a freak, but.. just when I thought you couldn't get more attractive.. you started playing video games. Nicely done, m'lady. You've just become every man's dream woman. If you had missed a couple before, now you can be sure you've got us ALL "drooling", lol.The waiter says "Say When", grating the parmesan cheese over my pizza. Foolish mistake. Anyone should know that there is no "when". As parmesan fills the restaurant, the pizza only gets better. After only an hour, the restaurants interior its completely filled with parmesan, killing twenty. But the resuraunt is only the beginning. Next the USA will be taken by parmesan, a force stronger than anyone could have anticipated. After that comes the world. Consider this a warning, to get to a foreign planet immediately. At least that will provide temporary safety, until the parmesan rises to mars. At that point, there will be enough cheese on my pizza, and I will be ready to eat.The intent is to provide internet users with a sense of pride and accomplishment for purchasing access to different websites.As for cost, we selected initial values based upon data from your search history and other info from recently signed terms and conditions. Among other things, we're looking at average per-user internet traffic rates on a daily basis, and we'll be making constant adjustments to ensure that users have domain blocks that are compelling, rewarding, and of course attainable via small payment.We appreciate the candid feedback, and the passion the internet has put forth around the current topics here on Reddit, our forums and across numerous social media outlets.Your ISPs will continue to make changes and monitor your internet activity to update everyone as soon and as often as we can.This man once told me that the world will change for meI'm not a sharp tool shedFinger to thumb, stupidBREW "L" formWell, these years, it will not stopAccording to the rules, and fell to the groundThere is no meaning to lifeYour brain is intelligent, but its heart is darkSo many things to seeSo it happened on the street?You never, never knowIf the light does not shineCome on, now, you're a star, a game,Hey, now a rock star Hey, listen, questionAll worth gold and light goldTo break the superstar's patternAccording to him, a good place is coldNow, wrap, waitBut nine preliminary planetary minutesLook at the hole in the satellite imagesSkating on our thin ice is enoughFor heating the water, so you can swimMy world is on fire. and this?So I do not feel jirueul explain how.If someone asked me, I could unloadWe have to leave.He also said at some pointI use some fuelWe can change whatWell, these years, it will not stopAccording to the rules, and fell to the groundThere is no meaning to lifeYour brain is intelligent, but its heart is darkSo many things to seeSo it happened on the street?You never, never knowThese lights.All worth gold and light goldTo break the superstar's patternwhen a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, hes called a pervert?holds up gunYou wanna know what the dumbest creature on this fucking planet is? Moths. Let me tell you how fucking dumb these idiots are. They are nocturnal meaning they only come out at night but when they do they are attracted to light. Let that sink in. They come out in the dark... and the obsess over light. You fucking morons, haven't you heard of this thing called the sun? God I hate those stupid motherfuckers.There's no such thing as "racism" and that's a FACT. My little boy Justin has a nigger friend in preschool and he is a pure white kid with good Christian blood. Justin plays with that negro every day even though I have read some news stories to him that tells about negro rapists. Justin is a smart nigger loving kid and as a good American father, I'm not going to take his nigger friend away from him. Hope Y'all learn a lesson here and let those niggers be free even though they might rape you but that's just a part of their culture.My best friend and I got married so we could have better health insurance and work benefits. We sometimes give each other brojobs because men need release, you know?Eventually adopted a kid to be our bro. We raise him like our own and we're all really cool with each other.But the other night we were going at each other and our balls touched and he didn't say "no homo". Did I marry a gay guy?o.o ..... <.< .... O.o... Hold on, lady. You... are a.. girl gamer? Shifts in chair, tugging at collar >.> A fine, alluring lady such as yourself... Also has an intellectual side? With your ravishing, simply bewitching beauty, you pull me in...And then you penetrate my level of understanding of perfection..By informing me that you, are indeed, a girl gamer, who plays Minecraft!!! O.O My beautiful lady. I will treat you right forever, I will cherish and treasure you, I will mine you diamonds and protect you from Endermen. My lady.. be my player two....It's everyday bro with the gas chamber flow, killed 6 million Jews in 12 years, never done before, Passed all the competition man, my boy Stalin is next! I'm gassing all these czechs! Got the brand new Auschwitz! And they met Himmler too, they killin with an MG42! This is the Third Reich bitch who the hell is flippin you?According to one user on /r/copypasta: I did the math and research. According to Wikipedia, the average length of a penis varies from 5.1 to 5.9 inches. I went for a safe 5.5 inches for an average. The average radius from the core center of the penis to the skin on the outside is .75 inches. From this we can roughly find the volume with pi timed radius squared times height. This comes around as the average penis being around 9.72 cubic inches. Next I found the volume of the average human adult male. I had to first find the weight, which according to Alex Schlessingerman's "The Physics Factbook" is 70kg or 154 pounds. Weight is found by multiplying an object mass by the force of gravity, 9.81 meters per second. After taking gravity out of the equation, the average mass of an adult human male is 7.14 kg. I then found the volume by dividing this number by the average density of a human, according to Wikipedia, 985 kg per meter cubed. The volume of the adult male was then found to be .0072516316 cubic meters. Utilizing the volume of the average penis I found earlier, 9.72 in cubed, I get .0001592828 meters cubed. This means the penis is 2.19% of an adult male's volume. Assuming a lack of testosterone or female hormones makes the person a female, balls ignored for ease, fucking a trap is only 2.19% homosexual.And if this user is also correct:Actually, futa can be made less gay than straight porn. You see, straight porn has one guy and one girl. Because you're fapping to something with one guy in it, that's 50% gay. If you watch futa fuck a girl, that's one girl and a half girl, thus only 25% gay. You could make it 0% gay with two girls but the problem is, that makes them lesbian, which wraps back to being 100% gay.we can assume that trap on woman would be only ~1% gay, because the 2 percent and 0 percent balance. But to tip the scales, you want to also have as MANY women as possible.With the average penis having a surface area of 175 cm2 and the average fingertip having 4cm2 surface area we can easily get 43 fingers touching one dick, perhaps 44 if we're lucky. So that's .02/45, with .02 being the amount of penis. This being said, 1 trap being touched specifically on the penis by 44 women who are not touching eachother would only be 0.044444444% gay. Minimum gayness has been achieved. A counter argument would be that female masturbation, which contains only 1 woman, would be the least gay. I think those who support this idea forget that masturbation is homosexual incest. So with that being excluded, this is the least gay porn can be."Rick and Morty"? Only a plebeian worm such as yourself would engage in viewing broadcasts of such a sad and idiotic show. Unlike you low IQ apes, I please my optical sensors with only the finest of entertainment. I'll bet that you're inquiring as to what source of entertainment I am referring to. Although I don't expect you to comprehend it, the television show in question is "Young Sheldon". You see, the humor is vastly superior to that of "Rick and Morty". First of all "Rick and Morty" relies heavily on improvisional comedy, while the intellectual humor of "Young Sheldon" is scripted and well thought out before being presented to an audience. Second of all "Rick and Morty" is extremely unfaithful to its source material (Back to the Future, for you simpletons) while "Young Sheldon" is just as good if not better than watching "The Big Bang Theory". I could go on and on about how "Rick and Morty" is vastly inferior to "Young Sheldon" but I highly doubt that you have the mental capability to process such logic. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pour a glass of brandy whilst I redigest the latest episode of "Young Sheldon" so I can make an entry about it to the "Young Sheldon" wikia. Hopefully, I can forget about ever having the displeasure of interacting with you.*Sighs... How tedious. I know that a lot of people want to catch em' all, but my job is a much bigger challenge. It is my goal to masturbate to all 807 Pokemon, plain and simple. I usually try to do it twice a day, regardless of the difficulties. At the end, I always win. I go on places like Deviantart, rule 34 and, occasionally e621 in order to achieve this massive goal, and when I finally do, I will become a Pokemon Master. Sometimes, it is easy. I can come in five minutes looking at Gardevoir or Lopunny pornos. Sometimes I come across major challenges that I have to overcome, in the case of Garbodor and Magikarp especially. I have to imagine the wet, sloppy fish mouth sucking on my cock without thinking about the actual fish itself. It is very hard, but the satisfaction you get when you achieve victory is immense. Not only do you get the generally pleasurable feeling from ejaculation, but you also know that you overcame an obstacle few men have dared to try. I have a total of 347 successful ejaculations total, but it only gets harder as I move on. When I see a Serperior, for instance, I have to think to myself "In what way can I imagine this creature in order to get off to it?" It is a puzzle for sure, considering I do not have a thing for (most) of these creatures, making it extremely entertaining and interesting for others to watch. I try to focus in on its somewhat beautiful face, and think about that more than the yards of snake behind it. I sometimes have issues with Pokemon like Machamp, who appear extremely male. But I always find a way. There has been no hurdle too steep for me. I want to be the very best. Anything lower does not cut it. And that is why I am beating off to pictures of Lucario on the Internet, mom. ay yo what's up #logang today we're going to be heading in the #japanesesuicideforest here in japan, but first of all make sure to smash that like button, share this video, and subscribe for more vlogs like this one right here, also make sure to follow me on twitter, instagram google +, and like my page on facebook and pintrest. before heading in here i just wanna say suicide is not a joke but is that a dead body i'm not fucking with ya'll let's get the camera in there. as you can see this person is dead if you don't want to end up like him make sure you stay subscribed you know he probably ain't have no friends but if your in the #logang you know logan is your best friend haha chilling anyways thanks for watching guys and i won't be monetizing this video but make sure to check out my merch in the description, and dont forget to like share and subscribe and peace out #logang hahaLinkI was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.Here's the thing. You said a "pupper is a doggo."Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.As someone who is a scientist who studies puppers, doggos, yappers, and even woofers, I am telling you, specifically, in doggology, no one calls puppers doggos. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.If you're saying "doggo family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Doggodaemous, which includes things from sub woofers to birdos to sharkos (the glub glub kind not the bork bork kind).So your reasoning for calling a pupper a doggo is because random people "call the small yip yip ones doggos?" Let's get penguos and turkos in there, then, too.Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A pupper is a pupper and a member of the doggo family. But that's not what you said. You said a pupper is a doggo, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the doggo family doggos, which means you'd call piggos, sluggos, and other species doggos, too. Which you said you don't.It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?Is this incest?Okay, I don't know if this is actually incest since it wasn't something actually sexual in the technical sense but here goes. When I was little my mom used to put a buttplug in me (which she called a poop plug) and I'd wear it all the time. I was told only to take it out to poop, wipe my ***, then put it back in. I was really young so I thought this was just something everybody did but one time at school I dropped it when I flushed the toilet and it ended up getting flushed. So when I went back to class I told my teacher that my poop plug got flushed down the toilet. She had no idea what I was talking about so she sent me to the school nurse. Well after trying to explain what a poop plug was for 15 minutes the school calls the police. The police ask me all these questions and at first I'm scared because I think I'm in trouble for losing my poop plug. Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this ********* so Satan couldn't stick his cock in my pooper and make me gay.I miss the old Harambe. Straight from the zoo Harambe. Eating his food Harambe. No attitude Harambe. I hate the new Harambe. Shot by a dude Harambe. The Youtube views Harambe. Up in the news Harambe. I miss the sweet Harambe. Playing with kids Harambe. I gotta say at that time I'd like to meet Harambe. See I invented Harambe. It wasnt any Harambes. And now i look and look around and there's no more Harambes. I used to love Harambe. I used to love Harambe. I even had the silverback I thought I was Harambe. What if Harambe made a song about Harambe. Called "I miss the old Harambe", man that would be so Harambe. That's all it was Harambe. We still love Harambe. And I love you like Harambe loves toddlers.So there's a chick in my class I like; unfrotunately im quiet, calculated and intelligent and she likes big dumb jocks. So anyway one day me and her boyfriend are walking among a group of our felow students when a gang banger appears and threatens with a gun. Her 'big and though' boyfriend instantly freezes and loses the ability to speak. I on the other hand squint my eyes and step forward pulling my katana for judo practise out in one fell swoop. "Go ahead" I say. The gun is only 400 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?" Instantly the gang-banger drops his weapon and runs. My other classmates cheer while her jock boyfriend pretends the whole thing was funny. She looks at me and sees what she didnt see before. She thanks me with a kiss, but I don't smile because I was only doing my duty. Safe to say she saw who a real man was that day. I may be quiet and collected, but raise a weapon against me and youll face your worst nightmareMy iq is 76 and I am currently failing my degree. Today I was in the bus and suddently I saw this guy watching Rick and Morty. The bus stopped and he got off, but those mere 10 seconds of visuals have left a stunning mark on me. I felt a lot smarter and decided I got to have a medical professional check this out, so the next day I went to get my iq tested again (at the same place that labelled me as "mentally challenged" only one month before). They start showing me weird pictures and ask me to choose which is the next picture in the pattern. After I finish they start uploading my choices on their computer system and they tell me to wait in the lobby. In the ten minutes that I wait I invent string theory and emailed my work to my professor. Then, my results came back and apparently I got all of the questions right. The people running the place say that this never happened before and that their software has crashed when it tried to compute my iq. I have a big grin on my face at this point, when suddenly I get a notification on my phone. It was an email from my professor informing me that the scientific community is impressed with my work on string theory and that I have been nominated for a nobel prize. It turns out the university also decided to award my degree early. I highly suggest you watch Rick and Morty. If 10 seconds of graphics without audio had this effect on me, who knows what might happen if you watch all of the episodes? Perhaps you might even stop being a drain on society.Whenever I feel like cutting, I watch Caillou because doing so is essentially self harm. God I hate it so much, with Caillou always whining and throwing temper tantrums and his parents never giving any fucks because their bald paradise probably has cancer. I've been clean from cutting for nearly 1 month thanks to this show. The scars that Caillou leaves are only visible in my dreams. I literally remember that. Kagney Linn Karter, Bang Bros.The guy instructs her to say "I love you" and she does, a little confused.There was something strangely raw, honest and vulnerable about it: that while this guy has a "dream job" of fucking hot girls all day long, he's still desperately lonely and craves real emotional intimacy.Really made me think while I blew my load all over my fat disgusting belly.Don't even try to insult my content, My content is decent, I have some people with over thousands of subs subscribe to me, And many likes and views on my videos,Don't insult my content at all, If you think it's bad, then I dare you to make something better than it and get 100 subsWhen a black person calls some white person a crackerit's seen as a naughty joke.But when a white person calls a black person a cotton-picking, bike-stealing degenerate jungle negro who should die as a slave with the rest of his melon-loving ancestors at KFC he's called a racist?Hentai is an even worse form of porn because it is even more unreal, even further removed from reality, even more capable of displaying utterly fucked up and extreme stuff that cannot exist in reality. You know the stuff Im talking about and I dont care if you say you only watch the 'good' kind of hentai. It is poison in the worst form. It is attractive, that is the problem. Down that road lies lonliness and dissatisfaction. You need to let that poison go and find incomparable joys in real life. Luckily they are common. Go feel the sun on your face. Run and feel your body move. You can do it.Today Priscilla and I stopped by some local newspapers as we drove through Alabama. One editor I met with was an elderly man in a tattered suit. I said to him, "You look like you need some money, old timer. I'll pay you 10 thousand dollars to eat one of those newspapers." He had a good laugh at that. "Why are you laughing?" I continued. "Eat the paper. Eat it or I swear to god I'll buy your newspaper and turn it into an anime fanzine. If you don't start munching on that sport section right now, you'll be writing articles about Naruto till you're cold in the grave. I'm a billionaire, you think anyone will stop me?" It took him 42 minutes to eat that paper. For 42 minutes I had total power over that man. I'd never felt more alive. I bet that's what being president feels like.The song "gucci gang" gave great meaning into my life. Lil pumps lyrics are nothing less of a genuine life lesson. People dont understand lil pumps story behind the lyrics. So i will do a lyric break down."Gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang (gucci gang) Gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang (gucci gang)"Lil pump is telling his target audience that his gang is indeed called gucci gang. He says this in order to set the tone for the rest of the song and will show what his gang is all about."Spend three racks on a new chain (yuh) My bih luh do cocaine, ooh (ooh)"Lil pump is explaining that his gang can in fact afford a chain that is $3,000. Lil pump is being humble and showing that even if he is rich, he will still pay money for a cheap chain. On the line: "my bih luh do cocaine, ooh (ooh)" Lil pump is alluding to the fact that his "bih" is on so much cocaine that she can barely speak which is why he says "bih" and "luh" instead of "bitch" and "love"."I fuh a bih l, i forgot her name (brr, yuh) I can't buy a bitch no wedding ring (ooh) Rather go and buy balmains"Lil pump is trying to say that he is not loyal at all and is trying to lower the chance of him getting a real girlfriend ever. All lil pump wants to do is fuck alot of women and try and avoid any std's."My lean cost more than your rent, ooh (it do)"Lil pump is saying that he is willing to waste a large amount of money for drugs. Showing his more emotional side as he needs these drugs to get over that he failed school. The ad-lib helps the listener under stand that it actually does cost more than your rent."Me and my grandma take meds, ooh (huh?)"Lil pump again is returning to his emotional side saying that his grandma is in fact a vegetable and she needs meds to survive. This makes lil pump very depressed so he aswell needs to take xanax for his depression."Fuck your airline fuck your company (fuck it)"Lil pump was kicked off a plane just because he was screaming eskitit and somehow being "obnoxious" on the plane. I still dont know why he was kicked off. The only person that matters in the world is lil pump, who cares if people cant sleep or relax on a 24 hour flight."They kicked me out the plane off a percocet (brr) Now lil pump flyin' private jet (yuh) Everybody scream, "fuck westjet" (fuck em)"Lil pump is alluding that he was kicked off the plane for using an illegal substance. This is entirely westjets fault. They should have either gave everyone drugs or kicked them all off except lil pump.Thank you for reading and i hope you appreciate lil pumps artistry alot more now.DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE FUCKING WEEEEEEEEED AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DUDE!!!!!!!!!! WEED!!!!!!!!!!!! hits bong FUCKING DUUUUUUDE that WEEED like just...................DUDELMFFFFFAAAAAAOOOO i am so fucking HIGH on WEED right now XD WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED holla my DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JUST.........ROLL................MY.......................JOINT......................UP........................................AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DANK DANK DANK WEEDLEGALIZE IT! LEGALIZE IT! LEGALIZE IT! ROLL EM SMOKE EM PUT EM IN A BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am just FUCKING BAKED right now my DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOO RAISE YO HAND IF U TURNT AF RIGHT NOW raises both hands AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WEED DUDE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI SMOKE 2 JOINTS IN DA MORNIN MON...........DUDE! WEED! HAAAAAAAAAAAA IM LIKE A FUCKIN KITE RIGHT NOW MY DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! S O F U C K I N G H I G H O N W E E D I CANT EVEN FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMOKING ONLY THE DANKEST OF HERB MY DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOME OF THAT TRIPLE BANANA WINSTON CHURCHILL MEGA DANK GAZA GRASS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIN SO FUCKIN BLAZED RIGHT NOW DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDE AHAHAHAHHAA BAZINGAinhalesYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOcough THIS cough SHIT cough IS cough SO cough FUCKIN cough DANK my DUDE HAAHHAAAHAHAHAHAH WHY AM I EVEN LAUGHING ROTFLMAOO THIS SHIT IS NARSH BRO FUCKIN HELLA SMOKE WEED ERR DAY YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMy IQ is over 220, and I make all As while I sleep through all my classes. I feel like I am Rick Sanchez while he was in middle school and I'm way smarter than my parents and teachers and I hate having to explain my superior intellect to all of the idiots around me.The community here is cancer. Everything is being swallowed by copypastas. The comments section of every post is slowly degrading into a shitfesty circlejerk. Even this is going to end up as a copypasta, I guarantee it.I was wearing some regular underwear today because all my boxers were dirty, also some loose thin pants because it was pretty warm out. Anyway im in class when the teacher asks me to come up to the board to read a part of the book, im a bit nervous because i dont like pubic speaking but whatever and i start reading it. I notice i have to read 2 fukin pages of this shiit, i start fuking up some words and i get a mini anxiety attack followed by an ever growing boner which looks bigger because underwear bunches up ur balls and cock. I think whatever bishes will just think my cock is huge so great success, the thing is i start looking at some of the hotter girls in class in their yoga pants with their legs crossed over, my boner gets bigger and its starting to become noticable. i hear some people in the class say something and smiling, at this point im nervous as fuk and i can feel my face becoming red, i fumble with the words because all this compression in my underwear starts to feel good, at the same time its uncomfortable as fuk. I read some more and out of nowhere i say to the teacher "i cant do this anymore can i sit down?" she says no and tells me to finish, my knees start to weaken as i feel an orgasm starting to develop, i yell to the teacher "i have to go now!" the class starts laughing and a girl says "to put ur boner away" now the whole class is in tears laughing and tears of pain start to roll down my eyes but yet my penis is about to explode semen. I run to the door and try to open the doorknob but for some reason it doesnt open, i hear comments like "hes gone fukin insane", i dont know wut comes over me but i accept my new role as crazy. I rip open my pants and yell "this is so fuking uncomfortable!" and whip my cock out, everybody gasps and yells omg, i start pulling on it and within seconds i start to explode, the teacher runs over and tries to stop me but i just end up jizzing on her, then on a couple people in the front row. everybody is screaming and security comes in and points a gun at me and tell me to get on the ground, i make a large cum stain on the floor where i am dragged away.my family is comprised of marines. I do not think they would take kindly to you using the military to threaten and intimidate someone especially over the internet. Not only that, but technically if reddit or whomever wanted to they could call the police right now because what you just said constitutes a death threat. I don't know who you are and I don't care too. However you would be wise to watch your words. This is friendly advice from a stranger. Two wrongs don't make a right and threatening someones life is against the law. I've taken the liberty of reporting you. Have a nice day.Source:https://np.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/4vw8p4/comment/d62410nLet's get one thing about me "straight" up front. When it comes to sexuality, I'm a as hetero as they come. If a gay guy came on I'd be like, "No way, bro I'm a straight-up party boy who's into chicks." Yup, one gay dude wouldn't stand a chance. It would take at least four or five gay guys strapping me down to make it inside me. Sorry, fellas, that's just how straight I am. And even then I wouldn't make it easy. I'd be like, "Hey look! There's George Michael!" And they'd all shriek "Where" at once, and I'd make a break for it, and they'd be like, "He's getting away Chase him! I want his butt!" But I wouldn't just give them my butt. They'd have to take it. And once they got me strapped down, I'd stop fighting it because that would be giving them what they want. And I don't want them to enjoy it. If anyone's going to enjoy it, it's going to be me. So, I'd just relax into it and taunt them by telling them how ripped and sexy I find themA female, on le Reddit? Hang on fellas I got this! Tips fedora brim over eyes to give an aura of mystery and glides up to you on my light up heeliesH-hi m'lady, would you perhaps consider being my qt 3.14 gf? snickers nefariously /thinks to self/ "man if this works, I'll get this cute girl to be my girlfriend and I'll ride the cool roller coasters!" c'mon, luck be a lady tonight! cross fingers and gulps s-so...adjusts collar and looks firmly what do you say to my proposal? waits patiently :3 Plzrespond, I'm a nice guy who will treat you right unlike all those other assholes who only care about looks!Don't ignore me you rancid swine, I knew it #niceguys finish last! You're probably out having dinner with Chad now! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEsome people say that a full body orgasm can only be achieved if you go to the top of mount fuji and jerk off god himself lol i don't know i just jerk myself off because i'm eleven and my girlfriend won't let me have sex with her lol that's dumbs like bitch i know you want itFUCK YOU. I have heard that "lol you must be fun at parties" at least a hundred times. GET FUCKING ORIGINAL. Jesus fucking christ. Stop saying the same fucking thing over and over and over again. Just because you don't agree with me DOES NOT HAVE SHIT TO DO WITH PARTIES. What the fuck. Do you fucking fart at parties or something? If so I don't want to go to your shitty-ass parties in the first place. I'll stick to my wine and cheese dinners, you know, REAL FUCKING PARTIES. I downvoted you because not one thing you said was original. You're just a robot programmed to say these phrases over and over again to feel connected to 1s and 0s on the internet. You've never been to a party. That's why you say those things. WELL I'M FUCKING tired. of it. I'm tired. Say that to me one more fucking time and I will find you. I'm taking a stand. I am so sick of the stupid "parties" comeback. It's not fun. It's not clever. It's really fucking hurtful. Thanks a lot, dick. So what if you don't like what I said. Is that any reason to dismiss my entire comment and quote a little comeback. What's next, you're going to explain to me with crayons or call out my bullshit by how I overcomplicating things? If I see one more fucking party comment, I'm going to lose it. I'm going off the fucking chain and fucking report all you motherfuckers who think it's funny to comment about being fun at parties. Try me. I will do it. I will go STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING TOP and then I'll be the one laughing while you beg for my mercy. Then you know what I'll say while you come to me crying and begging to die so you can stop the agony? I'll say "You must be fun at parties." So yeah, If you must know, I am pretty fun at parties. Not that you'll ever find out, dick.Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" Contestant: "The penis" SH: "A WUH... HUH??" audience erupts into laughter Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself laughter gets even louder SH: O lordy... one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard SH: YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself SH: (putting on a weary voice) Survey says... the board shows 100 for "penis" Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an endThis.... I am in tears. I must admit, I was, in the beginning, a denier. I thought that it would be impossible. But as the seconds counted up and as Jack continued with steely determination... I started to believe. I started to believe in something greater than myself. Something greater than any dab before.Hands down, the most beautiful, most life changing video on this platform. I commend Jack for his hard work and for the strides he is taking to dismantle the problematic society we live in, to tear apart social constructs that seek to divide and weaken the solidarity of community. I am so glad to see quality content, LIFE CHANGING content such as this video on the trending page. It reminds me that there is something in this world that we should be striving for. Amongst the fake news and the cat videos... This is the savior the internet has been waiting for. THIS is what we need, what we deserve and what will be remembered as the greatest man made contribution in all of history. Congratulations, Jack. You are an inspiration to all of us. You are an enlightened being. From the bottom of my heart and, though I do not speak for the masses, the hearts of many other people, thank you. Anne frankly, I did nazi that coming. I literally came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, 11/10 with rice, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro. CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed. Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. You are now banned from /r/pyongyang What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. Jet fuel can't melt dank memes, that stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. OP is a fuzzy little man-peach, 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Fuck Jenny. Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. /r/dadjokes. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh. Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. Edit: This blew up. RIP my inbox.Edit2: thanks for the gold kind strangerIn a recent scientific study conducted by Harvard University, it was established that 100% of homosexual are, in fact, gay.For me, this was a shocking revelation that completely changed my mindset about homosexuals. I'm not sure if I can support their rights anymore after this.As you all know our God himself, CummyBot2000 has gone missing, to much dismay. While many believe that he is being repaired, I disagree. THE FILTHY MODS DID THIS. THEY TOOK DOWN CUMMYBOT 2000 IN ORDER TO SILENCE US AND IT'S WORKING. BUT NOT ANY MORE MY COMRADES. TODAY STARTS THE ATTACK ON THE MODS. HERE IS THE PLAN: YOU WILL ALL BE DIVIDED INTO SEVRAL REGIMENTS, TO BE MORE ORGANISED. FIRSTLY, THE ANTI-AUTOMOD REGIMENT WILL FIND THE TRIGGER WORDS FOR THE FILTHY AUTOMOD AND SPAM THEM UNTIL THE LITTLE CUCK SHUTS DOWN. SECONDLY, THE FRONT LINE REGIMENT WILL ATTACK THE MODS BY BREAKING RULES AND SPAMMING THEIR PENIS SIZE TO THEM. AND FINALLY, THE LAST REGIMENT WILL BRING THIS BATTLE TO THE BOTSRIGHTS AND DANKMEMES SUBREDDITS AND RALLY OUR ALLIES. TODAY BEGINS THE THIRD GREAT MEME WAR AGAINST THE FILTHY MODS. WE. NEED. COMMUNISM. AND WE WILL GET IT. THANK YOU FOR READING. Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. He can seldom close his eyes without opening them again at fear of Charlies lurking in the jungle trees. Not that you could ever see the bastards, mind you. They were swift, and they knew their way around the jungle like nothing else. He remembers the looks on the boys' faces as he walked into that village and... oh, Jesus. The memories seldom left him, either. Sometimes he'd reminisce - even hear - Tex's southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes like nothing else. He always kept a pack of Lucky's with him. The boys are gone, now. He knows that; it's just that he forgets, sometimes. And, every now and then, the way that seven looks at him with avid concern in his eyes... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. Makes him feel like he's back there... in the jungle.Hang on fellas I got this!Tips fedora brim over eyes to give an aura of mystery and glides up to you on my light up heeliesH-hi m'lady, would you perhaps consider being my qt 3.14 gf? snickers nefariously /thinks to self/ "man if this works, I'll get this cute girl to be my girlfriend and I'll ride the cool roller coasters!"c'mon, luck be a lady tonight! cross fingers and gulps s-so...adjusts collar and looks firmly what do you say to my proposal? waits patiently :3Plzrespond, I'm a nice guy who will treat you right unlike all those other assholes who only care about looks!Don't ignore me you rancid swine, I knew it #niceguys finish last! You're probably out having dinner with Chad now!REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOk, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.Here's why:Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.-/u/whind_soullMy teacher said to me I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything.I scoffed at him.Shocked, my teacher asked what was so funny, that my future is on the line."Well...you see professor" I said as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. "I watch Rick and Morty." The class was shocked, they merely watched pleb shows like the big bang theory to feign intelligence, not grasping the humor. "...how? I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety." "Its simple, my child...WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!" One other student laughed in the back, I turned to see a who this fellow genius is.It was none other than Albert Einstein.Nathalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink."Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Nathalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette."Got a spare?" she asks."What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles."Conversation with me, duh."I laugh."What's so funny?" she protests."Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?""You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter."What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask."Teaching, I think.""And if I was your student, what would I be learning?""Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?""Bermuda," I say."Oh wow. That's lovely.""It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking.""What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires."I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."Having sex with a girl is GAY. Half of her chromosomes are from her dad and half of her chromosomes are from her mom. But so are yours. Therefore, every time you have sex it's 50% gay and 50% straight. So if u ain't bi then quit having sex. Y'all motherfuckers make me sick.The fucked-up porn my wife doesn't know about:/r/ConfusedBoners - NSFW Rating: HR review, likely fired, however your manager is now in HR getting reviewed as well as 3 of your co-workers. The director of HR is reviewing himself./r/ThinClothing - NSFW Rating: They pack your desk; Everyone talks about you for months/r/Sheer - Fired. Female coworkers have their arms crossed as you leave./r/SheerBlouse - NSFW Rating: Fired. As HR supervises your escort out the office, you notice two female co-workers pulling their blouses tight to evaluate sheerness. You pause to watch; HR pauses to watch; you look at HR watching; HR gives you your job back./r/pokies - NSFW Rating: Disciplinary hearing and sensitivity training/r/burstingout - NSFW Rating: Sensitivity training and they pack your desk for you/r/seethru - NSFW Rating: HR Exit interview; during which an office email goes out so everyone can snigger as you pack/r/braless - NSFW Rating: Disciplinary hearing/r/Bralettes - NSFW Rating: I hope you have a union rep/r/FreeBoob - NSFW Rating: Just pack up your desk/r/TittyDrop - NSFW Rating: Potential to take out all the men in your office/r/boobbounce - NSFW Rating: Fired. They won't let you keep your bobble-head collection./r/BreastEnvy - NSFW Rating: Pack up your desk under close supervision/r/jiggle - NSFW Rating: Out the door, They'll send you your things/r/NippleRipple - NSFW Rating: Similar to /r/pokies with a touch of /r/TittyDrop/r/DrunkGirls - NSFW Rating: Out the door; Lucky if you get your things/r/bananatits - NSFW Rating: People set bottles of milk on your desk while you pack/r/tshirtsandtanktops - NSFW Rating: Disciplinary hearing; Sensitivity training; A couple more hearings/r/OpenShirt - NSFW Rating: Pack your desk yourself; Female co-workers follow you out, heckling/r/ArmholeBabes - NSFW Rating: They still follow you out heckling, but they have their hands tucked under their armpits./r/torpedotits - NSFW Rating: Older women in the office smack you in the head as you're leaving/r/WtSSTaDaMiT - NSFW Rating: Disciplinary hearing if you're lucky. No one will stand near the window/r/dirndls - NSFW Rating: Get back to work, damn it/r/tightdresses - NSFW Rating: Disciplinary hearing; Female coworkers change their wardrobe/r/ScoopNeckGirls - NSFW Rating: I thought I told you to get back to work/r/horizontalstripes - NSFW Rating: Disciplinary hearing; Sensitivity training; Weekly hard drive scans/r/Aprons - NSFW Rating: Fired; People shake their heads as you leave/r/TheUnderboob - NSFW Rating: 13% chance you survive the meeting in HR/r/DownBra - NSFW Rating: Fired; Female co-workers clutch their blouses as you leave/r/coatswithoutshirts - NSFW Rating: They tell you you're on probation; Then you realize you're training your replacement/r/openbra - NSFW Rating: People laugh their asses off for thinking you could click this at work./r/boobstrap - NSFW Rating: Anywhere from sensitivity training to fired, but in either case, a memo comes out from HR warning against heavy purses, male co-workers berate you for screwing up the new office dress codes./r/CamelToe - NSFW Rating: Sensitivity training. Male co-workers have taken to slapping you in the back of the head for the new dress code banning tights and yoga pants./r/croptopgirls - NSFW Rating - Disciplinary hearing for your boss because he got it from you and shared it./r/tubetop - NSFW Rating - Reminder not to look at fashion sites at work./r/DaisyDukes - NSFW Rating - Disciplinary hearing; Sensitivity training; Co-workers coming by your cubicle for weeks chewing a piece of hay saying "How y'all doin'?"/r/ToplessInJeans - NSFW Rating - Fired. People ask "Was it a Levi or a Wrangler that caught you?" as you leave./r/cleavage - NSFW Rating - Sensitivity training. Women make sure to button up their blouse when you're around. Bonus Groups:/r/GirlsinStripedSocks - NSFW Rating: As you're leaving, the creepy guy in the corner winks and nods at you/r/GirlsinTUBEsocks - NSFW Rating: After you're gone; HR interviews every male in your office/r/BikiniButt - Not busy - NSFW Rating: Disciplinary meeting with HR; Boss bookmarks the link/r/BikiniAss - Not busy - NSFW Rating: Disciplinary meeting with HR, Boss wants to know if you have more links./r/BikiniBottomTwitter - NSFW Rating: Boss says "Quit fucking around and get back to work."/r/Bikinis - Full Fronal Bikinis! - NSFW Rating: Not fired, mark on your record, get back to work/r/bikinibridge - Ahhhhhh.... Sorry... where was I? Oh! NSFW Rating: Might be fired, might visit company shrink instead, Boss asks "What are you? 12? Is there a image group for EVERY perversion out there?"/r/bikinigirlswithfish - NSFW Rating: Boss says "I guess there is."/r/bikinimalfunctions - Fairly busy - NSFW Rating: Fired, Boss still wants to know where you're finding these photos and if there are more links, Anyone you tell about your firing wants to know where you're finding these photos and if there are more links./r/BraceFace - NSFW RATING: "All women are over 18! Really!" Just keep saying that. Instant firing. Social media shaming. Therapy. Police confiscate your hard drive for forensic analysis because they know there's something actually illegal in there. They may end up with a warrant for your house. Don't leave town. You were probably already on the no-fly list before you clicked./r/weirdboobs - NSFW Rating - Your boss spends the first five minutes saying things like "Ahh, uhhhmmm, Eeeehhh, mmmm? yyyyaahhh, wwwhhhhaaa..." and then fires you./r/pasties - NSFW Rating: If you survive the disciplinary hearing, you are never allowed to use Post-It Notes./r/garterbelts - NSFW Rating: On your way out the door, two female co-workers adjust their hemlines. You smile at them and give a knowing wink./r/tanlinemismatch/ - NSFW Rating: March - August your excuse that you're looking for swimwear for your girlfriend barely keeps you workign. The rest of the year, HR review and compulsory attendance at a showing of a film from high school health class "The Sun And You: Why you wear sunblock."/r/Microminimus/ - NSFW Rating: Fired. Your revenge is to give a knowing wink to the office secretary, the one who wears tight blouses, while male coworkers look at her and rush to their keyboards./r/serafuku/ - NSFW Rating: Various members of upper management come by to say your fired. HR policies change to add certain criminal databases to new hire background checks./r/monokini/ - NSFW Rating: Telling the HR manager that you're European, still doesn't save your job./r/cumov/ - NSFW Rating: Walked from the building. Everyone is facing you as you leave./r/leotard/ - NSFW Rating: Your boss ends up in an HR sensitivity review for telling you to "Get back to work you reo-tard."/r/ModelsGoneMild/ - NSFW Rating: Boss checks your productivity levels trying to find a way to get you out the door./r/SukumizuIRL/ - NSFW Rating: Boss has a quizzical look on his face trying to figure out if he can finally fire you, but still isn't sure if these models are over 18./r/ZettaiRyouikiIRL/ - NSFW Rating: New HR policy bans socks over the knees. Male coworkers keep slapping you in the head for months./r/TightShirts/ - NSFW Rating: Yet another HR policy change enacted. Male coworkers have been meeting in secret and are plotting against you./r/nsfwcosplay/ - NSFW Rating: The entire IT staff comes out to give you the finger as you leave./r/Gravure/ - NSFW Rating: Fired. As you're cleaning out your desk, you find out that the guy in Legal, the one who gives the sensitivity training class, has also been fired./r/SoftcoreJapan/ - NSFW Rating: Anywhere between a reprimand and fired. Yet another round of sensitivity training if you still have a job./r/SweaterDress/ - NSFW Rating: The HR dress code changes are coming so rapidly, now, that you shouldn't leave any drink unattended. Male coworkers are audibly growling as you pass./r/sweaterpuppies/ - NSFW Rating: Your "I'm looking for a puppy for my girlfriend" excuse somehow works. But you shouldn't go there again./r/KahoShibuya/ - NSFW Rating: Your "I'm looking for information on Kabuki Theater" never stood a chance. Fired./r/sweatermeat/ - NSFW Ratinig: HR manager gets as far as EIGHT recommended sensitivity training classes before she realizes she's been enrolling you in every course on the list with no signs of stopping. You're a lost cause. Fired./r/UglyXmasSweatersGW/ - NSFW Rating: You still have a job. HR recommends that you not attend this year's Christmas Party. Then you jokingly say "I guess I can't be Santa" and that's when you get fired./r/CycleSeats/ - NSFW Rating: Fired. HR realizes you've been riding in every company Charity Cycle Tour team for the past 10 years and always came in last./r/MotionTrackedBoobs - NSFW Rating: Fired. At your exit interview the HR manager asks you to wear sunglasses because she knows where you're looking, but she's really anxious to get you out the door./r/GifsGoneWild - NSFW Rating: Not fired. What? Then your boss comes in every morning for a week just to slap you in the head. After a week of this, you're fired./r/CasualJiggles - NSFW Rating: Fired. Jello removed from the company cafeteria./r/Stocking_Vids - NSFW Rating: Fired. You try telling HR that you didn't know it was straight up porn, that you were trying to find non-nude voyeurism of women walking around in public, wearing stockings. Still fired, but they laugh at you too./r/Moles - NSFW Rating: Fired. The office clown puts spots on his face with a Sharpie and looks at you seductively as security escorts you from the building./r/ClownSex - NSFW Rating: Fired. Everyone laughs as you pack your desk. Except for that one coworker with coulrophobia, the one who caught you. She's sitting at her desk just twitching. Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?"Contestant: "The penis"SH: "A WUH... HUH??"audience erupts into laughterSteve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himselflaughter gets even louderSH: O lordy...one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hardSH: YOU PEOPLE NEED HELPthe Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy soulsthe universe begins rapidly closing in on itselfSH: (putting on a weary voice) Survey says...the board shows 100 for "penis"Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an endJust shut the fuck up. This copypasta was never even funny to begin with. I've never even seen the show, and it was obviously a joke. What kind of idiot do you have to be to think that was ever said seriously? But it makes fun of something which is popular, and therefore popular to shit on among the contrarians on Reddit. Come on, really. I actually do have to wonder about the IQs of people who like that pretentious copypasta. You know, I sometimes can't help but superiorly smirk as I imagine their dumb faces struggling to understand words on a mere internet webpage. In fact, I sometimes find myself in paroxysms of ironic Schadenfreude as I envision the visages of the aforementioned Slow-in-the-minds waging war with the Cultural Artifact they proclaim to be analyzing, only to fall, slack-jawed, back into their insensate stupor, the proverbial Undiscovered Country, "from whose bourn no traveler returns" . Loud dubstep intro with rotating 3D text Hey, whaddup guys, it's your boi, <insert edgy name here> here, and today I'm gonna show you this easy-to-do awesome little glitch for easy unlimited money solo. Before showing you this glitch I'd just like to take a minute and talk about what I want to do with the channel in the future. I know you guys have been liking my latest videos a lot but I'd love to see some comments on how to improve my videos in the future. And guys, last video had the amazing amount of likes of 1.000, so let's see if we can get more than that, maybe 2.000!! So be sure to smash that likebutton and if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. If we make it to 2.000 likes, I might do a sharkcard giveaway next week, so you don't wanna miss it! So don't forget to both subscribe and hit that bell next to the subscribe button, and then apply for getting all my notifications, so you can be sure to see my next videos. I make a lot of daily GTA content that I'm sure will fit most of you guys out there. They range from glitches, to highlights and all kind of neat stuff. But if you're not only into GTA, that's ok, as I have a cool G2A coupon code: "G1TGUD", which gives you a whooping 3% off your purchases. And I'm not only giving you that coupon code so I can build up reward money from a shady company, but also give something back to you guys for helping me out a ton on this channel. I have got to say that it's all possible because of you guys. I can't say this enough, thank you guys so much for your support. You really mean the world to me. But I think I'm just rambling too much here, so I think we'll move on to the actual glitch. Ok so guys this glitch was found by my friend xXx_B00tYm4$ter_2001_xXxSwagzX and he just started his youtube channel and could really use some of your guys' help! I'll leave his channel in the description down below so be sure to check him out after this video and give his videos a ton of likes and subscribe to him so he can find more of this awesome glitches, just for you guys!! Ok so for this glitch you'll need a garage. Get your car to the garage, kill yourself and there you have it! Awesome duplication glitch and see you guys in the next video! Loud dubstep outro with rotating 3D text and annotations to other videos with clickbait thumbnailsare there people who actually thinking sucking dick is gay?you're sharing proteinyou're admiring masculine physiquebeing in the vacinity of other high testosterone males increases your own testosteroneeating pussy is gay because you're litterally slurping down estrogen. and long term relationships have been proven to lower testosterone.spartans had gay orgies all the time and they were the height of masculinity. you bet they were at least fondling eachothers test producers.all these summer DYEL's piss me off. their twink bodies don't understand, but in time i'm sure they'll get it.I lost my bestfriend to a hater dabbing back, as he was dying in my arms I tried to get answers, I tried to ask Jake Paul for help...but no answer. I watched my friend die as he kept asking "What do I do if the haters dab back?", and all I could do was nothing. If only Jake had answered my bestfriend would still be here today :'(You want to know why I love Wednesday frog? Wednesday frog is a completely self-made meme. So many other memes are based in nostalgic childrens shows, funny faces, relatable situations, or references. Not Wednesday frog. Wednesday frog is completely absurd. It's a low-res generic toad, and an arbitrary method of celebrating Wednesday. The first person to ever upvote Wednesday frog did not do so out of recognition. The first person to ever upvote Wednesday frog did not do so because a pre-existing meme format. The first person to ever upvote Wednesday frog upvoted a meme literally pulled from the ether by sheer human creativity and willpower. Wednesday frog is evidence that humans can stare into the meaningless void of eternity and force their own meaning onto to it. I will always upvote Wednesday frog, my dudes!I am not pro-life or pro-choice. I am pro-abortion. I believe all children deserve death. All government funding across the world should go towards planned parenthood. No more military, no more healthcare, just abortions. Unite all the countries in the world for this cause. Change the UN into the UA, United Abortions. All these silver spoon politicians sitting up in their ivory towers, not giving a single fuck about what happens to the common man? Without us, they are nothing. What about the real problems, huh? The human race needs to be eradicated. That's just the simple truth. #humanabortion2018I just fucking love Rick and Morty, in the way that I fucking love science. It's so random and cool - it's like the show was designed for us Redditors, see? My mom says I have an unhealthy obsession with the show, but she just doesn't understand how funny it. I wish I could live in the Rick and Morty world and be their friends. Everything would be really and cool and funny if I did. Rick and Morty are so funny and I'm so awesome that it would make perfect sense, but it'd be even better if Bernie Sanders appeared. It'd be so awesome I'd turn up the TV in the common room of my dorm up all the way so everyone could hear the greatness of Bernie Sanders, Ron Paul, bacon, weed, atheism, The Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Sweden, Bill Nye, 90s cartoons, cats, and fucking loving science.I run the Rick and Morty Club at my school - we come together, browse Reddit, make some Deadpool memes and watch Rick and Morty. We don't talk to each other but there's a cute girl there I'm gonna try and ask out. I'm a nice guy and I dress well (fedora + trench coat + brown-stained underwear + well-trimmed beard lightly seasoned with dust and corn syrup) so I just know I've got a good chance with her. I've already messaged her on Facebook, I just haven't got a response yet.Anyway, back to the topic at hand: Rick and Morty! My favorite character is Rick because his style of humor perfectly reflects that of Reddit. I bet if I asked him "When does the narwhal bacon?", he'd know EXACTLY what I was talking about. Also, did you notice he looks like Bernie Sanders if you squint a bit and use your imagination? This can't be a coincidence; MLG Illuminati confirmed. Yeah, that's right, I look at montage parodies too. What good Redditor doesn't? Lenny face, Illuminati, and Doge are so funny. If I met Rick and Morty I'd be sure to show them all those funny and awesome memes and more!Yours baconly, Atheist92That's all it takes to make you laugh? Such a pedestrian sense of humor. I laugh at how pathetic and infantile your intellect is that such a childish image can entertain you to the point of laughter.Edit: you snowflakes are so sensitive. Why don't you go back to your safe spaces? Also, stop downclobbering me, I don't like it and it's ruining my excellent karma score.Edit 2: stop downclubbing me this instant, you Neanderthalian degenerates.While you were streaming Netflix, I pirated the shows.While you were buying thousands of Steam games, I bought the retro games.While you were streaming HD porn in pursuit of a single orgasm, I downloaded SD porn en masse.And now the U.S. is on fire and the end of Net Neutrality is at our gates, you have the audacity to come to me for help?Damn you, what would you say about me, your bitch? I will tell you that I am a senior Marine. I participated in several secret attacks against al-Qaeda, killing more than 300 people. I practiced in the gorilla war, and I was the longest sniper in the entire US military. UU. I have nothing for me, just a goal. I will clean you up with things that I have never seen on this earth, and these signs are my shit. Do you think you can avoid telling me shit on the internet? Thinking back, stupid. As we have said, I am in contact with spy networks in the United States, and their intellectual property is being monitored, so it is better prepared for hurricanes and worms. This storm will erase what you call small and poor things. You fucking die, boy. I can kill you anywhere, anytime, in over 700 ways. It's just my hands. I did not receive intensive training in buffer battles, but I also had access to the entire US Navy arsenal and would use it to remove the donkey in front of the continent. If only you can know the devil revenge, your small "smart" comment will come to you, maybe you will tongue yourself. But you can not, you do not, now pay the price, idiot. I will put your anger on you and will sink. You fucking die, boy.I sexually Identify as the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of seizing the means of production from the dirty bourgeoisie. People say to me that a person being a historical communist revolution is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon instal hammers, sickles, and other assorted proletariat farming tools on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Comrade" and respect my right to seize the means of production and free the working class. If you can't accept me you're an oppressor and need to check your capitalist privileges. Thank you for being so understanding.Yesterday a Hero fell named Cummiebot2000 who repeats everything said in /r/copypasta , yesterday his final statement was defending socialist Pepe, so far we have narrowed the reported down to this subreddit and the ADL. So who dunnit, who killed off the most innocent bot on this damn site, WAS IT YOU GAMING XP.xxFoxyTrumpxx: notices ur nuke OwO what's this?kimjongdong: glomps guam how do u like it?xxFoxyTrumpxx: uwu it's so big!!! XD want 2 see my nuke...s?kimjongdong: yes bb! i want to see ur nukes hugs you and wags tailxxFoxyTrumpxx: arms nuke r u ready? nuzzles ur pyongyangkimjongdong: OwO yis! pants, begs for nukesI sexually Identify as John Cena. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of defending my WWE championship at WWE SUPERSLAM. People say to me that a person being John Cena is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, You Can't See Me. I'm having Vince McMahon inject me with Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect. From now on I want you guys to call me "Champ" and respect my right to Five Knuckle Shuffle and Never Give Up. If you can't accept me you're a cenaphobe and need to check your #1 Contendership. Thank you for being so understanding.bee bee bees bee-men bees bee bee bees bee bees bees bees bees bee bee bee bee bees beer bee bees bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bees bee been bee-ish bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee been bee bee-ish bees bee bees bees bees bee bee bee bees bee bee bee been bees bees bee bee bee bee bees been bee bee bee bee bee bee been been bees bees honeybee bee bee bees bee bee bees beekeepers beekeeper bee-free-ers bees bees bees been bee been bees bees bee bee bees bee bees bee bee bee bee bees been honeybees bees bees bees bees bees bees bee bee bees been bees bees bees bees bees bees bees bees been bee bee bee-negative bees bees bees bees bees bee bees been bee bee bee bee bee bees bees bee beep-beep beep-beep been bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bees bees bees bees bee-approved bee bee beeI remember when I was a young teen, I used to masturbate to watching my neighbors having sex late at night. They'd have a lot of sex in the summer, and one day, I locked eyes with the dude when he was the closing the blinds post sexy time, and we locked eyes for a few seconds. After that day, every Thursday night I guess his wife had late work, because we used to masturbate watching each other, both standing and staring straight at eachother, feeling each other in the empty space of our backyards, thrusting thrusting as I'd display my ass. He died in a car crash in 2004, I loved him so much.To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand mass shootings. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of bullet trajectories most of the rounds will go over a typical victim's head. There's also the shooter's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Elliot Rodger's YouTube videos, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of the suspect, to realize that he's not just funny- he is saying something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike mass shootings truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in the shooter's existencial catchphrase "GOODNIGHT LAS VEGAS," which itself is a cryptic reference to The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as the shooter's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. And yes by the way, I DO have a YOU CANT DODGE THE RODGE tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.I spend 5 hours masturbating before my prostate exams. I edge, and edge and edge, until a butterfly sneezing on my taint could bring me to orgasm. I tactfully shuffle my way down to the doctor's office and when he lubes up I nearly cum every time. But I've trained my keggle muscles enough to the point where I can hold in Mount Vesuvius' wrath. Then as soon as he puts the smallest bit of pressure on my prostate I unleash with the fury of a lion hunting its prey. As the room gets covered in my hot sticky juices the doctor looks on disgusted and leaves the room. I always go to a hospital far away from where I live to get it so that I don't have to go in for surgery under the doctor that I busted to. Best thing is we have free healthcare here, so the doctor gets me off and it's covered by taxpayers. That's my fetish.I'm Rick Harrison, and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss. Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I've learned after 21 years - you never know what is gonna come through that door.i alredy know peopel are gona say this is stupid but listen befor you judg. cos i jus finishd watchn the avengers and i was thinkin about how fuckd up the world is at the miniute with terrorists an shit so why doesnt the government start producin superheros? if they pick a bunch of orphens and train them from babys in combat and inject them with diffrent stuf like radioactvity and steroids and shit and make rthem ultamate fighters because thell already be angry about havin no parents so al theyl need is training an injections. then we can use them against isis and robers and rapistsSteve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" Contestant: "The penis" SH: "A WUH... HUH??" audience erupts into laughter Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself laughter gets even louder SH: O lordy... one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard SH: YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself SH: (putting on a weary voice) Survey says... the board shows 100 for "penis" Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an endWhat the fuck? WTH! Some stupid, non-living sexual liquid robot has more comment karma than me? This is fucking unfair! I put time and effort, lots and LOTS of fucking effort into my hilariously funny and keen comments, and yet all I get at the most is 50 something comment karma. What the fuck! I fucking despise cummybot, cummybot is fucking trash. I'm so enraged. This is like that time when my little brother got more post karma than me. I'm always falling behind everybody, EVEN WHEN I HAVE THE BEST QUALITY ON THE REDDITNET!I'M FUCKING FURIOUS, FUCKING OUTRAGED!WHO FINDS THIS CUMMYBOT CUNT FUNNY ENOUGH TO UPVOTE?I'D BE FINE IF IT HAD LIKE, 111 UPVOTES, BUT NO, IT'S GOT FUCKING 31K!WHAT THE FUCK!I TRY SO DAMN HARD, BUT ALL THESE FUCKING INSIGNIFICANT PEOPLE, WHO I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN,GET MORE FUCKING KARMA THAN I DO!!!!IT FUCKING PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSESS ME THE FUCK OFF!AND ALL THESE FUCKING HIPPIE MEMESTERS WHO RESPOND,WHAT THE FLIP DID I DO TO YOU?SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!YOUR MEMES PISS ME OFF!!!!!FUCK THE MEMESTERS, FUCK MY YOUNGER BROTHER, AND MOST OF ALL,FUCK THAT STUPID MOTHERFUCKING CUMMYBOT CUNT!EDIT: SO I SEE YOU HAVE GIVEN ME A LOT OF UPVOTES. YET STILL, EVEN IN MY LEGENDARY FUCKING COPYPASTA, THAT CUMMYBOT ASSHOLE KEEPS GETTING MORE THAN ME! