Born To Survive || BTS

| 3 |

March 21, 2013

I stood in front of the airport. My fa- James standing holding my shoulders, his face in my own. I had made the choice without even realizing it. Go.

I thought of my dark eyes that my father might have. The dark hair. The slanted eyes. I was my dad and just the thought of being like him and not my mother gave me something other than pain. Something of belonging.

"Your ticket, passport, and any paperwork you might need is in the front pocket of the bag. There is about $500 in cash to get you through your flight. Someone will get you when you land and take you to your dad." James said.

I just stared blankly at him, my eyes swollen from the tears still streaming down my face. I was still in puke covered clothes, a crumbled assignment in my back pocket. It poured down rain and if I took two steps forward I would be hit by it.

"Eli, I'm sorry this had to happen." He said, genuinely sounding sorry but I couldn't hear him. I couldn't hear anything. He pointed to something, lips moving but my ears were turned off and I looked over at my mother still in the car.

She didn't even bother to look at me. To see her first born child go. James tapped my shoulder and I turned back to him. He had stopped talking and I knew what it meant. This was it. It was time for me to go.

Without a word or second glance I turned on my heel and walked through the doors, knowing if I looked back it would just make it worse.

Behind me was Zane. Behind me was Tessa. Behind me was Jordan and Timothy, my brother and sister. Behind me was my mother, even if she was a horrible mother, she was still my mom. Behind me was my life and I was walking away from it.

So I didn't look back. I didn't stop, I just kept going.

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"Um excuse me?" I asked a lady who was walking in front of me. She was the nicest looking person I have seen so far and I was lost. I have never been in an airport before and after they checked my bag and me I didn't know where to go.

"Yes dear?"

The lady turned around and looked up at me, she was older than I thought but when she smiled I was put at ease. She reminded me of a nice grandma.

"Do you know where this is," I showed her my printed ticket and she nodded, pulling my hand so I was closer to her. She switched her suitcase to her other hand and took my arm in hers, my walk slowing to match hers.

"You are on the same flight as I am. What brings you to South Korea? So far away for a young girl to travel by herself." The old lady had a frail but soft voice, it was very comforting after the mean voice of my mother.

I watched where we were going, unsure what to say. I knew she could tell I had been crying, everyone could. My face was swollen and blotchy, my voice raspy.

"My uh- I have family there," Was all I said.

She nodded looking back to where we were going. The rest of the walk was silent, her short steps taking longer than I normally walk but I was thankful for the old lady.

The rest was a blur. All I could see was that look on my mothers face, the screaming of her and James. One second I was walking, the next I was on a plane looking out a window in a box, the old lady gone and I was alone.

There was a small tv like thing on the wall in front of me and I saw we still had over 12 hours to go, the words suggesting we sleep the trip away.

How could anyone sleep like this? There was so much going through my head right now, so many emotions running through my body.

"What did I do?" I mumbled asking myself in fear.

"What did I do?.."

I grabbed my bag from beside my seat and pulled everything out onto the middle of the floor in my small box. My clothes, a picture of me, Zane, and Tess, all my paperwork, and a note. Did my fath- James tell me about a note?

Opening it up I saw my full name on the top of the page, the writing without a doubt James's.

Eli Rose Sayler,
I hope you don't take any of this personally.
This wasn't easy for your mother. You came at a hard time in her life and even though she didn't show it much she did love you. I met your mom the day she found out she was pregnant, she was crying on a bench outside of our college and I stopped wanting to see why she was publicly crying. When she told me she had gotten pregnant by some man she didn't know, I felt sorry for her and told her that if she ever needed someone I would be there for her. Four months later we were married. Three more after that you were here, a beautiful little girl. Elizabeth pushed you away though, her hatred for the man who knocked her up too strong to properly bond with you. I apologise for not forcing her to, maybe this could have all been avoided.

Well about four months ago I found out she had had this man's email this whole time, your fathers email, and never told him about you or anything. So without telling her I messaged him and his son answered, a nice boy who said he would love to know you. When I told your mom about this brother of yours she wanted to send you off immediately. Her mind told her she could be a better mom to the twins if you weren't a problem in her life. I said no but it wasn't the worst idea and might be better for you. I held her off as long as I could but once your mom sets her mind to something, it's hard to stop her.

So please Eli, just try to make the best of this situation. Find your brother, find the life you were meant to live and just know....

I might not be your biological father, but I am your dad and you will always be my daughter. I love you Eli Rose.

James

I reread the letter over and over again. I read the letter until I knew every word by heart. Every detail I never knew about myself, about my life. The life I was robbed of.

I have had a brother my whole life without ever knowing it...

This time I let myself feel everything I wanted to feel. Every drop of hatred, anger, sadness, pain, joy, confusion.... everything. I didn't cry, but I felt everything. As I looked out the window I knew that I was going away from everything I knew, from everyone I loved. But I was also going to everyone I might love, everyone I will know.

Just that little bit of hope in my heart kept me going.

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Short chapter this time.. sorry!! Next chapter will be longer.

Eli is going to have an Instagram account later on in the story but it is already up! If you would like to check it out...

@eli_rose_offical    and yes I know official is spelt wrong... the name was already taken.