~Always My Captain~

~The Call~

The momentary distraction was helpful. It was a good day.

Virat could still feel the salty breeze caressing his face. He could still feel the softness of the wet sand as they ran with the waves and the heat emitting from the glistening sand. Running on the beach, splashing water, chattering and breathing in the oceanic air. He felt alive, well, more alive then he had been feeling in the past few days.

Even just sitting there, listening to the kids bicker and the light play upon the sea water. Virat had felt at peace but now, back in his room all alone and fighting again. It was one of those days for him. Well, these whole tour had been more and less one of those days for him, where everything was a struggle and he knew what it was, the feeling that motivated and pushed him to take the extra few steps for the mental well being of his team mates, his brothers. He had first gotten a taste of depression during a tour of England in 2014, and well, he still has to deal with at times.

The one thing doctors never forget to tell patients diagnosed with depression is it's almost a life long battle. Even when there are times when life is going really well and then the feeling hits. The feelings where everything is a struggle. The feeling where even getting out of the bed is an effort. The feeling where making a cup of coffee is also too much work. The feeling where you know you've to fight with yourself to get through the day or you'll lose yourself and the hardest thing about these days are that it's never just one day.

And he had been struggling, the weeks dragging but the feelings not going away. He could feel himself slipping, and he didn't know how long he had to continue fighting to stay above the waves of life but he knew he had to fight it. He couldn't let all these voices and senseless fears get to him. He couldn't let those voices win, so, he had to struggle, he had to fight and keep on doing so.

Virat knows the kids were being concerned. He had seen worry dance in his Rahuliya's eyes more than once during the whole tour. He knows they want to help him. He know they can help him. He had slept peacefully after what felt ages when they were around after all. He know they can dissuade his fears and make him feel better. He knows talking will help. But he couldn't, he just couldn't quite make himself worry them like this. This...this was hard for all of them and he didn't want to burden them more with his fears and insecurities. Plus, it was so hard carrying out conversation these days leave about his fears.

He thought sighing as he stared at his monotonously rotating ceiling fan, pondering about the chances of it falling, what was Rohit doing? What was Mahi bhai doing? What was Nush doing? Was she missing him? Were they missing him? What was his biscuit doing? Will he sing to him if he randomly ask him too? He was generally thinking when his door was banged open and slipped in the one guy, who was all but second resident of his room.

"Hey, Kohlitooooo!! What ya doing? I feel like I haven't seen you in such a long timeeeeeeee! You didn't tell What were ya doing? Are you thinking to paint the fan or something? I don't think the hotel staff will like it if you do so," Rahul aka his Rahuliya informed him thoughtfully flopping beside him on the bed, his cheery energy banishing some of the gloomy clouds Virat had subconsciously summoned around himself.

"Heya Rahuliya! you know you were with me just like half n hour ago," Virat commented wryly, hoping he wasn't letting the exhaustion consuming him seep out. Hoping Rahul won't see the struggle every second was being for him. Hoping his cheery facade was up to the point.

"Still felt like ages bhaii. You seem tired?" Rahul asked Virat concernedly. Virat did say he was planning to sleep and then they went to beach. Did the outing tire him? Why did he seem so exhausted? "Is it the headache again?"He asked frowning looking at Virat with absolutely concerned eyes.

"yeah...yeah, its so, I just want to sleep kiddo," Virat admitted with a humorless smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Yeah, his feelings were a fugitive headache that made his soul ache at times.