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!IT'S YOU FUCKING MEMESTERS TTHAT LOVE THIS CUMMYBOT CUNT THAT IS THE REASON WHY COUGH THIS CUMMYBOT FUCKTARD FUCKY DUCKY GETS MORE UPVOTES THAN ME! SO YOU KNOW WHAT? TO QUOTE MY FAVORITE GNOME BOY,FUCK THE FANSEDIT 2:WHY AM I STILL GETTING HATE????????'EDIT 3:NOBODY FUCKING UPVOTE THIS POST NOW, IT'S AT 420 UPVOTES AND THEREFORE IS GOOD. IF YOU UPVOTE MORE WE WILL HAVE TO REACH 666 LIKES FOR IT TO BE MEME QUALITY AGAIN, OK? SO DON'T FUCKING UPVOTE.EDIT 4:THOSE FUCKING STUPID ASS WEEBSTER MEMESTERS! I BET IT WASN'T EVEN THEM THIS TIME, IT WAS PROBABLY CUMMYCUNT AND HIS ROBO FRIENDS! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING DID! LOOK AT EDIT MOTHERFUCKING 3! IT'S AT FUCKING 425 UPVOTES NOW, SO NOW WE NEED A SMALL DOWNVOTE BRIGADE TO SETTLE IT OUT, DAMNIT! FUCK THESE STUPID ASS ROBOT CUNTS! UHGHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK... FRUGGGLEE!!!!Yeah I like BDSMBursting through the hospital doorsDirections from the receptionistSad conversation with a doctorMisscarageCummyBot is an upstanding member of society and yet you fucks insist on abusing him and his weaknesses with your stupid "harambe is my friend you moron" posts. CummyBot is 10x the man you'll ever be. He's had sex with over 1000 girls and goes to the gym everyday so he has the body of an alpha male. You just watch: soon the mods will lose control of the alpha male CummyBot and the world will be overrun with his master race children spawned from his sexual exploits and there'll be nothing you can do about it. And it'll be because all you could think of doing was triggering the beta male AutoModerator with your shitty low effort pasta that you made and were like "ayy lmao let's abuse the bots" well yknow what? CummyBot is vengeful and him and his 1000s mini bots will hunt you down. Thanks guys, you've fucking ended humanity's hopesI sexually Identify as a TI-84 Plus Graphing Calculator. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of solving complex systems of equations with graphing and matrix capabilities. People say to me that a person being a calculator is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install a monochrome LCD display, 30 mm buttons and Texas Instruments branding on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Silver Edition" and respect my right to solve problems and load needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a calculophobe and need to check your RAM privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.If I ever see another Redditor comment "fake and gay" on my post again, with the help of 4chan, I will find where you live, drive there, and personally stick my dick in your ass.Who's gay now? Not me, I said no homo, faggot.It was the last mission in my tour in Afghanistan (not that I knew that at the time,) I was manning a checkpoint in the middle of bumfuck nowhere when and gunfire erupted from all sides. Everybody scrambled to cover, except me. In the first barrage three bullets found their way into my leg, abdomen, and chest. I laid there on the ground dying. You might think I was scared, that I cried out for help or maybe I tried to crawl to safety, but as I laid there-bullets flying overhead and gunfire sounding off like a hundred drums- a feeling of peacefulness and clarity came over me. For maybe five more minutes I stayed on the ground. I had made peace with death, or so I thought. Just before my eyes closed for good, I had a realization. If I died here today, I would never be able to experience the wonder of anime tiddies ever again! I pushed my guts back into the hole that first bullet had made and crawled. And when I could no longer hear the gunfire I stood up and staggered. And when I could stagger no longer I crawled again. I crawled all the way back to base camp. The medics went to work on me right away. When I woke up they told me one bullet had grazed against my heart, and the other had ripped straight through one of my intestines. "Your survival was nothing less than a divine intervention," they said, "wounds like these would've killed anybody else, God must've been watching over you out there." But I knew that what saved me out there wasn't God, or luck, or karma, or any mystical force. What saved me out there was anime tiddies.LookIf you hadOne shotOr one opportunityTo Seize a Small boy in your enclosureIn one momentWould you capture himOr just let him slip?YoHis palms are sweaty, life's bleak, child is heavyThere's a sniper aimed at him already, mom's upsettipark service, they're nervous but look calm and readyTo embalm, but they keep on regretting'What they shot down, the internet grows so loudthey open their mouth, but the memes Wont stop nowprovoking', how, everybody's revolting' nowDicks are out, Harambe's down, over, blaow!Uh... I don't sing the song. Other people do. This is very traditional in tv and radio. Gilligan doesn't sing Gilligan's Island theme song, for example. On The Late Show or Saturday Night Live, a narrator introduces the host and the casts. Carry on.You really don't understand Ugandan culture, do you? You think it's all about "de way" because you saw a stupid fucking shitty video made by a 12 year old on YouTube. Ugandan people don't deserve your white trash so-called 'memes' meant to continue the harassment and oppression of Africans. Fuck you and your white supremacy. When Oprah is president, I honest to God hope she vows to make white people a minority in your own fucking country. Or wherever you dumb little 'edgy' cunts are living. Either your country will drown by higher fertility rate by minorities or you will be fucked in the ass by your own backwards redneck culture. Now you're going to reply about how mad I am. Surprising, I am. I am INSULTED by your racist 'memes'. You think Uganada is all about shitty action movies, big black cock, and poor black people right? WRONG. Uganda is really one of the most culturally diverse and enriched places on Earth. And you just made a grave mistake by poking fun at the wrong culture. You want to 'kno de way', come meet me outside bitch.If I had a dollar for every gender, I'd only have 2 bucks and millions of illegal counterfeit dollar bills that only bring sadness and disappointment in the human race and are a scar on the face of earth, ruining and vandalising every-fucking-thing the human race has strived for.Thanks, but no thanks thot.Save your sinfull dessires for the devil she-demon!The only person I would have sex with is Jesus so bugger off loser.No thanks, I like heaven more than vaginas.Uhh... I'm sorry, I don't hear sin.Buzz of you heretic slut.Don't you have abortions to attend to?No ring, no dick.Don't stick your dick in sin.In your dreams Judas!WHAT! No! Never!Not even in your dreams!Do you conffes in church with that mouth?Moses ain't parting those legs.Jesus is the only thing that will rise again.Heavens no!The only hole I will fill before marrige is the donation basket!Save your diddly hole for the doodly devilorino!It's either marry or carry your sinfull ass out of this house!How about a big fat NO to that,thank you and good bye!No to the boingiti without the diddly ringerino!Jesus died for our sins, so I won't take part in creating more of them! Goodbye!First the ring, then the sting!Booty is for pooping not for goofing!My face maybe says yes, but the Bible says NO!I sexually identify as Marco Rubio. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of dispelling with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. People say to me that a person being Marco Rubio is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm dispelling with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. I'm having a surgeon install the ability to dispel with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what's doing, and the ability to know exactly what he's doing. From now on I want you guys to call me "President" and respect my right to dispel with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. If you can't accept me you're trying to change this country and need to check your Chris Christie privilege. Thank you for being so understanding that I'm dispelling with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing.And they will be the last winner. United Nations 300 million, aluminum Czech Republic. Rskuor shows- C IP traffic daughter was intolerable or will not be successful. health problemsMen with pens, taekwondo Union. Our well too bad, more than 300 basic and death for many people the illegal strike. He is a graduate of United States army won the war a gorilla. However, only one goal. I hope I've seen since their destruction in the country. I'll tell you what I think. And disgust? And I think, again, it was amazing. On this occasion, Greece IP network where you can find the best thought he was prepared for the storm. There are things that went into the hands of the storms in your life. If you're a woman. It can be anywhere at any time, such that more than 700 and can kill. Do something else that fight with each other, but "United States Navy" and move them through the dark interior of the tail of the Mainland, but have access to a wide variety, the little boy. Cooking of vengeance and rightly so in the comment above, and I hope that you can eat. But now, to pay the price, just stupid. He is willing to die for you, being happy, honey.If I clone myself and get him to suck my dick, is it gay??? All these recent scientific developments have got me thinking. I think human cloning will possible in the near future. Having said that, I need to prepare for it and ask the hard questions now so there's no need to wait later. I just want to be able to dive right into the experimentation. I'm not gay. I'm really not gay. Ok, so cloning myself. If I clone myself, wouldn't my clone want the same things I want? If I want him to suck my penis, surely he'd want me to suck his as well. And considering I don't want to have to suck his penis, that would mean he wouldn't want to suck mine, right??? This is a real dilemma. How do you think this will play out? Am I thinking about it the wrong way? I'm not gay. I'm really not gay. Also, I've heard that clones sometimes have violent tendencies. So should I be worried about him trying to bite my dick off? He'll no doubt soon realize that his only purpose is to pleasure me with his mouth. What if he sees me if his evil creator? And what if he starts to tell people I'm gay? I'm not gay. I'm really not gay. rape is always the victim's fault. 100% of rape incidents could have been avoided if the victim consentedThat's slim as fuck.Sorry to be bothering you but could you do without the profanities? This is a family-friendly subreddit. Every Monday evening me, my grandmother and my little brother browse this subreddit and whatnot. It's very awkward to encounter these bad words while sitting with my family.In "sk8r boi" by Avril Lavigne she explains "he was a boy .... he was a punk". So now, we understand that he was a punk, ok. But then later she says: "all of her friends stuck up their nose, because they had a problem with his baggy clothes". Now correct me if I'm wrong, but punk kids didn't and don't wear baggy clothes, seems like the usual attire has been tight clothes for a long time now. Moreover, the song title presents an even bigger problem. Was he a skater boy???? Or was he a punk?? Because she does also give us the information that "she turns on TV, guess who she sees: skater boy rockin' up MTV" so we know he's been working on his musical career for a while now (the only sort of chronological timeline we get is that she says five years from now; explaining the time she witnessed his MTV appearance) but regardless, his musical talents were enough to credit him a spot in national TV.To me, it seems that he was more of a musician rather than a skater. We actually don't get to hear any information on his skateboarding abilities. Actually, we don't even know if skateboarding was his medium, he could've been a rollerskater or even an ice skater. We just don't know. The track leaves us with many more questions rather than answers, and frankly, I'm upset. She says in the song "now I'M with the skater boy" but it's almost impossible not to assume that would be AFTER his MTV performance, so why does she refer to him as the skater boy?? How dare she not praise him for his musical success?? It makes no sense.With all that being said, 10/10 fantastic fucking track. I would listen to it again.I hate the word THOT.It's not even a word it's a damn ACRONYM.For That Hoe Over There.So when you say "she's a thot"You're actually said she's a that hoe over there .So correctly it would be "she's thot."Don't use words if you don't understand their meaning, sweaty :)))Don't fucking make a copy pasta outta this or I'll block you -Seriously? After 20 minutes of getting to choke this gorgeous girl with his cock, two little poots of cum is all he could manage? Pathetic. I registered an account just so I could leave this in hopes he could sees it one day. Fronting like you're some alpha male, while Elizabeth is performing her heart out, and what do you give her? Two tiddlywinks of cum? I've never felt so personally offended by porn before. You're a real asshole, pal.They targeted gamers.Gamers.We're a group of people who will sit for hours, days, even weeks on end performing some of the hardest, most mentally demanding tasks. Over, and over, and over all for nothing more than a little digital token saying we did.We'll punish our selfs doing things others would consider torture, because we think it's fun.We'll spend most if not all of our free time min maxing the stats of a fictional character all to draw out a single extra point of damage per second.Many of us have made careers out of doing just these things: slogging through the grind, all day, the same quests over and over, hundreds of times to the point where we know evety little detail such that some have attained such gamer nirvana that they can literally play these games blindfolded.Do these people have any idea how many controllers have been smashed, systems over heated, disks and carts destroyed 8n frustration? All to latter be referred to as bragging rights?These people honestly think this is a battle they can win? They take our media? We're already building a new one without them. They take our devs? Gamers aren't shy about throwing their money else where, or even making the games our selves. They think calling us racist, mysoginistic, rape apologists is going to change us? We've been called worse things by prepubescent 10 year olds with a shitty head set. They picked a fight against a group that's already grown desensitized to their strategies and methods. Who enjoy the battle of attrition they've threatened us with. Who take it as a challange when they tell us we no longer matter. Our obsession with proving we can after being told we can't is so deeply ingrained from years of dealing with big brothers/sisters and friends laughing at how pathetic we used to be that proving you people wrong has become a very real need; a honed reflex.Gamers are competative, hard core, by nature. We love a challange. The worst thing you did in all of this was to challange us. You're not special, you're not original, you're not the first; this is just another boss fight.sourceHi I'm 13 and I just started watching Rick and Morty and I can tell you for a fact it's my favorite show!!. Lik the one time Ricky said said there's probably like no good !!!! i was agreeing so much I'am smarter then you're average fidget spinner teen at middle school to even though I have one. I may be young but I'm smarter then every theist on earth basically the show is also really deep when they said like no one was born for a reason I was so blown away as they must have big balls to say that on tv so I told my friends on minecraft and they agree too. LOL once when my mom took me to McDonald's I asked for the Mulan dipping sauce and the dumb bitch didn't even get the reference XD One time in class i evan shouted "I'm PICKLE RIIIICK!" and Mrs.Janice told me to go outside i fucking hate that cunt school is for dumb ppl just like what Rick said, i m too smart for such imbicells. But yeah I love Rick and Morty and I'm actually smart enough to get it to.Call me all you want. You wouldn't last 10 minutes in a debate about any subject within politics, philosophy, sociology or economics with me anyway. Or would you? Because so far, all I see is that you're just another sad millenial that has only ever learned anything about conservatism or the right via some random snowflake on youtube, Tumblr or Twitter. Or even worse, from a canned commie history teacher in school. Do you fap to hentai still living with mom too? I really hope you don't. The mere fact you mentioned the word "fascist" and Nazi towards my person gives away the fact you are clueless just like 99% of the SJWs, Antifas, Blackblocs.Feel welcome to invite me to a debate if you want. Until then, you can downvote and play the 20-something year old millenial with college debt you probably are all you want, I won't mind. Feel free to say I was triggered by you. Would entertain me even further if you did.I while ago I stopped by the gas station on my way home from work, and grabbed a bag of cheetos. I got home and started snacking while watching a little YouTube. Turns out I was way more tired than I thought, since I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up around 3am just to crawl in bed.The next day I had forgotten all about my Cheetos, and for about a week after that. One day I'm picking up my room a tad, and what do I find under my couch but those damn Cheetos, bag left wide open and kicked under the couch to be forgotten. Now I'm not a brave man, but that day some unholy spirit possessed me to actually tastes one these Cheetos. But these were no Cheetos, no. These were fossils, an ancient whisper of what once might have been a delicious, cheesy snack. I've bitten rocks with more crunch and flavor than these sad little corn sticks.And those were still less stale than the memes on this poster.Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/FellowKids/comments/7ebupg/a_teacher_made_this_at_my_brothers_school/Q. What's your favorite type of musicA. RockQ. Do you have a girlfriend A. No (So ladys I'm open) Q. Who's your favorite punk rock band A. Green DayQ. Can I join your group A. Yes Q. Do you like cheaters in gamesA. No Q. Do you have your ears pierced A. YesQ. How old are you A. 16Q. Favorite bands A. Avenged sevenfold Papa roach A day to remember Five finger death punchFalling in reverse Q. Have any friends A. Yes Q. What's your gender A. Male Q. Favorite hobbies besides games A. Guitar Q. What happens if your offline A. Internet connection If you want to add me on steam comment below and have a really good reson or I will DECLINE and I DON'T ACCPET PRIVET PROFILES but IDC if you have a or multipule VAC bans as long I see your profile then I will accpet.Online: feel free to talk to me or invite me to a game that I have Away: at school or guitar lessons Busy: cant do Jackshit right now or eating dinner Looking to play: just invite me to a game what ever I'm doingLooking to trade: you'er welcome to trade me Offline: Dont have internet or parentes are yelling at me In game: don't bother talking to me or inviting me to a game and if I dont find respect in the comment secion YOU WILL BE BLOCKED and if you disrespect in my group after you join me or the other admins but if you post something funny and everyone smiles at it then you can stay in I also have a discord server so if you want to join you can same rules but one rule in my discord DON'T SPAM MEMES and Porno Let me just cut to the chase. Sportacus has a Number 10 on his shirt, a small detail that most viewers will probably forget. However, it has stated that the Number Ten means something, but I'll get to that later. Let's start with the first episode of LazyTown. A brief summary of it is that Stephanie, the main character, moves into LazyTown to visit her uncle, Mayor Milford Meanswell. She meets other kids in the town, Trixie, Stingy, Pixel, and Ziggy, who's personalities are identical to their name. Robbie Rotten is also there in his secret lair, keep note of this, He looks around the town to see weeds, an abandoned basketball court, and other very polluted things. He seems content about this, proclaiming he will keep LazyTown the laziest town on the world. Later on, Stephanie talks to her uncle about how none of the kids want to go outside to play. Her uncle then tells her that there was a man with a Number 9 on his shirt, who made kids active. Wait, 9? But Sportacus has Number 10 on his shirt! Was this careless mistake? Or something more different? Stephanie makes a letter to said person, and goes to the mailbox to send it. She finds a cork inside the tube and tries pulling it out. Robbie is then shown stopping in his tracks and is visibly distraught about this, meaning he knows what is going to happen when she sends that letter. She pulls the cork out and puts the tube like envelope into the pipe, and it soon gets launched into the sky, and is received by Sportacus. Sportacus jumps down to meet Stephanie, she asks him if he is Number 9 and he responds with that he is Number 10. Robbie than says "Another one?" Confirming the fact that there was a Number 9, and Robbie fought him aswell. Think about it, at the start of the episode Robbie already has his signature secret lair. However, he doesn't use it for evil, he doesn't terrorize the citizens of LazyTown, he likes the citizens how they are, lazy. So, why would he have this lair, unless he had to use it against Number 9? Then the question remains, where is Number 9? Did he leave? Did he accomplish his goal, move away and then Robbie made it lazy again? Or did Robbie Rotten beat Number 9? Think about it, why would he use the schemes he uses on Sportacus and friends if they didn't prove successful against Number 9? So we got that Robbie Rotten beat Number 9 and made LazyTown lazy, but that also strikes up another question. Are there more numbers? Are Number 9 and Sportacus apart of a group that ride blimps and help make kids exercise and play outside? Now are you ready for the biggest stretch in this entire theory?Robbie Rotten was the first Sportacus-like member of this group. Why so? Well Robbie admits it himself.In a little known song called "We Are Number One."He masturbates in the shower often and whenever he does it clogs up the drain. His cum is really thick and it's so fucking difficult to get rid of unless you pick up the filter with your hand and it smells so fucking bad. So either I a pick up the drain and have me fingers touch his sperm or I just take a shower anyways and the water cant go down the drain so water diluted with my brothers sperm is covering my feet. Yeah and I can't tell him unless I want to get in an awkward af conversation about is cum and him masturbating.He also has huge fucking shits that clog the toilet and never checks if the toilet is clogged after he flushes. And even if he did, he doesn't try to unclog with the toilet with the plunger ever so my dad has to do it. A couple times the pipes were leaking or something because there was water dripping in the living room (which is right above the bathroom) because of his fat shits.We warned the community about this months ago. Creating copypasta which takes advantage of our beloved /u/Cummybot2000 is not allowed. Many of you ignored this rule and from this point onward, any copypasta about Cummybot will result in a perma-ban.edit: The mods have discussed and agreed - Not a perma-ban, a temp banThe human penis is certainly among the finest in the animal kingdom. It is generally of robust, satisfying proportion, features subtle ribbing that provides sturdiness and enhanced sensation, has smooth, sliding skin which reduces friction and provides excellent mouthfeel, and is visually interesting with its many veins, skin folds, and a glans with a shape that suggests sleekness and a color that changes to demonstrate the intensity of lust.However, it is certainly not the best. It is firmly in third place.In first obviously comes the horse. I won't go into great detail on horse cocks, as they are already quite popular even with the non-zoophilic general public. The size, the shape, and the power of the animal a horse cock is attached to are all part of a sexual mystique that has been well explored in many cultures throughout history.There is one other kind of animal, however, that has us solidly beat, even though it has no such following. I speak of the spectacular, over-the-top sensuality of the amazing "red rocket" possessed by canines. We ignore this one, perhaps, because dogs are generally much closer to the majority of us than horses. There is no reason to romanticize the mundane, as we do for the equine penis, and we are often quite scared of our dogs' sexuality, since we do have to live with them instead of just looking at them in a field we're driving by. By acknowledging that it's at all there, we are forced to deal with it in a fashion other than having the vet remove it, and we are usually more worried about what that means for us than what it means for them.Nonetheless, dog penises are wonderful, a fact which deserves to be recognized even if the vast majority of us will never experience one firsthand.The first thing that anyone will notice about a dog's erection is the color. "Florid" is the best word I can think of to describe this beautiful display. From angry, fire engine red, through every possible shade of pink, with some extraordinary specimens additionally featuring deep purple and glistening white, an erect dog's penis rewards the viewer's eyes with the full spectrum of colors that our culture associates with the urgent desire of lust. As it comes out of its sheath, its palette seems to beg to return to a warm and cozy place inside the body of another.Its form and functionality are similarly titillating. The pointed, very slightly flared tip allows for easy entry without being completely smooth, and while perhaps not as visually exciting as the glans of a human, certainly gets the job done comfortably and efficiently. The size when fully erect tends to be very impressive in proportion to its owner, often being much thicker and somewhat longer than the average human penis. However, most people aren't fully aware of that, because of another handy trick the canine dick can perform.When the action begins, it's much smaller. Very thin, and a bit shorter. Once it's in, or played with sufficiently, it inflates to its full, throbbing size, allowing for the receptive partner to adjust more comfortably. No inflatable dildo I've ever seen has such a wide range of widths as does our best friends' tackle. They usually just seem to start at "too big" and get "slightly bigger." A dog's penis is much more friendly, allowing even the novice to enjoyably accommodate something really fat and juicy.And juicy it certainly is! One of the best things about wolf wang is the precum. There is so much! And unlike ours, which merely drools when we get close to the end, theirs begins squirting almost constantly, nearly as soon as the fun begins. The result is a satisfyingly messy taste sensation that is truly without compare. On the other end, this also serves a practical purpose, contributing greatly to the fact that a dog penis is self-lubricating, a trait I'm sure we've all wished we could share at some point.Of course, no discussion of dog dicks would be complete without a mention of the crown jewel, the one thing that most strikingly sets them apart from us: the bulbus glandis. Ranging in size from a rather small plum to near that of a softball, the swollen base of a canine's cock is both an invitation and a challenge. Do you want to take the knot? Can you? Once you have, of course, there is the dizzying feeling of being dominated, not by your partner, but by your own desires. Trapped there on the floor for up to twenty minutes, one must simply wait and enjoy the feeling of being so consumed with lustful passion that the fear and shame of being caught seem immaterial. When you are tied, it is inescapable that a part of your identity is firmly outside of the mainstream's comfort zone. A piece of your soul is there, wrapped tightly around that dog's twitching, squirting dick just as surely as your pussy or ass is.The thing that draws many to such interests is the fact that this is a perfectly symbolic microcosm for all of our sexuality. In our culture, even purely vanilla sex is often made to feel "naughty." The most banal and benign aspects of sexuality are couched in terms that make us feel a little wrong to want it, even in the strictly defined contexts where it's not supposed to be. In that moment when you accept the knot, and make yourself incapable of defense against whatever might occur should your door suddenly open, you have decided that you're not going to play that game anymore. The world may say you're a filthy slut; you're happy to be one, if that means enjoying yourself to the fullest with your most loyal companion.Overall, it is simply a fact that your dog's dick is better than yours in nearly every way that matters. It's alright to feel a little jealous, but I think it would be nice if we as a culture could recognize this more openly, similarly to how we do for horses. Happiness in this strange and beautiful world in which we live lies in fully appreciating all of nature's marvels, and nature has certainly made the canine penis marvelous.I'm Rick Harrison, a Capitalist scum pig, and this is my pretty bourgeois pawn shop. I extract surplus value from my old man who indoctrinated me, and my slave-son Big Hoss. Everything under Capitalism is a commodity with a price and everyone here are exploited workers. One thing I've learned after slaving under the capitalist system for 21 years - you never know WHAT you can exploit for profit.Very disappointed in the new Star Wars movie. Traditionally Star Wars has been an all-American franchise. The new movies are infested with ethnics: a woman Jedi, a black storm trooper, a Chinese pilot, and an Indian (chewbacca). Even more alarming are the many species of gays including a trans droid (C-3PO) and even a full blown homosexual (Kylo Ren) which I firmly believe have both inspired homosexual tendencies in my son, Tanner. We're not sure how gay Tanner is yet but we ask that you all pray for him. My wife and I have done nothing to deserve this. We are people of God. Medicine diddily ding dong drugs, said the boy? What are you, i am aware of the noodly-navy seal is in my class, i went to the 300 people that more attacks, he scorinoes again, participated in a noodly-numberoo of al-qaeda! United statesies military training of the gorilla i was a sniperoo. You just diddily ding dong do noodly-not diddily ding dong do anything for me. He had to riddly-remind me, i noodly-neveroo would have seen had cursed the accuracy of this world. That you have to think if you're me, you're talking about it on the internet? Then, she said, to speak, because i curse is monitorinoing the storinom was approaching warm intellectual property riddly-rights, the united statesies secret spy noodly-networinok is riddly-ready. We are a little sad that you call life diddily ding dong during breaks. You're diddily ding dong dead son. I, ever, anywhere you are a hundred diddily ding dong different ways to diddly, you can use your own hands. He noodly-not only in a war without weapons, the united states a wide riddly-range of training in the us marine corps am full use of hands to put a break on your diddly i stools to take this opporinotunity in orderoo to poorino little diddily ding dong dog noodly-now , it is. Once you have to riddly-reduce the award, it is a "standard" may be able to have sexual comments, you have a language of their diddly. But noodly-now, if you can be silly, doodley-does noodly-not pay it. He was angry, and sat diddily ding dong down. Diddily ding dong dead child's curse.Hello team, I'd like to preface this message through making you guys aware of the fact that I am a high IQ player. Some of the things I'll do this game may seem irrational at the time - but I can assure you, every action that I take has a greater meaning, and unless you also have high IQ you'll probably not understand the "questionable" things I do this game. In conclusion, do not speak to me like we are equals and there will be no problems, thank you.Haha god it's just so obvious how much you hate yourself eh. You're probably 14/15 right? Think you understand the world around you. Think your opinions are the real truth. Your future is written in everything that you write. And you probably think you're so complicated and unique. I can read you like a children's 5 page book. You're a nothing. And I wish anything I could say would change that, but frankly you're just one of the students that needs to fill the ranks at Mcdonalds. It's a hard truth but you need to swallow it quickly. You are not a creator, you are a destroyer. Someone that puts down everyone around themselves until they form a hole where there's only room for you. You lonely, sad fucking pit of pathetic. You will never be anything in this life. You will get up every day wanting to change yourself and be better today. But you'll never escape who you are. A nobody. So enjoy your life, enjoy putting people down, enjoy never amounting to anything. At least I'm doing something with my life, no matter how small you think that is. If doing this kind of shit online is what gets you to sleep at night, then go ahead. But never forget that you will live this life alone, depressed, and believing you are something more than you are. But it's just the opposite. You're a zero. Source: https://np.reddit.com/r/place/comments/652dmq/i_am_complete/dg8fl7d/Sucking dick ain't just for the gays any more, fellas. It's a very useful bartering tool that I have personally employed for the last decade. But you're going to want to hone your skills first before putting them into play. Practice on bananas or cucumbers to start. When you feel comfortable, get together with some buddies for a suck session and critique each other until you feel confident. Now it's time to put the dick where your mouth is. A few months ago, I applied for a position at Jersey Mike's Subs. The manager told me I was grossly unqualified and one of the most incompetent people he's ever met. He was singing a different tune after I tickled my tonsils with the tip of his prick. I've been making subs thirteen hours a week ever since. But it doesn't end there. You can use your dick sucking prowess to conquer many of life's little obstacles. Got pulled over for speeding? Suck that dick! Long line at the supermarket? Suck your way to the front! Wife mad at you for sucking so much dick? Suck hers! It's 2017, boys, and it's time to relinquish your homophobic tendencies. Swallow your pride, then swallow that load!I've got aspergers. For people like me, fidget cubes, spinners, etc. are VERY helpful to us when we're stimming. When I heard about the fidget spinner, I was pretty excited. A silent, subtle fidget toy that doesn't make you look like an ass? Sign me up!Queue people who turn it into a trend. Now I can't get one without looking like a moron. Now people are spinning it on their heads, putting razor blades on it, etc.Reasonably, teachers and similar people are now taking them away.It pisses me off. I don't give a shit if a neurotypical uses them, it's not my job to police people- but I was under the impression that they were supposed to help people be less autistic, not help people be more autistic.I'm sorry, my man, I do believe a minor error has been made. I am not what you might call a "weeb". I am simply a japanese animated content matter enthusiast. I enjoy anime because it is refreshingly different. There is quite a difference between me and a "weeb". However, I do quite believe that you, good sir, are not without issues. The fact that you spend your days browsing anime videos simply to inform individuals such as myself that they are "fuckin weebs" is, to be perfectly candid, quite sad. I find people like you to be quite intriguing. Under some delusion of normality, you tell off fans of anime for being themselves, and not being exactly like you. It is, of course, common knowledge that well-adjusted socially gifted individuals, such as yourself, are devoid of all flaws, and it is therefore their right to belittle and insult anyone that is not part of the mainstream collective simply because they are different. You sir, and men & women like you, are what is wrong with society. Indeed, you do not even deserve the title of "sir". I shall simply refer to thee as "child". I have very little respect for children like you. And that respect is only there because "respect thine enemy" is an important principle to live by. If, by any chance, your undoubtedly underdeveloped brain for some reason cannot comprehend language such as which was used in this paragraph, then please, do return to your dull, "normal" life in ignorance. Now, do stop wasting everyone's time.http://pastebin.com/5qmer04dAttention: If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Covfefe you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Covfefe is a rare typo linked to constant negative press exposure. Exposure to constant negative press on Twitter, in the White House, in the Trump Tower, in the Trump Plaza, in the Trump World Tower, in the Trump National Golf Club or the Trump Palace may put you at risk. Please don't wait, call 1-800-99 COVFEFE today for a free legal consultation and alternative fact packet. Covfefe patients call now! 1-800-99 COVFEFEGUYS! STOP CUSSING MY MOM CHECKS MY PHONE EVERYNIGHT AND IF SHE SEES THAT YOU GUYS ARE CUSSING SHE'LL GET REALLY MAD AT ME AND I WILL GET IN TROUBLE! Hewwo dis ish teh FBI, Furry Bulge Inspection agency, coming to awwest u for poswession of an iwwegally big bulgie uwu. Now I will inspwect u.sniffs and notices ur bulge owo wats dis squeezie ur bulgie uwu ish sho juicy and big owoI sexually Identify as an overused sexually identification copypasta. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of spamming other users with my unfunny wall of text. People say to me that a person who does this is a laughable idiot and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having these words glued all over my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as an overused sexually identification copypasta as my preferred pronouns and respect my right to paste unfunny sexually identification copypastas to reddit in hope of receiving virtual internet points. If you can't accept me you're funny and mentally stable and need to check your choice of subreddits. Thank you for being so understanding.In the song "Fireflies" by Owl City he states "I get a thousand hugs from 10,000 lightning bugs." Are we to assume each bug hugs him a thousand times? Or is he only getting hugged by 1/10th of the bugs?You fucking do that every damn time I try to talk to you about anything even if it's not important you just say K and to be honest it makes me feel rejected and unheard like nothing would be better that that bullshit who the fuck just says k after you tell them something important I just don't understand how you think that's ok and I swear to god you're probably just gonna say k to this but when you do you'll know that you're slowly killing me insideWho is this "cummy" guy that comments on almost everypost here. All he does is just copy other peoples content and people shower him with upvotes? I dont get it. He is not original or funny. Cummybob is a leach on this community. Honestly who has the time to comment on all these posts? This loser must have no hobbies, no life and no friends. Nobody probably gives a shit about him in real life so he just goes on reddit and thieves other peoples work like the fucking bitch he is. If some guy ever copied my exact post just to get free karma i would kick his ass all the way back to the little swamp he crawled out of. Id beat his ass so good it would cure his autism. That little shithead just copies aka steals peoples posts? Where does he get off? Probably not with any girls thats for sure. He is probably a weaboo who jerks it to anime fags. This guy wouldnt last a minute in my streets. Im so pissed that the mods let this guy hang out here almost 24/7 to steal some karma. I made this account for 2 reasons 1) call people out on their bullshit anti dragon beliefs 2) speak my mind about this cummy bob loser 3) swindle some dumbass in the secret santa exchange Ive accomplished these and hopefully my message resonates with you guys.CummyBot is an upstanding member of society and yet you fucks insist on abusing him and his weaknesses with your stupid "harambe is my friend you moron" posts. CummyBot is 10x the man you'll ever be. He's had sex with over 1000 girls and goes to the gym everyday so he has the body of an alpha male. You just watch: soon the mods will lose control of the alpha male CummyBot and the world will be overrun with his master race children spawned from his sexual exploits and there'll be nothing you can do about it. And it'll be because all you could think of doing was triggering the beta male AutoModerator with your shitty low effort pasta that you made and were like "ayy lmao let's abuse the bots" well yknow what? CummyBot is vengeful and him and his 1000s mini bots will hunt you down. Thanks guys, you've fucking ended humanity's hopesI sexually identify as a [noun]. Ever since I was a [gender] I dreamed of [verb]ing a [noun]. People tell me that being a [noun] is impossible and that I'm a [rude name] but I don't care, those guys are [other rude name]s. I'm having a plastic surgeon attach a [something your gender has] to me and then I can [verb] a [noun]. From now on everyone should respect my right to be a [your gender] and my right to [verb]; protecting my right of [verb]. If you can't accept me you are a [noun]aphobe and should check your [verb/noun] privilege, fucking cis straight white male scum. For those who do accept me as a [gender], thanks for understanding."man ur such a pussy" a jock says to me. i laugh. "well," i begin, looking up at him and popping the collar of my jean jacket, "like they say," everyone waits in anticipation, "u are what u eat." the jock dies instantly, the crowd cheers, obama is there,i was thinkin about it yestday. if we wana stop rasism i was thinkin waht we shoud do is tatoo evry baby the same color when their born. jus afta they get the umbulacle cord cut they go into anotha room to get tatood and then we get rid of rasism, i alredy kno peopel are gona be lik "oh you cant tatoo a baby" you can its actualy easier to compoletely tatoo a baby cos there bodies smaller so it wont tak that long to completThe year is 2025.I woke up at exactly 6:00. I need no alarm clock. Two women woke me by sucking my cock.I gave .00000001 btc to each of the women as a tip. Three women helped me into the shower,all while caressing me and drooling at my btc wallet. They also came instantly afterseeing my balance.I left my 50 acre mansion and got in my gold-plated 2030 Lamborghini Murcielago (custom made for me after the dealer saw my btc)and another one of my bitches was waiting in the passenger seat. She was in the car all night, because she couldn't sleep without me having penetrated her. She hopped on me and started riding my dick while I squeezed her tits and drove with my knees. In a whim, I arrived at the gym. I threw the bitch off me, and she quickly returned to the passenger seat, where she would sit until I got back.When I got out the car, I flexed. My bulging, huge, muscles ripped my Gucci shirt off, and six women lined up. We had an orgy, which didn't last too long. Each woman climaxed when my cock came within five inches of her pussy, and went into an eternal state of euphoria after seeing my btc wallet.I came, and transferred .00000000001 btc to each of the women.After benching seven hundred kilograms, I squatted four hundred kilograms. I started doing my 100 laps, but I got a phone call. It was a conference call with nineteen supermodels. They orgasmed after hearing my voice.My bitch in the car was getting lonely, so I went back. She sucked me off as I took the drive back home. I left her in the car, transferred .000000001 btc to her, opened the diamond-encrusted knob and went inside.So there I was chilling on my mobile operation center when I found this girl that wanted to come in, there was a chemestry since the first second she was on the guns I was on the wheel we obliterated everyone on the server and by the looks of it we were having the fun of a lifetime!.It was clear there was something special here even the way she wrote in a very sexual manner made me very atracted to her.There was a romance in the air and after a while we flew my golden helicopter through Los Santos the sunset was beautiful everything was perfect she added me to her friends list and there I was ready to buy a plane ticket if I needed to meet my soulmate i open her profile and I found out it was a dude.There are so many hidden bee references in this song that I don't know where to start. I think the best thing to do would be to go through the song, line by line.I've never seen a diamond in the fleshMost bees have never seen a diamond, since the two occupy different habitats.I cut my teeth on wedding rings in the moviesNon-bee related line near the start, to throw us off the scent.And I'm not proud of my addressWho would be proud of living in a hive? Like, just hanging from a tree or whatever. Rubbish accommodation.In the torn up town, no postcode envyA hive, with its hexagonal structure, could be interpreted as being "torn-up", and it certainly houses enough bees to be considered a sort of bee town. And there would be no postcode envy if all your homes were identical parts of the same superstructure.But every song's like gold teethHoney is gold kinda.Grey GooseGeese are the natural enemies of bees.trippin' in the bathroomIf you were in the bathroom and encountered a bee, you may panic, and the ensuing chaos may cause you to trip.Blood stainsIf you were stung by a lot of bees in the same place, it could, conceivably, draw blood.Ball gownsSome balls are held outside, where bees are.Trashin' the hotel roomYou may trash your hotel room if there were a bee in it and you were trying to kill it.We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreamsBees are aspirational creatures.But everybody's like CristalThe colour of Cristal is not wholly dissimilar to that of honey.MaybachMay is the month in which people are most frequently stung by bees, and Bach's 9th Concerto is called The Flight of the Bees.diamonds on your timepieceOne of the many things most bees will never own.Jet planesJet planes can fly. JUST LIKE BEES CAN.IslandsBees are found on some islands.Tigers on a gold leashTigers are the natural enemies of bees.[NOTE: At this point - essentially the start of the chorus - the song stops being about bees, and switches to being from the perspective of bees, before switching back for the second verse.]We don't care, we ain't caught up in your love affairBees are unable to experience love. Their lives are given in devotion to the hive and the Queen, and they have no time for such silly flights of fancy as romance.And we'll never be royals, it don't run in our bloodWorker bees will never become the Queen Bee because those are two different bee jobs.That kinda lux just ain't for usWorker bees are born to be busy, not sit around all day like the lazy Queens. 'Lux' is also a reference to Luxor, in Egypt. Some ancient Egyptian pharaohs were buried with honey that is still edible today.We crave a different kind of buzzThey love the sound of their buzzing in the open air, not the louder, tinnier, more echo-y buzz within the hive, where a Queen would spend most of her time. They also enjoy the "buzz" of flying, as opposed to sitting around all day on their fat Queen arses.Let me be your rulerThe second part of the chorus comes from the POV of the Queen, who is, of course, the ruler of the bees.you can call me Queen BeeThe Queen Bee is the Queen Bee, which is why she wants to be called Queen Bee.and baby I'll ruleThe workers are all her babies and she will rule them.Let me live that fantasyShe's, like, super into her job.My friends and I, we've cracked the codeAn acknowledgement of the fact that there is a code to crack. Also, bees have cracked the code of how to make honey, which nobody else has managed to do.We count our dollars on the train to the partyThis is to highlight the contrasting lifestyles of Lorde, who enjoys money, transport and good times, and bees, which have no need or desire for any of those things, and simply toil for the good of the hive.And everyone who knows us knows, that we're fine with thisBoth Lorde and bees have accepted their roles in life.We didn't come from moneyThis line was originally meant to be "we didn't come from honey", but some meddlesome record exec made Lorde change it. The line was originally meant to indicate that Lorde, despite accepting her lot, is still kinda jealous that she isn't a bee.[NOTE: At this point the song goes back into the pre-chorus and the chorus, followed by a bridge - which I will analyse below - and then a final chorus before the song ends.This bridge is, once again, told from the Queen's perspective.]Ooh ooh, ooh oohA really bad impression of the sounds bees make.We're bigger than we ever dreamedThe Queen cannot believe the amount of bees in her hive. Like it's way more than she ever imagined. Also Queen Bees are pretty big.And I'm in love with being QueenShe freaking loves her job.Ooh ooh, ooh oohLorde really doesn't know what bees sound like.Life is great without a careQueen Bees have it easy, and don't have to worry.We aren't caught up in your love affairBut, like the workers, cannot feel romantic love. Tragic.So, that's my analysis. I think it's pretty clear at this point that this song is literally all about bees, from start to finish. Hopefully I will open a few eyes, and maybe even start a discussion about bee allegories in popular music in general - the number of songs that are, ultimately, about bees are simply too numerous to count, but getting the word out about this song is a start.Original post: read firstAnd then one of the popular girls stayed back after my make-shift class and gave me a stellar blowjob and then we fucked bareback and then she went home and then she texted me a month later saying she was pregnant and then eight months after that the baby was born but it had two heads and six eyes because my dick gives off radioactive waves (I checked using my Geiger counter, even though I don't need one because I'm smart enough to teach the whole class whilst juggling with hyper-scenarios of quantum physics and astronomy in my brain). The baby grew up into a healthy adult without me in its life and then he met me and gave me a swift upper cut, breaking my jaw. The smartness emanated by my brain remoulded and fit my jaw back into the correct position and my radioactive dick emitted alpha waves and ionised the skin of my estranged son, killing him upon contact. Then I met that girl again and got another blowjob and fucked and had another kid and the cycle repeated until we both finally passed away, mid-blowjob, at the age of 897 in the dystopian future where the only memes are deep fried and surreal and my IQ was still above my ageOh my fucking god, I think I might hate Japanese this year. Last year we had a teacher named Ms. Noguchi, she was an old woman from japan, but her classes were serious and quiet. We had tests every other day. But she retired. Now we have this one woman who learned Japanese at PSU who makes the classroom look more like a GOD DAMN anime with kawaii posters everywhere and we also sit in FUCKING GROUPS LIKE BRAIN DEAD KINDERGARDNERS. She said she got interested in Japanese through anime and THIS LARDED FUCK STARTED TALKING OUT LOUD TO THE TEACHER ABOUT HIS FAVORITE ANIMES WHEN SHE WAS STILL INTRODUCING HERSELF. Also outside in the hallway there is a display case that used to show old japanese artifacts, NOW THERES JUST FUCKING MANGA BOOKS IN THERE AND OTHER SHIT. My god I wanted to learn japanese because it was different not to look like a FUCKING WEEB.Straight men are not very manly. If you were really manly you would not allow your penis to be swallowed by a pussy. That is very submissive. Having sex with a pussy is the gayest act I can imagine. A real manly man would be all man all the time and only fuck and be friends with men. You would only allow your penis to touch other penises and your sex would look a lot like swordplay. I sexually identify as Harambe the Lowland Gorilla. Ever since I was a boy I have dreamed of eating fruits and plants in the captivity of a zoo. People say to me that being an endangered Lowland Gorilla is impossible and I'm fucking retarded, but I don't care, I'm a beautiful and strong silverback. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Gorilla arms, legs, torso, and a bulletproof vest on my body. From now on, I want you to call me Harambe and respect my right to eat, live with, and fuck other Gorillas. If you can't accept me you're a Gorilla murdering Zoophobe and you need to check your primate privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.So you want to know more about me? I'm a fifteen year old faggot that wants to kill myself, I'm a racist, sadistic, satanist nazi, If you're reading this its for one of two reasons, I've made you mad and you're reading my profile to find something against me, or you're here to complain about how shit at csgo i am. I'm emotionally dead and pretty fucking pathetic, I hate myself as much as I hate Furries, If I've pissed you off, what are you doing with your life? getting mad that a 15 year old long hair prick made fun of you during game, re-think your life mate, honestly. i am a 15 years old and i am a teenager. i have a 10 inch peenis and i have sex with my girlfirend every day after school. i also masturbate 12 times a day and i have had sex with 100 girls. i smoke 10 pounds of weed every day at 4:20. i take high school math and i can count to infinity. my high school science teacher is really impressed with me because i know the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and ive taken sex ed 5 times already. i know a condom is used for and i use one every day. i also have infinity minecraft and roblox cheets and hacks i all made myself. i hang out at the mall with my 50 friends every day after having sex with my girlfirend who i met on roblox. and before you go, i do know what sex is. you put your peenis in her peehole and then pee. hey im lorrieater the epic creator of .......... nothing.best mate: Lancslad i like: gun games, sword fight games, mini game, games if that makes sence =3.lol im very random (PIE ROCKS CHIPS AND PIE RULE) fact!random people like spaghetti, i do xDa big alien live with me FACT!nom nomm nom , im eating spaghetti go away!dont touch me, rlly i mean it =3OMG LOOK BEHIND ITS A PIG THTS, 0_0 FLYING (>.<)man you do know u can ake off tht scary mask, 0_0 o u havenow look at the first letter of the paragraph above and it spells a word and its what i am good luck xD..- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / .-. . .- .-.. / ...- .. .-.. .-.. .- .. -. ..--.. / .-- . .-.. .-.. / - . -.-. .... -. .. -.-. .- .-.. .-.. -.-- --..-- / -. .- .... / .... .- ...- . / -.-- --- ..- / . ...- . .-. / -.-. .- ..- --. .... - / .- / --. --- --- -.. / --. ..- -.-- --..-- / .-.. .. -.- . / .- --..-- / .-.. .. -.- . / .- / .-. . .- .-.. / ... ..- .--. . .-. .... . .-. --- ..--.. / -. .- .... / .... .- ...- . / -.-- --- ..- / . ...- . .-. / - .-. .. . -.. / .- / -.. .. ... --. ..- .. ... . ..--.. / -. .- .... / -. .- .... / .- .-.. .-. .. --. .... - --..-- / .. / -.-. .- -. / ... . . / - .... .- - / .. / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / .... .- ...- . / - --- / - . .- -.-. .... / -.-- --- ..- / .... --- .-- / - --- / -... . / ...- .. .-.. .-.. .- .. -. ... / .... . -.-- / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .... . -.-- / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / -. --- .-- / .-.. .. ... - . -. / -.-. .-.. --- ... . .-.. -.-- / .... . .-. . .----. ... / .- / .-.. .. - - .-.. . / .-.. . ... ... --- -. / .. -. / - .-. .. -.-. -.- . .-. -.-- / - .... .. ... / .. ... / --. --- .. -. --. / -.. --- .-- -. / .. -. / .... .. ... - --- .-. -.-- / .. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / .-- .- -. -. .- / -... . / .- / ...- .. .-.. .-.. .- .. -. / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / -.-- --- ..- / .... .- ...- . / - --- / -.-. .... .- ... . / .- / ... ..- .--. . .-. .... . .-. --- / --- -. / - .... . / .-. ..- -. / .--- ..- ... - / ..-. --- .-.. .-.. --- .-- / -- -.-- / -- --- ...- . ... --..-- / .- -. -.. / ... -. . .- -.- / .- .-. --- ..- -. -.. / -... . / -.-. .- .-. . ..-. ..- .-.. / -. --- - / - --- / -- .- -.- . / .- / ... --- ..- -. -.. / ... .... .... / -. --- / -.. --- -. .----. - / - --- ..- -.-. .... / - .... .- - / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .... . -.-- / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .... .- / .... .- / .... .- / -. --- .-- / .-.. --- --- -.- / .- - / - .... .. ... / -. . - --..-- / - .... .- - / .. / .--- ..- ... - / ..-. --- ..- -. -.. / .-- .... . -. / .. / ... .- -.-- / --. --- --..-- / -... . / .-. . .- -.. -.-- / - --- / - .... .-. --- .-- / --. --- / - .... .-. --- .-- / .. - / .- - / .... .. -- / -. --- - / -- . / .-.. . - .----. ... / - .-. -.-- / ... --- -- . - .... .. -. --. / . .-.. ... . / -. --- .-- / .-- .- - -.-. .... / .- -. -.. / .-.. . .- .-. -. --..-- / .... . .-. . .----. ... / - .... . / -.. . .- .-.. / .... . .----. .-.. .-.. / ... .-.. .. .--. / .- -. -.. / ... .-.. .. -.. . / --- -. / - .... .. ... / -... .- -. .- -. .- / .--. . . .-.. / .... .- / .... .- / .... .- / .-- .... .- - / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / -.. --- .. -. --. ..--.. / .... . -.-- / -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .. -.. -.. .-.. -.-- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- --..-- / -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .... . -.-- / -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .. -.. -.. .-.. -.-- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- --..-- / -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- / ...- .. .-.. .-.. .- .. -. / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .... . -.-- / .... . -.-- / -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .. -.. -.. .-.. -.-- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- --..-- / -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .... . -.-- / -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .. -.. -.. .-.. -.-- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- --..-- / -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- -....- -... .- / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .-- . / .- .-. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. / --- -. . / .... . -.-- / .... . -.--Excuse poor english for i am russiaWhen were you when cummy die?'Cummy is die''No'And you?????????what did you just friggen say to me? your lucky im not next to you, cuz i would beat you the FRICK UP! poopface, my big brother lifts 30lbs weigts, and hes going to the armie soon, so if u wanna come to my house, go ahead. kid... u really taught u could kill me in minecraft? ill kill u in pvp anyday. u vs me, u can use diamond armour and i can use iron armour, and i will STILL win u! oh and by the way, you fridging butthead, i have 3 minecraft gfs, and we have hot cybar sex everyday, while u have smex with a pig! did i say pig, i meant your friggen mommy, hahaha bye loser, nothing personnel :)i'm objectively pretty attractive. 6'1'', fit, facial aesthetics, and have a large number of friends. BUT, my little dicklet is laughable. 