black boy drabbles vol. 1

pt. 1: reunion

Thursday
6:42 PM

Chris felt sick to his stomach. Not even the rumbling of the car as he sat at the red light did anything to calm his nerves. His face was cold, and he was coated in a layer of anxious sweat, his knee bouncing, his jaw locked in place. He let out a deep sigh through his nose, the red light switching to green as if on cue, and with a firm grip on the underside of his steering wheel he pressed on his gas and continued his journey. He minded the passing cars and the street signs for once in his life. Anything to keep his mind occupied as it continued to race with every second that passed. Memories, feelings, his emotions all in one. He suddenly switched off the radio, before his brain could succumb the the overload of memories of him.

Chris can't even say his name. His baby. That's the only thing he can think of calling him. It's been far too long... and now, he's about to see him in the flesh after so many years. The mere thought weighed heavy on his shoulders. But not near as heavy as the he's carried for four years that changed his entire life. Four years without seeing his face. Four years without being able to say his name.

He sat stonefaced, his hands carrying a subtle tremble, his heart knocking hard on his ribcage. He glanced at the present he got for the him in the passenger seat. It's almost like he's in the car too, like he'd always been before. There wasn't a moment they went without one another. They've been by each other's side for as long as they could remember. Chris promised himself he'd never hurt him and he did it anyway. The thought made him swallow hard. He pressed his fingers against his chest instinctively, easing off of the gas pedal. He squeezed his eyes for a moment, his heart beating wildly into the tips of his fingers.

Suddenly winded, he breathed heavily through his nose to clam himself down. No...not today. Not now.

Not when he's on his way to him.

Today's his day after all, and Chris would be damned if he missed out. There was no way he was ending this day without being able to pour his heart out, even if he'd have to get on his knees and beg with his hands to the sky.

The closer he reached his destination, the worse he felt. His life, by no means, had been easy in his twenty-six years of living and he could count the days that he felt were his last on a few hands. But this was by far the hardest thing he's ever had to do.

Getting there's the easy part, sure. But looking at his face and not being able to tell him how much he loved him was going to kill Chris. It's all he wanted to say. But even that couldn't express how much Chris really did. In a world without him, he had no idea where to turn and no one to run to. They were now strangers. And it was all on account of Chris' actions.

Did he lose his mind? Yes. There was no other explanation for his behavior. If he could whoop his own ass...

His hand tightened around the steering wheel as his lips twitched into a scowl. Reminded of the day he fucked up only made him feel more pathetic. But he couldn't think about it, not now. Especially not today, when he's about to see him. His eyes watered a little.

My baby...

His stomach sunk. He missed him so much. Chris just wanted to see his face. Nothing mattered more. Sinking back into his seat, he turned up his radio and pushed his foot on the gas. He's gotta get there.

I'm coming.

Turning onto his parents' street with ease, there was a smell of barbecue in the early summer air that made his stomach growl. He could only hope that was his dad's because he'd been letting his age catch up to him and the food would turn out terrible.