Synthetic

Pilot

   Sometimes, when I'm sad, I like to sit down outside and look at the grass. It's a reminder that even though I'll live longer than the insects and their kingdoms, I'll still die a death; horrible or lonely. It's confusing to me, really, how everyone can be happy and alive, when in reality, they're all disgusting and cruel. The entire population is just a bunch of actors who rather feed off others emotion and love than to give it; humanity is just a play, poem, and book. One day, it will close again, and the next for good. 

   Eventually, though, the shade would become too cold, so then I would move to the space that wasn't below the trees; only to meet eyes with other people. No one liked the fact I was isolated or always keeping my well being away from them. Because that's just it, they wanted to know me, tear me apart from the heart to the guts; down to the pits of lust. At least, that's what I see now, after her..

   "Maybe some help-", "We could always call someone-", "Let's meet with a professional." Things people say that think help really don't. Nothing can cure me, not even my own thoughts or pride. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to do anything, I won't even try. 

   That's when I decide to just go back inside the school and hide in a classroom to read or write; most being poems, or most being of a fantasy world I would rather be in than in my own mind all the time. It's confusing, the mind. It'll tell you things you don't want to hear, or make you do things your body didn't want to. People call me shy, people call me weird, people call me scared or disgusting. People say the most horrible things behind my back, but it's so obvious when they're in front of me. Sometimes I wish I wasn't human, but rather a hummingbird or a lone wolf.

   Maybe if I wasn't despising the world, I would see the real beauty in it..

;-:

   Have you ever looked up at the stars one night and realized you could never count them all without wanting to pass out? Now imagine that but in the comfort of a blanket; the comfort of warmth and smiles. That's how my mind is all the time. When I'm counting the stars, I'm awake. When I'm not counting the stars, I'm asleep. It's honestly intriguing how the mind will make you do all these things without your true permission, a big one? Falling in love. It's amazing, truly. 

   If I'm not counting the stars, I'm reading another romance book about a bunch of weirdos that probably never asked for it. Characters in books can be so funny. I mean truly, it almost impossible for total opposites to fall in love; Even if, how long would it last? I guess I find comfort knowing there might be someone in the world who can stand how energetic and annoying I am. Maybe one day we will meet in a romantic way and fall in love just by the look in each others eyes. 

   This is how I cope, of course. My imagination does love to run wild, while my reality seems to just always sit still. Everything is everything, while nothing can be anything. That is how I think, my mind in love with myself and everyone who does anything with me or to make me happy. I may not be quiet, and I may not be perfect on the inside, but I'm only human. I'm something that will never change no matter what

   Maybe if I wasn't so upbeat and lively, I would realize that some things aren't so beautiful..

;-:

    "Welcome everyone, I'm glad you all had an amazing summer break, I would love to hear all about it-," The teacher started off by yelling, making sure the entire class heard her start, "But maybe we should talk about your very first project that starts next week." 

   Practically everyone groaned, now seated and paying attention to her. She smiled, looking at everyone and then going back to the whiteboard. She wrote her name, Ms. Lynn, in big bold blue to make it obvious. She wore a simple white dress with tights on underneath, no fat to be shown throughout her entire body. Her dangly pearl earrings moved as she went to look at us again. 

   "Welcome to AP History, everyone. I'm your teacher for the semester, so please read this name more than once and remember it," She began, "As you all know, we will have a lot of assignments, seeing as it's AP, one of them being a huge beginning project." 

   She went to the desk that was left of the whiteboard and picked up a stack of papers, one sticking to her desk involuntarily, "I want everyone to think about what you read on this paper, and tell me what part of the school you choose. This is more of a fun thing rather than a boring World War II type of project. You guys will love it." She started to hand out the papers, giving everyone a small smile. 

   I began reading the paper, looking mostly for how much of our grade would be defined by it, and how it'll be scored. If I do the bare minimum, I might get a B, so that's good. 

   "The only thing that isn't said on the paper, is that I will be assigning you a partner! I get to pick from each and every one of you new faces to see how good you will be together." She grinned, going back to the front of the class. I mentally sighed, hoping I get a decent partner. Maybe they'll do all the work for me instead. 

   "Yes..?" I looked behind me to see a girl. She had long brown hair, deep green eyes, and she wore a bright white long sleeved shirt. She smiled brightly, taking her time to think her next words through. 

   "My name is Jaden, ma'am. Do you have the due date for this, on the paper it doesn't say when we are supposed to turn it in." She stated, making me look the paper over again. She was right, It doesn't give us hint of how long we have. 

   "That's a good question. I'm letting this assignment last all semester," She said, making some of the students give a couple confused noises, "So, it will be due around November 14th." 

   "Ms. Lynn, how come we can't research the football field, it's one of the oldest things here at the school." Another student spoke up, their voice not soothing my ears. I shrugged it off and went back into my own little world, doodling on the back of the paper. I didn't pay attention much until the teacher spoke up once more. 

   "Everyone will get to choose where they want to go for the project, which means I will be partnering you up in that order. Unfortunately, not everyone will be partnered up in the place they pick, obviously, if there is not another person to partner you up with. Therefore, I will go down the list of places I've made, and the next one available will be where you go. I'm sorry if you don't get the place you want." She explained simply, everyone agreeing with her. 

   I looked at the list. There were big places, like the library or the gymnasiums. There were also smaller places, like the main office or the swimming pool. People are more likely to pick the smaller places, in this case, unless they're stupid. The bigger places will cost more time to research and no one likes running around each corner. For example, the gymnasium would be the worst option to go for seeing as it was added as one of the first things, same with the smaller object; the main office. I should go for something people would be crazy to pick, so I don't have an annoying partner, and I can just do my own side of the work and not have to go places. 

   "Also, I will partnering you up with people that you won't get along with very easily. If two people I know are best friends, they won't be getting each other as a partner, even if they pick the same thing in the voting," Ms. Lynn smiled innocently at everyone, placing herself in her chair at her desk. 

   There goes my semester..