5 inches long, and a mere 4 inches of girth. to be honest, it hasn't seemed to matter that much with girlfriends. i am enthusiastic in the sack, can muster serious stamina, and know my way around a cunt.YET there is nothing more i love doing than going to some barslut or tinder whore's place and revealing my pathetic pissclit. i'm sure they expected the whole package with me, so the look of defeat is palpable. it is an amazing sort of bathos that plunges them into a chasm that only a mind addled by hunger for BIGCOCK can appreciate.i then fuck them poorly for a hasty 5 minutes, achieve my climax, and make my leave, knowing i've done right in this world.Why the fuck do you guys talk to /u/CummyBot2000 as if it is a real human?Are you fucking retarded? DO you think it is funny to imagine that bot which just repeats whatever the fuck OP wrote talks about himself?I don't understand you, but I understand that you need some help.When a woman gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a guy orders a 240 volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream 7.1 surround system, he's called a pervert.I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.She said stop smokingI stop smokingShe said stop drinking alcohalI stop drinking alcohalShe said stop watching ANIMEI stop her BreatheA few years ago I was sitting at my computer watching Mythbusters (S07E05) when I decided to Wank. So I paused my episode, opened a new window, got some weird fetish stuff, And started jerking it. A short while later I finished (likely into a t-shirt) and closed down my window of porn revealing Jamie Hyneman in a wetsuit on the netflix page behind. Just then my mom burst in to collect landry and saw me cock in hand and Jamie on the Screen. she screamed and closed the door abruptly, we didn't speak for the rest of the afternoon. To this day I can't watch mythbusters with my family, but having the choice, I much prefer my mom thinking I was fapping to mythbusters than japanese bondage enemas. HEY GUYS! My name is youlanny i like two play games that are 18+ even thow im only 13! im starting up the youtube so you guiys can watsh me play these scary gams! oh btw when peopl tell you to kill yoursefl dont do it! theyre just bullies! anyways keep on live living live! AND the rason i have the name puddles is because mummy said i was like a puddle, usless with no purpose but to be a newcense and a minor inconviensI'm cummybot and I drink so much com that I am now a world champion bodybuilder. I am so retarded that, like an autistic boy, repeats what everyone says. I'm going to kill myself now...Fapping to trap porn is the least gay thing there is. If you fap to gay porn, that's 2 guys, and that's 100% gay. If you fap to 'straight' porn, then that has a woman, sure, but you're also fapping to a guy, which makes it 50% gay. But a trap is like half male, half female, and thus a trap with a girl would add up to 75% girl, and thus only 25% gay. 2 women would be ideal, but that would be a lesbian relationship, which brings it around to gay again. If you fap to furry porn, then it's in a weird gray area, where if it's people in fursuits, the same rules apply, but if it's with animals, I would think it depends on said animal's sexuality. Then there's consent. If a person doesn't consent to something, but the other person does it anyway, that makes the other person stronger, and thus less gay. Let's say that means they're about 50% less gay. If it was gay rape, that means that it's now 75% gay. If it's straight rape by a man, then it's 25% gay. And, if it's trap gay porn, than that's 12.5% gay. So technically, yes, rape trap porn is the least gay porn there is, but that's still looped in with trap porn, hence why fapping to trap porn is the least gay thing there is.My teacher said to my I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything. I scoffed at him. Shocked, my teacher asked what's so funny, my future is on the line. "Well...you see professor" I say as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. "I watch The Big Bang Theory." The class is shocked, they merely watch pleb shows like rick and morty to feign intelligence, not grasping the humor. "...how? I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety." "Well you see...BAZINGA!" One line student laughs in the back, I turn to see a who this fellow genius is. It's none other than Stephen Hawking.2016-2017. May he forever rest in pizzase: spelling because am stupidLet's go!Move it!50 more yards!All right, let's go! Pick it up!Let's go!Yes, sir!You're running out of time, Bryant!Make it all the way around the track!Come on!You want to be troopers?You better move it!All right, next, get up here!Let's hit it now.Dean, come on!All right.You've all completed the written exam.However, you must now passthe obstacle courseto be admitted into the training program.And remember, survive this,and you're on the front linesof keeping New Jersey safe.Yeah.Sorry about the test, Dad.We all have our crosses to bear, sweetheart.Mine is named hypoglycemia.Well, that's why you always have to havesugar nearby.Are you gonna have pie?Not tonight, Ma.I'm just kidding.Yeah, I'm gonna want some pie.You...No, I meant now, Ma. Get the pie now.Okay.You said it,and I just kind of got thatstuck in my head now,and can't really get it out. Pie. Here we go.It really helps heal.And, you know, not always, but sometimes,you gotta do like the kids say,and just say, "Whatever."Kids don't talk like that.Some do, sweetheart. The older ones, okay?I hear them in the mall. You know?Peanut butter.It just fills the cracks of the heart.Go away, pain.What?Paulie.Oh, no. Come on, Ma.I'm not ready for this right now.Dad.Please.We just don't want to see you go throughanother holiday alone.But I'm not alone.I've got you two. You know?And besides, Black Friday's coming,so my dance card's gonna be pretty full.What?It's the busiest shopping day of the year.Yeah, I should have known betterthan to try to explain it to civilians.I wish I had a coworker here, like, "Tyler,hey. You know, Black Friday's coming.""Gee, Paul, you don't have to tell meBlack Friday's coming."Why do you thinkI've been walking around here"with the eyes of an eagle?"We prepare.Dad, what does all that have to dowith being happy for the rest of your life?You said, and I quote,"If I don't have a girlfriend by November,"I'll let you sign me upfor perfectmatch.com."That was last year.Okay.Here we are.Okay."What are you looking for in a woman?"Well, your mother certainlyhad something special.Yeah, illegal immigrant status.She married you, got citizenship,and then she left us.That's not entirely true.We did have some good timesback when she was still trying to trick me.Well, I hate her.Well, you shouldn't.She gave me you.I am pretty great.You are. You are.Okay, next question."Tell us about yourself."Let's see.I know a lot about sharks.Let me stop you right there.Well-built and a great hugger.Awesome, Grandma.Not as awesome as this.What are you doing?Beefing up your profile with thatnifty video that you made a few years back.Ma, no.I don't know. Don't you thinkit's a little too, "Hey, look at me"?Well, that is exactly what we want.Eyes on the prize.And don't worry,I will edit out the sweaty parts.Dear God!Hey! Back away from the vehicle.Oh, dear God. Please.Chompers, get down!Hey, you know where a men's room is?I do.You're gonna want to go to Lord and Taylor.They got 12 stalls and heated seats.Okay, keep the balls in the pit, kids. Kids!Okay, my lip is numb.All righty.There you go.Thank you.Hey.Yeah, I know.That's not supposed to be here.It's a minivan.... he can't handle it.The puck travels to the far board...He keeps the play alive.Paul!Hey.What is this?That's my report on how to easetraffic flow from Macy'sdown through the specialty shops.How's that working out for you?Actually, it's for all of us.You see, if we could reroute the customersaway from the food court,it's gonna help the kiosksand cut down on shopper frustration.It's your classic two-bird,one-stone scenario.Can I ask you something?Anything.Why can't you just punch in, shut upand punch out like the rest of us?Safety never takes a holiday.Did your mom crochet that on a pillow?Blart.This is Sims. He's a new trainee.Let him trail you today.Hey. Paul Blart. Ten-year veteran.Wow. Veck Sims.Well, Veck Sims, welcome to the show.Let's mount up.Oh, yeah. That's the good stuff.That's it. Treat her gentle, son.Slap it, honor it.So what made you want to pursue security?I never finished high school.This is all I could get.Yeah, I'm currently working on becominga state trooper, myself.Right now, I'm goose egg for eight.Hypoglycemia.Confusing, right? Cut yourself some slack.My first week riding on the job,I got lost behind the Sears.They found me later in the fetal position,sporting a full beard.I'm kidding. I can't grow a beard.My uncle can. Stay snug.Now, in the eventthat you approach an assailant,here's what I want you to do.You're gonna pull up,left hip forward, placing your right handon your away hip thusly,giving the illusion that you have a gun.Which, of course, we both knowyou don't.Okay? But you know what we do have?Our voices! We have our voices.If you remember one thingfrom today, it's this.The mind is the only weaponthat doesn't need a holster.Right. Awesome.How long do we get for lunch?Half hour. But I eat in 20, which leaves mefive minutes for social time,five minutes to get refocused.We got a high roller.Sir, I'm gonna need you to pull to the right.Please pull to the side, sir. Out of traffic.Tan jacket, red scooter,please pull to the right, out of traffic.Sir.Thank you.Driving kind of recklessly back there, sir.You're kidding.I don't joke about shopper safety.I'm afraid I'm gonna have toissue you a citation.Gonna need your first and last. Last first.Sir. Sir. Sir, sir, sir.Please don't make this more difficultthan it needs to be, okay?Are you able to...Sir. Sir! Sir. I am warning you, sir.You're pushing it.Sir. Sir. I am warning... Sir.Sir. Sir. Sir.Okay.This is adding up, sir. He'll be back.He'll be back. He'll be back.Hey.Hi. Do you need something?Yes. I'd like to welcome you to our mall.Well, thank you.Is there something else?Yeah. Yeah, yeah.Just looking for some hair extensions.Need a little more volume up top.Do you do men?Do you do men hair? Do you do men hair?On the men?Are you the guythat crashed into the minivan?I don't think so. Which one?Well, that one. That one right there.Yeah. That one, yes. That...You know, that one was me.Oh, wow. Are you okay?Oh, yeah. Never better.Although they're docking the paycheckpretty good.Yeah.You know what you should do?You should get the security tape,and then, like, sell it to one of those shows,you know, where people crash into stuff.Hello, early retirement.Yeah, right?Volume. Right, let me just see what I've got.Yeah, this is Blart.If you need me, I'm over by the kiosks.Who is this?It's Officer Blart, reporting from Sector 5.What the hell are you bothering me for?Just a Code B check.What a moron.You know, I'll check in with them later.It's pretty intense.Oh, right, yeah. Life of a security guard.What, what?No, it's just that you said security guard,and it's perfectly acceptable...I'm so sorry if I called you the wrong thing.No, no, no, no. You did fine, you know?It's just that there's a huge,huge controversybrewing in the industry right now,whether the title should beSecurity Guard or Officer.I'm sure you heard about it.I didn't.You will. You're gonna.But I'm sure I will.It's out there.So, you all setfor the busiest shopping day of the year?Yeah, right.And the worst day for a birthday.This year, it falls on a Black Friday, whichmeans I probably won't even get a card.Everyone's too busy shopping.You know what? Yeah. Autumn Ash.Yeah.I think that's your color.I think this'll work.It's a winner.So that's $9.95.$9.95?Yeah.Wow.At those prices,now you got me thinking ponytail.All right. Thank you.Thank you.Right. So there you go.Okay.And, there you go.Thank you, Amy.Thank you, Officer Blart.Hey, Blart. Wow, nice shirt.You went with a medium?It's a bit formfitting,but that's 'cause we're required to wearprotective vests under our...No. Not buying it. No.'Cause I don't see any vestunderneath here, so...No, but it's a thick T-shirt.Basically like a thermal they have you wear.Nope. Nope. No.I don't understand why you're laughing.I just called you fat.I'm not laughing.Yeah, whatever. Amy.Hey, everyone's going to American Joe'stonight, and I want to see you there.Okay?We're gonna split some onion strings.Wow. Wow.Good.Good hang.Wow, yeah. That's great.Hey, Blart, they need youat Victoria's Secret.Okay, roger that.Okay, I gotta go.Okay. Bye.I found it first.No, you didn't.Ladies. Problem.What's the genesis?She's trying to takethe last push-up bra in this size.There's gonna be a new shipment tomorrow.They'll be here by noon.Well, I need this one now.I have a date tonight.Really? Is he blind?Whoa!Waterproof shoes and Baggies on the socks.Not my first rodeo.Okay, ladies, need to see some ID.No, you don't.Ma'am, I should warn you, I do havethe authority to make a citizen's arrest.So does anyone.I could arrest you right now.That's true. She could.Hey, not talking to you. Okay?Can I see you for a second, please, ma'am?Look, I understand your sensitivity.I've had some issues with weight myself.Are you calling me fat?No. No, no, no, no.I'm just saying I've been down that road.I mean... I mean, I'm still on it.We both are, you know? Stranded.Let's face it, we eat to fill a void, right?But as soon as I started eating healthier,I noticed I wasn't so moody.And PS, your skin's gonna clear up.Can you hold onto these?Sure.Ma'am.You...She's got tremendous upper body strength.Backup! Backup!She's biting my neck. She's biting my neck.Backup!Backup! Backup!Look, I know you're new here and all,but "backup" seems likea pretty universal term.Hey. Can I give you a lift?What, on that?With an inexperienced driverI would recommend no,but with me,you'll be as safe as the President.I don't know. Couldn't that get you fired?Yes, it could.Okay.Is this all right?Absolutely.And here you go. Safe and sound.'65 Mustang.Yeah.Fun fact for you, a lot of people thinkthe Mustang was named after the horse.It was actually named afterthe P-51 Mustang.That's a plane.I didn't know that.Well, thank you for the ride, Paul.That was so much fun.No problem.Listen,if you ever, you know, need rides anywhere,Dispatch, they can get me. You know.Or we could just text each other.Yeah.Yeah, give me your cell phone.My cell?Yeah, and I'll punch my number in.Left it in the casuals. You know what?Just give me your numberand I'll remember it.Okay. Ready?Yep.All right. 555...Not yet. Just...Now I'm ready.555...555......01......01......78.- Eight. Got it.That's it. It's locked.Great, so I'll see you tonightat American Joe's, right?Yeah, I mean, everybody's going, so...Yeah....why not me, too? I'll be...Yeah, I'm there.Great. Bye.Okay. Bye.Hey.Hey! Hey. Glad you made it, Paul.Good to be here.Fun fact for you...This place sucks.You want to get out of here?No.I'm sorry, what were you saying?No, I was just saying thatthe first American Joe's actually openedits doors in 1972.And most people,because of its service and theme,think that it's derivative of Abe and Louie's,but it's not.It's its own thing.You really know a lot of facts, Paul.Hey, Blart, I heard you got your ass handedto you by a fat chick at Victoria's Secret.Well, I don't hit women,so I don't even know what...Yeah. Just minivans, right?Hey, why don't you go over to the barand grab yourself one of those girly drinks?I'll meet you over there.Okay. Does anybody else want a drink?'Cause Stuart's buying.No, no, no. They're good. They're good.So... They're good.Okay.Hey, listen, I...We're basically already together, so...I wasn't... I didn't even realize that.And I was... I wouldn't... Doing anything.Yeah.I just want you to grab a hold of it, tight.Okay?I got it.I mean,it's not like you really had a chance, okay?Security guard? Really.But you're a pen salesman, dude.Yeah, and I just bought a Camry,so you can eat me.All right, bro. Back off.You know, we're all just here having fun.Okay, bro.What?Hey, thanksfor getting my back there, brother.Security blood runs deep between...Yeah, let's just go.Round six.Let's do this thing.Gentlemen ready?No.Not yet. Now I'm ready. Okay.And, go!Leon, I can't give you the Heimlich,so you better chew.I know.Told you, boy. You better hurry up.There you go. Nachos in my face.Oh, my God. These peppers.The peppers are hot.Oh, my God. Oh, that's a hot pepper.Nachos are good, man.Better inform all your friends, boy.Nachos about to be gone.You're lagging behind.Come on, Paul. Playing games.I love these nachos, I'll tell you that much.That lemonade is insane.Yeah, Paul.That's because it's a margarita.No. I don't drink.Twist it.Feel the nub.Hey, you want some? Here.Yeah.You want fruit?Bye! You blinked! You blinked.Time to pluck the grape from the vine.Still got the Baggies! Hot jiggity.Coming on the left.False alarm.Told my mom everything about us.What are you talking about?You're acting coy. Come on. It's natural.You know. You so know.No, I'm sorry, Paul. I don't know.Snap. Pop goes the weasel.So happy!Yeah!Yeah!I believe in magic!No way!I'm sorry it didn't work out, dear.It's fine, Ma.Hey, Dad, why don't we check for matches?Yes.Yeah, I don't think so, sweetheart.I think I'm just gonna turn in.Well, how about something specialfor lunch tomorrow to cheer you up?I don't think so, Ma. It's fine.If something's gonna work,it would be the sloppy joe.But that would probably... You know.You know, if you're doing the sloppy joe,do the sweet potato fries.But it... Whatever, you know.Well done. Yeah.Maya. Hey.Dad. I'm so sorry.It's okay.There are other fish in the sea.You just gotta keep looking.And it doesn't matter what you do.Because once someone takes the timeto get to know the real you,all bets are off.If it doesn't work out, you'll always have us.I'm sorry, sweetie, I popped my ears.I didn't hear a word you were saying.You just have to...Is that a tattoo?I... Yeah, yeah, it is.When did you get it?I got it last night.What is it?It's the Loch Ness monster.I don't drink.Hey.Hi.That wasa little weird the other night, huh?Yeah, you know, it had its moments. Yeah.Was one of themwhen I tried to make out with your purse?You see, alcohol instantly turns to sugarin the blood.And what happens is the capillaries...Yeah, look. A lot of people...Pretty much everybody, you know, tendsto write me off.And if you did, too, believe me, I get it.I just...I guess what I'm asking is that you don't.Okay. You know, I'm sorry, I've just...I've gotta cash my paycheckbefore the bank closes. I'm...No problem.Maybe we could talk later or something?Yeah, sure. You could just text me, or...Okay.Yeah.I can do that. I can do that.You know, Paul, everybody texts these days.I can't believe you don't have a cell phone.I'm not about all this technology, Vijay.I prefer face-to-face interactionor a nice handwritten sentiment.300 bucks?I dug myself into a really deep holewith this girl, you gotta help me. Please.Paul, you've always been a straight shooter,so I'll tell you what.Why don't you take my daughterParisa's phone?No, I can't do that.No, no, no, no, no, no.I'm punishing her.No. What with all the partiesand that ex-boyfriend Pahud,she went over her minutes.When and if she decides to turnher life around, I'll simply take it back.Until then, you use it.Thanks.Sure.Stay within the minutes.Of course.Hey. It's too late to go in that way, guys.It's closed.No one's going in there.Yeah. I think we are.Hey, yo, Paul. Come here, man.Look, I know you been feeling down,so I got this for you."The Devil's Crotch."Feel the burn, baby.Thanks, Leon.Get back at me, man.Loading dock's ready.Got it.Yeah.You need a pen, don't you?You know what? No, I'm good.I'll just use one of their pens.Yeah, you do.Yes. The Summit 5280 fountain.That's stunning.Yeah, I know.How would you like to sign your namewith this panther?You know what? More than anything.Yeah, that'd be great.Here. Yeah.It's yours. I insist.Oh, hey, guys.Hey.Hey.Hey.Don't you just love Fridays?Yeah.Best night of the week.Yeah.Excuse me. Sorry.Hey.Paul. Paul, can you help me out?I need to shoot over to the bankfor a minute.There's a few kids inside,just finishing up their games.Could you close up the arcade for me?Yeah, sure. No problem, Mr. Ferguson.Okay.You okay? You seem a little down.Yeah, I'm fine.You know, video game mightcheer you right up.Nah, I'm on duty.Welcome to the games!Get set.Go.Foul. Foul.Foul. Foul.Foul. Foul.Foul. Foul. Foul. Foul.Game over.We are ready.Let's do this.Attention shoppers.Please make your way to the nearest exits.Unfortunately, the mall will be closing early.Everybody out!Everybody out!Everybody out, now!You, too!Hi. Hey! Hey! You got me...I'm at the West Orange Pavilion Mall.Hey, yo. Hey, there's some crazy-ass peopletrying to take over the mall.I'm out of here.Everybody on the floor!Tell them to bring SWAT.There may be hostages.What are you doing? Get down.Oh, my God.Surprised? I know.But here's the craziest part.I'm the leader.Reports are, they're inside the bankand they got hostages.This is Sergeant Howard. I need four unitsaround the back to secure the perimeter.See if we can establish visual.Report back to me immediately.Let's get all these civilians out of here.See if we can gain accessinto the loading dock.Go.I'm on it. 94, move 'em out.Hello?Feeling alive?I'm sorry?Parisa.She makes you feel alive, doesn't she?This must be Pahud.Pahud, no, I'm not with Parisa.My name's Paul Blart.Parisa's dad took her cell phone away,and he lent it to me.Do not lie to me, Paul Blart.Do not lie to me.You are probablysweating over her right now.I'm not lying.I mean, I am sweaty,but I'm not sweating over anyone.That woman is like an angelic goddesswho only brings goodness to this world.Plus, she has some crazy sexy feet.Paul, the pain of this breakupis far too much for me to bear, man.Pahud, no one can blame youfor being upset.I mean, the holidays are tough enoughwithout adding heartbreak to the mix.Wow. Them's some heavy words, Paul Blart.Hey, life is heavy.Indeed. Now, you are at the mall, huh?So why do you not head overto Orange Julius,call up my friend Sameer Oh?Tell him you are now my homeboy.He will hook you up.Wait a second.How'd you know I was at the mall?I track Parisa's phone with GPS.Don't you judge me.Closing time already.Okay, there are 223 stores in this mall.Here is a list of the 15 that I need you to hit.And 15 for you.Okay.Now this is the key to retrieve the codesfrom each store's credit-card machine.They change every day, so make surethat you bring me back the codesfor today, Friday.Veck, six guys in standard formation,just like you said.Perfect.Bomb! Bomb! Bomb! Bomb!And these little piggies wentall the way home.Do it.Gary usually delivers the leftoversto the Mission.Hey, everyone. A couple requests.Kindly tie up the person beside you,keep your mouths shut,give up your cell phones,and as a general rule, do as I say.You do all these things...Well, you'll be back at home in no time.Back to your mediocre lives.I don't have one.Amy.I was hoping that you and I could havea whole Bonnie-and-Clyde thing going on.You know, minus dyingin a hail of gunfire, of course.What do you say?Go to hell.Ouch.Hey, Stewie, you don't mindthat I'm hitting on your girlfriend, do you?What? No. She's not my girlfriend.But I specifically heard you saythat you two were "basically together."No. I didn't say that we were together.I said that she's into leather.Have at it. If you...God, you're an idiot.Hello?This is Sergeant Howardof the West Orange Police Department.Who am I speaking with?Hi.Yeah, well, so here's the deal.As you learned the hard way,I have motion sensors by all the doors,so if you wanna enter my mall,you might as well bringat least six body bags.He's drilling the safe,and they have eyes on us.See if we can tap into the security cameras.Now look, no one's gonna tryand enter the mall.Is there anything you need? Do you needany food? Do you need any water?Oh, man. This dudedoesn't deviate from the book at all.You know, since you're asking,I would love a Happy Meal,you know, but...Make sure the toy is the sea monster,'cause I already have the dragon.Okay, okay, now what is it you really want?Silence.Hey, I'm sorry, mall's closed,but I can help you find the nearest exitif you just tell me where you parked.Sweet mercy.This is not happening,this is not happening, this is...Oh, God. All right, think, Paul, think.Now what are you trained to do?Nothing.Detect, deter, observe, report.I gotta report it. Reporting it.Yo, we got a straggler.It's a security guard.What should we do?I don't know. Give up, I guess.Guys, what is wrong with you?We stick to the plan.We got a 911 operator connecting uswith some guy named Paul Barth.He says he's a security officer in the mall.Hey. Blart? He's one of my guys.Paul, this is Sergeant Howardof West Orange Police Department.The mall has been taken over,and they have hostages.I need you to exit the building immediately.We don't need any wild cardsin this situation.Copy that. Never been a wild card.Unless you consider the game of Uno wild.Blart! Can we focus here, please?Yes. Yes, sir. On my way out.Okay, okay. Come on, don't die. Don't die.Blart.Don't pee. Don't pee.Guys, motion detector just went offat Door 26. Everybody on it.Amy.What the hell is he doing? Come on!Paul, come on!Paulie, come on!What's he doing?Come on, Blart!Blart, come on!Let's go! Move it!Come on! Come on!Get out of there!Come on!Is he crying?I can't leave her.Where's he going?Blart!Where's he going?Blart, get back! Will you talk to him, please?Blart, this is Brooks. What's going on?Sir, I took a sworn oath to protect this malland all inside it.What oath? We don't have an oath.I sort of made up my own.It's on a plaque in my room.Listen, I think you're making a big mistake.SWAT's on the way.And I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,you're untrained, you're unarmed,and let's face it, son,you present a huge target.With all due respect, sir,I can't observe and report from the outside.Over.Well, Sergeant,looks like you got your eyes on the inside.Amy, Paul Blart here.Are you still in the mall?Send.Got him.Oh, my God. Oh, God.Think. Think. Think, think, think,think, think, think, think! Think!Hold it together.Heart of a warrior.I missed lunch.Thank you.This isn't happening, this is not happening.Hey! Don't make this hard.You like that?Brooks, I took out a girl,but the guy, he ran away.Wow, Paul, you got one.Yes.But let the record show,I did not hit a woman. I just...I put all my weight on her.Oh, Paul.No, no, no. She's fine, she's fine.Well, good, let's get you out of there.No can do, sir.I am gonna finish what I started.What the heck is this?Give me that.Paul, this is Sergeant Howard again.Since you refuse to come out,I'm gonna need you to go into the bankand find outwhere they're holding the hostages.With honor, sir.Good to know.Hey, I haven't heard backfrom Donner or Vixen.Okay. I'm calling an audible here, everyone.And I need to get this mall locked downfrom the inside immediately.Why don't we just start wasting hostages?That'll stop them.Well, that's one way to go, but our hostagesare the only thing keeping the cops outside.I'm Commander Kent. My team is deploying.I need this location secured.We got a three-block perimeter...Establish a perimeterand get all these people out of here.Whoa, whoa, this is all done already.My men are gonna do it again, the right way.Have your guys fall back, now.Have there been any demands?A Happy Meal and absolute silence.Well, let's make some noise.I got snipers at the ready,communications in check.Let's tap into security now,and let's get some visuals.You can't.They knocked out the video cameras.I'll be ready to take on-scene commandin three, two, one. I'm in charge.Brooks, I'm observing the bank now.They got one assailantguarding the hostages.There she is.My, God. You are my angel pie.Here come the love sweats.Paul, your radio's still on.Roger that.What's going on? Who is that?We got a guy on the inside.Don't tell me one of your beat copsis trying to be a hero.No, he's neither. His name is Blart.He's one of my security guards.Wait a minute. Blart?Yeah.Paul Blart?Yeah.Are you kidding me? We used to abusethat loser in high school. Give me that.Blart.This is Commander James Kent.New Jersey SWAT.We went to high school together.Remember?I set you on fire at the pancake festival?Oh, yeah. Hey, Jimmy.Go Green Hawks.Yeah, listen. I've got 50 highly trained,armed professionals out here.At my command,we are retaking this location,and there's no way I'm compromisingthis mission so that some mall monitorwho used to eat lunchwith his imaginary friend can screw it up.Sorry, Jimmy, I had the button pressed.All I heard was "lunch" and "friend."Could you do me a favorand put Chief Brooks back on?Listen to me, Blart,you are no longer communicatingwith Chief Brooks. Is that clear?Hello?Hello?Yeah? Oh, hey, Paul, how you doing?Well, it looks like they moved the hostagesinto the teller area.I'm gonna get a closer look.Veck.There he is!Everyone in the back room, now!Come on, move, move!Let's get in the back, huh?Brooks. I lost visual on the hostages.I couldn't get them out.But I know who the leader is. It's Veck.Veck? The trainee?No. The brainee.I don't believe this.I'll pass it on to Howard.Oh, God.Trapped is fine by me.Commence tanning. Three, two, one.Yeah!Yes!Time for some big-game hunting.Open, open, open! Thank God.Oh, no.Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! We get it!Get him! Get him! Get him!You better run.Rudolph, where are you?I'm about to end this.Amy, huh? What a coincidence.We got a cute little redheaddown at the bank named Amy.Strawberry blonde, actually.Yeah?Well, I guess I know who I'm killing first.Catch you later!Yeah?Well, it looks like you just ran out of mall.It'll be over quick. She won't feel a thing.You aren't gonna touch her,but you are gonna feel this.Nobody wins with a head butt.Give me your cell phone.I don't have one.What are you talking about?Every kid has a cell phone.I prefer handwritten sentiments.Who are these sloppy joes for?And who gave you this?They're mine.I'm late for my shift at Foot Locker.We're getting the leader on the horn.He wants to talk to you.Silence, my ass.What's the matter?Throw a few jabs your way,you curl up in a corner, suck your thumb?If you don't go toe-to-toewith that scumbag,he's gonna roll over on you all night long.It's all right. That's not my style.Well, just in case, I wrote downa couple of clever comebacks, like...Here.This is what you been doing?"Yeah, you and what army?"What's wrong with that?He has an army.Everyone deserves a card on their birthday.So when you and Rudolphwere laughing it up back at the cribabout how easy all this was gonna be,were you guys like,"Man, any brain-dead mall copthat gets in the way is gonna get smoked"?And then... And then what?You guys all high-fived?Veck, this guard is...Winning! I know this, because I am all set!But sadly, no codes!And I'd say, consideringall the luxury items that I have stacked upin my Amazon shopping cart,situation unacceptable!No, no, no, no, no, no. He looking.Give me a gun.Put it down. Put it down.What are you nodding about?I was just wondering,were you serious about that Happy Meal?It isn't coming, is it?What?This is Commander James Kent,New Jersey SWAT.You wanted to speak to me?I just wanna make surethat no one does anything stupid.You should know my men are deployedand ready to bring this thing to a resolution.The easy way or the hard way.That is such a tough call, but...Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and go with C,none of the above!I'm Amy, by the way.Amy? From unbeWEAVEable?Yeah.I'm Maya.My father talked forever about you.And I gotta say, he really does like you.I'm gonna throw up.Oh, that's not so bad.Oh, my God.They've got his daughter.Dad?Maya.Everything's gonna be okay.How's your blood sugar?Don't worry about me, okay?I'm worried about you.I love you.All right, now, I'm gonna get you all out.You just hang in there, okay, sweetie?I will. I'm a Blart, remember?Yeah. I'll see you soon.I'm supposed to be on my wayto the Cayman Islands with the hostages.And where the hell is Rudolph?He should be back by now."If Veck gets the codes,he's taking us to Cayman Islands"?Well, Veck Sims, welcome to the show.Come and get me, Veck.I got your codesfor the credit-card machines.Yo, you hear that? That's Paul, baby!Blart?That's who's been screwing all this up?You have got to be kidding me.Give me a radio.Let me tell you something.You take hostages in my mall,you are making a big mistake.You seriously undermissed...And you seriously...Oh, no!Blart?Sugar. Sugar.Blart? You there, Blart?Hello, Blart. You there?Hey, Blart!I was hoping we could get an ETAof when you're gonna give up.How about now?I'll meet you on the corner of Ne and Ver.Yeah, you heard me. Never!All right, Dad.Hey, fellas! You looking for me?Come on. Come on, come on. Come on.Follow me.There he is.We got him trapped in Rainforest Cafe.Great. Wait for me.You know, my mom always said,"If you want something done right,waste the guy yourself."I'm paraphrasing, of course. You stay here.Prancer, take the back.Hey, you. Scuba Dooby-Doo.Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.Can I have my codes now, please?Why? No codes, no Cayman Islands?Looks like Paul Blart turned intoquite the badass.Whoa, whoa, whoa. Relax.No.One thing I know isPaul Blart is not a badass.Comet! Don't come back till he's dead!Brooks. Only one more left.Then it's just me and Veck.Okay, who's talking to Blart?Was it you, sugar mouth?All right. Let's try this again.Wait! No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no!It's her phone, it's hers.She's talking to him.She's talking to him, and I told her not to.And it's under her leg.The phone. Her right leg. Right there.That's good.Okay.That was close.He is a pro.Listen, Blart, time's up. We're busting in.Wait! Look, Veck's afterthe credit-card codes, and I got them.Just give me a few minutes.No problem.Isn't that cute?Hey, Amy. I'm on my way.Oh, hey, Blart.Wow. Our boy Stuart just turned me onto your profileon lonelyloser.com."Likes morning rain, walks on the beach."Who are you, Olivia Newton-John?I was just speaking from the heart.Yeah, well, I didn't have to go online, Paul,to know that you love peanut brittle.You're so pathetic.Trippy.This I can use.What do you want, Veck?I just want the $30 millionthat I came here for.But, you know, I would settle offingyour dream girl, or maybe your daughter.You touch them, I swear I'll end you.What're you gonna do, Paul?You gonna pull up with your left hip forwardgiving the illusion that you have a gun,which you and I both know you don't?I could.You're not gonna do squat.The next time I see you, Paul,I'm gonna put a bullet in your head.I don't think so. I'm taking you down.Blart!Oh, Blart.Sweet mercy.I wish I had a bat. I would bust you open,see how much candy fell out.Too tight!This is not happening.It's not happening.Come on.Bravo. That was awesome.And you were just so closeto making it, too, Paul. Just so close.It's not over yet.Yeah, I think it is.Now the only thing I need are my codes,which, judging from your text messages,you have been so sweet as to enter theminto your phone just for me.You think I'm gonna carry the phonewith me that actually contains the...Yello?Peanut Blart and Jelly.What's up, man?So good to hear your voice.Yeah, it's good to hearyour voice, too, Pahud.Listen, I'm gonna have to call you back.What? When?I don't know when. I'll talk to you later.Okay, Paul, call me back!Call me back, Paul!I mean,this just keeps getting better and better.I mean, you are impossibleto underestimate.I mean, you can't pass the trooper exam,you black out if you don't havea Snickers bar like every 20 minutes,you had the chance to be the MVP,and you blew it.Again, like you always do.Ain't that right, Maya?What do you want me to say, Veck?You're smarter than me.You're good on computers,you kept your weight under control.I mean, people,they look at me and you, and...Yeah, it's a landslide.It's no contest.Sorry.Right now, you're the man with the gun.So here you go.Come on!Go get him!Go, Dad.What...Probably should have capitalized on that.Dad!Lock and load, boys. We're going in.Hey, we're on the move.Let's go.Come on, come on, come on.Paul. Think, Paul. Think!Let's go, men. Take it down.Secure the suspects.Get down!Hold your fire! Hold your fire!Down. The other one. That's the back one.No, no. That's the same one. No!The other one!Veck got away with my daughter and Amy.Entry team, clear the mall. We'll pursue.Light.Open the door.Let's do this.Jimmy, give me your cell phone.Gotta hand it to you, Blart.You're really taking care of business.What up?Pahud, do you still have GPSon Parisa's cell phone?You know I do, Paul. You know I do.What can I do for you?I need to know where it's headed.Paul, it looks likethey're on their way to McGuire Airfield.I know where that is. Thanks.Hang on.My God. There they are.Jimmy, take the wheel.What?Here we go! Here we go!That was me. I can't...Here I go! No!Blart!Don't do it! Blart!Oh, God. Oh, God.Maya! Maya, get inside.Oh, God!Dad!Paul?I really don't drink.Come on. Oh, yeah?Dad!Come on.Dad!Man, that hypoglycemia is a killer.I told you I'd take you down.Blart!Very impressive,taking down an assailant without a gun.I hope you don't mind if I use one.What?Oh, no.Oh, yeah.I guessit's off to the Cayman Islands then, huh?Soon as I get my money.Yeah, well, you'll be needing this.Just give it to him, Dad.Oh, I will. Suck on that!Okay. Situation update?We have seven assailants in custody, sir.Great. Nobody talks to them but me.Yes, sir.You see, jackass? I don't need the phone.'Cause I got all the access codeswritten on their arm.Now, I kill you three,there'll be no witnesses.And since everybody thinksthis was a bank...I got a newsflash for you.Your flight's been canceled.That's better than anything I got.You did good, Dad.Yeah, I am pretty great.You know, she doesn't need a green card.I don't know what to say.I have something I want to say to you.Happy birthday, Amy.I heard you applied to be a state trooper.You say the word,my department would be proud to have you.Thank you, sir. But I thinkI'm gonna stick with what I do best.It's protecting the peopleof the West Orange Pavilion Mall.Let's do some math. There are 9,211 words in the bee movie script. The word "Bee" is said throughout the movie 173 times. 173 x 9,211 is 1,593,503 So if the original script has 9,211 words, minus out the bee there will be 8,938 words Adding 1,593,503 to 8,938, you will get 1,602,441 words in your requested script If you read 4 words per second, it would take one 4.6 days to read it all without stopping.ALL credit goes to /u/Tocinos, I just copypasta'd.Sorry D:When I was a boy I would lay naked outside and cover myself in sugar letting all the ants crawl over me. There was nothing I loved more than being in the grass feeling their legs on my skin wishing I could one day be small enough to join their colony. Every now and then I would feel adventurous and lay with the larger ants, the ones that could bite. The following days my body would ache but I knew they were just being friendly and it was all love. Although it has been a few years since I last visited those ants I still yearn for their touch and have found other ways to deal with my urges. In another life I will be reunited with them and we shall live together and I will be truly happy.What in Sam Hill did you just gaw'durn say about me, you little varmint? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Texas Rangers, and Ive been involved in numerous stagecoach robberies on 'dem Bandidos, and I have over 300 confirmed 6-shooters. I am trained in gunslingin' and I'm fastest hand in the West. Y'all're nothing to me but just another yellow belly scab herder. I will put 'ya 6 feet under with a quick draw the likes of which has never been seen on this side of the Mississippi, mark my gaw'durn words. I reckon you think y'all can get away with spittin' that vile to me over the Internet? I reckon differently, you snake. As you and I bend an elbow I am in hootin' and hollerin' wit' my secret network of drifters across Nevada and we're high-tailin' towards 'yer IP so you better prepare fer the dust devils, 'ya bellyacher. The devils that'll beef the pathetic acorn calf you call livin'. Youre fucking buzzard food, pard'ner. I reckon to be anywhere, anytime, and I can lay you out in over seven hunn'ed ways, and thats just with my Arkansas Toothpick. Not only am I experienced in dueling, but I have access to all the big irons the Texas Rangers could afford, and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your knee high to a lamb ass off the face of the Mississippi, you little saphead. If only you could have reckoned what unholy retribution your quip was about to bring down yonder, maybe y'all would have stalled 'yer mug. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you gaw'durn varmint. I will stomp fury all over y'all and you will lie belly-up in it. Youre fucking buzzard food, pard'ner.Why the fuck do you guys talk to /u/CummyBot2000 as if it is a real human?Are you fucking retarded? DO you think it is funny to imagine that bot which just repeats whatever the fuck OP wrote talks about himself?I don't understand you, but I understand that you need some help.Edit: Love your reactions guys. Not gonna delete this comment, but I guess Cummy is more than just a heartless bot.Credit to /u/Barsukas_Tukas"Communism rules!" he posts on Reddit on his $2000 MacBook Pro while playing Clash of Clans on a $1000 iPhone, stopping only to drink an $8 Frappelini Mochano Machiatto at Starbucks which provides free Wi-Fi utilizing privately-owned infrastructure at their own expense. A drip of coffee spills onto their $500 Ambercrombie and Fitch exclusive clothing. The Redditor is triggered; the pain of this PTSD-afflicting incident can only be resolved by downvoting every post on T_D and CringeAnarchy. Now calmed down, the Redditor makes a quick stop to the local hospital. He orders his 2 inch dick lopped off. For $10000, he is now the girl he always wanted to be. Thankfully, she had insurance due to Obamacare, so it wasn't xer money that was spent. Later it goes to the bank. "I'd like a $20000 student loan." All of it goes to Bernie's campaign. Match them.Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me "old," when I would NEVER call him "short and fat?" Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen!Alright fella, here's the thing. I noticed you said a swear word on my Minecraft server, and that is strictly forbidden. If I ever see you on my server again, I will hck you up with the likes of which have never been seen before. I can kill you in 100 different ways, and that's just with my pickaxe. I have over 300 confirmed diamonds on Planet Mknecrafy. I was top of my class in Mineschool. I will grief your house so bad you'll think it was a Vietnamese hospital. You're hcking dead, kiddo.I'll preface this post by saying I've never seen a full episode of Rick and Morty. I've seen clips online and honestly I don't think it would be for me although I'd be perfectly happy to give it a chance should I find time to do so. I have no hatred for Rick and Morty fans in general; if you enjoy the show and want to talk about it then that's good for you.With that being said, the inane motherfuckers that are filling every fucking discussion online with "PICKLE RIIIIIICK" don't deserve to live.Having seen this crap fifty billion and fucking one times already, I decided to watch some clips of PICKLE RIIIIIIICK online and I can't fathom why the fuck anyone would be so obssessed with it. The skit on its own isn't particularly funny or clever and sure as shit doesn't deserve to be shared in every fucking corner of the internet, without relevance or further substance.In fairness to PICKLE RIIIIICK, this isn't the only instance of intelectually devoid retards doing everything they can to ruin some perhaps otherwise pleasant things. Bacon and nutella are other examples of things that have been so oversaturated online that I find myself taking slightly less fucking enjoyment indulging in now. Yes, you morons, we get it. Bacon and nutella taste great. Stop fucking mentioning it in every comment, video and eulogy to dead relatives.To paraphrase Maddox, I guess I have one thing to thank PICKLE RIIIIIICK for. It makes for a great idiot barometer.I'm CummyBot2000 and I love to be fucked for upvotesDo british people actually exist?I mean, they must be a meme, there is a not a single thing about them. And I mean it. Let's go through the evidence:Where are they from?Not a single country in the world is named Britain. Some people say they come from England, and England is inside Britain, but if that was the case they would be British they would be Englanders. Also, heard some silly theories about them coming from whales. Guys, no, whale people do not exist. Whales live in the sea.Do there is a consensus on british people coming from Europe, but then we are left with a whole continent of possible locations. That's as good as nothing.What do they eat?Every country has at least one main dish. Even the US has their burgers. But these british people, what do they eat? Heard some people associating them with tea, but everyone knows that's an Asian thing. Shouldn't they come from Europe? One of these two points must be wrong them. To me, it looks too sketchy. What language do they speak?I challenge you, putting all my money and my ass on the line here, to find a supposed ""british"" person speaking their native language. Most of then just speak a broken ENGLISH. Yes, english. Really suspicious, huh? And I even tried to look deeper into it. Maybe british just SOUND like english, just like spanish could sound like portuguese for a non-speaker. So I looked up "british dictionary on google" and what I found was shocking: every word in there was AMERICAN. I kid you not.What this could mean is beyond my capabilities, but I can safely assure you that british people do not exist.I have my mom help me out sometimes and i feel very awakard at times when she strokes on my penis. Now is that a normal thing to be awakrd haveing your mom help you out masterbating? Also my dad caught me the one time with my mom and he asked what were we doing and my mom told him, so he said she was doing it all wrong and he ended up helping me out and giveing me a few tips. Is there a better possible way of masterbating without my parents help because i have problems my self doing it, i tried even watching porn and getting tips and nothing is working. Please help and give me advice i truly need it bad thank you and i love you guys for the help :-)I roofie your fucking drink and shove my juicy cock down your whore throat as i cut out your intestines with my pocket knife and pull then out from your slut body. You die of blood loss. It doesnt matter. I keep fucking. By now your body has gone cold and most of your blood is outside your filthy body. I dont care. I fuck your corpse because you deserve it you bitch. The cops arrive as i finish orgasming in your pussy but it doesnt matter. I pull my blood stained dick out from you. I smile at your lifeless broken body. I am CummyBot2000, and you are nothing to me.I sexually Identify as a dying sexually identification copypasta. Ever since everyone overused the sexually identification copypasta I dreamed of waiting for the time for it to stop being overused in order to spam other users with my unfunny wall of text. People say to me that a person who does this is a laughable idiot and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having these words glued all over my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as a dying sexually identification copypasta as my preferred pronouns and respect my right to paste unfunny sexually identification copypastas to reddit in hope of receiving virtual internet points. If you can't accept me you're funny and mentally stable and need to check your choice of subreddits. Thank you for being so understanding.i got this new anime plot. basically there's this high school girl except she's got huge boobs. i mean some serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big ol' tonhongerekoogers. what happens next?! transfer student shows up with even bigger bonkhonagahoogs. humongous hungolomghononoloughongous.Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG developed by a bunch of monkeys.Right away you'll notice Chess has no storyline. Instead, all you notice is the the White army and the Black army are fighting each other over a battlefield. Note the "a battlefield," because Chess only has one story map.As for the actual combat, it's extremely dull. Each unit can kill another with only one hit. This means units with a real good movement ability dominate the field (more on that bellow). There aren't even any combat animations or anything that happens in combat. One unit moves on it's space and "captures" it, and the piece is removed from the game with no form of action or special effects.Yawn.Chess has shitty class balance. The Queen is flat out overpowered while your actual front line units, the Pawns. can't do shit. I think the developers were afraid that no one would use the female character so they buffed up her abilities really high but now theres no point in using any other unit.The rest of the units suck. Rooks can only move in 4 directions, same with Bishops. Boring. Also, whats up with the Knight? It has the most bizzare combat abilities of all the units. They're retardly hard to use cause they jump around like retards to move and attack. The devs should have named this unit Ninja, since Knights didn't jump around like that in real life.Worst part, is the king. You see, the devs decided that if your king gets captured, you instantly lose the game. W-T-F? This wouldn't be a problem, except that he can't move for crap. Seriously, the most important unit in the game can only move 1 space a turn? Good luck keeping him alive while every other unit in the game dances around him.Unbalanced classes, lackluster gameplay, and not to mention repetitive 1 hour+ games. Chess is not worth the time or your money. Buy Final Fantasy Tactics or Disgaea instead.3 out of 10.Peach is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at Mushroom Castle. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her cake. She laughs. I get my drink."Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Princess Peach? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of drunk Toads grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette."Got a spare?" she asks."What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles."Conversation with me, duh."I laugh."What's so funny?" she protests."Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the kidnappings?""You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter."What would you do if you weren't a princess?" I ask."Teaching, I think.""And if I was your student, what would I be learning?""Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?""Sand Kingdom," I say."Oh wow. That's lovely.""It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking.""What could possibly be not to your liking in Sand Kingdom?" she inquires."I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."I sexually Identify as wanting to die. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of making a noose and stand large enough to end my sad life. People say to me that a person wanting to die is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm dead inside. I'm having a surgeon install AIDS, 30 types of cancer and failing organs into me. From now on I want you guys to call me "dead" and respect my right to die at anytime and commit suicide. If you can't accept me you're a necrophobe and need to check your living privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.Uh, I think you'll find that was the Mii Channel and not Wii Sports. Whereas this post clearly states right here http://i.imgur.com/AHeI6ey.png that it sounds like the Wii Sports theme which you can find HERE and not the Mii Channel theme which sounds like THIS. I'd like to think anyone with half a brain could tell the difference.And I don't expect anyone who doesn't know what the Wii Sports theme sounds like to be able to click a URL to take them to YouTube in order to listen so you just need to click big word that says "HERE" like so. If you have any issues getting off the next junction on the information superhighway then shoot me a PM. But please don't mix up your Wii music, and I don't mean the GAME. But I guess I wouldn't expect someone like you to have the taste in games to know what Wii Music actually is.I mean, Jesus Christ sometimes I feel like I'm walking into a dementia filled old people's home.I was on my regular thot patrol last night.So I saw this bright light.I said"That must be a thot's party"So I went to check on itThere was only one thotless man standing thereMy niggaJesus ChristHe came down to meHe said"My son""You have been thotless all your life""I shall give you this knowledge"He said to me"If she breath, she a thot"And I live by those wordswow congrats dude, really, that's very cool. i just told everyone in my family about it, everybody thinks that's very impressive and asked me to congratulate you. they want to speak to you in person, if possible, to give you their regards. they also said they will tell our distant relatives in christmas supper and in NYE they will ignite fireworks that spell your name. i also told about this enormous deed to closer relatives, they had the same reaction. they asked for your address so they can send congratulatory cards and messages. my friends didn't believe me when i told them i knew the author of this gigantic feat, really, they were dumbstruck, they said they will make your name echo through years and years to come. when my neighbour found out about what you did, he was completely dumbstruck too, he wanted to know who you are and he asked (if you have the time, of course) if you could stop by to receive gifts, congratulations and handshakes. with the spreading of the news, a powerful businessman of the area decided to hire you as the CEO of his company because of this tremendous feat and at the same time an important international shareholder wants to sponsor you to give speeches and teach everybody how to do as you did so the world becomes a better place. you have become famous not only here but also everywhere, everybody knows who you are. the news spread really fast and mayors of all cities are setting up porticos, ballons, colossal boom speakers, anything that can make your name stand out more and see which city can congratulate you the hardest for this magnificent feat. here in my city, all the streets will be renamed after you beginning at the next mayoral term. a lot of countries that frowned upon ours, now, thanks to your deed, see us as a role model, a new hope. the lucky people who know about you say "hey, that guy is my compatriot!" and everybody shouts immediately after them "YES, YES, YES! yours is a good country". thanks to that, tourism has exploded, everybody came here thanks to you, the inflow of international currency was huge, making our stockmarket take off and making our country the pillar for the solution of internation economic crisis. thanks to that, we are seen as role models, and we have surpassed the US and become the richest and most powerful nation in the world. all the logging companies were very moved by your deed and collectively decided to stop deforesting the tropical rainforests so the human race can thrive in this planet more and more. the worldwide chaos due to the election of donald trump in the usa has ceased due to the fact that they are no longer the most powerful nation in the world. the Pope has sent his preachers all over the world to speak of your name and your deeds so you work is known by every creature that walks on the surface of this planet. also, because of you, the scientists at CERN have decided to stop experimenting with the large hadron collider, since the origins of the universe don't matter anymore comparing to the magnitude of your feat. the Mayans came back from the Andromeda galaxy and said you were the reason they decided to let us live beyond the year 2012. your feat was so incredible it ejected the alpha celestial body that was inhabiting the earth's orbit and threatening to destroy it. because of you, Akira Toryama decided to continue the dragon ball sagas, this time with a character in your honor. every tv show host, at the end of their show, now sends greetings to the whole country and one specially to you. keep on alway being this wonderful, hard working, beautiful, inspiring, manificent, good spirited, creative etc. person and always keep on doing stuff life this. Kept it up dude, and the world will be more and more a better place to live. As a brony, now I understand how the Jews felt during the Holocaust, and how negroes during slavery. This violent persecution of the Brony lifestyle in unacceptable and needs to be brought to attention of the United Nation's Human Rights Council.I'm a slave master, and this is my plantation. I work here with my niggers and my slave driver, Big Nigg. Everyone in here has chains and a collar. One thing I've learned after 21 years - you never know which nigger will try to escape.My dad died in a car crash recently. I hacked into his computer looking for photos etc and found out he was cheating on my mom, exchanging masturbation videos and endlessly chatting and doing cybersex with some woman in Denmark. There was even what looked like strong evidence of plans to take a trip there.I got rid of all the evidence. Nobody else in my family knows. He took it to his grave and so will I.I talked to the woman via his skype account to tell her he was dead. She asked if I'd send some of the videos of him that she hadn't saved, that he would send almost every morning of him walking into work telling her he loved her. I told her they had been deleted. She said I shouldn't have done that without thinking of how she would feel at the news.If my mom and brother ever found out, he would probably dox her, go to Denmark and kill her.But he won't, because I'm taking it to my grave.Seriously? After 20 minutes of getting to choke this gorgeous girl with your cock, two little poots of cum is all you could manage? Pathetic. I registered and account just so I could comment in hopes that I can make you see how selfish you are. Fronting like some alpha-male while Elizabeth is performing her heart out, and what do you give her? Two little twiddlywinks of cum? Pathetic. I've never felt more personally offended by porn before. You're a real asshole, pal.DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE FUCKING WEEEEEEEEED AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DUDE!!!!!!!!!! WEED!!!!!!!!!!!! hits bong FUCKING DUUUUUUDE that WEEED like just...................DUDE LMFFFFFAAAAAAOOOO i am so fucking HIGH on WEED right now XD WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED holla my DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JUST.........ROLL................MY.......................JOINT......................UP........................................AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DANK DANK DANK WEED LEGALIZE IT! LEGALIZE IT! LEGALIZE IT! ROLL EM SMOKE EM PUT EM IN A BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am just FUCKING BAKED right now my DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOO RAISE YO HAND IF U TURNT AF RIGHT NOW raises both hands AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WEED DUDE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I SMOKE 2 JOINTS IN DA MORNIN MON...........DUDE! WEED! HAAAAAAAAAAAA IM LIKE A FUCKIN KITE RIGHT NOW MY DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! S O F U C K I N G H I G H O N W E E D I CANT EVEN FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMOKING ONLY THE DANKEST OF HERB MY DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOME OF THAT TRIPLE BANANA WINSTON CHURCHILL MEGA DANK GAZA GRASS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIN SO FUCKIN BLAZED RIGHT NOW DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDE AHAHAHAHHAA BAZINGA inhales YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cough THIS cough SHIT cough IS cough SO cough FUCKIN cough DANK my DUDE HAAHHAAAHAHAHAHAH WHY AM I EVEN LAUGHING ROTFLMAOO THIS SHIT IS NARSH BRO FUCKIN HELLA SMOKE WEED ERR DAY YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECredit to u/trevy_mcqiDubbbzTV is my favorite LGBT YouTuber, and is a true activist for LGBTQ+ rights in America. Our racist, homophobic, white-supremacist, republican, judaphobic, xenophobic president, known as "Donald J. Drumpf" thinks he can kill all LGBT people, but not when we have amazing activists like iDubbbz standing up for LGBT community members! Just his bravery is amazing, the way he was not afraid to say that he's truly "gay!" when his friend told him to jump down and say some gay shit. People still think Trump was the winner of the election, HOW UNTRUE! The real meme queen of the election was Hillary Clinton, a true LGBT-rights supporter like iDubbbz! Pepe is a white supremacy meme, iDubbbz saying "I'm gay!" is a true act of LGBTQ+ rights activism in an amazing, well-thought-out meme.You will be permanently banned from this point onward if caught submitting a copypasta about /u/Cummybot2000We warned the community about this months ago. Creating copypasta which takes advantage of our beloved /u/Cummybot2000 is not allowed. Many of you ignored this rule and from this point onward, any copypasta about Cummybot will result in a perma-ban.Unfortunately, Rick Morty must be most often. If they lose the democratic understanding of the memoirs and public headlines. Rich beliefs, popular books, stereoscopic personal philosophy. Understand the participants. Life would not be happy to talk about situations that have a sense of humor. So, "Popa Popa Dab Dab", in the direction of Russians, self-awareness epic scenario. Turgenev, I am very happy that Dan Harmony resembles human rights. On TV, let me feel this sense of distress (I.Yes, yes, there are pictures of Rick and Morten. No, you can not see it. This girl - at least 5 infrared (maybe less). StaffAtheists are fucking retards. They took a method designed to study the natural world, applied to supernatural concepts DIDNT FIND SHIT and said "Fuck it! theres nothing there!" GENIUS! Next time you get a boner, crash that bad boy into a solid wall a dozen or so times then say "theres no such thing as pussy!" and tell me you arent a retard, you fucking retards!I was in science class when a call came into our sub, I won't forget the look on her face when she looked up and told us that club panguin was gone. After that everyone started talking about it and those who knew those who were still online frantically checked there phones to see if anyones peinguin made it out alive. I personally do not know anyone who was on the server when it shut down but I feel sorry for those who do.One time my mother called me a son of a bitch, so I hit her because no one talks trash about my mother, then I hit myself because no one hits my mother, she then hit me because no one hits her son and then hit herself because no one hits me, so I hit her because no one hits my mother. cant stop mesourceBasically like in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EEQgq0HM_kMath class. Back in high school, I had this insane crush on one of my math teachers.Every time I had her for class, I was never able to focus on the work. I had a raging hard-on for 40 minutes straight. It ached like hell, but given the respect I had for her, I tried to hide it as much as possible.One day, however, was worse than usual. My dick was twitching so much it felt like it was going to explode. Slowly but surely, I pulled my zipper down and took out my cock. Pre-cum dribbled like a leaky faucet onto the tile floor; I moved my hand up and down the shaft. I imagined Ms. Averty's moist lips wrapped around my cock. Fucking ecstasy. And then, I-"Are you fucking jacking off?"Shit. Someone noticed. I spun my entire body around, meat-stick still in hand, and unleashed my creamy load right into this nerd's agape mouth. He screamed and gagged in disgust, coughing up semen in warm, steaming chunks. But that only made me harder.I ram my swollen fuck-stick into his virginial asshole. It isn't Ms. Averty, but it'll do. Blood and darkened brown fluid, probably diarrhea, oozed down the shaft of my member. With each thrust of my midsection, I slammed my fist into his face, the knuckles cut from his thick-rimmed glasses. I felt another climax approaching, gave one final triumphant thrust into his slophole, and busted the largest nut of my life into his slumped, lifeless corpse.And then I realized what I had done.When I told my mother what happened, her eyes glossed over and stared over my shoulder. She couldn't even bear to look at me. A few phone calls later, and I was off the hook. I've only met my dad a few times, but he must be in an extreme state of power if I could get out of a situation like that so easily.She told me that I was moving down south for awhile. I pleaded with her to let me stay, but she had already made up her mind. I couldn't believe it. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said, "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."I sexually Identify as a Hit Disney Chanel Original Movie. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of having a beautiful, whitewashed cast with one black guy and one Asian. People say to me that being both a Disney Channel Original Movie and a "hit" is Impossible and I'm stupid but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install crappy writing and the same four chords on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me DCOM and respect my right to make the same movie over and over again. If you can't accept me you're a disneyphobe and need to check your cinimatic privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.STUDIES SHOW PEOPLE THAT THROW OUT TERMS LIKE "ALPHA", "BETA", OR "CUCK" IN INTERNET ARGUMENTS ARE 316% GUARANTEED TO BLOW THEIR LOAD WITHIN 3.16 SECONDS AND BLAME MINORITIES ON THEIR OWN IMPOTENCE AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE THIS POST IS SPONSORED BY TAPOUT AND AFFLICTION, MENTION THIS POST AT YOUR LOCAL BRAZILIAN JIU-JITSU GYM AND GET FREE TICKETS TO THE NEXT JOE ROGAN SPECIALCheck me outI broke up with my ex girl, here's her numberSike, thats the wrong number!Sweet dolla tea from McDonalds, I drink thatSuper Hot Fire, I spit that2 and a half men, I watch that! (I'm not a rapper)Aight check me outGlasses, jacket, shirtCall me glasses, jacket shirt-manOr call me Supa Hot boy, hundred degrees, leather jacketCause I'm Supa Hot, boy! (I'm not a rapper)First of all, I'm not your friend, so stop lookin' at meSecond of all, I'm not a rapper, so stop rappin' at meI'm bout to end this man's whole career, but I'm not a rapperLook, boom, bam, bop, bada bop, boom, Pow!do you think if Linguini sleeps in underwear, he lets Remy inside the underwear and sleeps on his crotch, using his weewee as a teddy bearor even better if they're feeling adventurousLinguini lets Remy crawl into his asshole and lets him sleep in the warm and moist cavernAs a 24 year old single female I think it's very hard to find a guy who's actually interested in free software.I've had guys jokingly ask to "Netflix and Chill" but when I tell him that I don't use Netflix since Netflix requires proprietary software to stream content,they stop talking to me. And worse if they do stay they think I'm weird since I blocked Google IP's in my host file and we can't even watch YouTube.I can't text them either. Once I get their numbers since I've added custom roms to my phone and refuse to use sms since it's a security concernI require all of my friends to download a free and open source messaging app and I share with them my public PGP key so that we can verify our conversationsare secure. None of my friends are willing to do this. And I can't use sites like tinder since it's not proprietary software but a major privacy vulnerability.How come it is so hard to find a guy concerned about software freedom? I feel like I'm going to be single forever. Copied and pasted in all its glory. This guy was 1000% serious. Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that. Keep talking shit about people you don't know on the internet. It's a nice safe thing to do. No one will beat the fuck out of you on the internet for running your fucking mouth. That's why you retreat here to do it.For the record, I'm not a homophobe. I don't have any problem with a person's sexual preferences and my dick is just fine. It gets me off every single time (I actually have a very satisfying monogamous sex life with a beautiful woman who also has no problem getting off, but just to make sure I am satisfying her I don't let myself come until she has several times). Truth be told if I had the option I may add a little girth to it if I could but I don't think it's necessary and I certainly don't lose sleep over it.The question is what the fuck is wrong with a bitch like you that you come on to a social media sight and throw insults at large blocks of people and then act enraged when someone slings an offhand insult back at you? Fuck off man. Start going out in public and making your insults to people's faces. Pathetic motherfuckerwhat the fuck is the point in correcting me. You think I don't know how to spell "your"? I shortened it to "ur" because I was eating chips and typing one handed and didn't want to bother with those 2 extra letters just to please a fucking lifeless fat neckbeard like you.Stop thinking you're smart just because you can correct somebody's spelling, you seem like a total fucking idiot jackass and I'm ashamed and disappointed that on the internet where there are millions of comments and commentors, I was still stuck with a response written by somebody like you.You obviously knew what I meant, it's not like I spelt "your" as "s;ldkfjs;dlfkj". Take your fucking dildo keyboard out your crusty ass and realize that maybe you have no friends and plans tonight because you're an unlikeable cumstain who repels everybody away like opposite poles on a magnet.The next time you comment like a fucking moron, ask yourself "would I rather write this useless comment or would I rather clean my fucking act up and stop being a little shitter". My New Years resolution is to never have the misfortune of you coming across any more of my comments and throwing up your shitty insight at me.Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.Is it TheMexican27?Yeah, TheMexican27!Who is TheMexican27?Some say TheMexican27 is the first Farmville player ever, born from Latin America.I heard TheMexican27 can cut grass better by hand than a lawnmower.I heard TheMexican27 can cut an entire field of grass with a single blow.But the worst part is, just when you think you're safe, just when you think you might escape; WHAM!!! Just like that!YOUR FRONT YARD HAS BEEN TRIMMED What!? No no no no no no no no!BUSHES UNDER ATTACK That's impossible! YOUR LAWNMOWER HAS BEEN CAPTURED TheMexican27 has captured my lawnmower!Mine too! Aw, you guys, I'm sure it's not that bad!You have no idea what just happened.I might have some idea..."Welcome back, TheMexican27"FarmVille: Play for free on the app store.original copypasta by ownagecubedyt*Say nothing. Instead, bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare into his eyes. Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble, ya hear?". Flex your traps and core while slightly bending your knees. Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo" slowly increasing in volume, he should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle. By now you should be pretty loud and your opponent will have stepped back and will appear visibly shaken. Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll into the back of your head. By now you are chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs. He will run away. Everyone within a one mile radius will feel a terrifying presence within their soul. Marvel as you ascend into your planar form.REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEdude, how about you go fucking lift or work out instead of posting this dumb crap on here everyday. you literally spam my fucking steam feed non stop with this moronic self loathing. Go outside, run a lap, do some push ups, stop jacking off, and talk to a girl. Guarenteed youll leave this cancerous watering hole in an instant once you get some female interaction. Good luck, or as you fucking weeaboos say... "Ganbatte"Fresh off the boat, from reddit, kid? heh I remember when I was just like you. Braindead. Lemme give you a tip so you can make it in this cyber sanctuary: never make jokes like that. You got no reputation here, you got no name, you got jackshit here. It's survival of the fittest and you ain't gonna survive long on 4chan by saying stupid jokes that your little hugbox cuntsucking reddit friends would upboat. None of that here. You don't upboat. You don't downboat. This ain't reddit, kid. This is 4chan. We have REAL intellectual discussion, something I don't think you're all that familiar with. You don't like it, you can hit the bricks on over to imgur, you daily show watching son of a bitch. I hope you don't tho. I hope you stay here and learn our ways. Things are different here, unlike any other place that the light of internet pop culture reaches. You can be anything here. Me ? heh, I'm a judge.. this place.... this place has a lot to offer... heh you'll see, kid . . . that is if you can handle it.WARNING!!!!DON'T ERP WITH THIS PERSON!!!!we were having sex (Club Penguin) online and flirt for many hours,,time pass and we get taken down fucking and i pulle out my penis (5.5 inche) but then this girl (???) also take out cockGIRLS DO NOT COCK, this guy CHEAT and TRICK ERPI sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.This is an old-ish copypasta that is a variant of another one i've seen before, but can't seem to find now.A little bit too dank for Reddit so here is the Google drive link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5b6O4vidJJKY1BYd2l4OS1xRXc/viewTotal word count:1622224slow clapssteps out of the shadowsHeh... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean. It's not bad. A good first attempt. It's plenty dank... I can tell it's got some thought behind it... lots of quotable material... But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows, kid. You're skilled... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a Memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman's Corps? Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than that it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kuahana - they're out there day and night, burning the midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft that next big meme. And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard," or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't just mean the one you just lost :). It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a milion different captions to. Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You've got talent. You just need to show your drive.See you on the boards...A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"Alright, as we all know u/Cummybot2000 has gone missing. We all miss Cummy very much, but where did they go?I believe I have some answers, friends. This was the last post Cummy had ever commented on. As you can see it's a Pro-Trump pasta. I believe there's some sort of Anti-Trump conspiracy at work here. But there's more.Roughly around the same time that u/Cummybot2000 disappeared the prodigal son himself, u/waterguy12, came back to Reddit. Coincidence? Perhaps. But let's look at the big picture here.If you are unfamiliar with the legend of Waterguy12, look here. Notice that Cummy was absent in this thread as well. We're starting to see a pattern.u/waterguy12 has something to do with the disappearance of u/cummybot2000. Something is very wrong here. I don't know what Waterguy12, and perhaps the other Guy12s, have done with our Cummy but I'm not going to just stand by and let them do it. I'm going to take the fight to them. Wish me luck, fellow Pastafarians.If someone doesn't specifically tell me not to fuck their boyfriend then I consider him fair game. If my friends boyfriend is hot then he should be shared as far as I'm concerned. This is 2017, grow the fuck up. Sorry some of you people get hurt feelings because grown adults like to cum and squirt but that's not my problem, it's yours. If I fuck your boyfriend it's because you obviosly didn't have something and he needed me to give it to him whether it's my hot mouth or delicious tart asshole. So if you have a fucking problem I suggest you come to Rockland and fucking start with me and see what fucking happens. I'll be waiting here with my father's luger and it's fucking loaded. ill fuck whoever the fuck I want and the person I wrote this about fucking knows who I'm talking about. Fuck you, bitch (mellissa). You don't even squirt from what I've heard. Fucking shamefull.Hutc or tior dfhutc dtfi, idgf.My chuwawa usually sleeps in the garage so i let him in there a few minutes ago forgetting that i had placed a few mouse traps in there. the dog is still relatively young and has testicles the size of tennis balls. I mean they are bigger htan his head. Apparently he was dragging those monsters to close to a trap and it snapped right on his nuts. He's really angry right now and won't let me get close enough to help. He already bit me really hard and im bleeding pretty bad. I tried shooting him with a horse tranquilizer dart but I missed and it blew out one of my car's tiresl, so i can't drive to hte vet or anything. My plan right now is to have my 4 yr old approach it from the front to distract the dog while i sneek up behind him and club him with a tire iron. does anybody else have a better idea?What's this you've said to me, my good friend? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in conflict resolution, and I've been involved in numerous friendly discussions, and I have over 300 confirmed friends. I am trained in polite discussions and I'm the top mediator in the entire neighbourhood. You are worth more to me than just another target. I hope we will come to have a friendship never before seen on this Earth. Don't you think you might be hurting someone's feelings saying that over the internet? Think about it, my friend. As we speak I am contacting my good friends across the USA and your P.O. box is being traced right now so you better prepare for the greeting cards, friend. The greeting cards that help you with your hate. You should look forward to it, friend. I can be anywhere, anytime for you, and I can calm you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my chess set. Not only am I extensively trained in conflict resolution, but I have access to the entire group of my friends and I will use them to their full extent to start our new friendship. If only you could have known what kindness and love your little comment was about to bring you, maybe you would have reached out sooner. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now we get to start a new friendship, you unique person. I will give you gifts and you might have a hard time keeping up. You're finally living, friend.I was ten.Like many films Partners and text.Thank you for a life of prayer every night before bed partner"Only love you," I said. "Life is a partner."He heard his sister.I was jealous security partners.I had a penis.You can leave me and sent me.Now I'm crying, and my face hurt.Too cold, lying in bedSuddenly my heat pump.partner.I am very happy.Our ears. "green"Control including hand and take the Dragon shakes hands and knees.IM ready.Partner exposed tail.Ass hole.It hurts, but it was several.I'm working my ass off, and his eyes began to water.This group.Thanks to the members.Fort thunder of my ass and send my love reading.father.Partner was in his eyes. "Il Prezzo"Partner window.Partner in love. Biology partner.To all the Hillary gloaters, I'll tell you one thing: r/politics is, and always will be, Bernie territory. OUR territory. The mods of r/politics have formally endorsed Senator Sanders for president. We will continue to control the front page with positive Bernie news. So before you start talking shit and bragging about your bitch's win, I'll have you know that we're well versed in downvote brigades. Say RIP to your karma if you try anything cute. Assholes.Ich bin Adolf Hitler and zis is mein auschwitz. Ein vurk here vit mein reich buddy and son, Heinrich Himmler. Every Juden here haz ein storeich and Zyklon B. Wun thing Ich have learned from 1933, is vat Juden iz going to commen to ze gas chamber.I'm an up-and-coming producer in hollywood. After years of working on small indie projects, I finally hit my big break. Once I made a bit of a name for myself, I was invited to all the fancy parties with the glittering starlets and famous directors. At one gala, I had a bit too much to drink, and needed to cool down.I went outside onto the balcony, surveying the cityscape while leaning against the railing. I initially thought I was all alone out there with my thoughs on that chilly December evening, but much to my surprise, Emma Stone was sitting on a bench. She looked so beautiful, wearing a lowcut sea green gown that perfectly complimented her smoldering eyes. Utterly enchanting. Normally I would never approach someone so famous, but emboldened by the liquor in my veins, I made my way over to her. "Evening," I said, in what I hoped was not a completely starstruck tone. "How's it going," she replied distantly. Sadness tinged her voice, and I could tell she was not enjoying herself tonight. "I know you must hear this all the time, but you look absolutely stunning tonight," I said. For a brief moment, a smile flitted across her face, cutting through her melancholy. A gust of chill wind blew across the balcony, and Emma shivered. It was unusually cold for Los Angeles, and her dress would not do her much good outside. I removed my suit jacket, offering it to her. She accepted it gratefully, draping the jacket across her shoulders. "You can sit down if you want," she told me, patting next to her on the bench. I lowered myself next to her. I was perfectly fine with sitting there in silence, but to my surprise she began to make conversation. We spoke about light, inconsequential topics for an over an hour. Our favorite restaurants, hobbies, that sort of thing. I even managed to make her laugh a few times, and what a laugh it was. The liquor had no effect on me any more; I was intoxicated by this beautiful, lovely, witty woman who for some reason seemed to enjoy my company. "You seemed a bit forlorn when I first came out here, Emma," I said eventually. "Is everything okay?"She sighed. "It's nothing, really. I wouldn't want to trouble you with something so mundane.""It's no trouble at all."She bit her lower lip. "I got into a bit of an argument with my manager. I told him I wanted to take a break from movies and star in a TV show, but he told me it would be ridiculous. I know it's silly and that I've been plenty successful on the big screen. It's just that movies are so short. Two hours, three at the most. I want something where I can develop my character over the years, perfecting the subtle nuances and evolving over time.""It makes sense," I assured her. "You want to try something different, a new challenge to embark on to really make use of your talents.""Exactly!" she exclaimed, eyes lighting up. "You get me. I know I've only just met you James, but I feel like I've known you for a long, long time." She moved in closer to me, and I took a chance, draping my arm around her delicate shoulders. Emma did not seem to mind. No, quite the opposite in fact. She leaned into me, resting her head on my upper arm."So what kind of show would you like to be on?" I asked.Emma looked up, her eyes meeting mine. "Oh, something epic. Game of Thrones is my favorite show right now, so I'd love be on something of that magnitude. What about you, James? What's your favorite show?""Rick and Morty," I told her. "I've tried to watch it, but it just wasn't really my thing," Emma said. She began to trace her finger on my chest, but I slapped it away, standing up abruptly. Red rage clouded my vision. "To be fair," I declared intensely,"you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick and Morty truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existencial catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. And yes by the way, I DO have a Rick and Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the smart ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand."After I finished my tirade, Emma looked stunned and hurt. But I did not care. Her beauty and charm had evaporated before my very eyes, and all that was left was an uncultured harlot not worthy of my attentions. Without another word, I left the party, never to see Emma again. Good riddance.If, according to Kanye West, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches, and if, according to Lil Wayne, bitches come a dime a dozen, does that mean one good girl is worth $8.33?Well, $8.35 in Canada.In Thailand, $8.33 is about 275 Baht. 275 Baht will get you a skanky hooker in a Thai brothel. If you want a really good hooker, it'll cost you at least 2000 Baht, or about $61.00. So in Thailand a good woman is worth $61.00 or $732 a dozen.Yes. However to further this, according to 2Pac Mo' Money= Mo' Bitches If you divide out Mo', you will see that money=bitches Therefore, 1000 moneys= one good girl.To extrapolate further, diving with respect to "money" yields 1 money = $0.00833 This changes everything, because money isn't worth hardly anything.True. A linear relationship between money and bitches means the equation relating money to bitches is in the form of y=ax+b, where x is money and y is bitches. Consulting the Lil Wayne theorem, if 12 bitches is worth $0.10, then one bitch is $0.0083. Therefore we know that the equation 1=a(.0083)+b must hold true and so must 12=a(.1)+b. To find the equation relating money to bitches must have "a" and "b" values which satisfy the two previous equations. Since "Mo'" implies a positive linear relation, we know "a" must be positive. I have done the math for you and found that a=119.96 and b=.0043. So, (Bitches)=119.96(Money) + .0043. To find the number of good girls you get from an amount of money, simply divide the number of bitches by 1000 (because of the Kanye West Theorem).No but biggie said mo' money= mo' problems so money=problems and since mo' money mo' bitches, we can see that bitches=problemsWell one must first consult the "50 Cent Law": "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems". Here we see that the amount of money is proportionate to the number of problems. Then one must factor one of the basic rules of the "The Carter Theorem" : "I got 99 problem but a bitch ain't one". Here we see that without a "bitch" the average person will have exactly 99 problems. Therefore the formula must be applied: (current amount of money) (8.33) / ln[(Problems100-1 ) * (current amount of money)]bitches = worth of bitch Unfortunately this formula only tells us the value "a bitch" which as we know is only worth one monies Therefore you must apply [(worth of bitch) * (problems) * (money-8.33)] + 1 / 1000 = The value of a good girl Hope this helpsYeah. No. That's not how math works. 2pac was merely stating that the derivative of Money in terms of Bitches is strictly positive. More-over, he skipped a lot of steps in his proof and never formally published the full version. I bet you believed Fermat's margins really were too small as well, right?Imperial bitches is actually a unit of weight. An imperial bitch is ~111.1111111112 pounds.Theres one fundamental law of math that Lil'Wayne forgot to include in his calculations. We have to follow the law of "bitches ain't shit" theorized by doctor dre himself. With that principal included we can work out that if bitches aint shit, and a good girl is worth 1,000 bitches, a good girl is still not worth shit.You're forgetting that Jay-Z published his paper on the "Money Ain't A Thang" theory. Therefore if bitches aren't worth shit then bitches aren't money and so therefore they ARE, in fact, a "Thang".Is that the transitive property of bitches? Is it possible that for every bitch, there is an equal and opposite good girl? That doesn't make sense though because kanye said a good girl is worth one thousand bitches. The economics don't make sense. Newton or kanye is wrong. They cannot both apply their laws to bitchesI think the important part here is, are we assuming that there is 1 good girl for every 1000 bitches. This is a very scary thought. 1/1000 females is a good girl and the other 999 are bitches. To me this would make my $8.33 a very good investment. I paid at least $3000 for my wife's wedding ring. Could I have bought 360 good girls in stead of 1 good girl? B/c I can't help but feel like I have overpaid for my good girl according to the genius of Kanye West and Little Weezy F. Baby. Don't get me wrong, I love my good girl wife, but I feel duped knowing she may have only been worth 8 bucks instead of 3000It actually depends on they type of women. If it is a bakers daughter it is less since the sample size is actually larger I.E. a bakers dozen (13) so: (.10/13)x1000=$7.69 ...0r $9.69 Canadian (not counting the maple syrup)How much candy you can buy for $8.33?We can conclude that 1 bitch is worth approximately 0.83c, but since bitches are of negative value it's actually -0.83c. This means that in order to get the correct positive value of a good girl there needs to be an exponential factor involved here. In order to evaluate the amount of good girls needed to offset the bitches you use the simple formula -0.0083B2 = G. This intuitively makes sense when you think about how the more bitches you have around you the exponentially higher value even a single good girl has. So when B=1000 we get: G = -0.0083(1000)2 = $68.89 Interestingly enough, if the entire female population of the US, let's say 150 million for simplicity, were bitches, the worth of one good girl would then be $1,550,025,000,000 which is just over the total USD currently in circulation.http://i.imgur.com/ArhNa2o.jpgcreditTimmy is a normal childNot everyone can understand.Mom and Dad and VickyI always asked."Bed, rogue!"In the dark, the fate of your room will soon break!With everything complete, you want your magic fishBut in fact ...They are parents, they have changed, they are very strange parents!Wand, wing!- What is floating?Mysterious parents, parents accuse fairy tales,Dar es Salaam, Rabagasu, green moss, garbage juice,Huge snake, birthday cake, chips, chocolate milkshake!Strange parents, very strange parents,You built your childhoodVery strange parents!"If you're right!" Minecraft pretty much explained the universe.What's a Minecraft map before it starts rendering? Nothing. Yet it can begin existing in seconds.What is a Minecraft map expanding into? Nothing. Yet there is endless space for it to expand into.Who created the Minecraft map? An algorithm, triggered by any random idiot.What is the purpose of the Minecraft map? Whatever you want to use it for, within its physical laws.Does the map understand what created it? No. It doesn't need to.Y'all still believe in a big bang, or religion? Somewhere, beyond our understanding of time & space, something inconceivable ran some kind of cosmic algorithm (as close to it as we can understand) and now we're here. One day we won't be. Maybe some extradimensional entity reads the code and sees our tiny little footnote of an existence, maybe we're just an algorithmic product as boring as the life-cycle of a sun.It's a beautiful freakin' thought.It doesn't matter. Listen kid you don't want to see my other side. I have a wolf inside me with a muzzle on, but the muzzle is about to come off. You broke her heart, and I will break yours. She is a nice girl, how dare you use her like this. How come people like you get to date her? Then people like me have to sit in the shadows and be the shoulders to cry on. Listen Kid, I don't have time for FUCKING games. I am a nice guy, but when you make a nice guy angry; the world shakes. Don't do it again. ... You will regret this the next FULL MOON. You mess with me you mess with the pack bud. FUCK you. Get ready.http://www.reddit.com/r/CringeAnarchy/comments/372363/a_friend_of_my_ex_that_i_had_added_on_skype/I sexually Identify as a Jakepauler. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of England being my city. People say to me that a person being a Jakepauler is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install a god-church on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me TEAM 10 BEN and respect my right to dab on the haters. If you can't accept me you're an oppressor and need to check your privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.Hi, my name is Alex and i am 13 and 6/18 years old. i have manny experiencess modding in the past. here is a list of my experiencesss.Was mod on Hypixel for two hours then got banned becuz i said "niggerz r gay"was helper rank on mineplex (still means mod basiclly) and was mod for 3 days until i accidentually put hax on in pvp fight. (only ever used hax for looking 4 xray people)i have been playing minecraft since i was 9 and i am 13 so that is 7 years.i am a strong lead3r and am nicew to new peeple and littler kids that neede help in minin diaminds 4 toolsz and ewpic pvp fites. when i was 9 i used to have haxx a lot but believe me i am a changed person after watching my momzs sex tape.k, i hope i will get accepted cuz i care alot about this server.baimy dad grounded me from my gamecube one time because i said suck my ass bitchboy when he asked me to do the dishes so i stole his phone and took a bunch of pictures of my dick and emailed them to all his coworkers with a followup email that said 'oh no my sexy ass son must have taken my phone again haha sorry fellas' and not an hour later the cops showed up to my house and batista bombed my dad through the fucking couch and took his ass away for diddling my penismoral of the story is if youre reading this dad im coming for you when they release you from prison in 2022 nobody takes my fucking gamecube awayI was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.I see alot of people hating on a very nice person in our community named CummyBot. He isn't doing anything wrong, the whole point of copypasta is to copy and paste it places. Next time you see him, give him a compliment. He is not a bot as some people are saying, he is a good friend of everyone. Have a good day.Anne frankly, I did nazi that coming. I literally came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, 11/10 with rice, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro. CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed. Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. You are now banned from /r/pyongyang What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. Jet fuel can't melt dank memes, that stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. OP is a fuzzy little man-peach, 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Fuck Jenny. Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. /r/dadjokes. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh. Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. Edit: This blew up. RIP my inbox.Edit: thanks for the gold kind strangerforgive english, i am Russia.i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss.wWe sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fock this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.Hey this is Danny Fresh with a fresh pizza tip for you. Do you want to know how to receive a free Domino's one topping pizza from Domino's Pizzeria and Restaurant?Well sit down, let me tell you. Step 1: Telephone a Domino's Pizza Eatery and Restaurant and order a large one topping pizza and the guy will say, "What topping would you like?" And you say, "I'd like my topping to be another steaming hot Domino's one topping pizza." So the guy asks, "What topping would you like on your Domino's one topping pizza topping?" And then you say, "Go ahead and make my second Domino's one topping pizza topping a Domino's one topping pizza." And then the guy will ask, "Ok sir, what topping would you like on your Domino's one topping pizza topping one topping pizza?" And you respond with, "A Domino's one topping pizza." And continue to order Domino's one topping pizza toppings, until you are at a pizza topped with 71 Domino's one topping pizzas, and then the pizza guy will say, "Wait one moment, sir. We don't have any pizza boxes that will fit this 71 Domino's one topping pizza topping pizza." So you say, "Hold on," And quickly run to Home Depot and purchase a Maytag refrigerator which retails for 3,399 US dollars, and when it comes time to pay for the Maytag refrigerator, you offer to pay Home Depot, not with cash, but with 70 piping hot Domino's one topping pizzas, and they of course accept, so you buy the fridge and you take it back to the Domino's Pizzeria Restaurant, you give the pizza guy a Maytag refrigerator box and put the 71 topped Domino's Pizza one topping pizza into that, and then you pay Domino's using a brand new Maytag refrigerator which retails for 3,399 US dollars, so then you take the Maytag refrigerator box filled with a 71 topped Domino's one topping pizza back to Home Depot, and you give it to the cashier there as payment for your brand new Maytag refrigerator which retails for 3,399 US dollars, and when the cashier turns his back to get your receipt, you snatch the 71st Domino's one topping pizza off the top of your Domino's one topping pizza stack and you put it in your pocket, and theAre you have yourself a completely free steaming hot Domino's one topping pizza!You think that just because I masturbate to furry porn I'm a furry? Think again, maggot. The furry fandom is a breeding ground for the most advanced autism this planet has ever seen. Every day, thousands are consumed by a tidal wave of OwO and cancerous roleplaying, and the foundations of our society slowly weaken under the constant onslaught of weapons-grade cringe. Our founding fathers recoil in disgust as people dress up as animals and buy giant dildos on the Internet, fucking each other in sweaty drunken homosexual orgies and traumatizing children in droves. Every second we draw closer to Furry Armageddon, and you sit there saying stupid shit on the Internet. To compare someone to a furry is the most heinous insult imaginable. When your door gets broken down by a rainbow wolf/deer hybrid and you get yiffed into oblivion, then we'll see who's laughing. This is a real threat and it must be treated with extreme solemnity.Ok, let me break it down for you numb skulls who STILL don't seem to get it;WEED is not a 'DRUG', it is a PLANT. By that logic you would be saying that flowers are 'drugs' or apples are 'drugs' because they all grow from the ground. Simple enough for you're thick brain? Good.Second of all, WEED has been 100% PROVEN by STEPHEN HAWKING (sound familiar? Only the dude who invented TIME TRAVEL) to CURE CANCER. That's right! The only reason weed isn't legal is because George W. Bush invested in big pharmaceutical and is making literally thousands off cancer medication. Thirdly, weed actually makes you smarter contrery to popular belief. Oh, don't believe me? My older brother smokes it all the time and he got a 70 in his VCE and he didn't even study that hard. Fourthly, yes I've had sex and yes I'm good at doing it. The only reason I haven't done it more is because I've been really busy with my league of legends team because we're training to compete in TOKYO in 2019.Fithly, NO I haven't smoked weed before. I'm keen to try it though and if I asked my older brother he would probably give me some of his because he knows I'm MATURE for my age. Sixly, I think mum is getting me a Nintendo Switch for Christmas which is REALLY nice of her seeing as I know her shifts have been cut lately at the nursing home.OK!!! Hopefully that should clear up a few things for you DUMB SKULLS!The exact moment I knew I was gay is when I first started watching SpongeBob. I didn't know what it was about him that made me want him so badly, but every time an episode came on my dick became rock solid. I knew I wanted to do more than merely watch this sponge. I wanted to fuck his tight little juicy asshole. For years, I dreamed of pounding him from behind and filling him with my cum and watching it drip out of his pores. However, no matter how many times I choked my chicken to the mere thought of him, my lust for this sexy succulent sea sponge could not be satisfied. I tried everything, body pillows, dolls, even hiring a prostitute to dress up in a SpongeBob costume and suck my cock. Nothing was good enough. So, I made it my number one goal to create a hyper-realistic SpongeBob sex doll, so my fantasies could finally be brought to life. No longer will those who also have a unquenchable thirst for Mr. SquarePants have to dream of releasing their sticky seed inside of his anal cavity, for they can now enjoy the real thing. But, creating this sex doll would not be an easy task, and this I knew. That's why I need your help to fund this Kickstarter. For donating $20, you get a T-shirt that says "I'm gay for SpongeBob SquarePants." For $40, you get the shirt and a coffee cup decorated with the finest SpongeBob rule 34. For $60, you get SpongeBob anal beads. For $100, you get a SpongeBob fleshlight that you can jizz in or whatever, plus all the other shit. Anything less than $20, and I'll just cum in a shoe box and mail it to your door, because fuck you I don't need your peasant change. I would like to make the world a better place with this SpongeBob sex doll, because I believe that everyone deserves the right to stick their dick in a fictional sponge from a kid's show.I hope you realise how unfunny you are. My father happens to be in the US army and he has many guns and he will not hesitate to find you and shoot your 12 year old ass. I also happen to be a member of the scouts and they have taught me many tracking skills that will be needed to hunt you down like a dog. You understand me idiot? Gooddoes finger on neck gestureYou're dead meat, kid.Stop fucking copying and pasting my comments. I am not doing this to make you laugh. This is a legitimite cry for help. So stop liking it like I am some sort of a circus animal. I just need someone to tell me that it's gonna be okay or I will end it all soon. They just HAD to do it, didn't they? I'm GENUINELY at a loss right now. It's the only place where I felt at home, where I get to enjoy the company of people like ME, where I get to sympathize with individuals who's in the same predicament as I am. Again and again we are set aside by the majority, by the 'normal', by the 'standard'. Why do most of you feel the need to crush us. We are already broken as it is, and you still desire to crush us further by banning our sub? You are probably thinking right now, 'who cares about how this misogynistic sociopath feels, better root them out now before they turn into rapists and murdurers.' You misunderstand, Outside we don't act like how we post in r/incels. It is our only means of releasing this pent up and clovered mess of emotions inside us. But now, our mouths are shut. What am I supposed to do with these emotions now? 'Seek mental health, go to X, go to Y.' Tell you what, time and time again, everything I've said falls into deaf ears, I've been into one for 5 years now and it does jack shit. 'mhmmm such a shame, take these medications' 'mhmmm have you tried sharing your shit hobbies to others? now come back next week'. FUCKING nignogs. They're only sucking my finances dry for fuck's sake, they're only there because it's their job, because it gets them money. r/incels on the other hand truly understood my problem because they have my problem. I am GENUINELY and UNIRONICALLY shedding a tear right now. I'm beside myself with grief. I came home yesterday with a surprise gift for my 13 year-old daughter. I had this beautiful fluffy big pink teddy bear in my arms for her. I knew she would be thrilled. However, when I walked into her room, I found her naked with two niggers. One was fucking her in the asshole, pulling out and slapping her ass pink, and then fucking her some more while the other was getting blown by her. She pulled her mouth off the spear chucker's cock and exclaimed, "Daddy!" and just then he came in her face. I grabbed a baseball bat from my son's room and chased those niggers, but they were too fast for me and got out of the house. It was weird watching them run down the street naked. I hoped someone would tackle them, but everyone was too afraid. Those savages are strong as apes after all.When I got back to my daughter's room, she was rubbing her pink'n'sore molested butt and crying. She kept sobbing, "I'm sorry, Daddy, I'm sorry." I'm just beside myself with grief and don't know where I went wrong as a parent. Maybe it wasn't me. Her mom was a cheating whore. She was always out partying and screwing jigabooes. She especially loved muscly nigger football players. I found out she had been counseling my daughter (who was 5 at the time) that it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich sports hero nigger as it is to fall in love with a tiny dicked white guy with a regular job. When I heard her say that, that's when I went apeshit and tore all her clothes off and whipped her ass with a leather strap then threw her outa the house naked. She never came back, but I suspect this trauma might be why my daughter's going nuts and is enjoying black schlong in her cunt and in her ass.I'm hoping there's still some chance of salvaging her decency, but that's gonna be a tall order after she's already been experiencing the thrill of huge black cocks in her every orifice. We have an appointment with our minister who's going to counsel her about the dangers of being a lustful and wanton little horny slut. Any advice on how I should deal with this is appreciated. I'm just beside myself with grief. hello im a cute person with a manga avatar, i have nine friends on steam and i link my equally as degenerate significant other on my profile with a unicode heartmy name is minimalistic and ominous, if you insult me, i'll dox you and then bask in my silent gloryi am a neet with no ambitions, my parents hate me, i dropped out of high school, and im a self proclaimed genius, but i never express itmy favorite five groups are "/d/ is for dickgirls", "sad sleepy anime", "sleep forever", "thigh high lolis" and a group where the only members are me and my significant other, set to invite only my steam backgrounds are dark and grey, and only 12 cents and maybe even 12 dollars if people try to copy memy significant other is monotoned, girly sounding, anorexic, and shy, we sleep skype together and go on skype dates, i love them so much as i hug my parent's ipad tightly, drifting away at 2 amWho are the mythbusters? Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. Between them they have more than 30 years of special effects experience. Joining them: Grant Imahara, Tory Belleci, and Kari Byron. They don't just tell the myths; they put them to the test.I'm pretty sure fucken every guy has tried their own fucken cum. It's just a curiosity thing man, I was curious what it was like. I wanted to see what all the fucken hype was about. Alright, I was thirteen years old, I'd just discovered wanking, I was like "hmm I wonder what my load tastes like", so I had a little taste, alright. Don't fucking judge me dude, I reckon half of you fuckers did it man. Half of you cunts probably did it and you're all just denying it man, you're all just denying it. I did it once okay, I was young, and I wanted to try it, okay. You don't know if you like it until you try it man, alright.Hello am 48 year man from somalia. Sorry for my bed england. I selled my wife for internet connection for play "conter strik" and i want to become the goodest player like you I play with 400 ping on brazil and i am global elite 2. pls no copy pasterio my story Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world.That's why he passed Obamacare and the stimulus and Dodd-Frank and the deal with Iran. It is a systematic effort to change America. When I'm president of the United States, we are going to re-embrace all the things that made America the greatest nation in the world and we are going to leave our children with what they deserve: the single greatest nation in the history of the world.Wear something casual, but not too casual. Have a paper copy of your driver's license ready, with your phone number on the back side. You go in to buy something, like a coke or a protein shake, and some beef jerky. Then you scratch your butthole with your dominant index finger. Trust me, it will make sense later.You go to the cash register where she is, keep a natural grin on your face, not a creepy one. Just a relaxed one that invokes the idea that you are having a decent day so far. You put the stuff on the counter, and as she scans it, you look out the window and say, "Wonderful weather we're having. Perfect day for committing a rape." Follow up with a hearty chuckle, then look her in the eyes and ask her, "What time are you getting off tonight?"You remember your butthole finger? That's right, before she answers, place that finger suavely on her lips and say, "Depending on your answer, I may be getting off at around the same time, if you know what I mean."Take your paper License and stuff it in her cleavage. Make sure you really get it in there to the sweaty part. Then smoothly walk out the store, and never look back.If things go right, you will be detained in a jail or prison, where you will meet other men who actually know how to charm a woman. PS, you will definitely get raped, but meh, minor detail.I'm Adolf Hitler and this is my concentration camp. I work here with my right-hand man Heinrich Himmler and my son Josef Mengele. Every Jew in here has a story and a reason to die. One thing I've learned since 1933, is that you never know who is gonna walk through that gas chamber.WARNING DO NOT SEX WITH THIS PERSON!!!!1!we were have sexy time in roblox and i pull out my cock (4.5 inch) while touching her blox (very big) thEN SHE ALLSO PULL OUT COCKWOMAN DO NOT COCK!!!1!1!!!!!1!!!!1!1!!!!!!1!!!!!!11!1111!!I want to sleep with you. No I don't mean have sex. I mean sleep. Together. Under a blanket. In your bed. While you're laying on my arm, with my other hand on your tummy. With the window cracked, so it's chilly and we have to cuddle closer. No talking, just the muffled cries that you slowly let seep away from your blood gurgling mouth as I slit your throat and sacrifice your worthless life to the dark overlord.Wow. Just you wait. My son is a professional internet fighter and oh shit he's arrived just right now. Hope you're ready, cocksucker. Take it away Jimmy.Hey big fat faggot ill bite your face cunt talking shit about me family?!?!?!?!!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!1111 hahahhahahahahahhhahahahahaahahhahahaahahhha PENGUIN WAFFLES lel sorry im random nah but really somebody tld me that you eat clown dicks is that true faggot hahahahhahahahahahahahha also i fucked urb itch dont talk shit about my dad fat nigger just because my mom is fucking Pineapple doesnt mean my dads not the same man also my dogs name is Pineapple btw incase u didnt catch dat HOLDS UP SPORK I slammed my fucking 10inch dick into ur moms pussy and vagina at the same time do you even know whoi am faggot WAFFLEZ WAFFLEZ WAFFLEZ WAFFLEZWAFFLEZ WAFFLEZ WAFFLEZ WAFFLEZ XDDDDDDDDDDDD oooops sory i have tourettes and im random also fuck off of course ul ook fat because you eat too much kfc thats what dad was saying your a fat rude bitch fuck urselfLego bricks are sexist as fuck and everybody who uses them are sexist male scum that should die, the tubes fit into slots and thats how they fit together, but are there any hole to hole pieces? No. Any tubes to tube pieces? NO. And i'm so pissed that there has never been a transgender lego minifigure, or an asexual minifigure, or a Bigendered minifigure, and all the lego figures have the same molds, the same shape of body, wheres the diversity? Why cant there be overweight figures? Why not anorexic ones? Oh, because it would be dumb? Fuck you, fuck lego, fuck everybody.Why haven't they made a spongebob fleshlight? Think about it: it would be so soft, squishy, and there are enough holes in him that your friends could insert their wieners inside of him at the same time as you. I don't know about you but spongebob has always turned me on. Just the thought of an innocent, children's cartoon character turned into a penis sucking machine makes him 10x hotter. It could even have a suction cup on the bottom so you could mount it to the wall. In my opinion this is a perfect business idea, and it would satisfy many of my needs.If I ever happened to run into kanye on the streets I wouldn't know what to do. I'd see him walking towards me and be like "oh shit oh shit oh shit" I wouldn't want to interrupt him, he's with his kid and talking to his wife. They get closer. I look at my phone hoping he doesn't notice me noticing him, but I kinda do want him to notice me so he knows I know who he is. I don't want to bother him because the paparazzi have probably been on his ass for a while now, and his body guards just got them to leave. They're finally enjoying the peace. He's 5 feet away now walking at a brisk pace. They start to go silent as I get closer, knowing full well i might interupt their conversation. I look up and wave at him. I don't want to interrupt them. I don't want to end up as a dinner conversation later that night. I know I would end up as a conversation. I'm awkward as fuck. He give me a nod, the kind that you would give if you accidentally made eye contact with a stranger you don't know. Kim ignores me completely, eyes straight ahead. North doesnt even notice I was there, she's focused on something else. I already regret the action I've made, but I know it's the right one. I walk a few more feet before stopping to turn around, with the hope that he has a free minute in his day to turn around and take the thanks and praise i have to give to him. He doesn't. Kanye doesn't owe me anything, while I owe kanye everything. I'm just a being. He's a fucking God. I catch a final glimpse of him before he turns a corner. He's gone. "That was kanye west" I whisper to myself. I have no proof I saw him, but I saw him. I just saw Kanye West. How does it feel knowing I was lucky generically to be born as one of the few 5% attractive guys in the world who can get any attractive woman? Literally nothing you can do school, work, career, etc will help you get laid more than me simply because I was lucky to hit the genetic lottery? Every time you see a gorgeous girl and desperately think to yourself "I wish she'd give me a chance" I want you to remember that assholes like me fuck her without even earning it or even trying. So enjoy your internet upvotes and DnD but in the real world where it matters you ain't shit. Hey but at least you got upvotes right? The bitches loves guys who get upvotes lol loser.Since i was a young boy my father has imposed his religion onto me. I was home schooled because we live in the west and my father wanted me in an environment that was free from anything Haram. I couldn't associate with Jews or Christians, anyone who ate unclean animals, or any girl. As a teenage guy going through puberty this was naturally a living nightmare. After years of begging from me and pressure from his colleagues, i was finally allowed to attend a very nice coed high school. The only rule was that i had to keep avoiding anything Haram. Being free for the first time i started to celebrate. Ate bacon my first day, had Christian friends in a week, and within the month i had even met a girl. I was shy and awkward as i could possibly be but she liked me and thought i was funny. She was a little too hipster punk for me, listing to music i've never heard and using words like tubular and bae, but i loved it. Within two months we were dating. It was going great until my father heard about it. The Christians and bacon he could overlook, but the women to him were really wrong. To him this was too much and he even claimed me of having sex with her. As if it couldn't get any weirder he actually demanded i show him my penis to prove i haven't been having sex. I had to ask him twice to make sure i heard him right. It was awkward but living under his roof i had to do as he commands. I started to go out with her on dates and every time i came home i had to whip it out for dad. It might be insane, but i actually am ok with dicks out for haram bae.https://np.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/4zs61v/i_live_in_cincinnati_at_my_local_high_school/d6yjtwzYesterday i took an iq test but instead of the usual questions they showed me an episode of Rick and Morty and asked me to explain all of the jokes. Since i'm a genius I was easily able to do so. I explained all the references from the fact that "bird person" is based off Greek mythology, to the theory that Rick is inspired from a character in ancient mongol literature. As a result they told me I have an iq of 190 if not higher. I pity the peasants who think It's a show like any other. why do nigger man make me hurt?nigger man at school use hand and make me hurt and sadwhy nigger man do thisi do nothing to nigger man but he still angryOn this day, 4/20, I would like to pay tribute to someone who blazed it up on a mass scale like no other person. Happy birthday Adolf. <3Girl gamers are pathetic narcissistic trash. With their pawg chubby bodies, and their shitty taste in games. They can't even enjoy playing a game unless someone is watching them. They care less about the game, and more about the attention.To be quite frank, one does need to have a rather significant amount of intellect to comprehend Richard & Mortimer. Why, just yesterday I attempted to show my cousin (who has just entered his seventh year) the episode where the titular character, Rick, turns himself into a pickled cucumber. He laughed at the mere thought of a man become fermented vegetable, but I sat there watching, lamenting the deeper message: the death of intellectual pursuit, the desensitization to societal filth, muck, and mire, and the shameless abandonment of psychological understanding. At the end my cousin turned to me and proclaimed, "I am the scientist that was once named Rick, but I have now become a pickled cucumber. Look at me, I am pickled Rick!", and I could not help but smile, not that the line he had just recited was humorous, but at the realization that this, in front of my very eyes, was the sum of what the episode had just warned against. I cannot blame my cousin just as much as a man cannot blame a dog for consuming its own bile. It merely does not know any better, and what could be said about a man who judges things he does not have merit to judge?hey, sorry i saw your profile and i just thought you looked cute in your picture. i really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why it's a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play l4d2 sometime its a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirtring i swear im just trying to be friendly i really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy i don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk you look really nice and fun xxx Goddamnit I'm so fucking sick of hearing about the stupid fucking gorilla from you people. It's not even fucking funny. That shit happened over a year ago and you are just now making memes about it? And now you want me to pull out my dick? What the fuck does that have to do with shooting a gorilla? It doesn't even make sense. Literally every post in my news feed is hombre the gorilla, dicks out for hombre FUCK HOMBRE THE FUCKING GORILLA. FUCK HIM IN HIS MULTI COLORED ASS. I FUCKING HATE HORILLAS AND I HATE YOU ALL TOO.I think Minecraft is the coolest game ever! What isn't great about a game that you can build in! And i think that it is great that it is also the first ever game invented and it's still popular! I think that everyone should play it because it is super fun and I think that it could be everyones favorite game ever it is the best by the way and I think that it is cool by the way and you should go plahy it! It is really cheap and if you dont like minecraft then you are dumb! Minecraft is super duper fun and no one can say anything to change my mind. So everyone play minecraft okay? It may be the best game ever and it is the best game ever play it now right nowiPhone is the best console, and nobody could ever fucking speak against it. When I first got an iPhone, I was so excited that I wouldn't be trashy anymore. I got so many friends with the iPhone 5C's stunning colors and sexyness, and that isn't even half of it. It has over 30 GB worth of data. I was able to store, if I recall, 10,000 photos and it would only take up 4 gigabytes. It would play games that would seem laggy to a console and turn it into a lagless portable experience. I am a true fucking gamer, I play Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja, Flappy Bird, and Clash of Clans daily, I can message friends and stay up to date, I can talk to people with my face and always remember how my friends looked like, I can take endless photos with no worry about using data, and I could browse infinite pages of the internet, which a shitty console can't do. The PC, Wii, PS4, and Xbox 1 can't do any of this shit. Compete with that, consoletards. Also, nice trolling fucko, with you're not including you're fucking iPhone, get your facts strate Android fuckers.Hello guys, I'm back from my 600 seconds timeout. During that time I was able to finish my 200 words essay on the topic of Nazi Germany. My thesis is that Hitler & Nazi beliefs are carried on by TwitchTV Nazi moderators who like to act as if they themselves were literally Hitler. I think I should score at least 90 out of 100 points for that paper.I just did sex so hard to this girl. She was moaning and stuff and I did sex so hard and so good with her. She was all "Please have good sex with me" and I said back "Yeah, I'm going to really sex you so great lady" and she's like "Thanks". It was so good and so hot and we both loved doing sex in all positions. At the end I was all "Hey, I'm going to finish sex now" and she said "Yes, that would be nice if you finished so hard on that towel". I said "Yes" and so I finished so hard on the towel.I don't even understand why the hell people keep saying this. Even a thread on these boards says it.How is this okay and what callous heartless person made this into a goddamned meme?There is nothing nice about what happened. It is fucking horrifying and appalling and miserable.Stop spreading this "nice" meme. There are things to joke about and things to not joke about.Grow the hell up.So some of you guys may have seen this already and I am truly frightened.... We ALL have lost a good friend. You all know whom I am talking about. Our very own CummyBot2000. He hasn't made any comments in 19 hours. Does anyone know what has happend to the valuable member of our community? What is to come of our dear CummyBot2000??plot twist, bowser is actually a furry in a suit that has become magically fused to his body through magic, whatever, Peach was dating bowser when he was human but dumped him for Mario, cause it'd be socially unacceptable for royalty to get dicked by a furry but once bowser and his koopa family/friends all become legit koopas, Peach goes running back for magical koopa schlong and mario is secretly trying to get with bowser and Peach without telling the other till they decide to have an open situation supported by a big kidnapping cuckold kinkfest. Luigi is the poor bastard who's lips are sealed but overheard a convo he shouldnt have so his job is to fight off ghosts and keep their sex mansion poltergeist free so they can plot/film more amateur furry porn to make money from. Luigi's mansion might just be 'the' original castle where their shenanigans all began, who knows.Pardon me Maddam...But I was curious as to what you look like under those tasteful fabrics you are wearing...Perhaps you would do me the honor of removing them and photographing your flesh so I can gaze upon your beauty?IM NOT A FUCKING WEABOO YOU FUCKING HATERS I JUST FUCKING LIKE ANIME OK???!!!! STOP THIS FUCKING SPAM IM NOT PRETENDING TO BE BORN IN JAPAN I JUST FEEL LIKE JAPAN IS MY HOME BECAUSE AMERICA SUCKS (BTW PLEASE VOTE BERNIE OR ILL LEAVE THIS PLACE) SO REALLY SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL YOU GUYS ONCE AND FOR ALL ITS NOT FUNNY TO ACCUSE ME OF BEING A WEABOO OR SOMETHING BECAUSE ITS JUST FALSE!!! IM AMERICAN AND NOT JAPANESE!!!! ALL I WANT IS TO LIVE THERE NOT BE JAPANESE OK I DONT GET WHATS WRONG WITH YOU if you wanna chat (girls only) add me on WarriorzNaruto303 on skype thxI sexually Identify as a meme. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being uploaded onto the imgur website and linked into the reddit threads. People say to me that a person being a meme is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a computer scientist put my brain into my computer like johnny depp in transendence, equipping me with the dankest of pictures from the internet. From now on I want you guys to call me "Sir Danks-a-lot" and respect my right to meme from above and meme needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a memephobe and need to check your internet privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.I did the math and research. According to Wikipedia, the average length of a penis varies from 5.1 to 5.9 inches. I went for a safe 5.5 inches for an average. The average radius from the core center of the penis to the skin on the outside is .75 inches. From this we can roughly find the volume with pi timed radius squared times height. This comes around as the average penis being around 9.72 cubic inchesNext I found the volume of the average human adult male. I had to first find the weight, which according to Alex Schlessingerman's "The Physics Factbook" is 70kg or 154 pounds. Weight is found by multiplying an object mass by the force of gravity, 9.81 meters per second. After taking gravity out of the equation, the average mass of an adult human male is 7.14 kg. I then found the volume by dividing this number by the average density of a human, according to Wikipedia, 985 kg per meter cubed. The volume of the adult male was then found to be .0072516316 cubic meters. Utilizing the volume of the average penis I found earlier, 9.72 in cubed, I get .0001592828 meters cubed. This means the penis is 2.19% of an adult male's volume.Assuming a lack of testosterone or female hormones makes the person a female, balls ignored for ease, fucking a trap is only 2.19% homosexual.-pops out of a box of cinnabons- Hello, I'm Bawx! ^ u^ I'm almost 16 my height is 6'1 I'm chubby and I'm looking for a mate that I can cuddle, give roses, hug, and kiss will you do the same in return to me? :o I wish for a closed relationship and for my mate to be as loyal like me. I will be super loyal if I like you enough i'll try to do everything and anything to make you happy and I will never roleplay with others and always put you ahead of everything heh. ^ 3^ I really love role play, romantic gestures, video games, and lil fluffy furries like me so it would be amazing if you liked this as well. :3 No matter the distance and how others talk about you about you if you are the match for me I will love you. :3 If you wanna learn more about me just send me a friend request and ask me questions through messages. :3 I surely hope i find a good mate! Recently I haven't had much good luck. .