Awesomest of Them All

Oddities

You had just wanted to go home and finish you binge of Parks and Recreation before continuing writing your book, inevitably staying up all night and suffering at work the next day, it was tradition. But of course nothing ever goes as planned when you live in Gotham. Very unfortunate.

So here you were stuck in the middle of one of Jokers plots. What exactly he was trying to do, who knows he had been at this for years now with a new plot every other week and only a few had lead to anything. You had been walking home and one of his cronies grabbed you to use as a hostage. You were currently being held by the Joker himself as he had a gun against your head.

"Ut-ut-uh," Joker makes this noise when Batman and Robin drop in through a vent, "don't move another inch of you care about this girl's life."

He'd been expecting them hence why you were in this position but still... you glance at his face hovering just above your shoulder. Gross. His face was a more pure white than his teeth, his teeth looking like a slice of American cheese next to his pasty ass skin. Yes, it was skin, and somehow that was worse than the thought of him just putting on some weird makeup everyday.

They stop moving, "Joker," Batman begins in his deep voice, "let the woman go."

"Thank you for acknowledging that I am not in fact a girl," you say no longer able to hold your tongue, being your snarky self in the face of danger. "Also, Joker, Jokes? Can I call you Jokes? I think you got something stuck in your teeth and it's really ruining the effect for me." You lift your upper lip enough to point with your tongue to approximately where it was that looked like he had tried to eat his red lipstick.

"Shut. Up. If you care about your life," he says obviously annoyed and not used to people talking back to him.

In all honesty there was a pit in the back of your stomach as you tried to get yourself to shut up, only for your mouth to open again with a laugh, "bold of you to assume I care about my life."

It's as you speak that you feel the Joker's grip release slightly, probably to hold you tighter, but it is enough for you to make yet another impulsive move. Using all the self defense you had learned in your little over 20 years of life, you grab the hand he has on your shoulder. Then you stamp your heel into the tender part of the top of his food, causing him to drop the gun. Then you finish it off by using the leverage of your body weight and the hand on your shoulder to flip him up and over you and onto the floor. You don't do so completely successfully as you end up landing on your back on top of him, knocking the wind out of him, but you're fine since he broke your fall like a gentleman.

As you stand up, "Sorry," you say sarcastically, "Not a huge fan, broccoli top," with that you kick him in the head. You look up at Batman and Robin they both hadn't moved, and they were both staring at you in as much shock as Joker had been when you'd started critiquing his teeth. "Thanks for the help," due to the adrenaline firing you up it comes out sarcastically but you really meant it, "Fuck- ah!" You facepalm, feeling embarrassed and get ahold of yourself enough to say, "all that came out wrong. I really meant it though, thanks for the help. I know you might not think you did anything but honestly I'm a dumbass and if you hadn't been here I would have failed epically at all of that and died right here and now-" you catch yourself rambling and rub the back of your head, "uh- yeah, thanks."

"It's alright, Ma'am, would you like us to drop you off at the police station?" Batman asks.

"Nah, that'll take too long. I'm fine so I'm just gonna head home," you point over your shoulder and pause, "if that's alright with you," you switch directions as you remember you're actually talking to THE BATMAN and there might be procedures to all this shit.

"It's okay, as long as you are fine, do you have a car near by or-"

"I'll just walk," he seems like he's going to say something so you continue, "it's alright I'll be fine."

"Robin, will you escort her home?" Batman says anyways, and you almost object but you decide that it probably best to not argue with Batman, especially because you had gone and done his job for him then cussed at him.

"Yes'sir," Robin says spunkily for a literal child out past midnight who had just watched a woman beat Joker over the head with nothing more than a sandal on her foot.

"Thank you," you say to both of them before following Robin out of the building and onto the street. "So, are you going to walk with me or watch me from above?" You ask him once you're outside, you begin looking around to figure out which direction your apartment is in.

"I'll walk with you," he replies excitedly, skipping along beside you as you begin the walk towards your apartment building. The two of you walk in silence until he can't handle the quiet any longer and asks, "So what's your name?"

"(y/n) (l/n)," you reply as you continue trudging along and he skips beside you. You don't say anything else for a moment before you decide to just go for it and ask, he seems like a nice kid anyways and will get that you're joking, hopefully, "What's your name?"

"I can't tell you that!" he says a little jumpily, as he eyes you a little suspiciously from under his mask.

"It's fine, I know you can't, I was joking," you laugh a bit at his reaction.

"Oh, huh," he laughs as well, and you can't help but wonder how such a happy kid is sidekick to such a broody hero. Like it would probably make more sense for him to be Superman's sidekick, personality wise at least. "So what's your job? Like why were you walking around at this time of night?" He asks curiously.

"Oh, um," you start feeling slightly embarrassed, "I wasn't walking home from work. I had gone to the store to get some ice-cream," you say realizing that Joker had stolen your ice-cream, "and apparently Joker kept it," you laugh bitterly.

"Oh," He makes that noise not knowing why to say, "what is your job then?" he asks again.

"I'm a server at a restaurant right now," you pause, "but I'm writing a book so I'm hoping that will be my job eventually."

"Oh, that's cool. What kind of book is it?" He asks and genuinely seems interested so you go for it and begin telling him about the fantasy world you were building through words on a page. He keeps asking questions so the conversation holds the both of you over until you come up to your apartment.

"Well, this is it," you say stopping in front of your apartment building. "Thanks for escorting me."

"You're welcome!" He says cheerful as ever, "I'd love to read your book, if you publish it that is."

"Oh, thanks," you laugh gently, surprised as you'd never thought anyone would want to read your book. "I'm almost through with editing so it's just a matter of figuring out how to publish it... thanks again though kiddo." With that you head inside the building and upstairs to your one bedroom. Mentally and emotionally you're drained so instead of all your plans you had had an hour before you simply go to sleep.

Dick waits a moment after you head inside, wanting to be sure you had made it, before he heads off again to find Bats.

"Robin," Bruce greets him when he arrives at the rooftop he was waiting on. "We should head home, you have school in the morning and Alfred is saying it's time," he continues, as he dramatically stares out over the city.

"Ugh," Dick sighs, "okay," says as he would love to stay out all night.

On the ride home Dick can't keep quiet, "Y/n was really cool wasn't she?! I walked her home and she told me all about the book she's writing and how she's gonna publish it soon. And she didn't even need our help to get away from Joker?! Did you see how she knocked him down just like that! It was awesome, I've never seen anyone do that before."

Bruce can't help the small smile that comes to his face as Dick tells him about you, and he can only agree, "yes, there really is something different about her from the other people we usually save."