Dear Janet, You're Ugly

Regret

Janet's POV

The next day I didn't expect Erin to blow up the way he did. Nor did I mention to him how utterly embarrassed Millie made me feel. I didn't know how to explain to him, I didn't even have the guts to show my face the next day.

I lied to Ms. Freckles about feeling "sick" which rarely ever happened. It was safe to say that despite all the bullying I faced I never missed a day of school. I was home alone anyway since Ms. Freckles would be at the bakery all day. That left me to wallow in my self-pity against my carpeted floor.

I indulged myself in watching Netflix. I tried for as long as I could to ignore the rapid vibration of my phone again. I hadn't spoken to anyone rather I stuffed my face with sweets I knew I would regret eating later.

After spending nearly an hour lounging on my carpet floor there was a knock on the door. I frowned as I hadn't expected any visitors. I peeked through the windows when I saw a frowning Erin standing outside. I braced myself for the worse.

I opened the door with a heavy sigh as he glared at me hard. "We need to talk," he said sternly his tall lean body seemed to tremble with frustration. I knew he had every right to be upset with me but that didn't mean I was going to not defend myself.

I walked out of the house closing the door behind me. We stood across each other, I kept my mouth shut because what was there to say? He grazed a hand through his ruffled dark hair. He was dressed in all black today almost looking like a secret spy.

He sighed deeply stepping towards me. He looked upset, worried, frustrated all at the same time. And all this while I thought about the best explanation I could muster. But there wasn't any. With a clenched jaw, he finally spoke, "Two days. For two days I don't hear from you. Do you know how worried I was? I spent all last night looking for you after you disappeared from the game".

What was I to say to that? "I'm sorry"? I mustered up and almost cringed at how awful and pathetic it sounded. It was the best I could do for the time being but it didn't seem to change the frown that graced his face.

He folded his arms and stood tall and looked me in the eye. "I've wanted to be with you since we were kids. I moved away and still... I wanted to be with you, Janet. But you'll never want to be with me as much as I want to be with you". He stared out from the porch no longer looking me in the eye.

I felt horrible. How could I explain that I was so used to being alone? I've never confided with anyone when I was being tormented by my bullies. I sighed deeply grabbing a hold of one of his hands. "Look im sorry I didn't answer your calls or texts. I just...needed to be alone...to collect my thoughts".

But it didn't seem a good enough explanation. He took his hand from my grasp finally looking me in the eye again. "You're not alone anymore Janet. The sooner you realize the better, I won't continue to let myself be led on...even by you".

And then he was gone. I watched him leave without another word. What exactly did this mean for us? Would this be the end? I was finally starting to regret my actions.

If only..