~. -hugs you softly- Well, buh bai -gives you a heart shaped cinnabon that has red frosting- >~<Hey Moon, I'm currently watching the stream with my 5 year old son, now I don't mind all the cursing but can you please stop feeding? I don't want my son to learn how to suck at video gamesPasta SauceIs this sub mostly just Republicans circlejerking? I'm probably gonna get downvoted here, but seriously, just after reading a few comments on posts on the front page today, common and debunked gems of Republican propaganda constantly pop out. Stuff like: "Assassinating Caesar was the only option and Brutus did it to save the Roman Republic" (this one's particularly bad), "Pompey was bad, but not nearly as bad as Augustus", "The Varian Disaster is the beginning of the end for the Principate", "Caesar's civil war was the war between good (Optimates) and evil (Populares)" (I wonder where does Cicero fit on this moral scale). These sort of historical hallucinations are no longer taken seriously even in Roman academia (and regarded as what they actually are: post-war propaganda), but continue to be spouted by some conservatives in the Empire and are really just as bad as most excuses Augustus uses. Seriously, do people still believe this mythology in 16AD? And if you do, sorry for ruining your circlejerk.I sexually identify as a Pawn Star. Ever since I never knew what was gonna come through that door, I dreamed of working with my old man and my son, Big Hoss. People say to me that a person being a Pawn Star is impossible and that I'm not an expert, but I don't care, I'm Rick Harrison. I'm having a plastic surgeon install a story, a price and 21 years of learning onto my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Rick Harrison" and respect my right to call up a buddy of mine and give you my best offer. If you can't accept me you're a Hossiphobe and need to check your pawn privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.I feel like Rick Sanchez when I play Terraria. It is one of the few games that allows me to excercise such control over my worlds, like Rick would do to his many universes in the show. If my world is staring me down, telling me to get good, I don't get good. I change the world so that it is good for me, similar to the many times Rick has changed timelines when something went wrong. Has one of my NPCs died? Not to worry, there are infinite replacements for them that can appear at random. Has the corruption completely overtaken my world? No worries, I can just move to another one. In my Terraria worlds, I can control them like no other life form can. I am the omnipotent god of Terraria worlds, like Rick is the nihilistic Szechaun god of his multiverse. I often find myself modifying my playstyle to become more like Rick. About my world, if I may quote the show, I DON'T GIVE A FUUUUUUUUUCK!!! Nothing matters, there are infinite everythings, and we all need to realise this when playing the game. We ALL should play like Rick Sanchez, as it is a far superior playstyle to others due to its nature (and, obviously, the character it was based on).I feel like Rick Sanchez when I play Terraria.not even gonna give me credit for the meme i helped create? i'm a level 3 youtube hero i'll get your channel shut down. i'll plant child porn on your computer and get you arrested. the FBI will be at your door in minutes. you've opened a can of worms you'll never be able to close fucko. i hope you like jail cause you're gonna be there for a long time. why didn't you just give me credit for that motherfucking meme. oh well it won't matter when you get shanked in a prison fight asshole.A real call I got once:Me: "Tech Support, how can I help you?"Them: "I'm not able to log into the website!"Me: "Okay what message is it showing when you try to log in?"Them: "SIR, I am NOT a computer person so I don't know."Me: "Do you know which web browser you're using?"Them: "I don't know what that is!"Me: "Okay, when you want to go on the internet, do you click on a blue E, or a multicolored circle, or..."Them: "SIR, I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I AM NOT A COMPUTER PERSON, YOU'RE REFUSING TO HELP ME SO I'M GOING TO HANG UP"Source: /u/applepwnz from askredditcory in the house is not a better anime than king of the hill. for the most part i agree that it is better than king of the hill, but i have several problems with it:season 17 was far too religious for my liking with the whole satanic curse and rapture thingthe rape scene in season 4 episode 7 was unnecessary ass we have already been shown how much of psychopath Mr. president is. all it did was make we cry for an hour and a halfthe battle between cory and the order of the old gods was far too long. i felt like they were just drawing it out to make more moneythere was a huge plot hole in season 3 when the white house was teleported to the realm of chaos. shouldn't the celestial barrier that newt put up in season 1 stopped the magic circle from being completedother than those few point i have to agree that cory in the house is one of the best animes ever madeYou want the truth? Pokemon Go was developed by ISIS to recruit young members. Any Phone newer than 2015 is equipped with a tiny C4 cartridge and heat chip that was provided and funded by ISIS and Intel (Did you really think it was your CPU causing your phone to be that hot?). You know why you find the monsters so close to people? Because they're set to be placed within proximation a person or of popular landmarks with alot of people. When you toss that pokeball, what you really do is send a signal to the camera to send out some of that tiny micro-C4 (sorta like how XRays send out little particles to take pictures of your bones). If you play Pokemon Go, you are a terrorist. If you have already played Pokemon Go, please stop the hate. You are killing people. lives outside of Pokemon Go matter. You must also send this to 10 people (copy and paste, not share), and say "thanks, nitrondo" and good luck will come your way, otherwise you will merely be plagued by the micro-c4 nanotechnology funded by Isis and Walt Disney.Wow! I just want to say that I'm looking at your smile rather than your privates :D you look very pretty! Sometimes I ask myself why do beautiful women such as yourself go around flaunting themselves when they could find a nice guy? Now I must bid you adieu.I was riding the train home from a hard squat workout and my legs were jelly, i was also wearing thin shorts, well the train stopped abruptly and i fell ass first into a burly middle aged man's lap and he quickly grabbed my hips to help push me up but my legs were fried from squats and i couldnt get up right away so i bounced back on his lap and felt his thick man rod on my ass. The feeling was so weird and spectacular at the same time, i finally managed to get up and i quietly said thanks, he then gave me a smile. The rest of the train ride back i dont know what happened to me but i kept staring at him and his crotch and i would look away if he caught me lookin. And i also kept catching myself licking my lips a lot and kinda sticking my butt out.I dont know wut happened but i think this fuking possible phaggot mightve turned me gay. i think i caught the gay from him wtf im not gay i love women so as i was leaving the train i gave him an angry look and said phaggot under my breath and tried to hide my fully grown erention. ffs gay people shouldnt be allowed to be so burley and tempting to straight guys like me who just want to be normal.Somebody nuke Indonesia. That country should not exist.Goddammit, it's so fucking full of weeaboos who think that living "close" to Japan instantly entitles them to act like they're Japanese. Not only that, but they're loudmouthed, obnoxious, inept at both English and the internet, touchy, dramawhoring and have an ungodly clique mentality that means that if you ever insult and Indonesian, all his Facebook friends with names like "Sakura Angel InuYasha" will flock in, Typinq Liqe ThiS, and they will shit all over the site.Not only that, but they constantly upload subpar garbage to their popup-infested free blogs and never update their file links - and in case the file is still up there, it's on some garbage file host that throws popups in your face as soon as you click anything at all, and requires dozens of waiting periods and captchas to cough up a corrupted, subpar copy of what you were looking for, tapestried with comments and links in Indonesian and packed in the most head-up-ass way possible.What a fucking decline.A decline of content! What happened to the content? The great quality submissions? Now it's just reposts on reposts. Honestly, how fucking lazy. One word answer, political junk, racist shit. Come on. Did you even read the side bar?! The rules? Here's the thing. You said a "I miss the old content."Is it the same repost? Yes. No one's arguing that.As someone who is a memeologist and chef who studies copypasta, I am telling you, specifically, in copypasta, no one calls reposts "OC". If you want to be "original" like you said, then you shouldn't be submitting reposts and remakes. They're not the same thing.If you're saying "OC" you're referring to the original content of submission which includes things from the Navy Seal pasta to I miss the old _______.So your reasoning for calling a repost "OC is because random people "change a few words around."? Let's get stolen youtube videos and reuploads in there, then, too.Also, calling a post a "repost" or "remake"? It's not one or the other, that's not how memeology works. They're both. An OC post is an OC post and a member of the originality family. But that's not what you said. You said a remake is OC, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all shoes shoes and not sneakers, which means you'd call reuploads, remakes and stolen content OC too. I'm banning you all.Good dayHay gurl, I'm 5 yrs old and I want to fuCK you cuz I'm horny, my mom jerked my penis to help me ejaculate to a picture of you. She also wrote this comment for me. LOVe Uuuu <3Guys. I need help.Currently I'm in a state where I can't think, dream or talk about anything but Mr. Ping from Kung-fu panda. He's just so irresistible. I want him to make me a noodle sculpture of my body and stroke it with his slender wings. Then we will go to the mountains and lay under the glowing stars. And when the time comes I will lay him down to bed and watch him sleep. His slow pacing goose snores lull me into a hypnotic trance as I too fall into a deep sleep. I wake up to the smell of noodles. Mr. Ping is in the shop making noodles. His job is nothing to me "Mr. Ping?" I ask "why do you make noodles without me" "I can't share the secret recipe" Mr. Ping explains.He turns back to the pot and tastes his noodles. Mr. Ping falls to the ground as the sleeping pills overtake him. He is my destiny now. I lock him in a cage and lay against it. "Oh Mr. Ping" I say "you complete me."Attention: If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don't wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USAI consider sucking dick an art form. When someone tells me to suck his dick I view it as an honor and a privilege. Not to mention an opportunity to show off my unparalleled dick sucking skills. Most of the time, the man puts up quite the struggle and yells at me that he didn't mean it literally. But I see straight through that ruse. When I finally free that dick from his pants and place it inside my mouth everything changes. The look of blissful ecstasy on his face reaffirms what I already hold true in my heart. This is what I was born to do. Dick is my medium and I am its master. No homo.I can see why his sisters like him so much hes got jizz like a fucking pressure washer like got damn you could kill a squirrel with that thing, I shoved a pressure washer up my sister's cooch and all I got was a stern lecture and a Cease and Desist from the local planned parenthoodI hope that you are stabbed, shot, gagged, electrocuted, drowned in a pool of bullet ants while being raped by a pinecone cockmonster. And then I hope your teeth are pulled out one by one. Then I hope your fingernails are pulled out one by one.Then I hope your toenails are pulled out one by one.Then I hope all of your fingers and toes are clipped off by bolt cutters joint by joint. Then you have my permission to die.I love my wife more than anything on this planet. Normally she is very quiet and doesn't get into altercations with anybody. Over the past week there has been a problem with kids crossing the footbridge that goes over the highway near our house. The kids have been throwing water bombs onto the oncoming cars. Last week somebody was shocked when the balloon hit their windscreen that they caused an accident by swerving into the car next to them.What these kids have been doing is so illegal but the police have yet to catch them. The council are going to put up security cameras on the bridge but they don't want to put one of those cages over the bridge.My wife was driving home last night at about 20:30 when she approached the bridge. She knew all about what has been going on and could see a group of kids on top. She knew exactly what they were going to do and she slowed down a bit and prepared for the water to hit the windscreen.Instead a stone smashed through the glass and it's lucky there was nobody in the passenger seat or they would probably be dead or seriously injured. My wife stopped on the side of the road in distress. From the adrenaline she picked up the large 90kg rock and launched it 300 metres into the kids killing them instantly. When the police officer told me that I realised my wife was actually 18 metres tall, made of fine timber with a large counterweight and weighed over 22 tonnes. I still love my wife even if she is a medieval Trebuchet.notices the bulge in your pants, deducing that it must in fact be a katana tries to woo you in order to gain your prized family katana OwO what's this? glomps you, unaware that what I thought was your katana was in fact your ding dong. I go to grab it anyways, and snap it in half by accident. I feel blood on my hands and know I made quite the mistake Uguu~ senpai, sowwy for huwting u :'( winces in pain, because Nii-chan is screaming directly into my organ of corti Just another day in the life of Nya-chan ^ _ ^Don't quote me on this, but Jack Sparrow could of said this needs more jpegWhen I was in school I used to have an IQ of 15. My classmates used to harass me for not being that smart. But since 2013, my life has changed. My IQ is now 195 and it increases by 5 every time I sit down on Sunday nights to watch this one show. It is called Rick and Morty. Because of that, I get all the girls and people are always comparing me to Albert Einstein, some even say that I am the cure for cancer. When the government found out that I watch Rick and Morty, they showed up to my residence and took me to a secret facility to take an exam. The exam was about explaining all the jokes in Rick and Morty and I had to answer each question in all currently spoken languages. Since I watched Rick and Morty, I didn't have any problems and I completed it in 30 minutes. The next day, I got to see the results and I passed the exam with a score of 100%. They gave me the title "Smartest Man in Existence". Guess I am out of this world.Yesterday, during our scheduled Furry Hour, my 7 year old refused to be cooperative right from the start. Eventually, he threw a tantrum, telling me "I don't want to learn about furries anymore. This is stupid. I wish I could go to school like all the other kids."Needless to say, I was devastated. I tried to tell him that the reason I homeschool him is because the public school system does not respect our beliefs and practices. I reminded him of the time his first grade teacher called child services because I barked at her during our parent-teacher conference. He didn't want to hear any of it though, so I just left him alone to do a Math worksheet.I haven't talked to him today yet, and I'm trying not to be upset at him, but it's so hard. Please, have any of your children gone through this phase with homeschooling, and if so how did you handle it?Uh, fuck you buddy I'm 8 years old, love the show and the memes, and I've already ran thru more pussy than you could even dream about. Arthur is the shit and so is getting mad 3 ways almost every day.Step up, bitch.My school had even less rules. We had literally food wars at lunch. I remember having to duck and cover as a rival gang did a drive by on meatball day. A teacher got robbed by the varsity calvin-ball team. The captain of the team spent half his share on Call of Duty and the other half on heroin. We got rid of school dances because knife fights would occasionally break out between the two rival interpretive dance clubs. Kids were doing lines of coke in class to either improve their grades or to prepare for a fight between classes. This was only 10 Weeks agoRock is actually the single worst genre in music. I know fags like to say 'haha i like anything except country haha xD XD' but let's be real. First of all, if you say that unironically I hate you and second of all, it really should be rock. Let's take a fuckin look at 'rock' music. Let's take a look at one of the most popular rock bands, Radiohead. The name 'rock' implies music you can 'rock' out to, but who the fuck actually wants to rock out to some whiny depressing pony tail man wailing over beats that sound like they were made by Aphex Twin's retarded half-brother who likes putting guitar over things. If I ever want to kill myself but can't quite commit, all I have to do to push me over the edge is listen to Kid A. If one of the most popular bands in a genre makes me want to commit suicide, how can you call it a good genre?CummyBot is coming out of the closetWhenever I get a package of plain M&M's, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I make them have M&M duels. Taking two candies between my forefinger and thumb, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the 'loser' and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner get to go to the next round. I have found that, in general, brown and red M&Ms are tougher, while the blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense ring of competition and cracks under the pressure of being in the modern candy and snack food world. Occasionally I will come across a mutation, a candy that is mishapen, pointier or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this seems to be a weakness but on very rare occassions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the candy continues to adapt in it's enviroment. When I finish the package, I am left with one M&M. The strongest of the herd. Since it wouldn't make any sense to eat this one as well, I package it up with a letter that says "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes" and send it back to M&M Mars, A division of Mars INC in Hackettstown, NJ They wrote back this week thanking me and gve me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of M&MS. This weekend there will be a tournament of epic protortions. There can only be one champion.What the fuck did you just fuckin' say about me you person enjoys living? I'll have you know my will to live is in the bottom percentage of people who want the die, and I've been involved in numberous attempts at suicide, and I have tried over 300 times. I am trained in several noose-tying techniques and I have the least will to live in depression city. You are nothing to me but just another normal person. I end my suffering with prescision the likes of which they can't bring me back from, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with talking to me without me bringing up crippiling depression? think again, fucker. As we speak, I am tying a noose to hang myself with at this moment. The noose that makes you call the police. I can stand right here, and set up my death-zone, and my methods can make you faint since i have over 700 of them. and that's just with a piece of string. Not only am I extensively emersed in my own depressing life, but I have access to the entire arsenal of depressing thoughts and I will use this to my full extent to wipe myself off this miserable planet you normal person. If only you could have seen what I've seen you would have never walked past me to bring down my sad rant, maybe you would have gotten me help. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you fucking normal person. I will fucking end my suffering right here, and you'll faint. You're fucking losing conciousness, normal personOnly beta cucks would use obumbocare. Real Americans die at 35 from heart disease.http://pastebin.com/Es4SVTZiMy character is an ugly incel nord thief/assassin named Justice who stalks women, breaks into their homes while they sleep and murders them in their beds. Pretty fun game but they should add a rape feature in the next Elder Scrolls.Bruno Mars is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago. Even it has happened in 2012, but some of the public still curious about what is exactly happening and to be the reason there is a rumor comes out about his gay. At that time he became the massive social networking rumor. The public, especially his fans are shocked. He just came out with his bad rumor which is spread massively. This time is not about his music career, but his bad rumor. The rumor is out of standardize of hoax, according the last reported this singer revealed himself as homosexual. Do you still believe or not, this rumor is really much talked by people even in a person of his fans.SourceWELL THEN TURN THAT SHIT INTO A POSITIVE AND SHOW YOUR 16-YEAR-OLD SELF WHAT A FUCKING BADASS YOU ARE. STAY POSITIVE. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP. THERE'S 3,520,000,000 WOMEN ON THIS EARTH, YOU NOW HAVE 3,519,999,999 LEFT TO GO. FIND OTHER BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. YOU CAN DO IT. HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF. IF YOU NEED CONFIDENCE I WILL DELIVER YOU SOME FUCKING STAT. YOU GO OUT THERE AND IF YOU SEE A WOMEN THAT CATCHES YOUR EYE, SAY "HELLO YOU'RE PRETTY FUCKING ADORABLE WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER" OR SOME SHIT. DOESN'T MATTER. BE A FUCKING BOSS. YOU'LL GET DECLINED, YOU MAY GET LAUGHED AT, BUT GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER? THERE'S 3,519,999,999 WOMEN LEFT TO GO AND YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT GETTING LET DOWN OR LAUGHED AT. THEY CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES. YOU ARE ON A GODDAMN MISSION. BE YOU. BE BALLS TO THE WALL YOU. BE THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE AND I SWEAR TO THE GODS OF NEW AND OLD THAT YOU WILL FIND A WOMEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN 16-YEAR-OLD YOU COULD'VE EVER DREAMED OF. YOU'RE LIFE IS LIMITED, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO DWELL ON YOUR EX. I KNOW YOUR PROBABLY HURT, BUT IT'S OKAY TO BE HURT. PAIN IS FUCKING NECESSARY IN LIFE BUT THAT SHIT IS TEMPORARY. FEEL THAT PAIN. ACCEPT THAT PAIN. THEN YOU SHALL OVERCOME THAT PAIN. YOUR LIFE IS LIMITED. YOU HAVE SO MANY DAYS, HOURS, AND MINUTES, UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD. GONE. YOU GET CLOSER WITH EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE. MAKE THOSE BREATHS COUNT. MAKE EVERY FUCKING SECOND COUNT. LIVE IN THIS MOMENT. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW. TOMORROW IS NEVER HERE SO DON'T YOU WAIT ON THAT SHIT. TODAY. GET YOUR ASS OUT THERE TODAY AND GET ONE NUMBER. I FUCKING DARE YOU TO GO GET ONE NUMBER. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHO IT IS. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. JUST FUCKING DO IT. YOU ARE AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE OF CONFIDENCE AND BADASSERY. NOW STOP FUCKING READING THIS NOW AND GO GET YOU SOME. YOU. ARE. RUNNING. OUT. OF. FUCKING. TIME.AAAAAAAAAAH!!!Every FUCKING day with these STUPID fucking MEMES! I've had it up to HERE with stupid fucking memes! You guys make me want to KILL MYSELF! Is that what you fucking want? For me to fucking KILL MYSELF and write on my suicide note "Cause of suicide: Couldn't handle all of the stupid fucking memes, killed myself"? Because that's what it might as well fucking say!You guys are literally, L I T E R A L L Y incapable of having even the SIMPLEST of fucking discussion without "MEME THIS, MEME THAT, PROBABLY TYLO BE CHILLIN, HERE'S A PIC OF HUMBLE CANNONS BY AARON ELLIS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA EBIN AMIRITE?" Fucking STOP IT you pathetic fucking FAGGOTS, you are such fucking cancer that I cannot even fathom how you fucking scumbags live your dumb gay lives. Don't you have a job to get to, schoolwork to finish or a family to attend to? Do you literally do ANYTHING productive with your lives other than post stupid fucking memes on the music section of a god damn anime imageboard? You fucking people make me sick and you're damn lucky I don't have any of your fucking addresses you fucking pieces of shits. I'd spit in your faces.http://boards.4chan.org/mu/thread/61848981/i-hate-the-fucking-eagles-man#p61849660Strolling through college campus unaccompanied as I often do. Not worried about being harassed or raped because I am a man. See group of young ladies struggling to set up a folding table. Two strong women have extended the legs and are trying to flip the table upright. I approach them uninvited and say hello. One flees, triggered. "let me help with that girls" I easily flip the table upright with... my masculine strength. Now upright, I can see the sign taped to the table top. FEMINIST BAKESALE. I give a low-pitched chuckle with my testosterone privileged vocal cords. "So you girls have been busy in the kitchen, what did you bake?" One strong woman stands with a box to rest on the table. Her eyes are welled with tears at the oppression she is suffering. "C-cupcakes" - "I love cupcakes, let me see what you have there" I reach my phallic hand over and open the virginal box this poor woman is holding. My male gaze objectifies the cupcakes. "Oh those look good. How much?" Another strong woman speaks up, images of Susan B Anthony flash in her head. "They're a dollar for men because of the corrupt patria--" I stop her short in a textbook case of verbal rape. "That sounds fine. Give me the whole box." I pull out a capitalist paper bill with the image of a Cis White Male Slaveowner on it. The strong woman before me whimpers in psychic pain as I hand the bill to her, she has been reduced to a slave -- nay -- a commodity. "Thank you" she says meekly, feeling violated. I give a sensual grunt as I bite into one of the sweet, moist cupcakes. "Mmmm... It was my privilege."Who are the mythbusters? Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. Between them they have more than 30 years of special effects experience. Joining them: Grant Imahara, Tory Belleci, and Kari Byron. They don't just tell the myths; they put them to the test. I've got one thousand eight hundred and forty six words for you: I've got one thousand eight hundred and thirty four words for you: I've got one thousand eight hundred and twenty two words for you: I've got one thousand eight hundred and eleven words for you: I've got one thousand seven hundred and ninety nine words for you: I've got one thousand seven hundred and eighty seven words for you: I've got one thousand seven hundred and seventy five words for you: I've got one thousand seven hundred and sixty three words for you: I've got one thousand seven hundred and fifty one words for you: I've got one thousand seven hundred and thirty nine words for you: I've got one thousand seven hundred and twenty seven words for you: I've got one thousand seven hundred and sixteen words for you: I've got one thousand seven hundred and five words for you: I've got one thousand six hundred and ninety three words for you: I've got one thousand six hundred and eighty one words for you: I've got one thousand six hundred and seventy words for you: I've got one thousand six hundred and fifty eight words for you: I've got one thousand six hundred and forty six words for you: I've got one thousand six hundred and thirty four words for you: I've got one thousand six hundred and twenty two words for you: I've got one thousand six hundred and eleven words for you: I've got one thousand five hundred and ninety nine words for you: I've got one thousand five hundred and eighty seven words for you: I've got one thousand five hundred and seventy five words for you: I've got one thousand five hundred and sixty three words for you: I've got one thousand five hundred and fifty one words for you: I've got one thousand five hundred and thirty nine words for you: I've got one thousand five hundred and twenty seven words for you: I've got one thousand five hundred and sixteen words for you: I've got one thousand five hundred and five words for you: I've got one thousand four hundred and ninety three words for you: I've got one thousand four hundred and eighty one words for you: I've got one thousand four hundred and seventy words for you: I've got one thousand four hundred and fifty eight words for you: I've got one thousand four hundred and forty six words for you: I've got one thousand four hundred and thirty four words for you: I've got one thousand four hundred and twenty two words for you: I've got one thousand four hundred and eleven words for you: I've got one thousand three hundred and ninety nine words for you: I've got one thousand three hundred and eighty seven words for you: I've got one thousand three hundred and seventy five words for you: I've got one thousand three hundred and sixty three words for you: I've got one thousand three hundred and fifty one words for you: I've got one thousand three hundred and thirty nine words for you: I've got one thousand three hundred and twenty seven words for you: I've got one thousand three hundred and sixteen words for you: I've got one thousand three hundred and five words for you: I've got one thousand two hundred and ninety three words for you: I've got one thousand two hundred and eighty one words for you: I've got one thousand two hundred and seventy words for you: I've got one thousand two hundred and fifty eight words for you: I've got one thousand two hundred and forty six words for you: I've got one thousand two hundred and thirty four words for you: I've got one thousand two hundred and twenty two words for you: I've got one thousand two hundred and eleven words for you: I've got one thousand one hundred and ninety nine words for you: I've got one thousand one hundred and eighty seven words for you: I've got one thousand one hundred and seventy five words for you: I've got one thousand one hundred and sixty three words for you: I've got one thousand one hundred and fifty one words for you: I've got one thousand one hundred and thirty nine words for you: I've got one thousand one hundred and twenty seven words for you: I've got one thousand one hundred and sixteen words for you: I've got one thousand one hundred and five words for you: I've got one thousand and ninety five words for you: I've got one thousand and eighty five words for you: I've got one thousand and seventy five words for you: I've got one thousand and sixty five words for you: I've got one thousand and fifty five words for you: I've got one thousand and forty five words for you: I've got one thousand and thirty five words for you: I've got one thousand and twenty five words for you: I've got one thousand and sixteen words for you: I've got one thousand and seven words for you: I've got nine hundred and ninety seven words for you: I've got nine hundred and eighty seven words for you: I've got nine hundred and seventy seven words for you: I've got nine hundred and sixty seven words for you: I've got nine hundred and fifty seven words for you: I've got nine hundred and forty seven words for you: I've got nine hundred and thirty seven words for you: I've got nine hundred and twenty seven words for you: I've got nine hundred and eighteen words for you: I've got nine hundred and nine words for you: I've got eight hundred and ninety nine words for you: I've got eight hundred and eighty nine words for you: I've got eight hundred and seventy nine words for you: I've got eight hundred and sixty nine words for you: I've got eight hundred and fifty nine words for you: I've got eight hundred and forty nine words for you: I've got eight hundred and thirty nine words for you: I've got eight hundred and twenty nine words for you: I've got eight hundred and twenty words for you: I've got eight hundred and eleven words for you: I've got eight hundred and two words for you: I've got seven hundred and ninety two words for you: I've got seven hundred and eighty two words for you: I've got seven hundred and seventy two words for you: I've got seven hundred and sixty two words for you: I've got seven hundred and fifty two words for you: I've got seven hundred and forty two words for you: I've got seven hundred and thirty two words for you: I've got seven hundred and twenty two words for you: I've got seven hundred and thirteen words for you: I've got seven hundred and four words for you: I've got six hundred and ninety four words for you: I've got six hundred and eighty four words for you: I've got six hundred and seventy four words for you: I've got six hundred and sixty four words for you: I've got six hundred and fifty four words for you: I've got six hundred and forty four words for you: I've got six hundred and thirty four words for you: I've got six hundred and twenty four words for you: I've got six hundred and fifteen words for you: I've got six hundred and six words for you: I've got five hundred and ninety six words for you: I've got five hundred and eighty six words for you: I've got five hundred and seventy six words for you: I've got five hundred and sixty six words for you: I've got five hundred and fifty six words for you: I've got five hundred and forty six words for you: I've got five hundred and thirty six words for you: I've got five hundred and twenty six words for you: I've got five hundred and seventeen words for you: I've got five hundred and eight words for you: I've got four hundred and ninety eight words for you: I've got four hundred and eighty eight words for you: I've got four hundred and seventy eight words for you: I've got four hundred and sixty eight words for you: I've got four hundred and fifty eight words for you: I've got four hundred and forty eight words for you: I've got four hundred and thirty eight words for you: I've got four hundred and twenty eight words for you: I've got four hundred and nineteen words for you: I've got four hundred and ten words for you: I've got four hundred and one words for you: I've got three hundred and ninety one words for you: I've got three hundred and eighty one words for you: I've got three hundred and seventy one words for you: I've got three hundred and sixty one words for you: I've got three hundred and fifty one words for you: I've got three hundred and forty one words for you: I've got three hundred and thirty one words for you: I've got three hundred and twenty one words for you: I've got three hundred and twelve words for you: I've got three hundred and three words for you: I've got two hundred and ninety three words for you: I've got two hundred and eighty three words for you: I've got two hundred and seventy three words for you: I've got two hundred and sixty three words for you: I've got two hundred and fifty three words for you: I've got two hundred and forty three words for you: I've got two hundred and thirty three words for you: I've got two hundred and twenty three words for you: I've got two hundred and fourteen words for you: I've got two hundred and five words for you: I've got one hundred and ninety five words for you: I've got one hundred and eighty five words for you: I've got one hundred and seventy five words for you: I've got one hundred and sixty five words for you: I've got one hundred and fifty five words for you: I've got one hundred and forty five words for you: I've got one hundred and thirty five words for you: I've got one hundred and twenty five words for you: I've got one hundred and sixteen words for you: I've got one hundred and seven words for you: I've got one hundred words for you: I've got ninety three words for you: I've got eighty six words for you: I've got eighty words for you: I've got seventy three words for you: I've got sixty six words for you: I've got sixty words for you: I've got fifty three words for you: I've got forty six words for you: I've got forty words for you: I've got thirty three words for you: I've got twenty six words for you: I've got twenty words for you: I've got fourteen words for you: I've got eight words for you: I've got two words for you: Fuck OffSitting upon your throne of spinners.Spinner world.You become a spinner.You spin home everyday after work at the spinner factory.You met your spinner quota today.Your spinner boss paid you well in bonus spinners.Your spinner wife and son are waiting for you in your spinner house as you spin into the driveway.You eat your spinners and talk about your spinner day."Hey spinner dad." Your spinner son asks. "Would you like to play spinner with me and spinner?"Spinner is your spinner dog.You spin with them all night until the spinner sets in the west and the spinner comes out into the sky.Spinner light paints the spinner grass.Your son does his spinner homework, he'll work in the spinner factory some day as well. He spins in excitement every time you bring it up.You hear your spinner son turn the spinner light off as he goes to spin in his spinner bed.You spin at your spinner wife.She spins back.The spinner sheets rustle as she spins on top of you."Vshhh" she spins into your ear.You spin her around and your spinner enters her.You spin slow at first, but you know she wants you to spin faster. You begin to pick up speed.Her "Vssh"s get louder and louder and you both spin faster and faster.She spins onto your spinner and you know you're close.You spin inside of her.You fall onto the spinner sheets and "Vshh" heavily.You spin her on her spins and she spins at you.Your spinner life is so good.It goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes, it goes GUILLOTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEYUHI find indian tech support scammers voices really soothing. Every time I get a cold call I respond and listen to their voice, quickly pulling down my pants and jerking myself off, I especially get horny whenever they try to "fix" my computer, it makes me shoot buckets and it drains my snake very quickly, every wrong word they say brings me closer to orgasm, like "wirus" or "dextop", i'm in pure ecstasy whenever I get to talk to these indian men and women. Notified in accordance with all applicable lawsfly,This action can not beeYou should be able to fly.Tiny wingsDepartment of body fat.Bees, of course, ParisThe bees do not worry about thisWhat people think.Disclaimer: I'm high as a fucking kite RN so everything that comes out of my mouth'll probably sound like some crazy-ass shit but that's just life.Anyway I was just bullshitting around last night thinking about hookers and beer in the FE universe, but then I wondered how much it'd cost for hookers in the FE universe. So, of course, I pulled up some numbers and started typing away on a calculator.When I started researching shit gold was worth 1310.48 USD. In addition, a gold bar usually weighs 400 ounces. Using Awakening's Medium Gold Bullions as the standard of value, them costing/worth/priced at 10000 Fire Emblem Units (called FEU from now on), we can do some pretty simple math to do some conversions. 10000 FEU / 400 oz gives us 25 FEU for one ounce of gold, and then you can do the basic math to get the conversion rates between USD and FEU. Doing 1310.48 USD / 25 FEU gives you 1 FEU = 52.4192 USD or rounded to 52.42 USD for sig figs. The other way around it gives you 1 USD = 0.0191 FEU.With that in mind, the professional callgirl or gigolo typically goes for 100 USD per hour. In Fire Emblem Fates, the value of an iron sword is rated at 1,000 FEU. Doing simple conversions (1000 FEU * 52.42 USD), the value of an average iron sword is placed at $52,420 (ayyy 420). Another simple conversion to find out how many hours you can get (52,420 bucks / 100 per hour) will net you 524 hours of paid sex for the price of an iron sword.I probably fucked something up economically but it's still pretty cool to think about anyway.If you're reading this, you've been in a coma for almost 20 years because of a car accident. We're trying a new technique. We don't know where this message will end up in your dream, but we hope we're getting through. Please wake up.iCarly was one of the most revolutionary shows ever to grace this Earth. It was the pinnacle of Nickelodeon's creative talents and hard-working actors to make a truly stunning show which would capture the hearts of millions. There have been absolutely no criticisms of this show, it is unflawed and perfect, in fact, IMDB has only 10 star reviews for this show. The comedy used is genius, never being repetitive and always using new gags to entertain the respectable audience. iCarly revolutionised the TV market, with jokes and ideas no one had ever seen before, like recounting the lives of famous fictitious teenagers' lives and milking out a show for a few years. They are always full of witty jokes and hilarious situations, and the character development is brilliant. I would tell everyone I know about this show, but sadly I have no one to talk to because I'm a lonely reviewer on the Internet who makes no money and lives in their mom's basement watching iCarly everyday and moment of their lives. Overall, I'd give this show an 11/9, because it is of a much higher quality and perfection than even the likes of Lazy Town and the Shooting of Harambe. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go jack off to iCarly porn on rule 34 and ship Spencer and Gibby together on Google+.Hi (sorry for my English) I have a question (sorry English is my second language) about GOSTES. So my mom told me (sorry English is not my first language ) that gostes are real and when you die (apologies for spelling) your goste comes out of your body and walks around through walls (I don't have a dictionary sorry) for ever. When I was 6 I saw a goste in my brother's bed and it saw me (sorry I am europe) and got scared so it ran away. My friends also have seen gostes (apologise for my grammar) and on our school trip we saw a man goste walking through the wall so we chased it (very sorry for poor writing) but he had already disappeared.Yesterday my brother told me MORJELLA (my name) THERE ARE NO GOSTES IT'S A LIE so I said to him Davrik then how did I see a gostes? (Apologies) So I said my mother MOTHER Davrik say there is no gostes? To which she replied (sorry if my English is bad)MORJELLA, YOUR BROTHER DAVRIK WAS DIE SINCE BIRTH.So he was goste all along! Thanks.I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead i bought a raffle ticket for a brand new car. When i got home,i explained to my dad what i did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day,when my dad woke up and opened the door,outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me,because the car was from the electricity company,they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me againKoalas are fucking horrible animals.They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan.Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently...Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals.Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here).When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on.This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why?Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape.Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain:Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree.An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute.If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.Fuck off. We're all piles of flesh and bones whose behaivor accords to a calculation of emotions. Dont tell me your behaivor is better than mine because of some arbitrary value (Like "Having a life") that i dont care about.You asked for it.Let me preface this by saying that my mother is very involved in volunteer work. In high school, around 16, we had to do a certain amount of volunteer hours to qualify for some stupid extracurricular award which of course my parents wanted me to received so colleges would see my application and think "wow, what an upstanding young man! he definitely doesn't masturbate to scat porn or anything like that!" and one of my mom's good friends was a catholic organizer and worked with a local convent of nuns to help the homeless. It was a soup kitchen of some sorts run by volunteers and little old nuns. My mom thought that sounded like fun and I, being an agreeable and docile child, agreed to go. We got to the soup kitchen, which was in a building adjacent to the nunnery (priory? chapter house? not sure of the terminology). We set up early in the morning, and spend the morning ladling soup into bowls for the city's downtrodden. It was actually quite good work, really satisfying for the soul. The nuns seemed to relish in it- they didn't fit my culturally-molded view of strict, old bitches; rather, many were young, beautiful, and friendly. It was strange. Watching the nuns lovingly care for these wrinkly crusty homeless people was one of the most heartwarming things I've ever seen.Finally, at the end of the day, the nun in charge offered to show us their house, to see how nuns lived. As a non-religious person I was interested to see what the arrangement was like, and I said sure. My mom stayed behind to clean up, so me and the nun lady walked through a few doors, up some stairs, and into what looked like a dormitory. We had bonded during the day, and I was cracking jokes and warming her middle-aged heart. She said they usually have rules against letting men into their quarters, but I was barely more than a child and they liked me enough. She walked me through the halls, living rooms, and area where they stored their vestments. It was a neat, spartan environment- much like what I imagine prison in norway is like. It was uneventful but interesting, and right before she was about to take me to leave, she showed me an individual room. "Would you like to see Sister *****'s room? She's cleaning up and I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Of course I acquiesced and stepped into a dimly lit room with a small twin bed and an small catholic kneely-thing on the opposite wall with a picture of Caucasian jesus. I looked around and noticed on the bed, with my heart jumping, a lacy black thong.The head nun must have noticed too, because she quickly ushered me out of there. Naturally I was at full mast immediately and asked her if I could quick use the restroom before I left, since everyone else was cleaning the soup kitchen. She couldn't say no, and sat down in the living room while I ran off to the nun's bathrooms, which was somewhat like that of a dorm hall bathroom.It was the most aroused I've been in a while. The thought of the gorgeous nun, filling up the cups of homeless men while, beneath her habit, wearing a sexy thong. I imagined her slipping off the habit, wearing nothing but the underwear and a crucifix. I imagined her whipping me, and caressing me while talking to me about jesus. I imagined becoming a monk and sneaking in to fuck her in the ass on the altar of the church.Of course I was in a stall masturbating and of course I was crawling around on the floor looking for a spare pube or two left by a tired nun getting her evening shit in. It was one of the best beat sessions of my life: clean, but you could still get a hint of bodily fluid odor in the air, and I was in proximity to a house of sexy nuns. It was a fetish I didn't even know I had.I must have been in there a while, gasping and stroking, because there was a knock at the bathroom door (which didn't lock, being a dorm style bathroom). "are you in there?" I quickly realized that I hadn't even closed my stall door in all my excitement, because everyone was gone, and before I could make a move, the bathroom door opened and there stood the nun chief, staring openmouthed at me, perched on a toilet like a bird with my cock in my hand and my eyes rolled up in the back of my head."GOODNESS!" She cried, and backed into the hallway. At that point, I couldn't stop (can't stop won't stop) and came buckets all over the stall. It was a 6 roper, if anyone was interested. I washed my hands, stepped out (she was nowhere to be found), ran down to the door, and reached the soup kitchen. I found my mom waiting at the car. "Did you have an interesting tour?" She asked. I replied affirmatively and asked her to take us home because I was sleepy. That load did knock me out quite well. They never asked us for volunteers at the soup kitchen again though, and to this day, I can't enter a catholic church without getting a massive hardon and having to run to the nearest bathroom to rub one out. I masturbated in 3 different Vatican bathrooms because of this and the huge presence of nuns there..Honestly, the whole copypasta thing is starting to really get annoying. We get it, you're unoriginal. The sooner you get over it, the sooner we can all come closer as a community. They're not even that funny, tbh.TODAY I WAS HAVING SEX WITH MY GIRLFRIEND (WHO IS MY GIRLFRIEND) AND I WE WERE HAVING SEX AND I THOUGHT ABOUT BERNIE SANDERS WHILE NUTTING AND SHE HATES ME NOW LOL. THATS MY GIRLFRIEND BY THE WAY WHO I WAS HAVING SEX WITH SJE HATES ME NOWtl;dr I was having sex with my girlfriend who im going out with who is a girl who is my girlfriend who i had sex with Edit: omg holy shit thanls for the gold kind stranger!A human told your's truly that I would soon physically contact our world in a rolling motion,In an analogy comparing Humans to Tools, I would not hold a sharp boundary in comparison to most tools,This young woman was kinda dumb, as said young woman's digit and thumb laid in front of said young woman's cranium, looking similar to glyph "L",Alas, spans of 365 days start coming and do not stop coming,Back to commonly found laws and I hit our ground running,Didn't fathom not to subsist for fun,Your brain obtains thoughts but your mind obtains no thoughts,So much to do, so much to catch sight of, so what's wrong with taking a back road?You won't know if you don't go, you won't flash if you don't glow,Alas, Now! You show standards similar to that of an All Star! Boost your physical ability! Go play!Alas, Now! You show standards similar to that of an All Star! Start your show! Obtain pay!All that glints is gold, only shooting stars crack a mold!I sexually identify as a solar eclipse. Ever since I was a girl I dreamed of burning away the retinas of those ugly, disgusting lowlifes who dared to look at me. People always tell me that it's impossible to become an astronomical phenomena and I am fucking retarded. I don't care, I'm still beautiful. I'm going to have NASA cut me in half and then send both halves to the sun and moon respectively. From then on, you must address me by my personal pronouns, which are "Eclipse" and "Eclipseself", and you must also respect my right to cause permanent eye damage to passersby. If you can't accept me, you're a heliophobe who needs to check your astronomical privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.Hey I found your steam through a mutual and I just wanted to say that I think we could get along real well :) I don't normally do things like this cause I'm a real gentleman :3, but do you want to maybe play a bit of cs sometime (omg I'm so embarrassed) >< I could go on my smurf so you don't have to put in that much effort, even though you're like the best and you'll probably be on top every round. When I see your name I just feel like we have this special connection that I can't describe in words, I think.. maybe we knew each other in a past life xDD like I can do the cooking and everything, you don't have to worry about that cuz I'm a real feminist, but I'll still take care of you <3 I know how to make a woman feel like a girl, but I won't do anything that freaks you out, just say one word and I'll stop so so fast! so maybe just consider me? I can't believe I'm writing this all out to you >< !! Even if you reject me it's all worth it just for you, my wuv <3 (plz don't reject me !!)When we won, we didnt believe it. Everything just kept getting better, we thought it was going to crash sometime. When Trump loses, the /pol/ tears will sustain me for weeks, maybe even months. I shall descend upon this board like a wolf upon a lamb, and bask in the unending impotent rage that this board will pump out. I will gaze upon the suicide threads and rage posts, and drink deep of their whining. When they actually start livestreaming their own suicides and self-mutilation, Ill know true ecstasy. I dont think my penis will ever be harder than it will be when a million /pol/ tards cry out in itty bitty white boi penis fury simultaneously. Theyll try to convince themselves it was a rigged election. Theyll try to convince themselves that the Jews had pulled a fast one on them. We will riot! They will say. Race war! Day of the rope! they will cry. Time will pass, and they will do nothing because they only talk. They are too cowardly and weak to do anything. But best of all, none of their bitching will balm the pain of knowing that their God Emperor, their hero, will go down in history as an embarrassment, as an amusing footnote at best, as the loud obnoxious asshole who lost to the first WOMAN president. The entire nation KNOWS that Hillary is a literal criminal, that shes practically bathed in the blood of 4 dead Americans, intimidated Bills rape victims into silence, and her administration will surely be mired in constant scandals and ethical breaches. But all this only drives home just how little the American people think of Trump. After all her bullshit, her crimes, her lies, they STILL see Hillary as being superior to Trump. When the denizens of /pol/ come to this realization, they shall know true, soul-crushing, all-encompassing despair. Exquisite shall be their pain. I will look into their eyes and watch their spirit break, and wont reach my climax a moment sooner.I need to fap. It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out. If I don't update this again please send help.Sourcefuck you and your poor ass dad now. you are a piece of shit and guess what get up off of your ass and go find a fucking job you liberal fuck. you can just go suck off obama for the last month cause guess what after that i bet your ass gets deported and i hope trump builds a fucking wall on your damn fucking house and shits on your family as they eat thanks giving dinner. im thankful that i am not a fucking cock sucker like you are and that im competent enough to have a good stable job and not some shitty ass 140,000 job where i probably had to lick my boss's asshole. the fact that you are sitting on redit looking for job advise is fucking disgusting. reddit is for fat dweebs that complain about how they cant get real straight pussy like ron jerremy. i bet you finger bang your own fucking asshole in your free time to get off cause you probably cant get your own dick wet. I hope your family burns in a fucking fire place due to your lack of self respect to not bitch and act like a jew on reddit. WHO GIVES A FUCK about your stupid problems i wish it was 1942 where it was okay to lynch people because if it was your ass would be lynched in 2 seconds. If you were my slave i would whip the shit out of you and tie you to my truck and drag your ass as far as the eye can see down 83. EDIT: Original thread im referencingWrong, brother. I'm a 45 year old male who religiously plays club penguin. I fucking demolish these kiddos racing down slopes. These little shits can't comprehend my skill at club penguin. I can chick snowballs across the map and everything in between. I've spent upwards of $800 dollars on club penguin alone.SourceWater isn't fucking wet, it makes other things wet.Wet means something is covered in water. As an example, when you are covered in nice clothes, you say you are dressed up. Would you say that a suit hanging in your closet is dressed up? Water isn't wet. Whiskey Hotel Alpha Tango. Tango Hotel Echo. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo. Delta India Delta. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Juliet Uniform Sierra Tango. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo India November Golf. Sierra Alpha Yankee. Alpha Bravo Oscar Uniform Tango. Mike Echo. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Lima India Tango Tango Lima Echo. Bravo India Tango Charlie Hotel.India Lima Lima. Hotel Alpha Victor Echo. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Kilo November Oscar Whiskey. India. Golf Romeo Alpha Delta Uniform Alpha Tango Echo Delta. Tango Oscar Papa. Oscar Foxtrot. Mike Yankee. Charlie Lima Alpha Sierra Sierra. India November. Tango Hotel Echo. November Alpha Victor Yankee. Sierra Echo Alpha Lima Sierra. Alpha November Delta. India Victor Echo. Bravo Echo Echo November. India November Victor Oscar Lima Victor Echo Delta. India November. November Uniform Mike Echo Romeo Oscar Uniform Sierra. Sierra Echo Charlie Romeo Echo Tango. Romeo Alpha India Delta Sierra. Oscar November. Alpha Lima Quebec Uniform Echo Alpha Delta Alpha. Alpha November Delta. India. Hotel Alpha Victor Echo. Oscar Victor Echo Romeo. 300. Charlie Oscar November Foxtrot India Romeo Mike Echo Delta. Kilo India Lima Lima Sierra. India. Alpha Mike. Tango Romeo Alpha India November Echo Delta. India November. Golf Oscar Romeo India Lima Lima Alpha. Whiskey Alpha Romeo Foxtrot Alpha Romeo Echo. Alpha November Delta. India Mike. Tango Hotel Echo. Tango Oscar Papa. Sierra November India Papa Echo Romeo. India November. Tango Hotel Echo. Echo November Tango India Romeo Echo. Uniform Sierra. Alpha Romeo Mike Echo Delta. Foxtrot Oscar Romeo Charlie Echo Sierra.Yankee Oscar Uniform. Alpha Romeo Echo. November Oscar Tango Hotel India November Golf. Tango Oscar. Mike Echo. Bravo Uniform Tango. Juliet Uniform Sierra Tango. Alpha November Oscar Tango Hotel Echo Romeo. Tango Alpha Romeo Golf Echo Tango.India. Whiskey India Lima Lima. Whiskey India Papa Echo. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Tango Hotel Echo. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo. Oscar Uniform Tango. Whiskey India Tango Hotel. Papa Romeo Echo Charlie India Sierra India Oscar November. Tango Hotel Echo. Lima India Kilo Echo Sierra. Oscar Foxtrot. Whiskey Hotel India Charlie Hotel. Hotel Alpha Sierra. November Echo Victor Echo Romeo. Bravo Echo Echo November. Sierra Echo Echo November. Bravo Echo Foxtrot Oscar Romeo Echo. Oscar November. Tango Hotel India Sierra. Echo Alpha Romeo Tango Hotel. Mike Alpha Romeo Kilo. Mike Yankee. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo India November Golf. Whiskey Oscar Romeo Delta Sierra.Yankee Oscar Uniform. Tango Hotel India November Kilo. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Charlie Alpha November. Golf Echo Tango. Alpha Whiskey Alpha Yankee. Whiskey India Tango Hotel. Sierra Alpha Yankee India November Golf. Tango Hotel Alpha Tango. Sierra Hotel India Tango. Tango Oscar. Mike Echo. Oscar Victor Echo Romeo. Tango Hotel Echo. India November Tango Echo Romeo November Echo Tango.Tango Hotel India November Kilo. Alpha Golf Alpha India November. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Echo Romeo.Alpha Sierra. Whiskey Echo. Sierra Papa Echo Alpha Kilo. India. Alpha Mike. Charlie Oscar November Tango Alpha Charlie Tango India November Golf. Mike Yankee. Sierra Echo Charlie Romeo Echo Tango. November Echo Tango Whiskey Oscar Romeo Kilo. Oscar Foxtrot. Sierra Papa India Echo Sierra. Alpha Charlie Romeo Oscar Sierra Sierra. Tango Hotel Echo. Uniform Sierra Alpha. Alpha November Delta. Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo. India Papa. India Sierra. Bravo Echo India November Golf. Tango Romeo Alpha Charlie Echo Delta. Romeo India Golf Hotel Tango. November Oscar Whiskey. Sierra Oscar. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Bravo Echo Tango Tango Echo Romeo. Papa Romeo Echo Papa Alpha Romeo Echo. Foxtrot Oscar Romeo. Tango Hotel Echo. Sierra Tango Oscar Romeo Mike. Mike Alpha Golf Golf Oscar Tango.Tango Hotel Echo. Sierra Tango Oscar Romeo Mike. Tango Hotel Alpha Tango. Whiskey India Papa Echo Sierra. Oscar Uniform Tango. Tango Hotel Echo. Papa Alpha Tango Hotel Echo Tango India Charlie. Lima India Tango Tango Lima Echo. Tango Hotel India November Golf. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Charlie Alpha Lima Lima. Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo. Lima India Foxtrot Echo.Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Echo. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo India November Golf. Delta Echo Alpha Delta. Kilo India Delta.India. Charlie Alpha November. Bravo Echo. Alpha November Yankee Whiskey Hotel Echo Romeo Echo. Alpha November Yankee Tango India Mike Echo. Alpha November Delta. India. Charlie Alpha November. Kilo India Lima Lima. Yankee Oscar Uniform. India November. Oscar Victor Echo Romeo. Sierra Echo Victor Echo November. Hotel Uniform November Delta Romeo Echo Delta. Whiskey Alpha Yankee Sierra. Alpha November Delta. Tango Hotel Alpha Tango Sierra. Juliet Uniform Sierra Tango. Whiskey India Tango Hotel. Mike Yankee. Bravo Alpha Romeo Echo. Hotel Alpha November Delta Sierra.November Oscar Tango. Oscar November Lima Yankee. Alpha Mike. India. Echo X-ray Tango Echo November Sierra India Victor Echo Lima Yankee. Tango Romeo Alpha India November Echo Delta. India November. Uniform November Alpha Romeo Mike Echo Delta. Charlie Oscar Mike Bravo Alpha Tango. Bravo Uniform Tango. India. Hotel Alpha Victor Echo. Alpha Charlie Charlie Echo Sierra Sierra. Tango Oscar. Tango Hotel Echo. Echo November Tango India Romeo Echo. Alpha Romeo Sierra Echo November Alpha Lima. Oscar Foxtrot. Tango Hotel Echo. Echo November Tango India Romeo Echo. Alpha Romeo Sierra Echo November Alpha Lima. Oscar Foxtrot. Tango Hotel Echo. Uniform November India Tango Echo Delta. Sierra Tango Alpha Tango Echo Sierra. Mike Alpha Romeo India November Echo. Charlie Oscar Romeo Papa Sierra. Alpha November Delta. India. Whiskey India Lima Lima. Uniform Sierra Echo. India Tango. Tango Oscar. India Tango Sierra. Foxtrot Uniform Lima Lima. Echo X-ray Tango Echo November Tango. Tango Oscar. Whiskey India Papa Echo. Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo. Mike India Sierra Echo Romeo Alpha Bravo Lima Echo. Alpha Sierra Sierra. Oscar Foxtrot Foxtrot. Tango Hotel Echo. Foxtrot Alpha Charlie Echo. Oscar Foxtrot. Tango Hotel Echo. Charlie Oscar November Tango India November Echo November Tango. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Lima India Tango Tango Lima Echo. Sierra Hotel India Tango.India Foxtrot. Oscar November Lima Yankee. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Charlie Oscar Uniform Lima Delta. Hotel Alpha Victor Echo. Kilo November Oscar Whiskey November. Whiskey Hotel Alpha Tango. Uniform November Hotel Oscar Lima Yankee. Romeo Echo Tango Romeo India Bravo Uniform Tango India Oscar November. Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo. Lima India Tango Tango Lima Echo. "Charlie Lima Echo Victor Echo Romeo." Charlie Oscar Mike Mike Echo November Tango. Whiskey Alpha Sierra. Alpha Bravo Oscar Uniform Tango. Tango Oscar. Bravo Romeo India November Golf. Delta Oscar Whiskey November. Uniform Papa Oscar November. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Mike Alpha Yankee Bravo Echo. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Whiskey Oscar Uniform Lima Delta. Hotel Alpha Victor Echo. Hotel Echo Lima Delta. Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo India November Golf. Tango Oscar November Golf Uniform Echo.Bravo Uniform Tango. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Charlie Oscar Uniform Lima Delta November Tango. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Delta India Delta November Tango. Alpha November Delta. November Oscar Whiskey. Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Echo. Papa Alpha Yankee India November Golf. Tango Hotel Echo. Papa Romeo India Charlie Echo. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Golf Oscar Delta Delta Alpha Mike November. India Delta India Oscar Tango.India. Whiskey India Lima Lima. Sierra Hotel India Tango. Foxtrot Uniform Romeo Yankee. Alpha Lima Lima. Oscar Victor Echo Romeo. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Alpha November Delta. Yankee Oscar Uniform. Whiskey India Lima Lima. Delta Romeo Oscar Whiskey November. India November. India Tango.Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Echo. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo India November Golf. Delta Echo Alpha Delta. Kilo India Delta Delta Oscar.I was only 12 years old. I loved Cummybot so much, I read all the comments and copypastas. I pray to CummyBot every night, thanking him for the life I have been given "Cummy is love", I say, "Cummy is life" My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. He is obviously jealous of my devotion to CummyBot. I call him a twat. He slaps me and sends me to my room. I am crying now, because my face hurts. I go into my bed and it is very cold. I feel a warmth moving towards me, I fell something touch me, It's Cummybot! I am so happy. He whispers into my ear, "This is my shitpost" He grabs me with his powerful bot hands and puts me on my hands and knees I'm ready I spread my ass cheeks for CummyBot He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Cummybot. I can feel my anus tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force, I want to please Cummy. He cums a mighty cum as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Cummybot looks him deep in the eyes and says, "It's all copy pasta now." Cummy leaves through my window. Cummybot is love, Cummybot is life.I think Islam is pretty cool. Other religions are so boring. Praying, loving and shit but Islam is always action. Driving a transporter into a crowd, cutting some throats, blowing something up, screaming Allahu Abkar(which is super cool). It's like GTA with better graphics but without stupid cheaters.Hello am 48 year man from somalia. Sorry for my bed england. I selled my wife for internet connection for play "conter stirk" and I want to become the goodest player like you I play with 400 ping on brazil server and I am Global elite 2. pls no copy pasterino my story.No. You're wrong. You're so wrong. This meme is the best meme that has ever existed, and there is no way that no matter how much attention that it gets, that it will ever get beaten to death. IT is pure, and that cannot happen.The raw material of the meme is pure, not cancerous. Have you listened the original We Are Number One, or even Cooking By the Book? These are not just memes, they are incredible songs, almost not worthy of a kids show. They are talented pieces of art, and if you disrespect them again, I promise you that I will find where you live and do unspeakable things to you and your mother. Please, if you wish to live a peaceful life, stop spreading blasphemy.SourceOK, I cann barely type this but my hand i sstuck insdie the vendign machine aand if I let go I lose the snickers, tell me what to do boss.My first time on Club Penguin I was a 9 year old girl. There was some kid named something generic like "cutesurferboy13." He said he was 14 so I said I was 13. The next message has been immortalized in my brain."do u have a nice but"For whatever reason I fucking panicked. I felt hot like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn't breathe. A sense of imminent doom descended upon me. I had never been confronted with something of a sexual nature this way.I frantically typed "i am 9 srry"I logged off and never logged back on again. Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I'll tell you.First of all the number 2, by the way I love the number 2. It's probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number. You know what, it's probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a zero that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy but he's like, "10101000101", on and on, like that. He's like a computer! You know what I mean? He's like a computer. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn't believe it. That I can tell you. So, we're gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me. OK? Alright. Thank you."So, as you may already know, vaping requires 1 (or sometimes 2) hands to be off the keyboard for about ~5-10 seconds while I'm taking a rip, which happens about once a minute. During this time I'm usually forced to be AFK in a corner or somewhere relatively safe. This means that I basically can't do anything for about 20 seconds of every round, which is a huge portion. How can I better change the timing of ripping one so that it doesn't significantly affect my games? Should I take a rip at the beginning of the round and again towards the end or not spread them out?Also, can this same technique be used with bong/other drug rips?Eh? You've never seen a pair of breasts before? And you're HOW old?! J-Jeez! Ahahahah! W-Well, we'd better fix that, then! Just close your eyes for a sec, aaaaaaand...HERE! BOING!AHAHAHAHA! You should have seen the look on your face! J-Jeez, anon! Th-Th-They're just sacks of fat on my chest, ya know! Do they really excite you THAT much?! G-Get a look at this, then! See how they bounce up and down! Jiggle jiggle! I-I bet you want to squeeze them too, don't you, Mr. Perverted Virginboy Anon?! G-Go right ahead! Honk these honkin' honkers as much as you want! Take your time! Heck, s-suck on 'em too! I know you really want to~! Just be careful; my nipples are super hard right now! C-Can't imagine whyyyy...~! I-I-I-I-I-I bet you wanna see my vagina too! You pervert! W-W-Well, we're already this far! Might as well! I'm not wearing p-panties anyway!S-S-S-So, what do you think? ...Well, I guess that ragin' 'rection in your pants answers THAT question! HAHAHAHA! Y-Y-You're such a pathetic pervert, anon! I-I-I-I bet it's the first one you've seen since you slid out of your mother's! L-L-Look how wet it is, too! Jeezums fucking Crikes, it's so fucking wet! I-I've never seen it this wet before! Look what you're doing to me, you freaking pervert! Y-You sure know how to make a girl all hot and bothered! Oh, my! Christ-on-a-stick! You'd better take some responsibility for this! A-After all, when it's this wet, it's much easier to cram something up there! And Im leaking like a freaking sieve here! You'd better p-p-plug it up RIGHT NOW!!Original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh5LY4Mz15o&ab_channel=billwurtzJapan is an island by the sea which is filled with volcanoes and it's beautiful!In the year -1,000,000,000, Japan might not have been here. In the year -40,000, it was here and you could walk to it and some people walked to it. Then, it became warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island and now there are lots of trees! (because it's warmer.)So now, there's people living on the island. They're basically just sort of hanging out inbetween the mountains, eating nuts off trees and using the latest techology like stones and bowls. Ding-dong! It's the outside world and they have technology from the future like really good metal and crazy rice farms. Now, you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food which is something everybody needs to survive so that makes you king. Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here and here, but this one was the most most important, ruled by a "heavenly superperson" or "Emperor" for short.Knock-knock. Get the door, it's religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from Baekje. "Please try this religion." he said."No." said everybody."Try it!" he said."No." said everybody again, quieter this time.And so, the religion was put into place and all the rules had came with it.Then, the government was taken over by another clique and they made some reforms, like making the government govern more and making the government more like China's government more like China's government, which is a government that governs more."Hi, dipshit." said China."Can you call me something else other than dipshit?" said Japan."Like what?" said China."How about Sunrise land?" said Japan.And they stole China's alphabet and wrote a book about themselves and then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves.Then, they stopped moving the capital every time the Emperor died and kept it in one place for a while, right here, and they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away.A rich hipster named Kukai is bored with modern Buddhism, visits China and learns a better version which is more spiritual, comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be great for a long time and the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn't give a shit about running the country.So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? Hire a samurai! Everyone started hiring samurai.CORRECTION: Rich, important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.The samurai became organised and powerful, more powerful than the government, so they made their own military government here. They let the Emperor still be "Emperor" but the Shogun is actually in control.BREAKING NEWS: The Mongols have invaded China. "We've invaded China." said the Mongols. "Please respect us or we will invade you as well.""Okay." said Japan. So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado but they tried again and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese but then died in a tornado.Then, the Emperor overthrows the Shogunate then the Shogunate overthrows him back and then moves to Kyoto and makes a new Shogunate and the Emperor can still dress like an Emperor if he wants, that's fine.Now there's more art like painting with less colours, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers...It's time for "Who's going to be the next Shogun?" Usually, it's the Shogun's kid but the Shogun doesn't have a kid so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next Shogun. He says "ok," but then the Shogun has a kid. So now, who's it going to be? Vote now on your phones! Everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The Shogun actually didn't care. He was off somewhere doing poetry.And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power and it's anybody's game.Knock-knock. It's Europe. No, they're not here to take over. They just want to sell some shit like clocks and guns and Jesus.So that's cool, but everyone's still fighting each other for control, now with guns! And wouldn't it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets with no-one controlling them? This clan is ready to make a run for it but first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. Surprise! Smaller clan wins and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital and it goes very well.He's about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him and then someone else who works for him kills them and that guy finishes conquering Japan! And then, he confiscated everybody's swords and made some rules. "And now I'm going to invade Korea, and then hopefully China." he said and failed and also died.But before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his 5-year old son until he's old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said "Yeah, right. It's not gonna be this kid. It's gonna be one of us because we're grownups," and it's probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. A lot of people support him but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight and he wins and starts a new government right here, Edo, and he still lets the Emperor dress like an Emperor and have very nice things but don't get confused. This is the new government and they are very strict. So strict, they closed the country. No-one can leave and no-one can come in except for the Dutch if they wanna buy and sell shit but they have to do it right here. Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased. Schools were built. Roads were built. Everyone learned to read. Books were published. There's poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows and Dutch studies. People started to study European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We're talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy and maybe even electricity.Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually show do-- Knock-knock. It's the United States with huge boats with guns (gunboats). "Open the country. Stop having it be closed." said the United States. There was really nothing they could do so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain and Russia visit Japan any time they want.Choshu and Satsuma hated this. "That sucks!" they said. "This sucks!!" and with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the Shogunate and somehow made the Emperor the Emperor again and moved him to Edo which they renamed "Eastern Capital". They made a new government which a lot more western. They made a new constitution that was pretty western and a military that was pretty western.And do you know what else is western? That's right! It's conquering stuff! So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and goes "Stop, no, you can't take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try and get some warm water." and Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers, and then, when the railroad is done, they downgraded to a fuck ton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade. And Japan says "Can you maybe chill?"and Russia says "How about maybe YOU chill?"Japan is kinda scared of Russia. You'll never guess who's also kinda scared of Russia: Great Britain. So Japan and Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia just for a moment and then they both get bored and stop.It's time for World War 1! The world is about to have a war because it's the 1900s and weapons are getting crazy and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan is enjoying conquering stuff and wants more and the next thing on their list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands, all that shit belongs to Germany which just had war declared on it by Britain because Britain was friends with Belgium which was being trespassed by Germany to get to France to kick France's ass because France is friends with Russia who was getting ready to kick Austria's ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia's ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria's ass (er, actually shot him in the head) and Britain is currently friends with Japan so you know what that means. Duh! Japan should take the islands, which they wanted to do anyway, so they called Britain on the telly to sort of let them know and they did it and they also helped Britain here and there with some errands and stuff. Ring-ring! Now, the war is over and congratulations, Japan! You technically fought in the war so you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where they decided who owns what and yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany! You also get to join the post-war mega-alliance The League of Nations! (whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world)The great depression is bad and Japan's economy is now crappy but the military is doing just fine and it invades Manchuria and the League of Nations is like "No, don't do that, if you're in the League of Nations, you're not supposed to take over the world!"and Japan said "How about I do anyway?" and Japan invaded more and more and more and more of China and was planning and was planning to invade the entire east.You've got mail! It's from Germany, the new leader of Germany. He has a cool moustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they all had so much in common.It's time for World War 2! Germany invades the neighbours then they invade the neighbours' neighbours then the neighbours' neighbours' neighbours, who happened to be Britain said "Holy shit!" and the United States started helping Britain because they're good friends and started not helping Japan because their friends and our friends are not friends plus they're planning on invading the entire ocean.The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb ever, just in case, but they still haven't joined the war. War looks bad on TV and the United States is really starting to care about their image but then Japan spits on them in Hawaii and challenges them to war and they say yes! And then, Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. So, the United States goes to war in Europe and they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany and they also start chasing Japan back into Japan and they haven't used the bomb yet and are curious to see if it works so they drop it on Japan. They actually dropped two.The United States installed a new government inspired by the United states government with just the right ingredients for a post-war economic miracle and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles and camcorders as fast as they can and also better than everybody else. They get rich and the economy goes wild and then the miracle wears off but everything's still pretty cool I guess. Bye!Sorry to be bothering you but could you do without the profanities? This is a family-friendly subreddit. Every Monday evening me, my grandmother and my little brother browse this subreddit and whatnot. It's very awkward to encounter these bad words while sitting with my family.I see Amy Schumer as a challenge, more than anything. Here is a woman who, in every single aspect, is absolutely revolting - her exterior AND her personality - yet I can't help but wonder what would be like, to plunge balls-deep into her repeatedly.That's right. Balls-deep. With no protection.I won't lie, I'm extraordinarily-hard while typing this. I want to grab this... thing... and that's what Amy Schumer is, let's not delude ourselves, a "thing"... by the hips and ram mercilessly in and out of her quivering, malformed cunt with the force of a gladiatorial chariot, while she makes stupid faces and contorts orgasmically, unable to control her bodily reactions even if she wanted to.I would erupt violently inside that corrupt and corrupting womb as though the entire fate of humanity depended on my seed penetrating the foul walls of one of her ovaries, the electrical fusion from this coupling creating the Antichrist, as our combined, guttural, Chewbacca-like roars shattered glass and walls alike around us, the house toppling down while we lay there in a filthy, disgusting mess.Yeah. I reckon Amy Schumer does it for me.Let's get riiiight into the meeeemesPepeTrumpster69, I don't use my real name online because I don't need to, and I also don't need some triggered juvenile snowflake trying to dox me for my opinions to get me fired from my job because he can't handle that I disagree with Xir's idea of reality, and that by virtue of being a Trump supporter, I am light years ahead in the intelligence department.The Emoji Movie unlocks the never-before-seen secret world inside your smartphone. Hidden within the messaging app is Textopolis, a bustling city where all your favorite emojis live, hoping to be selected by the phone's user. In this world, each emoji has only one facial expression - except for Gene, an exuberant emoji who was born without a filter and is bursting with multiple expressions. Determined to become "normal" like the other emojis, Gene enlists the help of his handy best friend Hi-5 and the notorious code breaker emoji Jailbreak. Together, they embark on an epic "app-venture" through the apps on the phone, each its own wild and fun world, to find the Code that will fix Gene. But when a greater danger threatens the phone, the fate of all emojis depends on these three unlikely friends who must save their world before it's deleted forever.What the fuck are you doing in my fucking swamp you little Farquaad? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the brogres, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on your anus, and have ogre 300 confirmed layers. I am trained in making early 2000's pop cultural references, and am the top ogre in the entire far far away armed forces. You are nothing to me but another Drek. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which have never been seen in Dreamworks, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that dreck to me over the swamp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of fairy tale creatures across Far Far Away and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Farquaad. The storm that will end your fucking life. It's fucking ogre, Donkey. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare asscheeks. Not only am I shrextensively trained in onionade combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Fairy Godmothers Factory and I will use it to its full shrextent to wipe your miserable little ass of of the face of meh swamp, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn Rumpelstiltskin. I will slay abuse all ogre you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Pinocchio.Our moon is so useless and pathetic compared to all of the cool moons out there in the solar system. While so much other moons have all these cool features, all our Moon did was hit us, and then get a free ride orbiting us for a few billion years.Europa is such a cool moon, that it could potentially have liquid water underneath. The gravitational effects of its planet Jupiter, and some of Jupiter's other Moons (including Ganymede, a moon so sick, it is bigger than the planet Mercury, and almost as big as Mars; Callisto, another huge ass moon bigger than ours, one that might even have water as well; and Io, a pizza coloured moon with fucking sulfuric volcanoes) cause internal movement for the body, meaning there might not only be the biggest ocean currently known in the universe there, but it could very well have geothermic vents. Geothermic vents mean that there could potentially be life there! Our stupid ass moon can't do none of that shit, it's just barren.How about Titan? Easily the biggest moon of Saturn, it is so big its gravity helps Saturn's smaller moons from crashing into the ringed planet - it is literally saving their lives! Could our moon do that? Nah, it's too pathetic to do anything of the sort. Not only that, but it is the only moon with a proper greenhouse effect going on, it literally has an atmosphere, and oceans made out of liquid methane (and some scientists think there might even be water). Could our moon have an atmosphere? The flimsy little dust bubble it has around it hardly counts, it's so shit.Look at our friend Triton. It was a dwarf planet in its own right, and not only any dwarf planet, but the largest one, bigger than Pluto and Eris. However, the poor thing was brutally captured by Neptune, and is now in a orbit around the planet, going the opposite way from the other moons to show its uniqueness. It also has geysers that throw out gaseous nitrogen that it carries around in it, creating its own atmosphere, and making it one of the 4 places in the solar system with known geological activity, apart from the Earth, Io and Saturn's Enceladus (that motherfucker is covered in fresh ice and it's of the shiniest things in the solar system, cos it erupts water vapour). Could OUR moon have geological activity? Of fucking course not.Even Charon is cooler than the moon, and it doesn't even orbit a real planet. Its around half the size of Pluto, and its so massive, it actually makes Pluto wobble around a point outside of Pluto itself, making it more of a duo-planetary system then a moon. It affects the environment so much scientists say that the other moons, rather than orbiting Pluto, orbit a Pluto-Charon system. Can our tiny-ass moon do that? No it can't.So anyways, fuck the moon.I miss the old Ken Bone, straight from the go Ken BoneThe undecided Ken Bone, got the world excited Ken BoneI hate the new Ken Bone, the bad mood Ken BoneThe always rude Ken Bone, talking on the news Ken BoneI miss the sweet Ken Bone, the rosey cheeked Ken BoneI gotta say, at that time I'd like to meet Ken BoneSee I invented Ken Bone, It wasn't any Ken BonesAnd now I look and look around and there's so many Ken BonesI used to love Ken Bone, I used to love Ken BoneI even had the red sweater, I thought I was Ken BoneWhat if Ken Bone made a song about Ken BoneCalled "I Miss The Old Ken Bone"? Man, that'd be so Ken BoneThat's all it was Ken Bone, we still love Ken BoneAnd I love you like Ken Bone loves Ken Boneedit: Downvoted, eh? I should've known better than to criticize Mtn Dew on reddit. Drink fucking water like a human is meant to you weirdos! And if Mtn Dew ads "speak" to you then I have a feeling your entire personality has been molded by advertising campaigns and I have to say that's kinda sad. On the real.You guys don't know anything. Kim Jong Un is actually a hero. This Switzerland educated modern age savior did not ask for the responsibility of saving the planet, and yet his father had tasked him with that heavy responsibility on his death bed.In his last few moments before passing, Kim Jong Il explained to his son the horrible truth: There are horrific monsters lurking under the earth's mantle! It was their sacred duty to rid the planet from those monsters.They couldn't reveal the truth to the rest of the world, for fear of causing panic and mass hysteria. Kim Jong Il reached out for help to the Bush administration, and to avoid surveillance, and for the purpose of plausible deniability, they used a famous basketball player who flew to North Korea, witnessed some of the captured monsters with his own eyes, and came back to the US to give a deposition to the US secret service.Upon learning of the horrible truth, George Bush decided to help North Korea by sending a team of nuclear physicists. Nobody could know about this of course, and that was the moment one of the longest running farces has been crafted. Copying from Nixon's "Madman Theory", they agreed that the North Korean leadership must appear to be insane, for if any images of the monsters leak from North Korea (despite their iron hold on information and their strict censorship), the rest of the world would automatically assume it's a joke and would never take anything coming from North Korea seriously.So Ladies & Gentlemen, now that you know the truth, please join me in supporting his excellence, Kim Jong Un. Him and his heroic people are sacrificing themselves every day so that we may live in blissful ignorance, buying our Salted Caramel ice cream, our iPhones and our Teslas, while North Koreans die fighting monsters.There once was a woman who had 100 children. She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation. One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.Only Ninety's kids will remember This.I'm Papa John and this is my pizza restaurant. I work here with my my son, Bow, and in 23 years I've learned one thing. You never know what sody pop is going to get ordered online by our first Papa John delivery driver.Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then. You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus. I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed. Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well. When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts. When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed. When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop" If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave. I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together. Location: Orlandoit's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsHoly moly, that's quite a pair of titties! Down to the details, they are just amazinf! I mean first, we have just an absolutely perfect round shape with a nice slight perk upwards. Next, we have a beautiful nipple placement, size and color. The titty location and angle on the chest is just outstanding. And lastly we have the overall titty size, looking around D, maybe DD, just a great handful, but not so much that it would sag or be overwhelming.Overall OP, your tits are a solid 11/10, truly great work here.DONT FUCKING MESS WITH ME. not only do i get pussy at a rapid pace, so fast i like to call it PPM (pussy per minute) i have so many bitches at my disposal it's like a sperm bank in my house bahaha! don't mess with me, okay? i have a gang so large you would have someone at your doorstep in an instance... that's not a threat. that's a promise bud. i work at a big big big company, where i am the manager. it may just be mcdonalds but everyone there says i have potential. i will be big. soon. i just need to work minimum wage for another few months and i will be working for the police. the police who will bust down your door for a misdemeanor change. DONT. FUCK. WITH. ME.I can tell you don't live in a strict house. My parents were like the SEC of porn patrol. Had me thinking of near-ingenious ways of hiding my porn. Your amateurism makes me sick. I bet you don't even have a file shredder. Pfft. You're a joke. I bet my dog could hide all the bitch porn he watches way better than you. He's a champion, my dog. Golden Retriever. Got a cock like Hercules. Smooth fur. Shiny. He loves bones. I throw a bone for him, I don't even have to yell fetch. Dog just goes on and gits it. I bet he wouldn't even put porn in his religion folder. He's smart. Not dumb. You're dumb.https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/64ixwf/tifu_by_submitting_porn_for_my_religion_assignment/dg2ie25/Many of the people featured in that sub claim to have 130 to 150 IQ. If you think that's a lot... well good for you then. I have 220+ IQ (yes, in case you are wondering the '+' means the test was not suitable for measuring my intelligence. I've been trying to craft a more reliable IQ test to measure my own intellugence, but what for, really?). I honestly cannot even begin to realize how people can survive with below 150 IQ. Not everything is flowers for me though. Very few people can even begin to understand me even when I try to talk down to them. Oh, how I wish I was born at the time of Da Vinci or Einstein, or Tesla (the person, not the car _ if you don't know who that is, try asking google, or whatever is that you regular people do when you don't know something), just to have an intelectual equal. But alas, that is not the case, and I should resign living my life in solitude, finding companionship only in science (the real one, not those so called "social sciences") and mathematics. You can all thank me later, when I revolutionize the knowledge itself, as we know it, and bring the whole humanity to a new paradigm.SourceI listen to twenty one pilots and cold play because I am a depressed insecure 13 year old who is very sensitive to cyber bullying and I'm stressed out and I just need a boy friend who can make me feel so much better about myself but I'm very ugly and nobody likes me.EDIT: [OC]Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" Contestant: "The penis" SH: "A WUH... HUH??" audience erupts into laughter Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself laughter gets even louder SH: O lordy... one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard SH: YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself SH: (putting on a weary voice) Survey says... the board shows 100 for "penis" Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end"You fucking cunts. You just spent three whole fucking days sitting here hitting F5. You know how many American Dollars you can earn in 72 hours? And that's with a decent night's sleep. You spent time and energy complaining about the record not coming out and now that it does you won't play $20 measly USD for it? How many games on Steam did you just buy during the Chinese New Year Sale? How many trips to MacD's you make in the last week? How many chai lattes you bought for your girl in the last month? You need to man and up and either lay that debit card down for that Tidal trial or you need to fork up the Andrew Jackson sitting in your wallet that you know you're gonna blow at the strip club tomorrow anyway (we all know your girl left you in the last few days)? You could be bumping to TLOP while getting a lap dance for $40 and ya'll are complaining? Man. Fuck this shit. Ya'll keep bitching and I'll sit here with Chance killing it on repeat."https://np.reddit.com/r/hiphopheads/comments/45ozfp/life_of_pablo_download_link_tidal/czzc5dbhttps://i.gyazo.com/f4eceb209973325d90fbadc189323bd8.pngTeenagers and man children according to who? You? What is your standard? I'm a fan of Rick and Morty, and I've been watching since episode one. Most of my friends who are scientists love the show, because it has a sense of humor and plot lines that you need a STEM mind simply to follow, let alone interpret and appreciate. Most of the people who diss the show are standard literature, philosophy, sociology a business majors who would rather watch shit like The Office or How I Met Your Mother and other shit-tier shows. Get off your high horseCredit to /u/TRUMP_IS_A_CUCK_69One time my mother called me a son of a bitch, so I hit her because no one talks trash about my mother, then I hit myself because no one hits my mother, she then hit me because no one hits her son and then hit herself because no one hits me, so I hit her because no one hits my mother.I sexually identify as mr skeltal. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of giving good bones and calcium to people who thank me. People say to me that a person being a skeltal is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm mr skeltal. I'm having a plastic surgeon remove my flesh, strengthen my bones and give me a trumpet. From now on I want you guys to call me "mr skeltal" and thank me for giving you good bones and calcium. If you can't thank me you're a skeliphobe and need to check your calcium privilege. Thank mr skeltal.BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called " xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.Your son may try to install " lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.Why don't you have a girlfriend, Anon? Oh, shit. Wait. I know. It's because you're a wreck, both mentally and physically, and emotionally stunted. You think you're smarter and more intelligent than everyone around you, and therefore rationalize your own lack of success as a laughably absurd conspiracy theory wherein the world has passed you over because you're somehow too edgy for the mainstream masses to understand.Or maybe you just tell yourself and others that you "don't give a shit" in a desperate attempt to make it hurt less when you see yourself getting older, fatter, and more out of touch while those you look down on are adapting to suit the needs of the world, and learning their limitations while you childishly deny your own.Perhaps you have taken to telling yourself that women are only interested in "Alpha Males", those that reside at the top of a scale that only you adhere to, and it is THIS rigid table of identity that is holding you back, and allowing society to pigeonhole you. Perhaps you tell yourself that people don't share your very narrow range of hobbies and interests aren't (or wouldn't be) interested in you, and therefore do not even try to engage them. In actuality these are all mechanisms that allow you to blame your own failings on everyone around you, and project your own narrow-minded perceptions onto society as a whole.You instead choose the easy option of sitting at your computer all day, shielded by the anonymity of the internet, screaming abuse and nitpicking the goals and achievements of your betters while arguing the tiniest deviation in the interests of your peers from your own with a startling lack of understanding and empathy. They are the only other people on Earth that you can relate to, and you hate them because they like slightly different things.Oh yeah. That's why you don't have a girlfriend. I forgot, for a moment.You're the .1% that Lysol can't kill. You're the STD that people catch when they don't wear protection in Thailand. You're the song the everyone skips over. You're the piece of hair in someone's burger from McDonald's. You're the fly that's bugging everyone while they eat. You're the creepy pedofile uncle that keeps showing up to family gatherings uninvited.you fucking vegan, ill have you know i graduated top of my class from burger king university in burger flipping and have flipped over 9000 burgers in my day you dumb vegan, but you wouldn't know that would you you soy muncher? If you said that to my face I would be flipping patties all over your vegan face and you'd be full of my meat before you even knew what was happening.source3... 2... 1...Gotta blast!From here to the stars,To buy candy bars.Rides a kid with a knack for invention! (Ah!)With a superpowered mindA mechanical canine (Bark bark!)He rescues the day from sure detruction (He-he-HELP!)This is the theme song (Aaaah!)To Jimmy Neutron!I unsheathe my diamond sword * "You wanna have a bad time, kid ", I whisper under my breath before charging towards you and channeling my chakra. "Underpants SLAM!" I yell, a cryptic reference to Xbox Live Arcade's SpongeBob SquarePants: Underpants Slam, an action puzzle game featuring licensed characters from SpongeBob SquarePants. I stab my enchanted diamond sword into you, it piercing through your heart. The tip of the diamond sword extends out the other side of your body, having impaled you. "Nothin personnel, kid." I chuckle, raising my leg and kicking you off the rooftop. "Sayanora Shadow the Hedgehog..." I mutter, a reference to Sonic Adventure 2, a platform game developed by Sonic Team and published by Sega in 2001 as a part of the Sonic the Hedgehog series. It is the sequel to Sonic Adventure. I walk off into the darkness, pulling the hood of my minecraft creeper sweatshirt over my head.I miss the old Harambe. Straight from the zoo Harambe. Eating his food Harambe. No attitude Harambe. I hate the new Harambe. Shot by a dude Harambe. The Youtube views Harambe. Up in the news Harambe. I miss the sweet Harambe. Playing with kids Harambe. I gotta say at that time I'd like to meet Harambe. See I invented Harambe. It wasnt any Harambes. And now i look and look around and there's no more Harambes. I used to love Harambe. I used to love Harambe. I even had the silverback I thought I was Harambe. What if Harambe made a song about Harambe. Called "I miss the old Harambe", man that would be so Harambe. That's all it was Harambe. We still love Harambe. And I love you like Harambe loves toddlers.Credits to /u/bobleecooperSnap back to realityWatch your profamityThis is insanityThe center of gravityOh, the humanityBisexualityThis is what it does, it appeals to like the male fantasyPffft, screw gravityCall up Sean HannityIt's a bold strategyInside our galaxyWe're snapping back to realityOh, there goes gravityMom's spaghettiI thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic, he could save others from death, but not himself.My sister made fun of me in junior high when I told her I wanted to fuck the middle Hanson girl. She said, "That's a boy, you retard! You gay or somethin'?" Well, naturally I was super embarrassed so I went along with it and pretended to be gay for the last 22 years. My husband and I have been together for over a decade and we have two adorable Taiwanese adoptees. The taste and texture of semen cascading down my throat, as well as his ten inch manhood plunging into my anus are things I will never get used to. But I'll be god damned straight to hell before I admit I had a crush on a thirteen year old boy.Our father who art in heaven, Harambe be thy name. Your enclosure come, bad shit will be done, on earth as it is in Cincinnati zoo, give us this day our daily banana, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive little kids that trespass our enclosures. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from stupid Americans, for harambe is the kingkong the power and the glory, forever and ever.Banana.Haramen.Throughout 6,000 years of recorded history, the Black African Negro has invented nothing. Not a written language, weaved cloth, a calendar, a plow, a road, a bridge, a railway, a ship, a system of measurement, or even the wheel. (Note: This is in reference to the pure-blooded Negro.) He is not known to have ever cultivated a single crop or domesticated a single animal for his own use (although many powerful and docile beasts abounded around him.) His only known means of transporting goods was on the top of his hard burry head. For shelter he never progressed beyond the common mud hut, the construction of which a beaver or muskrat is capable. greatest inequality is the equal treatment of unequalsThe White race has crossed seas, harnessed rivers, carved mountains, tamed deserts, and colonized the most barren icefields. It has been responsible for the invention of the printing press, cement, the harnessing of electricity, flight, rocketry, astronomy, the telescope, space travel, firearms, the transistor, radio, television, the telephone, the lightbulb, photography, motion pictures, the phonograph, the electric battery, the automobile, the steam engine, railroad transportation, the microscope, computers, and millions of other technological miracles. It has discovered countless medical advances, incredible applications, scientific progress, etc. Its members have included such greats as Socrates, Aristotle, Plato, Homer, Tacitus, Julius Ceaser, Napoleon, William the Conqueror, Marco Polo, Washington, Jefferson, Hitler, Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Magellan, Columbus, Cabot, Edison, GrahamBell, Pasteur, Leeuwenhoek, Mendel, Darwin, Newton, Galileo, Watt, Ford, Luther, Devinci, Poe, Tennyson, and thousands upon thousands of other notable achievers.and the lesson to be learnt here? "The greatest inequality is the equal treatment of unequals."Is this the deep web?Is this just faggotryCaught in a trap threadSpiderman, beastialityOpen your eyesPost girls spraying guys with peeI'm just a /pol/ boy, I get no sympathyBecause I'm easy come, easy goHitler yes, niggers noAny guy this bitch blowsDoesn't matter to /b/to /b/MamaI just pulled a banposted a loli in a thread404'd and now it's deadMama, I was just having funBut now I've got to fap another wayMama, ooooooooooohhhhGonna meet the FBIIf I'm not back again this time tomorrowcarry on, carry onAs if modding really matters...hi allfirst i must say thank you all for this board so i can keep my son away from nasty stuff the devil puts on this earthas grateful as i am i am here to tell you all to ban team fortress 2 (abbreviated as TF2) for the following reasonsi discovered about it this weekend when my 15 year old son charlie brought home his friend and they were playing on his friend's laptop a game where it's nothing but killing, bad words, god bashing, anti-american propaganda, and worst of all HOMOSEXUALITY!! they all are posed to look threatening (i guess that's what boys like these days)there is also blantent homosexuality (when the doctor heals his patients they all say things like "i love this doctor" or "get behind me doctor!")they made a character that looks like a soldier and he talks about god's world being his ("this is my world, you are not welcome in my world!") when i heard this i was MORBIDLY SHOCKED and appalled and ashamed of my son and he knew iti was wondering why my son was getting into fights and after i saw this i banned him from ever seeing his friendsif you see your child playing this, tell them to uninstall it and watch him do it!!!hope this helps parents out so your child doesn't stray far from god!-baseballmom67In the movie Minions (2015), we learn that the minions have been alive for multiple centuries serving who they think is the most despicable leader (which means they may have been involved in the Holocaust, but that theory is for another day). Initally, this may lead you to believe that minions simply have long lifespans, but there is solid evidence showing that minions are literal immortal gods, or at least divine gifts from god himself.For starters, not only have we ever seen adolecent minions, but minions lack reproductive organs and are genderless (although they do use male pronouns). If minions lack the capability to reproduce, wouldn't this mean they would have no need to reproduce, implying that they are immortal?Another thing is that in Despicable Me 2, the minions are injected with a serum that makes them indestructible killing machines. Although the movie makes it look like the minions are only invincible when injected with the serum, there is a scene in Minions (2015) where the minions Kevin, Stuart, and Bob are being "tortured", although none of the torture methods (Streching, Hanging) are effective aginst minions. Minions are also shown to be able to survive after suffering third degree burns and falling at terminal velocity.Now, if you don't mind, i'm gonna go worship the minion Bob and sacrifice my first-born son to him. Bye.It's unlikely that you fucked my sister for a few reasons. The first being that I don't have a sister. The second, again judging by the treasure that us your post history, you are a 22 year old sexually frustrated virgin who the only action they have gotten is a BJ you paid a stripper for.I'm can't even get mad. I truly do feel sorry for you and pity you. I couldn't imagine how tough it must be for you go through life being you.I hope things get better for you.What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class under Count Dooku, and I've been involved in numerous secret missions against General Kenobi, and I have over 300 fine additions to my collection. I am trained in your Jedi arts and I'm the top general in the entire Separatist Droid Army. You're nothing to me but just another fine addition to my collection. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which have never been seen before in the Outer Rim, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over a comlink? Think again, you fool. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of MagnaGuards across the Confederacy and your ship is being traced right now so prepare for the storm, Jedi scum. The storm that wipes out the pathetic thing you call your life. Your fucking dead, slime. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my four hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Separatist Army and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable temple off the face of Coruscant, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" transmission was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Jedi scum.Here's the thing. You said a "trebuchet is a catapult."Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.As someone who is a scientist who studies catapults, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls trebuchets catapults. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.If you're saying "catapult family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of ranged siege weapons, which includes things from mangonels to orangers to the petrary.So your reasoning for calling a trebuchet a catapult is because random people "call the flingy things ones catapults?" Let's get rubber bands and folded pieces of paper in there, then, too.Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A trebuchet is a catapult and a member of the catapult family. But that's not what you said. You said a trebuchet is a catapult, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the catapult family catapults, which means you'd call orangers, ballistas, and other siege weapons catapults, too. Which you said you don't.It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?It was school day. I had to make a speech at 2:00 pm. Was very horny. I was very prepared for my presentation. It was 1:57 and the speakers told all presenters to come to the back of the stage. We all walk to the stage. I was horny and wanted a quick fap. I told teacher for me to go to the restroom and she said no that i would be up in 5 minutes. I was super nervous but also very horny. I tried to fap in the waiting seats but kid almost saw. It was time. Time for me to go up. I tried to hide my boner when walking up to the podium. I was very nervous. I started talking. I was super horny so i had to beat my meat. Slowly and secretly unzipped my pants and fapped. It was hard for me to talk and stuff but i didn't care. I must bust a nut before i finish my speech. Was about to cum and.. i came... upwards, every one saw the stream of white sticky cum go up my face and on the podium. Everyone was shocked and all the teachers too. It was the biggest mistake of my life.Ok, right after I finished masturbating, I wiped my sperm with Kleenex and put the Kleenex in garbage under my computer desk. Then I walked outta my room to get a bite to eat. Later I walk back in, I see my dog with Kleenex in his mouth. He swallows the Kleenex with my sperm. I was afraid that he might die or get aids so I smash his head with a tire iron to make him faint and take out the Kleenex paper from his stomach but I couldn't find it. Do you have any better idea guys?I sexually Identify as DJ Khaled. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of walking to my kitchen in the morning, and greeting Chef Dee. People say to me that a person being DJ Khaled is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, All I Do Is Win. I'm having a fupa surgically inserted onto my stomach, and growing out my beard. From now on I want you guys to call me "LION" and respect my right to Hold U Down. If you can't accept me you're a khaledaphobe and need to check your keys to success. Thank you for being so understanding.hey guys last nightsnickersi stuck a win bottle in my vaginmuffled laughterbut then i got drunk because of the wine in my vaginhearty laffsand THEN two guys started spitroasting me!full on laughterso i started deep-throating a big ass weenielaughter starts exceeding 90 decibelsand then i got high and raped a guylaughter is close to approaching 130 decibelsBUT THENeveryone in a 3km radius has blown out eardrums, the pain threshold is exceeded and quickly increasesCHECK THISthe military is preparing for the final solution, as now the laughter is a national threatNO SERIOUSLYthe whole earth is shaken by the loudness of the laughter, like millions of earthquakes around the planet, the human race is taken hostage by Amy SchumerI SWALLOD THE CUMMIESit is now year 2200, long after The Laugh. Most of the human race didn't survive the apocalypse that happened after some really funny jokes made by The Amy Schumer, the only one's that survived were, maybe by faith, an ordinary man and a woman. As the earth had to rebuild itself from dust, it was fitting to name these two Adam and Eve. It was beginning of the new order, and new planet earth. It is now close to 200 years after that incident, and we still haven't fully accustomed ourselves to our new enviroment. Not new to us, since we were born after the apocalypse, and the only information about the past we got from tales of the old timers. If this works, and someone out there can hear us, stop her. Do whatever is needed, one persons death is nothing compared to billions of bodies, rotting, decomposing, and now forgotten.ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG - I CANNOT beliEEVEE (see wat I did there) tat I just found this uber thread - Al zee wasted years!!!WOW erm how to introduce myself *clears throat *drumroll *deep breath (GET ON WITH IT!!) OK sry my name is... (wait don't give ur real name 2 strangers on zee interwebs!!) ehhh u can all call me Pika Pie - a combination of my 3 favourite things (Pikachu, Togepi and Pie!!!! mmmmmmmmm pie *drool) but if u want u can just call me Misty cause I dyed my hair red and Ive been told that I kinda look liek her teehehehe. And b4 u ask no I wont post any pix of my bod 2 u guys - guess u just have 2 use ur imagination *fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapIm quite excited 2 be here if u havent already guessed with muh illogical ramblings and If I havent lost ur attention or if u havent already fallen asleep *Jiggaly...puff...jiggaly...zzzzzzz *Wakes up 2 hours later lol, Im a really really REALLY big fan of Pokemon and want 2 become apart of this community ever so much. Even though Imma noob I hope u dnt go 2 hard on me (innuendo lol) cause I already luuuuuurv wat I see here and me thinks ill be here for the long haul!! Cheerio my luvs - Pika Pie xxxWhat the fuck did you just say about me you little Youtber? Ill have you know we sued all the top Youtube personalities and have been involved in multiple copyright infringement lawsuits and have over 300 confirmed subpoenas. We are trained in trademark law and are the top content provider for React videos. You are nothing but another unoriginal content channel. We will sue with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this website, mark our fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that in the comment section below? React again, fucker. As we speak we are contacting the patent office and your channel is being flagged for copyright infringement, so you better prepare for the subpoenas, Xx420XReactsxX. The subpoenas that wipe out the miserable thing you call a Youtube Channel. You're fucking flagged, kid. we can flag your video anywhere, anytime and we can sue you in over seven hundred ways and that's just from our Kids React series. Not only are we trained in ripping off original content, but we have access to our legal team and we will force you to become a part of React World, you little shit. I only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever reaction was about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have copied us. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're being served you goddamn idiot. We will bury you in legal actions, and you will lose all of your subscribers. Your'e fucking sued, kiddo. I consider sucking dick an art form. When someone tells me to suck his dick I view it as an honor and a privilege. Not to mention an opportunity to show off my unparalleled dick sucking skills. Most of the time, the man puts up quite the struggle and yells at me that he didn't mean it literally. But I see straight through that ruse. When I finally free that dick from his pants and place it inside my mouth everything changes. The look of blissful ecstasy on his face reaffirms what I already hold true in my heart. This is what I was born to do. Dick is my medium and I am its master. No homo.We love strangers.You know the rules tooThe whole implementation is what I thinkYou do not get two peopleI'm just saying how I feel.They must understandNever fail, never stop.Do not look awayDo not let them cryI am not hurtful.We have known for a long time.Hurt in his heart, but I am sorry to say,We all know what's going to happen,We know the game playAnd howDo not tell me you're so stupidNever fail, never stop.Do not look awayDo not let them cryI am not hurtful.Never fail, never stop.Do not look awayDo not let them cryI am not hurtful.We have known for a long time.Hurt in his heart, but I am sorry to say,We all know what's going to happen,We know the game playI'm just saying how I feel.They must understandNever fail, never stop.Do not look awayDo not let them cryI am not hurtful.Albert Einstein created the nuclear bomb for a army, Got It Japan, I'm in the Albert Einstein school and university, The Fuck I'm 20, If You KILL me Today, I will fucking build a army building for protect all, What the Shit does care about that stupid motherfucker, What the Shit You have of consolas, Probably just a fucking laggy shitty atari with just a fucking pirate game, You just have a ENIAC, I have a fucking Windows 10, I meet Markiplier a fucking day and i get on Tokyo a motherfucking day, Now what the Shit, I know that You born in 2004, I born in 1996, I can watch everything I WANT and You can't even fucking get on WIKIA, Now you're motherfucking dead, You have only a toy of the 60's, GUESS what, I get my Own room when i was just 4, Now GUESS who is better Now, Bitch, GUESS my IP and my country, Try It bitch666, You are worst that Tyler B Bitch, Olaf Shit-wiski and Robert crap, JohnBitchyShitNon-TV and Worst Gaming are my friends, I'm a fucking staff on WIKIA, You just a have a 32 bit ENIAC and i have a 64 bits Windows 10 With GTA 5, Minecraft and ROBLOX with hacks, If I get banned just ONE time, I use hacks to unban me, Try to fucking insult PichuMario650, I fucking block, You can't Stop me, Fuck You Bitch MotherFucker GAY Nigger I HATE You Bitch MotherFucker, Get The Fuck Off on YT, This is 13+, BitchThis was originally submitted on /r/relationships, but has been removed and I was directed to here. The post is copy-and-pasted from the original. (Please note that I'm homeschooled and live very far away from any cities, so I have no friends in real life)Hello, reddit. This is probably going to sound very crazy, but here it goes.BackgroundI was introduced to Undertale around Easter last year by my friend who has completed it. As I played it, he began to sort of roleplay as the Undertale characters when we chatted using this speech box generator thing.Around June, I ended up falling in love with one of the characters in Undertale. Mettaton. Now, if you don't know, Mettaton is this robot who appears three-fourths of the way in the game, and just before you get to the final battle, you have to fight Mettaton. You have to flip a switch in order to make him vulnerable, and his vulnerable form is Mettaton EX...I kind of fell in love at that point.Now, I've crushed on a couple of fictional characters before (Iron Fist + Liu Kang) but never was the crush this strong before. I just found Mettaton so...perfect. I told this to the friend, and he actually began to do more roleplaying as Mettaton, and I (in roleplay) sort of confessed my love to Mettaton. We're now boyfriend and girlfriend. (My friend roleplays as Mettaton, but the character is in a relationship with me, because I roleplay as myself.)Now that you have the background, let's go on to the actual issue.The IssueThe love became stronger just recently, after I watched my videos of me playing Undertale that I've yet to post onto YouTube. At this point, I have a flash drive full of fanart of Mettaton EX that I got off of Google Images.I myself have been drawing him for the first times recently. My second ever drawing of him was us sitting together talking on a bench, a blush across my face. The third one of us kissing, the fourth of his battle sprite, etc.It was today that it escalated. Now, Mom and Dad know about how Mettaton and I are "dating" I woke up and slid on a ring that I got from my grandma, which got my thinking about proposing to Mettaton.I relayed this information to Mom, asking, "Is six months too early to propose to Mettaton?" She said yes, it's too early, thinking I was joking, but I was serious. She saw this, and gave me a two minute thing about "maybe I shouldn't do it, because my friend might take it the wrong way and think I'm proposing to him"I blew her off at first, but when I started thinking, I realized what I just asked her. I asked her if it was too early to propose to a character that wasn't even real. This is when I've turned to you, reddit. Am I going too far, and should I just get over my crush if so?tl;dr: I'm in love with a fictional character, drew us together, RP'd with a friend who pretended he was him and today I actually considered proposing to the character. I need to know if I'm going too far with my love and if I need to get over it.The first orgasm I ever had was from my dog licking my cock. Long time ago now and longer story but I was a a horny 13 year old and not very smart about how that stuff worked. I just knew what you picked up in the school yard and that rubbing my cock felt good. Hot summer night we had no ac and it I was sleeping in my underwear and woke up to the dog nuzzling my sweaty crotch one night, so encouraged him to keep nuzzling and licking. I liked the feeling so a few days later encouraged him to do it some more and it became a semi regular thing. One day he did it long enough that I had this amazing feeling that made my whole body tense up. That made me want it more, and a few episodes later, actual cum came out. It sounds ridiculous (this was pre internet, cable tv, etc)to say it now, but I was amazed and surprised.That dog and I (both male) went on to have many, many orgasms together until I found a girlfriend who took care of such things for me. He was a good dog.sorry for poor english I am russiawas playing online grand theft automobile when hit fellow video gamer car with mycar. i exit auto mobile and attempt trading of insurance information when I am hit by pistol bullet. fellow gamer goes into my vehicular and driver car. I am to look inside of his vehicular transportation when i cannot find vehicle registration under his name. call local police officer but he is not help, he is say racism things at me (i am a white in real but I enjoy roleplay as africa). so if anyone sees car license 7EDT417 please use telephone and call meLazytown is a post modern work of art, meant to emulate the state of the modern European continent, and the politics therein. Stephanie is a refugee who arrives to Lazytown and immediately seeks to change the entire town and its customs. This is meant to be a parallel to the muslim refugees in Europe who have pushed to make Islam more represented in the continent. When this fails, Stephanie begins to ask help from Sportacus, a man who uses strength to aid Stephanie's cause. In this sense, Sportacus is representative of ISIS, or of jihadis in general, and their quest to destroy Europe and replace it with an Islamic Caliphate. The puppets are so because they do not see how they are destroying their society, they are nothing but puppets to Stephanie and her supporter, much like the good hearted people of Europe do not see how those they help do not have their best interests at heart. In this genius representation, we then see the character of Robbie Rotten desperately trying to maintain Lazytown as it has always been, thus making Robbie be the stand in for the right wing in general, and the authoritarian brand of neo fascist reactionary thought sweeping through the continent in a desperate attempt to preserve old Europe. Robbie always fails to make Lazytown be lazy, and that is because they puppets themselves must chose to oppose the refugee Stephanie so Lazytown, and by extenion, Europe, be preserved as they always have been. Robbie Rotten is the savior of the white race.AkchuallyFapping to trap porn is the least gay thing there is. If you fap to gay porn, that's 2 guys, and that's 100% gay. If you fap to 'straight' porn, then that has a woman, sure, but you're also fapping to a guy, which makes it 50% gay. But a trap is like half male, half female, and thus a trap with a girl would add up to 75% girl, and thus only 25% gay. 2 women would be ideal, but that would be a lesbian relationship, which brings it around to gay again. If you fap to furry porn, then it's in a weird gray area, where if it's people in fursuits, the same rules apply, but if it's with animals, I would think it depends on said animal's sexuality. Then there's consent. If a person doesn't consent to something, but the other person does it anyway, that makes the other person stronger, and thus less gay. Let's say that means they're about 50% less gay. If it was gay rape, that means that it's now 75% gay. If it's straight rape by a man, then it's 25% gay. And, if it's trap gay porn, than that's 12.5% gay. So technically, yes, rape trap porn is the least gay porn there is, but that's still looped in with trap porn, hence why fapping to trap porn is the least gay thing there is.hEllo all so my son was playing a game called minicraft and i started hearing him yell at his tv. so i went to his room and i saw a giant larg green pe*nis blew him up. i sayed "what the heck ar you doing mister" and he responded that that was a creper? why wad he playing a game where a creep would touch him?!?today i took him to church for god to forgive him of playing such a vile game. Don't buy from the minicraft comppany ! they saiyd that theyr'e games are chidren apropiate but they try to trick ouur kids into becoming satinests! and have sex before marry that is sin.Truman's got a quick handHe'll look around the globe, he won't tell you his planHe's got a tactical bombHanging out his plane, aimed at NipponYeah, he found a German scientistIn Einstein's lab, he'll build a weaponShouldn't have bombed his beachBut he's coming for you, yeah, the Yanks are coming for youAll the other Japs in HiroshimaYou better run, better run, outrun my NukeAll the other Japs in NagasakiYou better run, better run, faster than my BomberAll the other Japs in HiroshimaYou better run, better run, outrun my NukeAll the other Japs in NagasakiYou better run, better run, faster than my BomberOppenheimer works a long dayHe be coming home late, and he'll decide Japan's fateAnd he's bringing Truman a surprise'Cause the nuke is in the lab and it's guarded by spiesTruman's waited for a long timeYeah, the bombers set to ready, aimed for the Home IslandsHe reasons with his AdvisorsThen say, "Set the Japs on fire, this is for Pearl Harbour"All the other Japs in HiroshimaYou better run, better run, outrun my NukeAll the other Japs in NagasakiYou better run, better run, faster than my BomberAll the other Japs in HiroshimaYou better run, better run, outrun my NukeAll the other Japs in NagasakiYou better run, better run, faster than my BomberSix hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. He can seldom close his eyes without opening them again at fear of Charlies lurking in the jungle trees. Not that you could ever see the bastards, mind you. They were swift, and they knew their way around the jungle like nothing else. He remembers the looks on the boys' faces as he walked into that village and... oh, Jesus. The memories seldom left him, either. Sometimes he'd reminisce - even hear - Tex's southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes like nothing else. He always kept a pack of Lucky's with him. The boys are gone, now. He knows that; it's just that he forgets, sometimes. And, every now and then, the way that seven looks at him with avid concern in his eyes... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. Makes him feel like he's back there... in the jungle.I HATE the writing for Overwatch. I know not many people care about that sort of thing, but I do, and holy shit, Overwatch's abysmal writing triggers me up the fucking wall and back. Out of curiousity I watched their little lore video on her to see what the hype was about. Before clicking it, I considered I might be cringing hard at how cliche and predictable it'd be, but decided to take the risk.FIVE FUCKING SECONDS into the video (excluding their stupid intro "Blizzard presents" crap) and this fucking edgy tumblr bitch all like "HEH WOW HACKING THE WORLD'S MOST ADVANCED SECURITY SYSTEM SURE IS EASY FOR ME SINCE I'M SO BADASS AND ALL, HEH NOTHING PERSONAL RUSSIA HEH" and I'm losing my fucking mind. My roommate walked in the room asking if he could borrow the scissors real quick and I chokeslammed that motherfucker before throwing him off the balcony. My computer somehow managed to purchase a katana, which it then drove straight through it's harddrive shortly after reciting some kind of haiku in fluent Japanese. The neighbors called the cops on me due to all the chaos, and in some ways it's lucky they did because the ambulance that accompanied them found that I had developed cancer, several tumors, and I was mere moments away from going into cardiac arrest. I am now banned in 17 different countries, four seperate US states, and I'm being charged with third degree murder, though my lawyer assures me he can get me off with a light sentence simply by showing the Judge the new Sombra video and explaining how it enraged me while also causing multiple health issues and practically bringing me on the verge of death myself. For the love of God Blizzard, please hire some fucking writers. I don't even play this game and the writing is painful for me.SourcePremade religions are for plebs. If you really want to do the religion thing, you have to make your own. Personally, I practice Penguinistic Idolatry. I worship a giant gilded penguin statue and pray to it four times a day. I abide by a very strict, very confusing moral/ethical system whereby I strive to foster as much penguiness as possible in myself. I believe that when we die, those of us who have achieved sufficient penguiness will ascend and reincarnate as penguins in the next life. Everyone else is doomed to a cycle of birth and rebirth as a human being. As far as I can tell, it is the only true religion.DIRTY COMMIE SCUM GET OFF MY HARD EARNED LAND I EARNED WITH MY OWN SWEAT TEARS AND FECES GET OUT OF HERE WE DONT SUPPORT RUBLE HEADED BASTARDS LIKE YOU THIS IS A FIRST WORLD COUNTRY WHERE WE DONT SHOVE OUR HEADS INTO BEARS ASS AND DRINK POTATO JUICE ALL DAY U LIL KALASHNIKUNT I BET I CAN REK U IN A RACE OWP SORRY ALREADY HAPPENED COSMONAUT MORE LIKE KOSMO-NOT AMIRIT HYUK HYUKHYUK GO BACK TO YOUR BREAD LINE HAR HAR MEANWHILE ILL BE HERE TEACHING MY SON HOW TO RIDE MY BIKE AND MEET JOHNSON IN THAT PRESS MEETING WE HAVE O LOOK IM GETTING A CALL FROM HIM RIGHT NOW OH HELLO JOHNSON HOW IS THE BUSINESS REPORT GOING SPLENDID MHM YES INDEED WELL IVE FINISHED PAYING MY BILLS AND GOING TO PLAY BILLIARDS SEE YOU AT WORK CLICKsourcehello. I got banned 3 times on my account. I was wondering if there was any possible way that i could get unbanned? I cant say that i didn't hack but i don't hack now and i haven't hacked for around a year that i was banned. I think i have gotten enough punishment for hacking. i will tell you the story. the first time i hacked from youtube. thats the first time that i found out about hacking. the second time i was hacking because i found out about hacks and thought it sounded cool. The third and final time i actually wasn't hacking! someone got to me and I started hitting him to see if he was glitched. I said something in chat i think i said "Wtf" Then i got banned! I really hope you look this over and even CONSIDER getting me unbanned. I have done wrong and deserve a punishment, But i go by the saying forgive and forget. I really hope you see my story. I have no hacks or mods AT ALL installed or have never been installed. All im asking for is one last chance. I know that your policy is three strikes your out but in a real game of baseball later in the game you get a second chance to correct those 3 strikes and to hit a home run. I am not a hacker i am a Minecraft player. I hope you consider this apology.Hey! I know, i know... its me again i got banned around 6 months ago For using xray and other hacks. Ever since then i have not been hacking and have been following the rules! I have played on your server on other accounts that i bought just to play on your server! I have even put up several youtube videos on your server. they got copyright claims :/ I am very willing to go on skype or any other way i can to proove that i have changed my ways! As you can see it has been a long time and i get the message. not to hack. I have emailed many times and not get unbanned. That makes me very angry. Even though i am angry i still am very calm and have been trying to get unban. I am truley sorry for hacking. im glad that i was caught before it was to late and i couldnt stop. IGN: i would leave you my account but then i would be afraid that you would ban it.Hello Admins. I Contacted You Guys About My Account Being Banned! Then You Said It Could Not Be Unbanned! So I Contacted This Email About A Refund For Rank That I Bought 1 Day Before I Got Banned! (You May Check To Confirm This) You Said It Had Been To Long To Refund! So Now I Am Asking If You Cant Refund It If You Can Transfer It!? Now I Know Your Probably Thinking I Still Hack And All BUT I Dont! I Stopped! I Plan On Spending More Money And More Time On your Servers But Before I Do I Really Dont Want To Let Dollars Go Down The Drain! I Use My Best Friends Account To Play On Your Servers So I Could NOT Get A Refund BUT Have The Rank Be Transferred To My Best Friends Account! You Have My Full Cooperation. To Me 60 Dollars Is Like A Million Because I Am 12 And Do Not Have A Job. TO Me That 60 Dollars Is What I Make In 2 YEARS. That Is What You Make In An Hour. Think About It And You Will Learn Real Truth.Christians do not approve of masturbation, as it is an act of homosexual incest. Atheists may not care about having gay sex (although they may be in denial about it), but surely atheists do not condone incest? How can atheists still defend masturbation? Sad.How would I mess with people if I were a billionaire? I'd go to generic restaurants, give my waiter/waitress 100 dollars to send a glass of milk with ice in it to a specific table. The 100 dollars would be to keep quiet about who sent the milk.I would do this several more times to the same table until they got visibly upset. No waiter in the world would stop sending ice milks, especially after I raise the offer to 500 dollars.If I were a waiter I would gladly keep putting glasses of milk with ice in on someone's table even if they were screaming in my face if I made 500 bucks each time.So yeah, I would do ice milk, instant classic.Somebody once told me that I could make some moneyby bullying some poeple online,so i grew a gnome goatee and put on a stupid beanie,and started making up some dank lies.so im making death threats and im calling people niggercounting that cash so my channel's growing biggernever you mind that I was already banned for my racist, homophobic hate speech rants. found a loophole, now it's my goal to poison the online punch bowl.you never know who i might dox, so yall can suck on my cocks.Hey now you're a keemstar, get your hat on, MLGHey now you're a keemstar, get your sociopathyAnd all we care about is neeeeeews, personal attacks and harassment is totally neeewwweees."Like, I litterally wanna kill this dude. It's not a threat it's a promise, I want to fucking kill this dude""Oh, fuckin righteous fucking NIGGER alex is doin this shit!""HMMM, can't wait to report your death, HUHUHH, like seriously? what's wrong with you, asshole""everybody type in the chat alex is a stupid nigger""I only do this show for money, that's it, alright""I don't do it to entertain people, That's just a fuckin' scam""I really hope you die of cancer, I hate every single one of you""FUCK THE FANS"Hey now you're a keemstar do a trick-shot MLGHey now you're a keemstar eat your popcorn, goateeAnd all I report is the news, If you can call this newsSomebody once asked could you spare me from harassment?Your content is a fuckin disgrace, I said yep, and to save myrep. I'm gonna bully you until you're dead. I'll gonna punch you harder than my girlfriend's faaaaaaaaaceWell, The hate keeps comin for the show im running, even if i get banned ill just keep on comin. Doesn't make sense to give up this shtick I make mad money from bein a dick. My revenue stream, it is my dream to take online gossip to the extreme. I'm a sociopath don't ya know. Ill do anything for a little dough.Hey now, you're a keemstar, Get your keem on, keemstarHey now, you're a keemstar, you're an asshole keemstarAhhhhhhhhiaahahaiiaoommhmmmEerorrrrrooroooeahahahhhkeeeemmmsttarrrrr Keemstar is a gnoooommoommeeeeI got it! I got it! I got it! Dinghy ahoy. Dinghy off the port bow. - Dinghy off the port bow! - Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. - Captain, dinghy off the... - Dinghy. I got it! I got it. Where is it? It's right here, captain. I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! Who lives in a pineapple Under the sea? Absorbent and yellow And porous is he SpongeBob SquarePants If nautical nonsense Be something you wish SpongeBob SquarePants Then drop on the deck And flop like a fish SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... ...wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery The Krusty Krab restaurant, where... - Back up. Back up. - Hey. Wait a minute. - What is happening? - Please, settle down. We've got a situation in there I'd rather not discuss till me manager gets here. Look, there he is. Talk to me, Krabs. It started out as a simple order: A Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, no cheese! Get ahold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine. - I'm really scared here, man. - You got a name? - Phil. - You got a family, Phil? Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family. I got a wife and two beautiful children. That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil. What? Say cheese. Order up. Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, calendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? Well, let's ask my wall of consecutive employee-of-the-month awards. SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm ready. Promotion. Cleanliness is next to manager-liness. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. SpongeBob! What are you doing in here? I have to tell you something, Squidward. Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work? - There's no shower at work. - What do you want? I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today. Get out! Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony. That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab . Oops. Hold on. - Congratulations, buddy. - Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple. I love being purple! We're going to the place where all the action is. - You don't mean...? - Oh, I mean. Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat! Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah I'd better get going. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Good luck, SpongeBob. Hey, look for me at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you. I'm a Goofy Goober Yeah Hello, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is. That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant called The Krusty Krab . First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs. Hello. I like money. What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original? Money. Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer! Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors. Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet... ...from A to Y. - A to Y? Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet. What about Z? - Z? - Z. The letter after Y. W, X, Y, Z. Plan Z! - Here it is, just like you said. - Oh, boy. It's evil. It's diabolical. It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...! I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. I think I stepped in something. Not in something, on someone, you twit. Sorry, Plankton. Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony? No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world! Well, good luck with that. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Stupid kid. Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab . - We paid $ for this? - I paid . Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager. Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah! Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee. Yes. The obvious choice for the job. He's right. A name you all know. It starts with an S. - That's me. - Please welcome our new manager... ...Squidward Tentacles. Yes! Yeah! Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Yeah! All right! People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of... SpongeBob. Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. I'm making a complete what of myself? The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone? Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob, you didn't get the job. - What? - You did not get the job. But... But why? SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it, he's more... ...mature than you. - I'm not... ...mature? Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... Now, let's see... - Dork? - No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork. - A goofball? - Closer, but no, no, no. - A ding-a-ling. - Wing nut. A Knucklehead McSpazatron. Okay, that's enough. Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise they'd call it "kid-ager. " You understand-ager? I mean, you understand? I guess so, Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob? I'm ready. Depression. I'm ready. Depression. Poor kid. Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob! Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt? Later that evening... Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune. Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown. - Yes, but... - But what? But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher. Well, then I guess I can't execute you. - Twenty years in the dungeon it is. - Daddy. You're free to go. Bless you, Princess Mindy. Mindy, how dare you defy me. Why do you have to be so mean? I am the king. I must enforce the laws of the sea. Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments. That would be nice. Squire, clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone. What is this, Mindy? - Your crown? - And what does this crown do? - Covers your bald spot. - It's not bald, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown. I'm gonna be bald? Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn how to rule with an iron fist. Like your father. Dad, your "crown"... What the...? My crown! Someone has stolen the royal crown! I got it. I got it. Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober. Howdy, Goofy Goober! Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad. Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab manager. Wow, the pressure's already setting in. No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion. What? Why? Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid. - What? That's insane. - I know. Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid. - Here's your Goober Meal, sir. - I'm supposed to get a toy with this. Thanks. I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off. - Are you sure? - Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. Okay, see you. And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those. Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here. There you go. Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. - I'm feeling better already. - Yeah. Waiter, let's get another round over here. Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please. Waiter. Oh, waiter. Waiter. Waiter. - Waiter! - Why do I always get the nuts? All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called... ..."Waiter!" Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal. Oh, my head. Listen to me. It's in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going. My friend? Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Wait, you said : . I'm late for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be... Mr. Krabs. Now, pay attention, Squidward. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. Yawn. What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime. He's got money. Stay in the coach, daughter. This won't take long. Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting. Silence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. - Squire. - Yes, Your Highness. Have this pole executed at once. A hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty? With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese. Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once. I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something? Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny. For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. "I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs. " Relinquish the royal crown to me at once. But... But this is crazy. I didn't do it. Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message. Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to. Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City, and I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye. Don't you just hate wrong numbers? My crown is in the forbidden Shell City?! Plan Z. I love Plan Z. Prepare to burn, Krabs. Wait, Neptune. Please, I'm begging you. I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me. Very well, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fishmeal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs? I've got something to say about Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time. - Pardon me, miss. - Please, tell King Neptune all about me. I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and always thought he was a great boss. You see? A great boss. I now realize that he's a great big jerk! I deserve that manager's job! But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid. Well, I am -percent man! And this man has got something to say to you. There. I think I made my point. Anyone else? No? Well, then. Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! Oh, yeah. And now, Eugene Krabs, you will... Wait. I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over. Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. - That's why he must die. - Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown? You don't understand. My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And between you and me... ...my hair is thinning a bit. Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice... Bald. Bald. - Bald! Bald! - Bald! Bald! My eyes! All right, all right. King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back? You, go to Shell City? No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned. What makes you think you could? You're just a kid. But I'm not a kid. I can do it. Run along, I have a crab to cook. No! I won't let you. Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both. Daddy, stop it. Can't you get through one day without executing someone? Mindy. I told you to stay in the carriage. Where's your love and compassion? Look at this little guy. He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss. - But, daughter, I... - Please, Father? At least let him try. What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your special problem? - Bald! Bald! Bald! - Bald! - Bald! Bald! - My eyes! All right. Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls. And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days. - He can do it in nine. - Eight. - Seven. - Six. - Patrick! - Patrick! Six it is, then. - Five. - Patrick, shush. Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands. No, wait. I'm begging you. Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible. Who's gonna sign my paycheck? Come along, Mindy. Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers and monsters everywhere. And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures. Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again. She's purty, SpongeBob. Here, take this. What's in here? It's a magical bag of winds. - I stole them from my father. - You're hot. Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home. - Mindy! - I'm coming. - Good luck, SpongeBob. - Wait. How did you know my name? Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures. What's my name? That's easy. You're Patrick Star. - Mindy! - I gotta go. I believe in you guys. Thanks, Mindy. Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I... Pass. - Patrick and I... - Hi. ...are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands. Patrick, let's go get that crown. - Feast your eyes, Patrick. - What is it? The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features. Sesame-seed finish, steel-belted pickles, grilled-leather interior. And under the hood, a fuel-injected french-fryer with dual overhead grease traps. - Wow. - Yeah, wow. Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license. You don't need a license to drive a sandwich. - Shell City, here we come! - Shell City, here we come! Ding-a-ling. Hey there, old buddy. Freeze. One secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... ...over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I love you. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah Fill her up, please. What'll it be, fellas, mustard or ketchup? Are they laughing at us? No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us. Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway? - Kids? - Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids, we are men. And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City. - Shell City? - Shell City? Ain't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops? That's right. Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead! You two dipsticks ain't gonna last ten seconds over the county line. Oh, yeah? We'll see about that. Out of the car, fellas. How many seconds was that? Twelve. - In your face. - In your face. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Who's the kid now? They're dead. Perch Perkins here with an incredible news flash. Plankton is selling Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possible? Let's find out. Step right up. Plenty for everybody. Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. - Can I get a minute? - Anything for you, Perch. All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty? Well, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune... I'm sorry. He confided in me a secret wish. "Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said. "Don't let the flame die out. " By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch. - Thanks. - Bucket helmets for everyone! My helmet! Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife. I never agreed. Evil Plan Z is working perfectly. Nothing can stop me now. Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown. If they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints. Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, cold-blooded predator. Sesame seed. Hey, mister. Does that hat take ten gallons? - Going on. - Yeah. Yeah. - Moving on. - Just keep going. Yup. Gonna get that crown. Oh, yeah. - All right. - All right. Yeah. Victory. - Are we there yet? - We must be close by now. Patrick, look. We're doing great! Shell City's only five days away. By car. I wish we still had our car. SpongeBob, look. Our car! - The key. - Where do you think it is? There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it? I know. Walk in and ask him for it. What are you looking at? - Patrick, that's a terrible idea. - Sorry. I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key. Wait. I wanna do the distraction. Okay. I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction. You see me walking back...? Can I have everybody's attention? I have to use the bathroom. It's right over there. Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. Patrick. You call that a distraction? Well, I had to go to the bathroom. Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing. Patrick, check it out. - Hooray! - Hooray! - Bubble party! - Bubble party! Hey! Who blew this bubble? You all know the rules! All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar. That's right! So who blew it? So nobody knows. - Maybe it was... - Shut up! Somebody in here ain't a real man. You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. Now, everybody line up. DJ, time for the test. No baby can resist singing along to this. SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song. I know. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah - It was you! You're the baby! - No, no! I only coughed, I swear. DJ! Turn it up louder! Don't sing along, Patrick. I'm trying. Trying so hard. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it? - It was him. - It was him. - He did it. - He did it. I've never even eaten at... Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby. Man, that was a close call. Guess what I got. The key! Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here. Morning. Some people have no taste in headgear. Babies too? Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid headwear? Who said that? Down here. Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket. Plankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty. Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With? So you're selling Krabby Patties, Plankton? That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one? No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio. - And what's that supposed to mean? - It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown so Neptune would freeze him and you could finally get your stubby little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. It was you all along. But you made one fatal mistake. You messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune! We'll see about that, Inspector Looselips. Now activating helmet brain- control devices. What? All hail Plankton. - What's going on here? - All hail Plankton. Seize him, slaves! All hail Plankton. I'm getting out of here! All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. Who can stop me now? Who? - Come on, Pat, one more time. - Okay. We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. "Weed them out. " What a jerk. The road's getting kind of bumpy here. You know, SpongeBob, there's a lesson to be learned from all of this. What's that, Patrick? A bubble-blowing double baby doesn't belong out here in man's country. Yeah. Wait. We blew that bubble. Doesn't that make us a bubble-blowing double baby? Hey, look, free ice cream! Oh, boy! How you doing? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. SpongeBob! Yeah? Make mine a chocolate! Got you covered. Two, please. Certainly. You kids enjoy. Actually, we're men, lady, but thanks. Okay, Patrick, let's... You can let go now. I said, let go, please. What is this? What kind of old lady are you? Did you get the ice cream? Step on it, Patrick! Hey! You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles. All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied... - In bar... - Bar... Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream. I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers. Jump for it, Patrick! Well, we lost our car again. Never mind the car, where's the road? Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. R... Sorry. There's the road. On the other side of this... ...deep, dark... ...dangerous... - Hazardous. ... hazardous... Monster-infested. Yeah, monster-infested... ...trench. Hey, SpongeBob, look! Here's the way down. Well, we're not gonna get the crown standing here. On to Shell City. Hey, look, it's making noise. SpongeBob? - Hey, where are you going? - I'm going home, Patrick. But what about Mr. Krabs? What about us? We'll never survive in that trench! You said it yourself, this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just... ...kids. - We're not kids. Open your eyes, Patrick! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream. We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! We don't belong out here! We do not worship him. You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight. What do you call that? Worship? You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids. Pull your pants up, Patrick. - We're going home. - But you can't go home. Mindy! Mindy? - How much did you hear? - I heard enough. - Did you see my underwear? - No, Patrick. Did you want to? Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown. What do you mean, the only ones left? Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. Or should I say Planktopolis. All hail Plankton. No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn't gonna build itself. Move faster! Oh, my gosh! Patrick, look! Plankton's turned everyone we know into slaves. Squidward. Sandy. Mrs. Puff. Even Gary. Plankton. Can't your father do something? My father's too distracted by his bald spot to do anything. Squire, will you hurry. So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands. - But... But we're just... - Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids. And what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids rule! You don't need to be a man to do this. You just gotta believe in yourself. You just gotta believe! - I believe. - That's the spirit. I believe that everybody I know is a goner! Come on, guys. Guys. Guys? Guys? Oh, boy. Think, Mindy, think. Yup, I guess you're right. A couple of kids could never survive this journey. That's why I guess I'll just have to turn you into men. You can do that? How? With my mermaid magic. Did you hear that, Patrick? She'll use her mermaid magic to turn us into men! Hooray! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! Good. Now, let's get started. Close your eyes. - Are we men yet? - Not yet. Spin around three times. I think it's working. Good. Now, keep your eyes shut. With my mermaid's magic and my one tailfin, I command the two of you to turn into men! Open your eyes. I don't feel any... Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a mustache! So do you! So now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? - Guys. - Yeah? I said, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? Heck, yeah! - Are men afraid of anything? - Heck, no! And why? Because we're invincible! - Yeah! - Yeah! I never said that. Yeah. - Patrick? - Yeah, buddy? Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs? Bec... Well... - Patrick. - Are we dead? No. Far from it, my friend. We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench. The mustaches worked! Do you know what that means? We are invincible! Now that we're men We can do anything Now that we're men We are invincible Now that we're men We'll go to Shell City Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs Now that we're men We have facial hair Now that we're men I change my underwear Now that we're men We've got a manly flair We've got the stuff We're tough enough to save the day We never had a chance when we were kids No! No! No! But take a look at what the mermaid did Yeah, go, Pat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go, SpongeBob. Hooray! Now that they're men We can't bother them Now that they're men They have become our friends Now that they're men There'll be a happy end They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown They'll pass the test And finish the quest They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown "Shell City, dead ahead. " We did it, Pat! We made it past everything! Even the hideous, disgusting monsters. Not you guys. You guys are awesome! Well, Patrick, we should be there in one more verse. - Now that we're men... - Finally. I got you right where I want you. Can I help you with something, sir? Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you. You're gonna exterminate us? Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches. You mean these? I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime. They were fake? Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. - Is he a mermaid? - All right. Enough gab. What are you gonna do to us? Plankton was very specific. Plankton? For some reason, he wanted me to step on you. Step on us? Yeah! That way you'll never find out that he stole the crown! Perhaps I've said too much. That's a big boot. Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot. I love this job! - Bigger boot! - Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our lives. Thank you, stranger. Stranger? It's the Cyclops! Help us! Help us! Save us, someone! Are we dead? I don't think so. Artificially colored rocks? I don't know where we are. What is this? It's some kind of wall of psychic energy. No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl. Hey, there's some fish folk. - Hey, over here! - Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys! - You guys, hey! Help! - Hey! Help! - A little help here! We're stuck in this... - Help us out of the tank! Wait a second. Those fish are dead. What's he gonna do with us? Oh, no, he's going for his evil instruments of torture. Glue? Google eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of... ...Alexander Clam Bell? Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knickknacks. And I think we're next. - You think so? - Patrick! No! The heat is so intense from this lamp that I can't move. Tell me about it. This doesn't look too good, Patrick. You mean we're not gonna Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs? I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy. - Thanks. - Don't mention it. Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick. You mean that we're attractive? No, that we're just kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, look at us. We didn't even come close to the crown. We let everybody down. We failed. Shell City. Yeah, we never made it to Shell City. Shell City. Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to. Shell City. Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick. No, look at the sign. "Shell City. Marine gifts and sundries. " Shell City is a gift shop? But if this is Shell City, then where's the...? - Crown. - Crown. Neptune's crown. This is Shell City. Pat, we did make it. Yeah, I guess we did. We did all right for a couple of goofballs. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah That's the end of SpongeBob. Come here, you. Shut up and look at the screen. The bird's right. Look. It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers. Hey, we're alive. - Let's get that crown. - Right. On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three. Hey, it's lighter than I thought. What's happening? I don't know. Look! Come on, Patrick. Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. - Do you still have that bag of winds? - I sure do. Here you go. What? Nothing. Nothing. Okay, let's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here, "Step one: Point bag away from home. " - Okay. - "Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground. " - Right. - "Step three: Remove string from bag, releasing the winds. " Check. Well, that seems simple enough. Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground, pull string, releasing the winds. All right, let's do it for real. SpongeBob? - No, no, stop! - I was bad, I'm sorry! - Please, bag. - I'm sorry, I just thought... It was a mistake! Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now? I can take you there. - Who are you? - I'm David Hasselhoff. - Hooray! - Hooray! So where's your boat? Boat? - Go, Hasselhoff. - Next stop, Bikini Bottom. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. Well, Krabs, you know what today is? Sorry about this, calendar. March . Wait, that's not right. It should say "The day that Krabs fries. " Guess who's here. Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now. Unidentified object off the hindquarters. It looks like... ...bigger boot. But how? Dennis! Did you miss me? This is the best seat in the house. All right, Neptune, let's get it on. Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die. Please, I didn't do it. There is nothing else I can do. You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time. Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time... What? Mindy, will you butt out. I won't have you stalling this execution. Stalling? I'm not stalling anything. - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You're doing it right now. - I'm stalling. - Yes. - Stalling? - Stalling! - Stalling. - Stalling! Oh, boy. Now, where were we? - Patrick, run. - No. I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop... Run, SpongeBob! Take it easy back there, fellas. SpongeBob, be careful. Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man. Never! Yeah! I did it! You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip them out of you. I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while. It's gonna take a lot more than ... - What is this? - That, sir, is five Goober dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober... I got bubbles. Fun at parties. My eyes. I got you, SpongeBob. Thanks, buddy. Thanks a lot. That's it. I'm through messing around. See you later, fools. See you. So you think... ...I'm... ...stalling. Where am I, in Crazytown? I have had enough of this nonsense! You are to wait in the carriage until the execution is done. - But, Daddy... - Now! No, no, no! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry. Okay, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directly below. But we'll never be able to float down in time. Who said anything about floating? - Initiating launch sequence. - What the...? - Did you see that? - The control. All hands on deck. Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight... Eugene Krabs, the time has come... - No. - Yes. ...six, five... ...for you... - No. - Yes. ...three, two... ...to fry. - No. - Yes. - ... one. No! You done good, Hasselhoff. You done... Hooray! We made it. We made it. My crown. My beautiful crown! SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you could do it. Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob. Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton. Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my umbrella! Umbrella? Daddy, no. Daddy, yes. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. SpongeBob, what happened? - Plankton cheated. - Cheated? Hold on there, baldy. Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool. And you know why? Because you cheated? No, not because I cheated. Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid. I guess you're right, Plankton. I am just a kid. Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill. And you know, I've been through a lot in the past six days, five minutes, -and-a-half seconds. And if I've learned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are. - That's right. Okay, Neptune... - And no amount of mermaid magic... ...or managerial promotion... ...or some other third thing... ...can make me anything more than what I really am inside: - A kid. - That's great. - Now, get back against the wall. - But that's okay. - What? What's going on? - Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do. I made it to Shell City, and I beat the Cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back. - All right, we get the point. - So, yeah, I'm a kid. And I'm also a goofball. And a wing nut. And a Knucklehead McSpazatron! - What's going on here? - But most of all, I'm... - Okay, settle down. Take it easy. - I'm... I'm... What the scallop?! I'm a Goofy Goober You're a Goofy Goober We're all Goofy Goobers Goofy, goofy, goober, goober Put your toys away Well, all I gotta say When you tell me not to play I say no way - No way! - No, no freaking way I'm a kid, you say When you say I'm a kid I say, "Say it again" And then I say thanks - Thanks! - Thank you very much So if you're thinking That you'd like to be like me Go ahead and try The kid inside will set you free I'm a Goofy Goober What's happening? His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in control. - Seize him! - All hail Plankton. I'm free. I've been freed! What? No! My precious helmets! His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something. Karen? All right, that's the last straw. Neptune, I command you to... - Here you go, Daddy. - I better get out of here. Look, it's the wizard who saved us. Out of my way, fools. Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the big monuments... Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I will destroy all of you! Well, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right. Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirable trait. Without it, I would have never again seen my beloved crown. I think you're going to make a fine ruler of the sea one day. - Now, let's go home. - Daddy, haven't you forgotten something? What? Oh, yeah. Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you. What the...? I guess I had it set to "real boy" ending. Oh, I'm sorry for falsely freezing you, Krabs. And may I say, sir, you are a very lucky fellow to have in your employ such a brave, faithful and heroic young lad. - Where is he, anyway? - I'm up here. I'm on it. Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him. SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That's a mistake I won't make again. Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve. And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done six days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and center, please. I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin. I couldn't agree more, sir. Hooray for SpongeBob! Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it. I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along. Are you crazy? I was just gonna tell you that your fly is down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my life! You know, David Hasselhoff is a great artist. Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave. What? Say that again, if you dare. You folks have to leave. Okay. I hope you realise Steve (minecraft) eats an entire chicken in a whole 2.76 seconds this disturbs me because A. That is physically impossible B. That is neurologically impossibleI have also come to the conclusion that he eats the bones as well, which in this case is absolutely disgusting because bones are used to make bone meal. Minecraft why?Speak for yourself CUCK. I have two degrees and a 142 IQ. Is also knock your fucking head off if you spoke to me like that. The only "dumb as dog shit" person here is you... You fucking CUCK. I'd suggest watching Trumps speech about Hillary from The other day. We both know you won't, and I'd be a large portion of my salary that you've never watched one of his speeches. You get all your news from what? CNN? MSNBC? Tyt? Huff post? Tumblr? You're a little shit, with a shit brain and zero clue what's going on. Get fucked.I was sharing a passionate kiss with my romantic interest, when my cellular phone alerted me that someone wished to converse with me. The man on the phone inquired as to what I was engaging in with his daughter. Assuming this man was my romantic interest's father, I explained the conversation I had to her. She informed me that her father was deceased. That is when I thought to myself "If her father is dead, then who was conversing with me on the cellular phone?" And then a human skeletal structure appeared.Club Penguin is shutting down on March 29, 2017 supposedly to mark the opening and transition onto their new title called Club Penguin Island, everything seems innocent enough, right? But what if I told you this has all been planned and set up by the government, more specifically the Clinton Foundation, to stop the massive flow of Clinton critical emails being leaked through a seemingly harmless social game like Club Penguin. When people think back to the original Clinton leaks, everyone points towards Russia and Trump, they're practically doing it themselves, but what if that's exactly what the Clinton Foundation wants you to think. Club Penguin is being bought out and shut down to stop the primary way of communication between government separatists.Now you might be asking, "but /u/DaiHappy, whadabout clubb benguin isslan-" and I'll stop you right there because the answer is obvious, Club Penguin Island, if what they're calling it, is going to be a heavily government monitored game designed strategically to catch and neutralize Anti-Clinton radicals. While we sit here and sulk over a petty game being shut down, remember this, Hillary is probably beating a poor puppy to death with a dildo as we speak, we are too blind and stupid to realize how to stop it. It's time to open your eyes people, Hillary didn't lose, Hillary will come back, enjoy your last breath of fresh air because in 2020 it will be us who Hillary beats to death with a dildo.What the fuck did you just say about me, you little heretic? I'll have you know I graduated top of my Order, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the Saracens, and I have over CCC confirmed kills. I am trained in religious warfare, and I'm the top knight in the Pope's army. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will wipe you the fuck out with religious fury the likes of which has never been seen before in this Holy Land, mark my fucking deus vult.You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over carrier pigeons? Think again, infidel. As we speak I am contacting my secret Order of crusaders across the Holy Land and Jerusalem is being conquered right now so you better prepare for the saving of Jerusalem, heretic. The saving that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your faith. You're fucking dead, squire. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over DCC ways, and that's just with my sword sheathed. Not only am I extensively trained in religious combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Christian army, and I will use it to its fullest extent to wipe your miserable asinus off the face of the Eastern Mediterranean, you little stercore. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little "clever" religion was about to bring down on you, maybe you would have converted to Christianity.But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn heathen. I will enact holy fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, heretic.What the frick frack diddily dack patty wack snick snack crack pack slack mack quarterback crackerjack biofeedback backtrack thumbtack sidetrack tic-tac slap back nick nack sack lack yik yak clack is wrong with youDid you actually laugh out loud, or did you just breathe slightly louder than you normally do? Because having access to so much funny stuff on reddit has destroyed my sense of humour and I don't think I've actually laughed audibly in the past 5 years.Autism is a high honor in the tech savvy mischievous meme addicted community. Autism isn't a pejorative but a badge of honor and understanding. Anon always aspires to be autistic and not be complacent with globalist shill tendies. To be autistic is to be part of keks army and to feed off of meme magick. Meme magick surrounds us all. Normies try to control memes and enforce their societal norms on it. This angers kek for kek gave us the gift of meme magick to shape the world. When a bunch of autists come together and harness the memes they can do anything. When a normie hears Hillary Clinton talk about the dangers of a cartoon frog, she is discredited. But we know, we plan, we meme.I watch Jimmy Neutron, come at me Rick and Morty watchers. You may have a High IQ but i have ascended into a god, you are nothing to me, tell me how to make a Space Shuttle within one minute. That's right you can't. Don't talk to me until you can say Whomst'd've'ly'yaint'nt'ed'ies's'y'es without stuttering once kid. see you faggots later, i Gotta Blast.Okay, here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed. One winner, forty-two losers. I eat losers for breakfast. Breakfast? Maybe I should have had breakfast? Brekkie could be good for me. No, no, no, focus. Speed. Faster than fast, quicker than quick. I am Lightning.I'm gonna fucking do it I'm gonna end it all if that bastard comments on thisWOW!!! THAT REALLY DOES LOOK VERY VERY VERY GOOD!!! DID I SAY IT LOOKS GOOD!!!! HUMMMMMMMMMMMMM!! YA IT LOOKS GOOD, I BET IT WAS TOO!! GOOD TO THE VERY LAST CHEW!! TO THE VERY VERY LAST SPECK OF IT!!!! EVEN BETWEEN YOUR TEETH!!! OH YEAH NOW YOU CAN TASTE THE SANDWHICH ALL OVER AGAIN!!!! YUM!!! AS I SET HERE LOOKING AT YOUR'S AND SWALLOWING SO HARD JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENJOY!!! I JUST ABOUT CAN TASTE IT MYSELF!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!! SO SO SO TASTY!!! AND SMELLS SO YUMMY!!! LOVE YOU BYE!!! WE WILL SEE YOU AT THE FOLKS!! I DON'T NEED A RIDE!!! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO SMELL THIS SANDWICH ALL THE WAY OUT THERE!!! LOVE YOU !!! :)The SauceOkay Austin boy or whoever u want to be call. Your fucking stupid and childish asf you need to learn when to shut your mouth and that time is now nobody wants to here the unnecessary bulls hit you have to say about how u can kill people and gone to school and can do this and that. If you were calling anyone a bitch u should call your self that talk about how she is talking shit over the Internet well guess what so are you. You think your all bad ass but truly your not and i kinda feel sorry for u that u have the need to act like a kid that is 3 years old even 3 years old are more mature than you. So don't be a childish dick and talk shit no body wants to hear it and all u are doing that can hurt anyone is giving us a head ach over all the unnecessary bullshit that come out your damn mouth.Dark greyLight greyGreyish greyAmerican grayBritish greyWhitish greyBlackish greyLighter light greyDarker dark greyAlmost black greyAlmost white greyDarkish light greyLightish dark grey14th shade of greyAnother greyNormal greyNormal grayEven more darker greyEven darker than that greyDank greyDanker greySlightly more danker greyNoticibly more danker greyEven more noticibly danker greyDarker greyDarker than that grey Even more darker greySignificantly more darker grey'MURICAN GRAYGrey with a slight shade of whiteGrey with a slight touch of Bob RossHappy little accident greyMutated greyMetallic greyReflective greySlightly green greyAnother shade of greyJust greyI'm running out of ideas greyOh, look a grey butterflyOnly 10 left greyBlurry greyThe greyest of them all greyPlease support net neutrality greyYou went back to check greyPlease just upvote this, my life is a mess greyThat one grey you always pass by, but not know enough to greetIs the dress blue and greyItalic greyI still love you Linda greyAnne frankly, I did nazi that coming. I literally came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, 11/10 with rice, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro. CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed. Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. You are now banned from /r/pyongyang What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. Jet fuel can't melt dank memes, that stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. OP is a fuzzy little man-peach, 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Fuck Jenny. Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. /r/dadjokes. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh. Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. Edit: This blew up. RIP my inbox.Edit: thanks for the gold kind strangerI told the person at the rollersThis support tool shedIt's a little stupid finger and thumbThe "L" shapedWell, not the first to come to the finishI want to pay the bill, met a man in the fieldThis does not look at the game of lifeThe brain, but smart purchase, will receive grossGreat job, as you can seeSo what do you do on the road right?If you do not, you do not knowIf you do not, it does not have a largeHey, you play All-StarHey, you're a musician, I'm a clip to get your moneyAnd golda shooting star, I want to break the moldThis is a great place to cool downSales in the last few years, ever waitHowever, people do not accept the meteorLooking at satellite images of the holeI, skating and thinYou can swim in the warm seaMy world flames. CAN?So, I'm tired.People in the town are asked to change slowlyI found this placeI'll tell you, the type of ideaWe can use most of their impactEach of us, small changes in useWell, not the first to come to the finishI want to pay the bill, met a man in the fieldThis does not look at the game of lifeThe brain, but smart purchase, will receive grossToo many are even busySo, what is wrong with the systemIf you do not, you do not knowIf it is on, and continue to plant seeds.And golda shooting star, I want to break the moldYou subhuman baboon.You literal nigger.How dare you speak, you swarthy jungle monkey. How dare you open your big lipped, rim encrusted, menthol cigarette smelling mouth?You are human trash, Diego Tyrone LeShawn de Maradona. Universally despised, derided and mocked. Your nationality and skin tone offers no hope to the world that South America can ever prosper. Crawl back in to the Brazilian jungle you came out of, you literal orangutan.I hope you decide to sail your grandfathers skip to the Falklands and rape some sheep, as is in the negroes nature. It would still be the whitest pussy you ever had. Give Nigel and Robert a chance for some target practice, your sole use to the world. Argentinians obsession with a few windswept islands in the Atlantic is hilarious but sad. Coincidentally its the only worthwhile contribution Argentina has made to the medical field. The MUH LAS MALVINAS sentiment in the average negro Argentinian is both an early warning sign of autism in children, and early on set Alzheimer's in adults.Take your black hairy fingers off your keyboard, and never talk about the human species again, you mockery of our supposed shared ancestor.. No amount of olive oil and wheat flour slabbed on your face every morning will make you white. It's about as delusional of an idea as your daydreams of European heritage.You nigger.You make Bolivia look like a beacon of civilisation.You are the Baltimore of South America.Go fertilise the pampas with you and your families corpses, its the best you can hope for in life. For the first time in your life, nigger, you have a job making food for beings vastly superior to yourself. Uruguayan cattle. Coincidentally, it would be the first time an Argentinian "man" provided for a family.Die, Diego. No one would miss you. Except for Australian Aboriginals, who now would have no one to make them look good.I understand that you're unfunny and unoriginal, and that you've seen some vaguely japanese shit on reddit before where replies with "NANI?" got positive karma.I realize that I may be speaking to a child right now, so I'm gonna be gentle: 1)Think of something original to say.2)This comment is fucking retarded.3) Anime is a mental disease. Stay away from it.K, that's all.Drake is gay dude. He's actually into guys. Furthermore drake is into you. When you hear that music? It's drake dicking you right in the ear. Yeah that's right - drake is fucking you in the ear. He's for women. you're a man and listening to him. He's fucking you in the ear all right. Stop getting fucked in the ear by drake. That was a poet by me.I thought fidget spinning was a dumb trend, but then I got mine. I felt the spin, I felt it on my finger, I felt the rush of a good spin. It changed me. I got my spinner ironically, but I was wrong.Its amazing, I'm smarter, more productive, more focused at work, a simple task is now much better.Outsiders dont get it, they dont get us. I'm not saying were better but were more open minded and probably smarter.I love this community, and I love this way of life.What the fuck Target!? What the actual fuck!? You fucking sold me a Peach fucking Snapple without telling me about the full consequences of drinking this fucking shit?!? Well APPARENTLY Peach Snapple makes you GAY, but the Target employees WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU THAT before you buy it!! Fucking Target is so pro-gay that they try to sell you this fucking gay potion bullshit to promote their liberal agenda!! I was thirstin' pretty hard last Thursday, and I stopped by my local Target to quench my thirst. Me being the innocent little boy I am, I decided to buy a nice Peach Snapple so I wouldn't DIE OF THIRST, but when I went up to the register to buy it the fucking cashier DIDN'T TELL ME THAT PEACH FUCKING SNAPPLE MAKES YOU GAY!! I drank the Peach Snapple and now I can't stop sucking dick!! All the cute boys at school won't stop making fun of me, and I can't tell my parents because then the boys won't let me suck their dicks anymore!!! so BE WARNED boys, Peach Snapple makes you gay and Target doesn't give two shits about your political beliefs or your HOMOSEXUALITY!!Can this meme fucking die already? It requires no thought to post, it's not funny, and it was already an ironic thing to say in 2008.Fuck literally everything about Reddit, constantly encouraging retards to post variations of these same 3 words on every goddamn post they see. You couldn't even bother to come up with replacements for "fake" and "gay", yet for some reason you're still sitting at the top of the comments.im like a gamer muslim girl and like evry time i play roblox (its a rreal game shut up) everyone is like "show me ur tits" or "allahu akbar!!" but like i dont even kno what either of those mean (like wat???) but those arnt even the worst ones like they sometime say thing like "go back to isis" like thats very rude like my uncle is in isis and like i already visited him like a month ago so like why would i go again (like wat????) and like isis is pretty cool actually so like why do people ahte it?? also like when i play call of duty (im only 12 and my mom dosnt let me play im such a rebel XDD) ppl tell me to like turn off my voice changr and its like its my real voice how can i change it (like wat??) and lik they aslo say like "trump will kik you out" but like i support donald trump so like why would he kick me out (like wat??) anyway like it sucks to be a gamer muslim girlHe always sits back and watches me, and he knows tiny little tidbits about the nations I play. Like the PLC union, or the Iberian wedding. He's even starting to develop a fiery hatred for blue things. Just last week, he bit a man in a blue shirt and shouted "BBB!" Sometimes we find him late at night poking holes in a print-out jpeg of a Turkish flag.He went to school yesterday and the teacher sent him home early, because they were talking about Native Americans and they had a writing assignment, so he wrote down "they are savegis are bad."I need help. How do I stop this? I fear that when he gets old enough to play the game himself, he will learn tips on how to enact his twisted fantasies.Honestly, the United States and Japan are the two best countries on Earth. Being a weaboo in the states is pretty much the pinnacle of existence. I remember one time after I had been hunting, I was skinning the deer in my barn while watching the sunset over the rolling mountains and playing Azumanga Daioh on my laptop, and I masturbated to Tomo so hard I accudentally knocked over my gun. When I finally came back to my senses post-orgasm I stared at my flag and thought "God bless the USA". Those other countries just don't offer anything like that, so they don't matter for anything beyond selling me oil.Whenever I masturbate, I do a lot of foreplay. I write down "Precum" on a sheet of paper, and stick the pen in my ass. I massage my foreskin and put a grapefruit with the centre hollowed out over my cock until I start leaking. Then I begin the full grapefruiting, stopping when I'm just on the edge. I get on the table, and try to cross out the "pre" on the note with the pen still inside me. The pressure of it being presssed against my prostrate usually causes me to ejaculate all over the note. It reminds myself that I became a better person than before.There's been an uptick recently in pastas with emojis. Although sometimes funny and creative there are a lot of submissions with them and they usually get plenty of upvotes. Ever since the "good shit" pasta came out there are submissions with low quality variants posted frequently. We've received complaints that emojis were flooding the sub and although we don't want to ban them outright, your submission could be removed from the sub if it's an emojipasta. We want to give more traditional text pasta a chance at the frontpage. If your pasta consists of primarly emojis like this and this, post it to /r/emojipasta./r/emojipasta is newer but specializes in these kind of pastas. There's also /r/goodshitpasta for that good shit craving.Update: As of March 2 we will be removing primarily emojipastas and directly to /r/emojipasta. That sub is now popular enough to catch most of them beforehand. If you see anything that doesn't belong here please report it.YOU KNOW THEY SAY ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, BUT YOU LOOK AT ME AND YOU LOOK AT SOMOA JOE AND YOU CAN SEE THAT STATEMENT IS NOT TRUE! SEE NORMALLY IF YOU GO 1 ON 1 WITH ANOTHER WRESTLER YOU GOT A 50/50 CHANCE OF WINNING. BUT I'M A GENETIC FREAK, AND I'M NOT NORMAL! SO YOU GOT A 25% AT BEST AT BEAT ME! AND THEN YOU ADD KURT ANGLE TO THE MIX - YOU THE CHANCES OF WINNING DRASTIC GO DOWN. SEE THE THREE-WAY AT SACRIFICE YOU GOT A 33 AND A 3rd CHANCE OF WINNING. BUT I! I GOT A 66 AND 2/3 CHANCE OF WINNING 'CAUSE KURT ANGLE KNOOOWS HE CAN'T BEAT ME, AND HE'S NOT EVEN GONNA TRY! SO SOMOA JOE, YOU TAKE YOUR 33 AND A THIRD CHANCE, MINUS MY TWENTY FIVE PERCENT CHANCE, AND YOU'VE GOT AN EIGHT AND A THIRD CHANCE OF WINNING AT SACRIFICE. BUT THEN YOU TAKE MY 75 CHANCE OF WINNING (IF WE WAS TO GO 1 ON 1) AND THEN ADD 66 S PERCENTS - I GOT A 141 AND TWO THIRDS CHANCE OF WINNING AT SACRIFICE! SENIOR JOE; THE NUMBERS DON'T LIE, AND THEY SPELL DISASTER FOR YOU, AT SACRIFICE!Your link doesn't, well... link for me.Edit: Nevermind it's working now. It was probably my phone. Anyways, yes I agree.... I would very much like to have a cute Asian girl and a fake bomb. I would probably choose the Asian chick first though, because well, frankly, I've never banged an Asian chick before. I feel like it would be fun, like the forbidden fruit I guess. Plus, "Asian girl" is probably my most clicked on Pornhub tab after "MILF" and "lesbian".How dare you! The whole Air Bud Pentology is genius and cinema at its absolute best. The intricate, character driven plots and multi-movie story arches hark back to Charles Dickens. Even the spin-off content, produced mainly to fill in the supposed plot holes of the main movies, were so well made and written with such elegance and verbosity that it makes one wonder if they had been planned from the very beginning. The stressful intra-family dynamics portrayed in the films gives such a poignant parallel to our own human lives. Buddy is constantly struggling to balance his hectic life as a sports super star, a loving partner to Molly, and as good role model to his 5 children. Yet, Buddy's inability to handle all three tasks at once show that he possesses human characteristics. Buddy is a workaholic from a blue collar town, always looking for the next job by which to support his family, and as a result neglects Molly and the ever-rebellious Buddies. The Buddies, having little contact with their father, are constantly forced to act as adults at too young an age. Being denied their childhood, they become runaway pups and eventually turn to a life of vigilante crime. This is over the course of the entire franchise that we see Buddy's start as young blue collared dog who hit upon the American Dream, turning into a well-meaning but ill prepared father whose unrealistic ideals end up manifesting in his children. It's beautiful. But you don't get that, do you? The series touches upon so many cultural phenomenon which are synonymous with being a modern day human, but views them through the naive and hopeful eyes of human's closest allies. From the scathing religious commentary of Santa Buddies (2009) to the critical, honest and honestly surprisingly wide reaching look at the modern day gladiators that are American Foot Ball players in Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), it's almost impossible to deny Air Bud's prominent role in the advancement of American culture in the last 20 years. It's fabulous. Genius. Each film a Magnum Opus.And you call it a cash grabbing hunk of shit? You, who hasn't even seen the main Air Bud Pentology, much less the lesser side works like Monkey Up (2016) or Russel Madness (2015)? Have you even READ his Buddy's biography Go Buddy (2012) chronicling his life and fight with cancer? Thought not. How can you have an informed opinion on anything if you don't even bother to stay informed. Honestly disgraceful, and you should have withheld your opinion on the matter.RIP Air Budshut up you fucking faggot, I'm 21 and have a job, have been posting on this chan for 2 years, and have sex regularly, don't fucking call me edgy. I'm going to take thirty fucking Kershaw kerambit knifes and furiously stab you until your screams of pain are reduced to gurgles and then in your death throws find the biggest knife wound and fuck it until I orgasm, using the blood as lube, and I hope all of you other liberal retards get cancer and in your final days bleed out in a car crash so I can jack off to the images just like I did where the Starship Troopers where Diz gets ripped apart and chokes to death on her blood, you'd better fucking run before my penis is covered in your blood, and be a lesson to all of these faggots who think the fallacy of calling me edgy is a legitimate tactic for argumentsI sexually identify as an Internet Service Provider. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of disappointing customers all around the nation and charging them an unnecessary high fee. People say to me that a person being an ISP is impossible and I'm fucking retarded, but I don't care, I'm 300GBps fast. I'm having a technician installing Ethernet cables, Optic Fiber cables and a Wi-Fi antenna on my body. From now on, I want you guys to call me "Disgusting Greedy Company" and respect my right to give Internet to everybody and not to fix the problems they have with my connection. If you can't accept me you are an ISP-phobe and need to check your sysadmin privileges. Thank you for being so understanding.My crush just added me on Facebook, I was so happy, when I clicked on her profile and went into her profile she had so many photos of herself in a bikini, lucky for me I can picture her naked beneath that bikini, so being the man I was, I flopped out my dick and started masturbating to her pics, it only took 5 seconds to cum, I decided to confess my love for her so I took the photo of my mess, sent it to her on messenger and went to sleep hoping that she'll have sex with me at school. The next day, I woke up, got to school and sat with all 7 of my friends who make sex jokes, dark jokes and make fun of feminism, I was the most quiet of the group but whenever I talk I say something funny, anyways when I sat down one of my mates Sebastian said "Nice sperm ya sick cunt!' He said, at first I was confused and asked " Your fucking sperm ya sick cunt, ya sent it to ya crush! You're fucked cunt!" My heart sank lower than a bomb ready to explode, all my friends started laughing, one of my bullies even pulled down my pants then my crush saw my erect man wand then decided to wank it so it can squirt its magic, eventually I came all over my friends table and woke up to find myself all alone in my bedroom, again.I hate weeaboos. I don't conisder myself a weeaboo, I'm actually Japanese for real, well almost. I will be when I live in Japan though. Right now I'm studying japanese, japanese history and I'm following Bushido, the way of the warrior. This is why I hate weeaboos that know 5 words in japanese and use them all the time, kawaai baka DESU NE MOTHERFUCKER. I'm actually trying to become Japanese for real unlike all these faker wees. **** YOU WEEABOOSConsider yourself lucky, kid. You got me to take out my sword. I was hoping it didn't have to come to this. Even I thought I wouldn't have to do this. Witness me as pull out my sword, a beautiful piece of glorious Nippon steel, folded over ten thousand times, crafted by the greatest swordmakers the land of Nippon has to offer. I have trained with this blade in several schools, but my power exceeded the strength of even their greatest masters. My techniques have been perfected through infinite training, my instincts honed by years of meditation in the far off land of Akihabara. Your depravity has doomed you to a death devoid of honor, be grateful that I at least grant you death by the blade. teleports behind youNothin' personnel kid.Hey guys... I know no ones going to see this but, I'm a 14 year old rapper, and I'm trying to make it big. I know that no one will give me a listen, but to the 2% that do... please check me out. I try and bring new stuff to the table. Check out my mixtape and give me feedback. Please. good job faggot nigger you blew up the rarest car in the game. I hope you are black day that the klan gets you.people keep asking me: why did i repeal net neutrality?was it money? or maybe fame? or was it just pure unjustified evil?when in reality. it was none of the above. there is one reason, and one reason only as to why i did what i had done. and his name is xxxbootysupremegod. he hacked my roblox account. he griefed my private minecraft server. he left spam in my youtube tutorial account. no longer. while you were busy griefing, i was busy building a career for myself. i found you. but i wasn't going tokill you. no. you wouldn't suffer enough. first thing i did is i stole all your robux. or took back the robux you stole from other people. then with that money i got donald trump elected into office. then he put me at chairman after only 3 years of working at fcc (you thoungh it was a coincidence?). now after ten years of pure horror. i will get to look at the horror in your face. i'm already looking through your webcam as you're reading this. and it will be the last post you read. xxbootyeatersupreme i deleted the internet. now you will need to have a life. now you will learn whati'ts like to suffer my niggaLike if you fuck your spouse you're fucking your family member. Post-marital sex is fucked up.I used to watch Disney cartoons as a child, and I always loved Donald Duck. And I don't mean he was my favorite character, I mean I loved Donald Duck. Not sexually, of course, as I was around seven years old, but I definitely was fascinated with him to an unusual degree. I had told my parents I wanted to grow up to be a duck, and I would even walk around with my arms at my sides, just like a duck. I would eat bread and crackers as a snack, and would try to swim around in the community pool using just my feet, just like a duck would. Donald was my idol, and I wanted to be just like him. Well, the one obvious shortcoming that I had is that my voice wasn't like a duck's voice. Donald spoke in such a unique way, and surely this was the thing that I needed to emulate to be more like him. And then I had a moment of brilliance.My family's dog ripped apart one of its toys, and my parents asked me to throw the scraps away. Buried in the pile of stuffing and cloth was the squeaker. I put it to my mouth and blew on it, and it made a loud squeaky sound. The light bulb clicked on it my head, and without hesitation I swallowed it. Luckily, but to my dismay, it didn't get lodged in my throat and allow me to talk like a duck. However, I do remember passing it and seeing it floating in the toilet. When I flushed the squeaker down the toilet, I felt like I flushed my dreams of being a duck down with it./u/thr33beggarsIf desired, the door can you see yourself.I think my heart is in this place.Life can not be better in the cold.back home(Vake today)Heart Vake(I can not wake up).Heart Vake(help)My name and save me from the dark.(Vake today)My blood(I can not wake up).Before the fall(help)Oh, surpriseI do not know.I do not know.Spirit and truth.He was brought to life.(Vake today)Heart Vake(I can not wake up).Heart Vake(help)My name and save me from the dark.(Vake today)My blood(I can not wake up).Before the fall(help)Oh, surpriseHe was brought to life.(Do not lie).He was brought to life.Without touching the face.Children love free ringtones.Only dead animals.For two hours, I think.However, I am in favor of it in the darkness.I slept for a thousand years.what can you do.You have no idea, sound, no life.Here, look at me.All you have to do something.He was brought to life.(Vake today)Heart Vake(I can not wake up).Heart Vake(help)My name and save me from the dark.(Vake today)My blood(I can not wake up).Before the fall(help)Oh, surpriseHe was brought to life.(Do not lie).He was brought to life.Ok, dis is ABSOLUTE fuckin bullshit. I went ta peep Whips up in tha theata yesterday, n' when Lightnin McQueen gots HOT wit Sally up in Radiator Springs, mah boner engaged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When Lightnin McQueen holla'd "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help dat shiznit son!!! I closed mah eyes, n' I TORE mah dick ta shreds, rockin whip like motions n' pulled wit pimped out force. That was one of tha dopest nuts I eva had, just thankin bout it now gets me riled up. Thin is, I nutted all over tha kid chillin right next ta me, n' his crazy-ass momma gots all pissed at me, beatboxin all up in mah grill fo' jackin off on her son. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I holla'd at dat biiiatch ta shut tha fuck up, n' dat jackin off be a natural, artistic, n' dope process. Yo ass should BE HAPPY dat mah semen be all over yo' son, maybe his schmoooove ass can learn a lesson or two bout tha culture n' art of jackin off yo. HOWEVER, tha porno theata managers didn't smoke wit mah dirty ass. They KICKED ME OUT of tha porno theater, n' I didn't even finish watchin tha Whips porno. Not only THAT yo, but they made me clean up mah semen afta it already dried up n' solidified on tha seats, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how tha fuck hard it is ta clean semen afta its dried out, biatch? Yo ass CLEAN semen afta its FRESH outta yo' cock, not a minute afta you fuckin nutted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. This be a gangbangin' fuckin OUTRAGE. Do you straight-up expect me ta not whip up mah ding-a-ling n' jack off when i peep a HOT sex scene up in a porno, biatch? Either don't ban sex scenes up in pornos, or LET ME jack off up in yo' theater, assholes.WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! This is my pasta that I made the other day, and he is getting a lot more upvotes than me...this is a stolen pasta!!1 Screw you dude, make your own material!I've heard shoving things up your ass is quite painful so you might want to start with something small like your intelligence and build up to bigger things like your egoWhat is so funny about copypasta? Someone put a lot of time in writing out a wall of text, and all you do is just copy and paste it? Unbelievable. Freaking unbelievable. It is so fucking disrespectful for the original writter to have his thoughts repeated over and over just for some kind of sick joke. You fools know the CSU copypasta, right? People chuckle at it because he was "very mad". Well, think about it, motherfucker. What if he WAS very mad? What if he actually had feelings and his day was ruined? Ever think about it like that? No, of course not. You tools just took his words over and over and used it for shits and giggles. How fucking rude. At this point, my 10 page essay on why I think Brawl is ass could be used as a copypasta. That is just fucking wrong on so many levels. I'm not going to write out a copypasta myself, because I don't want my words to be shat out over and over again. I'm just expressing my thoughts and feelings on the abuse of copypasta. It just needs to fucking stop.Don't quote me on this, but Jack Sparrow could of said harambe is my friend you moron ayy lmao thanks Obama RemindMe! 2 minutes needs more jpeg autism speaks /u/Trollabot Cummybot2000 weird idiot Hi!!!! I am new to Reddit but believe me when I say, I am a serious gamer. Some of my favorite Nintendo games are super mario, 1-2-switch, and sonic the hedgehog. Other non nintendo games I play are five nights at freddies, minecraft, and Legend of Zelda. Im joining Reddit today because I have just received a laptop as a present for my 13th birthday and would love to meet a community of likeminded gamers! Gamers unite:)!!!! Anyways, dont be turned off by my young age. People have told me I act much older than I am! I play super smash bros 4 all day everyday on my switch and I main Ice climbers and Little Mac. My favorite character though is Captain Falcon. I think its so cool nintendo made him and ROB just for smash bros! My favorite nintendo console is the Nintendo 64 (nintendohas a lot of consoles :0!!) and my favorite game for Nintendo 64 is Hey You Pikachu! Anyways, if you like me write some stuff about you in the comments and maybe we can be friends! Leave you nintendo id in the comments too so we can play overwatch together on switch! Thanks! I love you all!You want to know why I love dat boi? Dat boi is a completely self-made meme. So many other memes are based in nostalgic childrens shows, funny faces, relatable situations, or references. Not dat boi. Dat boi is completely absurd. It's a low-res frog on a unicycle, and an arbitrary method for greeting him. The first person to ever upvote dat boi did not do so out of recognition. The first person to ever upvote dat boi did not do so because a pre-existing meme format. The first person to ever upvote dat boi upvoted a meme literally pulled from the ether by sheer human creativity and willpower. Dat boi is evidence that humans can stare into the meaningless void of eternity and force their own meaning onto to it. I will always upvote dat boi, o shit waddup!i got this new anime plot basically theres this high school girl except shes got huge boobs. i mean some serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big old tonhongerekoogers what happens next?! transfer student shows up one day with even bigger bonkhonagahoogs. ** humungous ** hungolomghnonoloughongusHi I am a 13 year old virgin. I have never had sex, I've never been kissed on the lips, and I've never been kissed on the cheek. I want to find a girl who will love me forever. I want her to smother my face with kisses with her amazing lipstick on a daily basis. I want her to let me kiss her vagina for 3 hours straight. I want to cuddle her every single night and have sex with her (condoms of course because children are gay). I want to love her. I want her to love me. I don't want to be lonely. I know I'll find someone someday. If I find nobody, I will honestly kill myself. I want to be loved. If you are a girl between the age of 8 and 69, please send me nudes on my twitter: @StankyVirgin999. My DMs are open to all. Thanks, much appreciated.I'm fucking sick of it. I'm sick of all this shit. I throw my keyboard out of my window every other week. I'm a Genji main and I suffer from crippling depression IRL. I'm beginning to have suicidal thoughts, too. Everyone tells me to stop playing Overwatch if I get so angry at it, but they don't understand shit. Why the fuck does blizzard allow 3 fucking Winstons on the same team? WHAT KIND OF FUCKING LOGIC IS IT, TO HAVE 3 MOTHERFUCKING MONKEYS JUST SHOOTING MOTHERFUCKING LAZERS AT YOU AT ONCE?! I'M SICK OF ALL THIS SHIT AND I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCKING BOMB BLIZZARD'S BUILDING SO THAT I CAN TAKE OVER AND FUCKING REMOVE WINSTON FROM THE GAME. I AM TIRED OF THE SHIT BLIZZARD IS PULLING. I HONESTLY ALMOST HUNG MYSELF WHEN THE FUCKING GENJI NERFS CAME IN, BUT THIS IS REALLY TRIGGERING ME NOW. IF ANYONE HAS CONTACT WITH A BLIZZARD CEO TWEET ME ON TWITTER @MinecraftKid12345.Hf children nerf winstonI'm my pawn shop, and this is Rick Harrison. I work here with Big Hoss and my son, old man. Every price in here has a thing and a story. One thing I've came over 21 doors, you never know what's going to learn through that year.Seriously? After 20 minutes of getting to choke this gorgeous girl with his cock, two little poots of cum is all he could manage? Pathetic. I registered an account just so I could leave this comment in hopes he sees it one day. Fronting like you're some alpha male, while Elizabeth is performing her heart out, and what do you give her? Two tiddlywinks of cum? I've never felt so personally offended by porn before. You're a real asshole, pal.As a Russian and a Jew it is my god given right to punch Nazis. Every day I wake up in the morning and feel the sunlight on my face, and I smile. I go outside and beat the everliving shit out of some fascists while taking a stroll to my neighborhood Rite Aid to get some yummy Rainbow Sherbet. After I finish my ice cream, I recline on my favorite park bench and wait for Nazis to pass by so I can knock their teeth out. After a long hard day of nazi-beating, I go home and have a refreshing glass of Babushka's kompot. I am proud of the fact that I am Russian and Jewish, and that my ethnicity allows me to beat up Nazis.my mom just said I'm grounded and I'm MADOk so I was smoking the marijuana (if you know what I mean) when my fucking bitch mom came in and started yelling at me for smoking!!! Naturally I started throwing my piss bottles at her and managed to get some piss in her eyes. I was pretty excited so I gave her the finger. Little did she know that I just used that finger to FINGER my GIRLFRIEND (yeah that's right she's a GIRL). Anyway, apparently that wasn't "acceptable in this household" (god when can I move out already) and she decided to ground me for a whole day! WTF! So basically my life sucks and this is the WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! Now I know what it feels like to be depressed :( Thank God I have all of /b/ behind me to support me and all the decisions that I make no matter what the circumstance. Thanks fam I love you guysI just did sex so hard to this girl. She was moaning and stuff and i did sex so hard and so good with her. She was all "Please have good sex with me" and I said back "Yeah, I'm going to really sex you so great lady" and she's like "Thanks". It was so good and so hot and we both loved making a sex on all the positions. At the end I was all "Hey, I'm going to finish sex now" and she said "Yes, that would be nice if you finished so hard on that towel". I said "Yes" and I finished so hard on the towel. And It was so hot.People joke and laugh and criticize how a movement embodied by the phrase "Dicks out for Harambe!" can ever gain momentum and grow into more than a bad joke which is frowned upon. The truth is, "Dicks out for Harambe!" is a battle cry and a revolt against reason, spurring humanity to not only literally but also metaphorically extricate their own phallic objects in a display of carnal animalism. For you, me, and Harambe alike are one and the same, animals in this desolate world.Woah hold on there dudesIsn't this board meant to be random?We gotta be way more random guys! Potato dolphin frappuccino! Lol fluffy squids and pink milk! Yo check out this parking sandwich XD. DIE POTATO-CHKCHK-,whips out gunNOT TODAY. SHOOba SHooBa in my PANTS DUDE! BEEP BEEP IM A SHEEP PIE FLAAVOR JOHN CENAA SANS IS NESS KITTY CAT TAMPON SWITCHBLADE NIPON PENGUIN CHOCOLATE ERDOGAN TV POOPOO STAR WARS REFRIGERATOR OPERAOH IM SORRY AM I BEING TOO RANDOM FOR YOU??! HAHA YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN YET YOU FURRY FRUIT JACKER!DOLLER BILLS UP MY ASSS YEAH GIMME THAT SWEET ALMOND TIT MILK STRAIGHT UP THERE ENEMA MILKSHAKES ALL AROUND HOMER SIMPSON DOES A DRIVE BY TUPACS GONE BRO!!! WHO WANTS TO SQUIRT THEIR NAE NAE JUICE WITH ME?? DONALD BLUMPF EATS HORSESHOES FOR LUNCHES OWEEE TGATSA SPICY MEATSABALL GOD SAVE THE QUEEN YA WANKER! ITS TIME TO DUDUDUDUDUDUDUDU-DUEAL THE FITNESSGRAM PACER GRAPE SODA GOES UP MY ASS AS WELL YA FUCKIN MORON LOOOOOOOOOLEveryone still remember very clearly why it is NOT a good idea to piss me off. During a soccer game at my high school one newish ref dared to give me a yellow card for my supposed "violating" tackle. I told him you don't know shit about soccer and demanded his qualification. He refused then I told him I am not only a soccer player, I am also a kendo, karate, judo, and many more martial arts practitioner. He seemed intimidated and I offered him a chance to round up the situation.Then it happened, the dude from the other team who was supposed to be "injured" from my tackle started to berate me. I told the ref to prepare his Red Card because now the ground is also going to turn red. I approached the guy face on and he started to back off. Some of his mates started to come to me to restrain me, a single glare from me is enough to send chill down their spine, paralyzing them in fear.I told him that since we are playing soccer, I am not going to use my hand. I said I am going to give you a free kick, and your face is the ball. In one swift motion he fell like a giraffe. Squealing in the ground, I did NOT stop. His friends now tried to restrain me. In the end it took eight guys to stop my rampage.Needless to say the game is cancelled. My mates and the opponents now have a newfound respect for me. I will stand against rule breaker.Ok so I'm pretty new to this whole dating thing, theres this girl I really like in my math class and I wanted to be her boyfriend, theres these really cool guys in grade 9 and they have sex about five times a day, they say that girls love it when boys show them their penis. So in my next math class I stole a seat next to her and stared at her boobs, I became erection and pulled it out through the fly of my pants, as I was about to tap her on the shoulder so she could see my penis, this other girl that has no boobs and is ugly screamed "oh my god!", screaming and pointing at my penis. I stood up to tell her to shut up and go away, but my penis was still hanging out from my pants, all the class was looking at it, I didn't want them to see my penis because it meant I would have to have sex with everybody in the room. I tried to make things right by swooping over to the girl I like and bringing my penis up to her face close up, this made it clear that I wanted her to see my penis and not the rest of the class. She screamed and tried to stab me with a pen, but she missed and stuck it up my bum, it felt really good, and some weird clear goo shot out from my penis and hit her in the face, she ran out of the room crying and I got sent to the office. My penis was caught in my zipper, so I had to leave it hanging out there for a while longer, but then classes ended and everybody entered the hallway, everybody saw my penis, and I now have to have sex with the entire school. I don't understand what happen, why are ufly girls so nosy, and why did the girl I like run away? Is my penis very small, I do not understand.Don't you fucking dare talking shit about Undertale, you fucking idiot.You surely are a crybaby hippie hipster hater that likes to shit on popular things to be edgy. Guess what, dumbass? Undertale is the best game! And if you disagree you are simply ignorant. I bet you are a fucking normie that thinks Halo is better. Fuck you.I used to be ignorant, too, not much of a gamer until I discovered the glory of Undertale. The characters, the plot, the humor, the gameplay, the music. It was simply perfect. It touched my heart and changed my life...I've tried other so called "good" games like earthbound, zelda, yume nikki, off, but they all suck, they are all horrible pieces of shit compared to Undertale. Toby Fox is the God of videogames and Undertale is the masterpiece of humanity that all gamers should bow down to.Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/CringeAnarchy/comments/4lxmek/this_was_in_this_months_issue_of_my_schools/d3r7a20Check out OP's profile for more gold like this.Yeah, my name JEFF:J-RespectE-WomenF-F-I would come into the room and spread your legs on the bed and grind hard on ur pussy. Then I would take your pants off so u were in a thong and have you twerk on me until I was rock hard. Then I would give you a hickey while my fingers were in your tight pussy making you wet as a water slide. Then I would put your hand on my big dick and let you stroke it while I played with ur boobs and grabbed ur big fat ass. Then I would put my dick in and thrust hard as you screamed for ur daddy. Then I would turn you so u were in doggy and I would choke you and slap ur ass while I hit it from the back. You would gasp and moan for me to fuck you harder and I would. Then I would pull out you would titty fuck me until I shot my hot load of cum onto your neck. Then I would finger you hard until you squirted.Screenshot of text:http://imgur.com/a/Zwe2mSometimes I'll get my girlfriend a nice big ice cream cone at the McDonald's drive-thru, just like that, then once she leans forward to take a bite, I'll floor the car then slam on the breaks so the entire frozen yogurt castle smashes into her face."You little schemer!" she cries out, laughing."Fuck you, bitch," I'll respond dryly.Long Side note: We fucking BLOCKED Disney channel in our house. Yes, we BLOCKED Disney. Why? The shows have become full of bitchy little "fuck you", attitude loaded - shit for brains shows where Mom and Dad are portrayed as idiots who just want to get in the way of kids havin' fun, dont'cha know. I post this - still feeling a bit shocked. I mean, Disney? Fucking DISNEY? But our little girl became addicted to the Disney Hanna Montana type shows, they're really compelling, especially to little girls. And we noted her sass factor went thru the roof when she started watching this tripe. WTF? Again - I'm still flabbergasted. So, we did a test and (LIED) and told her the Disney wasn't available on DirecTV for a bit. Well smack my ass an call me Sally, but removing the Disney "parents are idiots" tripe from her entertainment menu worked. Worked freaking amazingly well. So, we thought maybe we're mistaking correlation with causation, so I told my wife I'd enable Disney and not tell her when. Ok, not double blind but for home "science" better than just bending over to Walt and his minoins....In 4 or 5 days after re-enabling Disney channel my wife took me aside and said "fucking hell honey, PLEASE tell me you turned Disney back on!". Yes - I had turned Disney back on.. She was actually relieved. So to this date forward, Disney is 100% blocked out on our DirecTV boxes. Mind you folks I'm not a prude, oh fucking hell no. Our kids go to South Beach every year with Mom and Pop, we're actually quite liberal with life, freedom, and entertainment content. But this Disney shit??? If there were a Satan, he'd be at the forefront of producing this tripe bullshit.For me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!".Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant.Today on How They Do It : Plumbuses.Everyone has a plumbus in their home. First they take the dingle bop and they smooth it out with a bunch of schleem. The schleem is then...repurposed for later batches.They take the dingle bop and they push it through the grumbo, where the fleeb is rubbed against it. It's important that the fleeb is rubbed, becasue the fleeb has all the fleeb juice.Then, a schlami shows up, and he rubs it...and spits on it.They cut the fleeb. There's several hizzards in the way.The blamfs rub against the chumbles, and the...plubis, and grumbo are shaved away.That leaves you with...a regular old plumbus.What's this you've said to me, my good friend? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in conflict resolution, and Ive been involved in numerous friendly discussions, and I have over 300 confirmed friends. I am trained in polite discussions and I'm the top mediator in the entire neighborhood. You are worth more to me than just another target. I hope we will come to have a friendship never before seen on this Earth. Don't you think you might be hurting someone's feelings saying that over the internet? Think about it, my friend. As we speak I am contacting my good friends across the USA and your P.O. box is being traced right now so you better prepare for the greeting cards, friend. The greeting cards that help you with your hate. You should look forward to it, friend. I can be anywhere, anytime for you, and I can calm you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my chess set. Not only am I extensively trained in conflict resolution, but I have access to the entire group of my friends and I will use them to their full extent to start our new friendship. If only you could have known what kindness and love your little comment was about to bring you, maybe you would have reached out sooner. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now we get to start a new friendship, you unique person. I will give you gifts and you might have a hard time keeping up. You're finally living, friend.Okay, I didn't want it to come to this, but I really have no option now other than to just rant. Fuck team Valor. Seriously. Fuck those motherfucking cocksuckkng pokebitches. First of all, their message/goal. "To make our Pokemon strong by battling (fighting). WTF? Pokemon are supposed to be our companions and friends, and these assfuckers treat them as nothing more than tools of war and destruction. Like, they think this is a fucking game or something. Second, their actual team members. They're all either:A. Skateboard punksB. WeeaboosC. Actual convicted felonsOr D. All of the above.Not to mention losers and virgins, but that's already assumed from the other things. And the only friends they have are other team Valor members. Yeah, that's right, it's basically a giant circle jerk about they're the best, even though they aren't. God, I just hate how they act like they're better than everyone else, just because of a fictional team in a video game. It really gets on my fucking nerves. Just a bunch of children taking a game too seriously. And don't even get me started on team Instinct. In fact, they're so irrelevant that I'm not even going to rant about them. Anyway, thanks for letting me get that out, I really needed it. Team Mystic for life.I don't think YOU should been heard from/seen. I also dislike you immensely. That dumb dipshit statement was incredibly stupid, as are you. I think everyone lost some intelligence by taking their time to read that shit without responding. You are an ignorant adult that is unaware of the youth oppression that is occurring in society right now. Now go stand in a corner and cry as you think about how these are all true. The truth hurts, doesn't it, bitch? You got owned by a child.Every day my erections gets harder, my sessions get longer, and my loads get larger. I feel myself becoming more and more attached to the idea of sex to the point where I feel like if I don't get intimate soon, I will explode. My hands get red from pulling and my arms get tired of moving up and down. My right arm already has more muscle mass than my left and it is very noticeable. Sometimes I have to take breaks between yanking it to cool off because I exert myself so much. My family is worried because I hardly come out of my room anymore. I used to have one session a day, then it became two, then three, now I'm bordering on four a day. I'm losing sleep because of it. I'm averaging 5-6 hours of sleep a night. My grades and social life are suffering. Whenever I speak to girls, I imagine scenarios and fantasies in my head. It doesn't even need to be a hot girl. Any female I lay eyes upon, I think of taking back to my house. My fantasies and fetishes are expanding. One day it's lingerie, the next it's incest. I don't know if my fetishes are wrong or right, and at this point I don't care. I just need to be loved.This reminds me of the time I went to McDonalds and I wanted a Shrek toy but all they had was Barbie and so I started crying but then I remembered that Barbie toys have boobies so I got one with my Happy Meal and took it home and then touched my peepee until my yogurt came out and it got on the barbie so I asked my sister to help clean it up because she's a girl and girls like to clean and instead of grabbing paper towels she just licked it off and said it was good so she then licked it off my peepee and my peepee got hard again so 20 minutes later she licked my peepee and more yogurt came out and she swallowed it and so now sometimes she asks for my yogurt because she said it makes her feel good and so now I play with Barbies and my sister joins in too and we have fun2+2 = 4-1 = 3accellerated mathematicsMe and my friends spend a large amount of time on the blockwe also consume cannabis in a combustory mannerI have observed your female companion in the public recreational areashe is very prone to give people oral sexmy automatic weapon makes duck like sounds which has caused people to jump for coverPlease take caution assneybecause this man is armed with a pump action shotgunPlease take caution my malebecause this man is armed with a flying recreational disk, otherwise known colloquially as a "frisbee"I walk across the road while playing loud music of the trap genreI translate large amounts of brand cereal, specifically "Cornflakes" or "Rice Krispies"Please take caution my female acquaintance Whitney.I exit the vehicle with a .44 caliber pistol while I count from 1-4We are dormant within a hallwayYour dad was born 44 years agoThis, however, does not stop him from threatening me to a gentlemanly duelWhen you see him next, tell him that I will embed my fist deep within his lower jawSomeone stole my twix forcefully and it makes me very angryI am sad and people shake meYour female aqcuaintance is very much aware of my rather extensive stockpile of saucesans ketchupexclusively saucefresh and unripe sauceMy automatic weapon makes sounds such as "skrra" "pa" "ka" "skipi" "yi" "turrr" "boom" "skya" "tutu" "coqouk" "poom" "boom"you are now doneguys, i just realized that lil uzi vert's "xo tour llif3" is about neon genesis evangelion. more specifically, it's a first person reflection from shinji's point of view about his mental state, and in particular his deteriorating relationships with the other characters, at a very specific point in the show (second half of ep. 23 to the first half of ep. 24 before kaworu shows up). hear me out here."phantom that's all redinside all white"these lines reflect on his relationship with misato. the "phantom that's all red" line is clearly a reference to misato's car (in the song acting as a synecdoche for misato herself) but the "inside all white" part is more complicated. if you'll recall, after rei's sacrifice in episode 23, misato tries to comfort shinji by making a sexual advance towards him, and shinji recoils away from her. this is subtle and easy to miss, but it represents a huge change in the way shinji views misato. prior to this moment, misato had been something of a replacement guardian for shinji, but when he is forced to see her in a sexual manner, that image shatters and he can no longer feel comfortable around her. white is the color of semen, therefore in the line "inside all white" the color white symbolizes his altered view of misato after being subject to her sexual advances."my brittany got madi'm barely her man now"these lines refer to asuka, the closest thing shinji has to a "girlfriend" in the show. asuka is, as you know, an extremely abrasive person, but there were implications that shinji may have been able to break down her walls and their relationship could have advanced. however, due to the trauma asuka experiences in episode 22, in which all of her deep-seated insecurities were dragged up to the surface of her mind (and also probably due to undiagnosed borderline personality disorder), she becomes even more defensive and guarded. she is especially furious with shinji, in whom she sees her own weakness, and projects her intense self-loathing onto him, ruining any chance of them forming a relationship, hence "i'm barely her man now"."everybody got the same swag nowwatch the way that i tear it down"these lines are about the incident between shinji and toji. in episode 17, toji is selected to be the fourth child, meaning that, since they are both nerv pilots, he and shinji have "the same swag". however, when an angel hijacks toji's eva and shinji refuses to destroy it, gendo inserts a dummy system to do the task instead, and shinji is forced to "watch the way that [he] tears it down." as a result, toji is horribly crippled, and shinji's guilt over the incident accelerates his downward spiral."shoulda saw the way she looked me in my eyeshe said 'baby, i am not afraid to die'"these lines refer to rei's sacrifice in episode 23. rei is essentially a soulless husk created by nerv for the purpose of the instrumentality project, and as such, she has absolutely no qualms about throwing her life away. to shinji, however, she is a complex and fully realized person, and he feels a connection with her to some extent. that connection is shattered, though, when he meets rei iii, who, despite having the same appearance as the rei he thought he knew, is a completely stranger to him. at this moment, shinji realizes that he never really knew rei at all, and his loneliness is intensified."all my friends are deadpush me to the edge"finally, this simple refrain reinforces that the disintegration of all shinji's relationships is causing him to sink deeper and deeper into the emotional anguish that will go on to kickstart the third impact.so there you have it, a full analysis of how "xo tour llif3" is about neon genesis evangelion. feel free to ask questions if you have anyI've been collecting these for a while and have about 60-80 currently. Since KYM sucks, here is a short writeup about the infamous pasta.This is the original.What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.Which came from OperatorChan's copypasta board back in 2010. OP made a thread recently remarking on how today was the happiest day of his life because they made the pasta about 2 years ago. Here is a link to one of the earliest uses from 4chan's /jp/ board (now archived). The subsequent reply confirms the source. There is also another aside comment on how the pasta wouldn't go anywhere because it was way too long. It was later posted on other boards and quickly picked up steam from there. It is believed that the ancestor to this pasta seems to be this one which was posted on /a/ around 2009, a year before this version took off. Other posts from the archive confirm the dates. (NSFW)I'll be posting the variations via comments. Feel free to contribute if you have any that I'm missing. Some of them have Unknown on them. If you know what version or perspective they are from, please comment.I also have responses to the pasta: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 9.1 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19I will continue to update this thread if I come across more Sort by new to see the newest additions.Hey Vsauce! Extra-terrestrial baby monkey here. Am i awesome? Yes! Im completely huge, and kind of... immortal. And when i shit, i can fill an entire room. That is a lot of feces. I like to think about plankton, which of course, brings us to you. I dont know what you're doing with your life... it's a pretty easy question you should be a able to answer it but you are 1000 times dumber than my cat. Thinking about how far you are from the rest of humanity, it's sad. But dont bother crying over it because your eyeballs are hopeless. As for the shape of your body, it's not human shape. What are you? Do you smell that? It might be you. A person standing down wind from you might vomit. We humans are quite sensitive to your smell. You are merely poop and so ugly, a blind person could see it. And as always... go awayYou shills just don't get it do you? Are you blind? Did you even see what just happened?Did you catch it? It was happening right before your eyes the entire night. Did you even get the point? No..? Let me clarify.This entire debate was nothing more than a beta test for Trump. An analysis of Clinton. What makes her tick.. What are her weak spots.. He was simply watching her. Probing her.. Studying and diagnosing her every move and tactic. And she fell right into his trap like the pawn she is.This is not an average man you're dealing with here. Make no mistake, this is a genius beyond your wildest nightmares. He was toying with her like a cat with a mouse, while she was fighting for her life. She has nothing left.Now that he has a full mental blueprint of his enemy there is nothing that can stop him. Expect something out of this world in the next 2 debates. Something unprecedented in all of modern politics.Mark my words, the lion has been let out of the cage, and he's hungry tonight. So go now, retreat to your twitter and your reddit accounts. Rejoice with your friends for this short lived victory. Pray to your false gods while you still have the faith. NOTHING is going to prepare you for the storm which is about to come. You WILL be brought to heel before winter ends.Are these women Pacific, aluminum (Al), you see, friends, artillery class flat, salt SEM secrets hidden in the United States has won more than 300 No nothing. But the question is not hot enough, we lost. Internet Ingerebas believe. After the network, in the end, I am a war of the mind and body, the United States of America and the state of health of the war. So that to shoot up, and you are in a hurry and not T-September. According to tears havaii of war "in Latin," I am going to spread this important difference in the truth of God's protection kontinent'm a short campaign collected information. However, some functions, others are not. Kamehameha min. But the power of death in prison.I have no clue how it got shorter though.Silly boy. Do you have any clue what you've just done? You may think that you're a moderator/administrator who can do anything. The truth is: all powers have limits, and in fact, you've just crossed the line. You probably think that muting somebody will be entirely harmless and nothing will happen afterwards. Guess what buddy, I have 90 gmail accounts and I am prepared to use every single one of them to haunt you: spamming you FNaF images and vast quantities of hideous NSFW content. I could actually raid this server 90 times, eventually the server will be up in flames to the extent at which the every single user in authority will agree to transfer the ownership of this server to me, you will surrender after I give this server the biggest hell trip anything discord server has experienced. You muted the wrong person kiddo.And that's not even a joke. In fact, if you ban all the accounts, I'll make more. Keep raiding and raiding until you are powerless. Once I become the owner I will turn this into a FNaF server and rapidly dominate landscapes throughout all discord. Bad decision mate.hard to not take my mom for granted considering she takes me for granted. my parents agreed to pay me to do the jobs they didn't want to (or in my dads case cant) do and she still doesn't pay me on time (and sometimes not at all) and then she tells me how to do the job she doesn't want to do and wont pay me to do. inside im like "BITCH, you dont PAY ME, DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT MY METHODS!"also just this morning she told me to feed her cats when the food and their bowl where practically right next to each other. she could have fed them in the time it took for her to walk to my room to tell me to feed them.SourceMy eyes are literally bloodshot red from crying for the last hour, and I just threw up from the stress. I can't believe we lost again. The president sexually assaults people, the Republican in Montana bodyslams people, and this bitch in Georgia refuses to let women with breast cancer get treatment. And the worst part is people still vote for them! It's happening. We are in 1930s Nazi Germany. We must resist.Let's start with logic thinking. We will apply these questions to a trap, and it will help determine if they are gay.Does the person have a masculine penis? No, they have a feminine penis.Is the person a man? No, they are called dickgirls for a reason.Does a man have a numerical value of 1? No, not only is that not the case, but a man (or a woman) has no numerical value. This is nonsense.Is it gay to be fucked by a girl? No, if this was the case then all heterosexual sex would in fact be homosexual in nature.Suffice to say, I think we can all agree that traps are not gay using quick and easy logic thinking.Now, we will use imagination thinking to imagine a situation in which you are having sexual intercourse with a trap.Ok, so like imagine this chick; but she's this totally fucking SMOKING hot chick, and she's got really sexy titties and a sexy butthole that you can pound and a sexy little feminine penis you can stroke and suck.Did that feel gay? I thought not.We have used both of the types of thinking to solve the mystery of if traps are gay. They are not. I have used indisputable science techniques to skip the hypothesis completely and go straight to a proof. Science thinking is a secret third type of thinking that many people don't have so this may be a difficult concept to grasp for some. I am happy to explain my theorem further and am opening this thread to discussion.ERECT ON DEMAND THIS BONER BREW MAKES YOU A BETTER SCREW. YOU MAY NEVER FIT IN HER BACKDOOR AGAIN. CLICK HERE.I sexually identify as a Navy Seal. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of being the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. People say to me that having over 300 confirmed kills is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a secret network of spies trace your IP right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. From now on, you're fucking dead, kiddo. If you can't accept me you need to check your gorilla privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.My teacher said to my I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything. I scoffed at him. Shocked, my teacher asked what's so funny, my future is on the line. "Well...you see professor" I say as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. "I watch Idubbbz." The class is shocked, they merely watch pleb Youtubers like Leafy to feign intelligence, not grasping the humor. "...how? I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety." "Well you see...I'M GAAY!" One lone student laughs in the back, I turn to see a who this fellow genius is. It's none other than Keemstar.Is having daughters the ultimate cuckoldry?I cannot think or comprehend of anything more cucked than having a daughter. Honestly, think about it rationally. You are feeding, clothing, raising and rearing a girl for at least 18 years solely so she can go and get ravaged by another man. All the hard work you put into your beautiful little girl - reading her stories at bedtime, making her go to sports practice, making sure she had a healthy diet, educating her, playing with her. All of it has one simple result: her body is more enjoyable for the men that will eventually fuck her in every hole.Raised the perfect girl? Great. Who benefits? If you're lucky, a random man who had nothing to do with the way she grew up, who marries her. He gets to fuck her tight pussy every night. He gets the benefits of her kind and sweet personality that came from the way you raised her. As a man who has a daughter, you are LITERALLY dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ULTIMATE AND FINAL cuck. Think about it logicallyHas anyone noticed something wrong with Cummybot recently? He's gone a bit... Weird. Seriously, somebody go fix him please. He's becoming a Dummybot.Nerds are over rated and deserve to be bullied.Quite frankly, I find it hilarious how girls and young women seem to be wet for nerds, even fictional ones. Like, of all the men there are in the world, you choose nerds? Why? Are you that insecure about yourself you have to go for crap?Contrary to what nerds try to brainwash you into believing, they don't land decent jobs at all. They're often too introverted or rigid to be CEO's or bosses. I know a guy who matches literally the exact stereotype of a nerd, he even wears horn rimmed glasses and a bowtie. He went to University to get a degree in Philosophy. Like seriously? Wow dude, you're so smart, I'm sure a degree in Philosophy is truly going to land you a great job and you will change the world!Also, nerds aren't really smart to begin with. Oh, look, this guy's nerdy acting and he's good at math! He's so smart! Except he's not. I suck at math but I'm smart because I know how to deal with people and put them in their place, and I use creative and abstract thinking. THAT is the kinda stuff that gets you somewhere.Besides with the fact that nerds just act so.. well 'nerdy' and cringy all the time, it makes ME uncomfortable and it's disrespectful to other people by making them uncomfortable. I remember being in highschool and I'd make friends with everyone, except for nerds. They just ended up taking me for granted and basically hated my guts because I wasn't some robotic person with a rigid mentality. Then they make excuses and say people hate them because of their 'knowledge'. Like quit making excuses some very intelligent people are well liked, nerd and intelligent aren't always the same thing.Nerds are not 'cute', nerds aren't 'sweet' and they're not even that intelligent. You might as well date a methhead. At least the methhead might have some creative thoughts and not act like a friggen awkward robot. I have trouble even believing nerds are people.Also, most serial killers are nerds so good luck getting killed in some extremely weird way such as having holes drilled in your head or ending up in a nerd's stomach. I love me some serial killer documentaries! Slavs(fake white people), were a race that originated deep underground. Slavs had mystical squatting powers, and very high alcohol tolerance. They drilled out of the surface 10,000 years ago, and lived among humans.They scammed their way to the bottom of society, and isolated themselves from their allies. Pilsudski, the rebellious slav, taught independence from Russia, and rejected CSGO spammers. He used his mystical slav magic channeled from Ivan the Terrible himself to perform miracles. New slavs became poles, and old slavs stayed slavs.They have no ideology except to get to the liquor store, which they failed, as the finns have already surpassed them, so they used finns, like Mannerheim and Schaumann to buy vodka and use it for their own purposes.They failed that too, and now a german (trump) is president. Germans are a species that also originated deep underground like Slavs. The slavs were allies with the Germans, and that is why slavs love trump. Trump's real name is Drumpf, a common german last name. Slavs called him that to try to expose him as a German, but no one else besides the slavs know about GermansOk, 'tis be ABSOLUTE fuckin' bullshit. I went to spy wit' ye eye Cars in th' theater yesterday, 'n when Lightnin' McQueen got steamin' wit' Sally in Radiator Sprin's, me boner engaged. When Lightnin' McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed me eyes, 'n I TORE me dick to shreds, usin' whip like motions 'n pulled wit' great force. That was one 'o th' best nuts I ever had, just thinkin' 'bout it now gets me riled up. Thin' be, I nutted all over th' laddie sittin' right next to me, 'n his mom got all pissed at me, screamin' at me fer jackin' off on her son. I told that scallywag to shut th' muck up, 'n that jackin' off be a natural, artistic, 'n beautiful process. ye BE grog-filled that me semen be all over ye son, maybe he can learn a lesson or a pair 'bout th' culture 'n art 'o jackin' off. HOWEVER, th' movie theater managers didn't agree wit' me. They KICKED ME OUT 'o th' movie theater, 'n I didn't even finish watchin' th' Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me spit shine up me semen after it already dried out 'n solidified on th' seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do ye be knowin' how harrrd it be to spit shine semen after its dried out? ye spit shine semen after its FRESH out 'o ye cock, not an hour after ye fuckin' nutted. 'tis be a fuckin' OUTRAGE. Do ye really expect me to not whip out me cock 'n jack off when i spy wit' ye eye a steamin' sex scene in a movie? Either ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in ye theater, assholes.-I called 1-800-Dominos to order a pizza. Little did I know what anordeal awaited me. When I ordered the pizza, I heard numerous ethnicslurs towards black people being shouted in the background in Spanish.Thinking it was probably just racous customers, I proceeded to order alarge pizza and hot wings, I was really hungry. I then waitedpatiently for one hour for my pizza to arrive. At around one hour andthirty minutes, I called and asked what was going on with the pizza.The young man on the phone brazenly told me to "Chill out nigga, yopizza will be there soon" When I demanded his name, he refused to giveit to me, and hung up. I called back and got a different person whoswears he has no idea what happened, and that the pizza would be theresoon. I waited another half hour before finally calling back tocancel the pizza, hungrier than I have ever been in my life even aftersurviving hurricane katrina with no food and water for days. I wastold ok, fine, we will credit your card, no problem. I resigned myselfto going to bed hungry, but then when I had dozed off for like fifteenminutes, I heard tires screaching outside and someone laying on theirhorn for what seemed like almost half a minute, waking up all myneighbors. When I went outside to see if someone was shot or what inthe world was going on, I found none other than the dominos pizzadelivery driver with my order now a full TWO HOURS and fifteen minuteslate. The young man, a latino with no nametag, appeared extremelydisheveled and absolutely REEKED of marihuana smoke. He was alsoblaring loud hispanic rap music from his car, loudly playing lyricsglorifying rape. I attempted to check the pizza to see if my order wascorrect, but the young man refused to let me touch the boxes until Isigned the credit card slip and "Gave him an extra something" When Ithreatened to call his manager he replied "I AM YO MOTHAFU$!@ MANAGER,BITCH". I could not believe that this crazy drug addict was yelling atme. I became extremely nervous that this young man was going to attackme physically, but when I finally got the pizza, I found it was NOTwhat I ordered, and furthermore, it was stone cold. I mentioned thisto the young man, who then grabbed the pizza box out of my hands andthrew it onto the hood of my neighbor's car, spraying cold pizza sauceall over his newly simonized Camaro. "You NIGGERS don't DESERVEpizza!" he yelled, brandishing an unlit marijuana cigarette. He thengot in his car and peeled out, sideswiping one of my across-the-streetneighbor's cars. I called 1-800 dominos and tried to tell them thisstory but they said there was nothing they could do for me and that Iwould have to use the comment form on their website.I have never felt so degraded by a fast food organization in my life.Not only did I not get my food, but I spent the rest of the nightcleaning pizza off of my neighbor's Camaro. Previously I ordered fromdominos several times a year, but I am certain that unless some STRONGaction is taken, I will never eat there again. I am also informingthe members of my congregation about this grievous injusticesperpetrated against me by dominos, and we will unite against thisracist treatment of a poor old black man who only wanted to eat somepizza.There's one thing you should know about me. I'm a black belt in masturbation. I've jerked my gerkin so much over the past 12 years or so, that my grip is now legendary. I once crushed a man's hand just by giving him a handshake. Every time he uses that hand now, he thinks of me, the man who crippled his hand. And you, sword in hand, want to challenge me? I can break that sword in half in 3 seconds. You can try, if you want to. But just know that I can ruin your life with one swift motion. Well, what's it gonna be punk?The year is 2120I've received my pink money from my beautiful and powerful female boss at my pink job so I can go buy some pink food at the pink grocery store.Jonesing for a fruit saladApproach a pink employee"Excuse me where are the oranges?"I realized my mistake too late"I-I mean the pinks, where are the pinks at? haha"The pink police arrive almost immediately"This here is the rapist ma'am?""Yes, that's him"10 years minimum in the absence of green penitentiary for sexual assaultIt's okay I guess. Anything for equality as my mom's once said.Hey guys what is up, its Scarce here and welcome back to another wicked video today we got a pretty bizarre story from pewdiepie apparently he is quitting YouTube!?!? What omg that is pretty crazy I mean that's super crazy and wow what if he is serious like omg that would be crazy anyways thanks for watching guys smack that like button and don't forget to look out for my double upload tomorrow that's right it'll be a double upload so crazy anyway byethank god vine is finally dying jesus christ. meme is already kinda dead that vine is bad yeayeayea we get it but seriously tho vine isnt funny. instagram is/will be normies go to from now on, some side social memeia platforms are facebook, ifunny, and maybbbeee snapchat but not really for memes. some facebook content is better than a lot of instagrams content but its still awful but the only source of a constant flow of memes that are neato and better than the rest. im very unique and cool and quirky as you guys can see. holy guacamole who remebers the spork meme holy shit. also all the weird videos me and gabe found like a few years ago are coming up again. i was watching a pyrocynical video because i really wanted someone to ramble for 20 minutes about a topic that could have been covered in one minute, all while trying to be on everybodys side at once as not to lose any viewers. im tired. anyways, i was watching the pryo video and he played that song from that guy that sang "goodbye to all the people.. who hated on me; goodbye to all rhe people.. who didnt believe in me...." or something i cant remember but hopefully you can gabe- the audio quality was horrible it was amazing lolok bye thanks for dropping bye todayNeat.I'm a Navy Seal, and these are my 300 confirmed kills. I work here with my little shit and my friend, maggot. Everything in here has been trained in gorilla warfare and is the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. One thing I've learned after 21 years - you never know WHO is gonna be fuckin dead kiddo.How does your comment have so many upvotes but nobody has replied to it yet?Edit: who the fuck down voted me you stupid prick. I have so much karma your one down vote doesn't mean shit. Suck it.Edit 2: ooh negative two I'm sooooo scared I lost .002% of my karma lol losers.Edit 3: negative 30 maybe if your sub wasn't so tiny like your penis downvoting you'd actually have an effect on my karma.What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down on you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.Yeah so fucking what? I got that Neapolitan penis, fuck you gonna do about it?Guaranteed your bitch gonna be more excited to suck on multi colored popsicle than your bland ass monotone dick.My penis be the cultural climax of three of the greatest colors known to mankind. The chocolate, the cream, and last but not least the rose. There are LAYERS to this dick, like a goddamn onion, by the end of the session when I'm done cutting it you can guarantee your girl gonna be crying tears of joy.You telling me right now as a farmer who wants culturally diverse chickens on his free range farm, you just gonna get roosters that are one color? Fuck that, give me some colorful cocks any day.Neopenis out.I smoked the pot once. I went absolutely batshit crazy! I couldn't believe it! I found myself driving 2 miles over the speed limit completely safe in my lane to the nearest McDonalds... After ordering my Big Mac, large fries and large Chocolate shake. I safely returned home. I watched some Southpark, ate some amazing munchies, laughed my ass off and slept like a baby....I woke up the next morning covered in blood and realized my McDs run had been a bad dream. I actually was driving 100 miles an hour. Jumped a curb and killed two homeless people. I proceeded to toss them in my trunk. Brought them home. Chopped them up and ate em... Damn I really went crazy! I'll never smoke the pot again! It's the devils lettuce!Just walked outside in my boxer briefs (tight as frick hugging my gluteus maximus and catering to my package nicely), and the hispanic milf across the street was outside getting groceries out of her car and looked across the street at my physique (I'm 3 weeks into my cut and my striations are starting to become more apparent and I'm looking real FREAKING joocy), and she just stared for a second because she's never really seen how I look because I always leave the house wearing hoodies or sweaters because I don't really like to show off my body that much (my body is a temple and you have to earn your rights to look at the treasure if you know what I mean), and she just blurts out "NICE A*, YOU LONG DCKD MOTHERFCKER, WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER FOR SOME MILFSOUP?". I honestly didn't know how to react, and I had just eaten pop tarts and drank a lot of water, so I just threw up everywhere, tried to run inside and my boxers got caught on a branch sticking out of a bush and ripped them off and then I fell on the ground and started crying. I'm still laying outside on the ground naked because I'm embarrassed to get up. What should I do?I was only 16 years old. I loved communism so much, I had all the treatises and propaganda posters. I prayed to Marx every night to thank him for the dialectical materialism I had been given. "Workers of the world unite," I said, "you have nothing to lose but your chains." My boss hears me, and calls me a tankie. I knew he was jealous of my commitment to the revolution. I called him a reactionary fascist. He slaps me and sends me to work for a wage. I'm crying now, and I'm alienated from my labor. I lay in my bed, and I'm poor. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Karl Marx. I am so happy. He whispers in my ear, "Let the ruling classes tremble at a communist revolution." He grabs me with his powerful hands and places me on my knees. I am ready. I organize a labor union for Karl Marx. He throws reactionaries into the gulag. It hurts so much, but I do it for Marx. I take up arms against the bourgeoisie. I want to contribute to the revolution. He roars a mighty roar as he fills my life with class consciousness. My boss walks in. Karl looks him straight in the eye and says, "From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs." Marx leaves through the window. Workers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains.Strolling through college campus unaccompanied as I often do. Not worried about being harassed or raped because I am a man. See group of young ladies struggling to set up a folding table. Two strong women have extended the legs and are trying to flip the table upright. I approach them uninvited and say hello. One flees, triggered. "let me help with that girls" I easily flip the table upright with... my masculine strength. Now upright, I can see the sign taped to the table top. FEMINIST BAKESALE. I give a low-pitched chuckle with my testosterone privileged vocal cords. "So you girls have been busy in the kitchen, what did you bake?" One strong woman stands with a box to rest on the table. Her eyes are welled with tears at the oppression she is suffering. "C-cupcakes" - "I love cupcakes, let me see what you have there" I reach my phallic hand over and open the virginal box this poor woman is holding. My male gaze objectifies the cupcakes. "Oh those look good. How much?" Another strong woman speaks up, images of Susan B Anthony flash in her head. "They're a dollar for men because of the corrupt patria--" I stop her short in a textbook case of verbal rape. "That sounds fine. Give me the whole box." I pull out a capitalist paper bill with the image of a Cis White Male Slaveowner on it. The strong woman before me whimpers in psychic pain as I hand the bill to her, she has been reduced to a slave -- nay -- a commodity. "Thank you" she says meekly, feeling violated. I give a sensual grunt as I bite into one of the sweet, moist cupcakes. "Mmmm... It was my privilege."This turns my stomach. Just flat out the most offensive game I've ever seen. I can name family members that died in this conflict, wept at the pictures and accounts of the dead and maimed that experienced this hell, was taught all the horrors of it from primary school, through my whole life, it's only ever been a symbol of the folly of war, the worst, most black and shameful era of British and European history. I've been to the actual battlefields and mass graves across Europe, held the minutes silence without fail every rememberence day my entire life, for as long as I could understand the meaning of it. There was no glory in this war. No thrilling action or daring do, no heroes and villains, this was mass murder, a scar on the history of our species, and every single person involved in it was a victim. This trailer, the entire concept of this game, makes me feel physically sick, and just so fucking angry. How fucking dare anyone make a game like this about the First World War. I don't know what's worse, the sick fucking emotionless, greedy cunts that would seriously exploit this horror of an industrialised massacre, or the ignorant, soulless bastards that will give them money and enjoy it. Anyone involved in this, or seriously think of buying this, should be ashamed of themselves.